When Is Anger Wrong?

Controlling anger is usually a lifelong struggle.

Proverbs 14:29 KJV 1900

29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: But he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

There are several more characteristics of anger.

Our Anger Is Sinful When It Involves Brooding or Fretting

Psalm 37:1 KJV 1900

1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, Neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

Psalm 37:7–8 KJV 1900

7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: Fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, Because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: Fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

Fret is not a word that we use much anymore, but it means to constantly think through distressing events in one’s mind while giving those events a negative slant.

Proverbs 30:33 KJV 1900

33 Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, And the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: So the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.

Fretting involves churning your displeasure into anger in the same way that milk is churned into butter. It meas constantly dwelling on some personal slight until what started as a small annoyance is built into an enormous offense.

God warns us that churning our anger, or fretting, only leads to sin and more conflict.

Ephesians 4:26–27 KJV 1900

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.

The command is not to carry our troubles from one day into the next. Satan loves to see us stew over the wrongs that have been done to us, but God wants us to put them behind us so we are not tempted to sin.

Our Anger Is Sinful When We Keep a Running Record of How We Have Been Mistreated

1 Corinthians 13:5 KJV 1900

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

The essence of this verse say that love is does not keep a record of wrongs that have been done to it. When we do, we are harboring sinful anger whenever we become resentful or bear a grudge.

Leviticus 19:18 KJV 1900

18 Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.

Remember Herodias? She “had it in” for John the Baptist. She held a grudge against him because of what he said about her lifestyle. In her heart, there was resentment and anger that she never forgot. Bearing a grudge against another person, whoever it may be, is sinful anger.

Keeping a record of wrongs leads quickly to bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15 KJV 1900

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

This type of anger is not a simple, surface matter. It becomes a root that is deeply ingrained in our lives. The verse warns us that if this root is in us, it could cause “many [to] be defiled.” We will defile ourselves, and we will defile others as well, by our bitter anger.

Ephesians 4:31 KJV 1900

31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

There are many bitter, resentful people in the world. We are clearly commanded to put aside all bitterness, regardless of its source. This means that keeping a record of wrongs, a practice that always produces bitterness, is a characteristic of sinful anger.

Our Anger Is Sinful When We Pretend That We Are Not Angry

Ephesians 4:25 KJV 1900

25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

James 5:16 KJV 1900

16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

How often we are liars in this matter of anger! Our spouse or friend comes to us and says, “Is something wrong? Are you upset with me?” and we lie, “No, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”

There are some people who provoke trouble, and there are others who prolong trouble. In either case, whether a person is a provoker or a prolonger, that person is sinning.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

1 Peter 3:8–9 KJV 1900

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

If someone sins against us, he is wrong; but if we respond sinfully, we are wrong as well. The other person’s sin doesn not excuse our own. In our example, this woman is sinning in her response to her husband’s sin against her. She claims to not be angry with him, but her bitter and complaining words give away the truth.

Matthew 7:2–5 KJV 1900

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

We are responsible for our attitudes and behavior. We must acknowledge and deal with what is unbiblical in our lives. With God’s help, we can bear what is coming our way and can find a way of escape. By God’s grace, we learn to return good for evil and refrain from reviling when reviled, from insulting when insulted. We can learn to bless when cursed.

We are handling our anger sinfully whenever we justify our bitterness and resentment or when we pretend that we are not angry.

To control our anger, we must recognize and acknowledge its presence and not play justification or denial games.

Our Anger Is Sinful When We Return Evil for Evil or Attack the Person With Whom We Are Angry

Proverbs 29:11 KJV 1900

11 A fool uttereth all his mind: But a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Proverbs 29:22 KJV 1900

22 An angry man stirreth up strife, And a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

Proverbs 12:16 KJV 1900

16 A fool’s wrath is presently known: But a prudent man covereth shame.

When people have this kind of anger (the kind that Cain exhibited in Genesis 4, when he attacked and killed his brother Abel), everyone knows it immediately, because they cannot contain this anger. These people give vent to their anger as soon as they feel it, and they do so in one of three ways.

One, these people may express their anger verbally.

1 Samuel 20:30 KJV 1900

30 Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness?

Two, some people express their anger passively.

Three, some people express their anger physically.

As we all know, physical abuse in families is not confined to just husbands and wives. Parents sometimes abuse children, and in recent years there has been a significant increase in cases of children acting out their anger physically toward their parents.

Vengeful anger is a dangerous, destructive sin no matter how it is expressed toward others.

Our Anger Is Sinful When We Attack or Hurt a Substitute

This is what Saul did to Jonathan in 1 Samuel 20. Saul was really angry with David, not with Jonathan, but he took it out on his son because he was closer. Moses did the same in Exodus 12 when he saw the sin of the Israelites. He became angry and smashed the tablets of stone that God had just given him. Moses did it again in Numbers 20 when he struck the rock. Moses was angry with the people for grumbling and complaining, so he took his anger out on the rock as a substitute. It was sinful anger, and God punished Moses for it by not allowing him to enter the Promised Land.

Some secular psychologists and psychiatrists encourage a practice that is called “venting.” If they have a client who is angry or resentful toward someone else - perhaps a mother or father - they might hand the client a pillow and encourage him to do to the pillow what he would like to do to the person with whom he is upset. If the client makes a halfhearted go of it, these professionals would encourage him, “You’re angrier than that! Hit harder! Let your anger out!” They would cheer the client on in his rage to the point that he loses control and beats the pillow to rags.

This may be a recommended method of dealing with anger but, in fact, it leads only to sin, not to a solution to the problem.

Matthew 5:21–22 KJV 1900

21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

Abusing another person in our hearts and minds is just as sinful and wrong, as far as God is concerned, as abusing them physically.

Another practice among secular psychologists and psychiatrists - and even some Christian ones - is something called “transference.” In this method of dealing with anger, the counselor will try to take the place of the person with whom the client is upset…the counselor is encouraging the client to attack a substitute. This is also a sinful expression of anger. God never encourages us to attack a substitute, or to “transfer” our anger to another person, or to “vent” our anger on something else.

Conclusion

All types of anger that we have studied in this chapter and the previous one are sinful expressions of anger. They’re all a part of the anger, bitterness, and wrath that Ephesians 4:31 says we must put off. They’re all sinful, God-dishonoring, and people-destroying ways of responding to the pressures and problems of life. As such, God wants us to expunge them from our lives.

Discussion Questions

What is meant by the statement that sinful anger is characterized by the practice of brooding or fretting?

What happens when we brood or fret over what does or does not happen to us?

What is meant by the statement that sinful anger is connected to keeping a record of wrongs?

What happens when we keep a record of wrongs?

What is meant by the statement that sinful anger is characterized by denial?

What happens when we deny our anger?

What did the statement mean that our anger is sinful when we return evil for evil or attack the person with whom we are angry?

Give some Biblical or contemporary examples of this kind of sinful anger.

What happens when we express our anger in this way?

What was meant by the statement that our anger is sinful when we attack a substitute?

What happens when we attack a substitute?

What Biblical examples of this kind of anger were found in our study?