Embracing Our Complimentary Design (Part 1)
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
In a world that often blurs the lines between gender roles,
the concept of biblical complementarity becomes more critical than ever.
Especially with so many Christians having grown up in a family environment that is completely alien to what the Bible prescribes.
And as someone who grew up in a well-functioning family dynamic,
I have personally seen the blessings that come from a home that is following the Bible’s instructions for how a home should function.
Was it perfect?
No home is.
But my parents modeled for me the bible’s complementary roles that show how God designed manhood and womanhood are function in harmony.
And so this today, I want to the importance of understanding and embracing biblical definitions of these roles as intended by God.
Because, there is A LOT of confusion when it comes to this.
And the confusion shows up in two ditches.
The first ditch is called chauvinism or sexism.
And this ditch views women as inferior to men.
Which isn’t true in the slightest.
and this view not only leads to the mistreating of women,
But it seriously handicaps men from being who God made them to be,
Which only happens through a wife who is looked to as the man’s helper.
As his other half.
Who not only sees his blind spots and graciously points them out,
But does so in a helping, not authoritative way.
The second, opposite ditch is called modern feminism.
And this ditch views men as inferior to women,
Loosely throwing around terms like “toxic masculinity”
And viewing men as society’s greatest problem.
And so if we simply get men to act more like women,
Then the world would be a much better place.
But this actually serves to harm both men and women,
Because it tells women that the key to happiness is living and behaving exactly like a man does!
Because as the ole song goes: “Anything you can do I can do better!”
And the response is - to both men and women - that depending upon what this is,
NO YOU CAN’T
And shouting “YES I CAN” till your blue in the face,
Not only won’t make it true,
But it will lead to harm and terrible unhappiness.
As we reject God’s created purpose for us as Male and Female,
Which prevents human flourishing and happiness in the home.
So let’s once again talk about God’s Design for Gender
At the heart of the discussion on gender roles lies the affirmation that both man and woman are created in the image of God.
Genesis 1:27 states,
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
This foundational truth establishes the equal worth of both genders
while recognizing their unique roles and responsibilities that each gender has.
God’s design for manhood and womanhood is intentional and purposeful.
It’s not random or meaningless,
It’s not as if God said: “Men you to this line and women you go this line, cuz hey… why not?!”
No, it’s because Men and Women reflect different aspects of God’s characer,
And together they reveal the fulness of God’s image!
And so by living in accordance to God’s created order,
We not only bring honor and glory to God our Creator,
But we embrace human flourishing!
Just as to embrace a regular oil change for your car leads to your vehicle’s flourishing.
However, our contemporary culture is at the point where it hates and loathes these created distinctions.
Which is why many today,
Including most evangelical churches, believe that saying there is any difference between men and women’s roles is inherently oppressive.
And so, we should, as they argue,
Drop the complementarian position.
And instead embrace the egalitarian position.
Can someone tell me what the difference is between these two positions:
complementationism and egalitarianism.
The reality is, whether our culture likes it or not,
The Bible VERY clearly teaches complementationism.
And when we reject God’s truth on this matter,
it leads to suffering and hardship within the home, our churches, and society at large.
25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
This passage warns us about the dangers of exchanging the truth of God for a lie.
When we ignore God’s intention for gender roles,
we not only miss out on the richness of His design
but also face numerous negative consequences.
So first off,
Let’s define biblical masculinity and biblical femininity.
Masculinity,
as defined in Scripture,
involves a sense of benevolent responsibility.
Men are called to lead, provide for, and protect the women in their lives.
This is not a call to tyranny or domination;
rather, it is a call to sacrificial love and leadership.
As we saw two weeks ago from Ephesians 5, Paul instructs husbands to:
“Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
This verse encapsulates the essence of biblical masculinity.
A husband’s love should reflect Christ’s sacrificial love,
where he prioritizes the well-being of his wife and family above his own interests.
Practically, this means that men should take the initiative and the lead in nurturing their families spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Leadership in a biblical sense is characterized by servanthood,
where a man seeks the best for those he leads, mirroring the love of Christ.
This means then, that if their’s a problem in the home,
Let’s say the wife is running up the credit card bill,
Or the children are flunking their classes,
Even though the husband isn’t GUILTY for those sins,
HE IS 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM!
And this is something I tell every single husband when I do marriage counseling with them,
And they almost always always look at me confused,
Thinking that I just said they were guilty for their wife and children’s sins.
But that’s not what I’m saying nor is it what I mean.
Think about it.
Is Christ guilty for ours sins?
No…
But did He take responsibility for them?
Yes….
And how?
By seeing the problem we made for ourselves,
And then providing the solution Himself,
Which was dying on the cross for OUR sins.
The same thing is true here.
I once counseled a couple - not someone who’s at this church by the way.
Who struggled with this.
The wife had a HUGE bill that she needed to pay back,
But he didn’t want to have to do anything himself to work towards paying it back.
Because, as both he and the wife said:
“It wasn’t his fault! He wasn’t the one who did it - so he shouldn’t have to suffer for something he didn’t do.”
And the answer to that is, “Of course he does…”
Unless he doesn’t want to be a man that is…
Because a true man - a biblical man - takes responsibility for the things that happen in his home.
Even when he’s not personally guilty for it.
Here’s an example of this.
If I take Lewis or Ian to the store,
And they get busted for shop lifting a bunch of candy and they already ate half of the candy.
Who needs to cover that bill?
The store - or me?
I do…
Because even though I’m not directly guilty for that crime,
I am responsible for it as the head of the home.
But still - let me ask you this.
Does the fact that my younger boys shop lifted and stole from a store
give ANY reflection at all upon my leadership as the father and the head of the home.
Of course it does!
And only by taking responsibility for it,
can I actually lead my family in a godly way.
So that’s biblical masculinity in a nutshell.
Question:
So what are some of the ways godly husbands do this?
Question:
And what are some of the ways or behaviors that prevent this?
On the other hand,
femininity is a bit different.
Femininity is more about affirming and nurturing.
And make no mistake,
this affirming and nurturing is absolutely crucial for creating a supportive environment for relationships to thrive.
Women are not called to be quiet, passive, or weak;
instead, their strength lies in their ability to affirm the leadership of men
while providing emotional and spiritual support to help their husbands be the best version of themselves!
Which blesses everyone - including the wife.
4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Here Paul instructs the young pastor how to encourage women in their God-given gender role,
And he does so by telling Titus to have the older women encourage the younger women to submit to their husband, to and love their husbands and children.
They called to be the managers of the home,
And nurture the home in a way so it is loved and cared for,
Which leads to everyone’s flourishing!
Question:
So what are some of the ways godly wives do this?
offering support and encouragement to male leadership,
being a source of wisdom,
and fostering a nurturing environment within the home.
Question:
What are some of the ways or behaviors that prevent this?
The beauty of God’s design is that the roles of men and women are complementary and interdependent.
11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.
This verse shows the necessity of both roles working together to fulfill God’s purpose.
The truth is,
when men and women understand their distinct roles and embrace their co-dependence upon each other,
they create a powerful partnership that enables them to better handle the challenges of life.
The strengths of one partner can support and enhance the weaknesses of the other,
leading to a more harmonious and happy relationship.
But, when we ignore or out right reject God’s design
It leads to needless suffering.
It results in confusion over who should do what,
Frustration over unmet expectations,
And fighting and conflict within the home.
And the studies show this.
Statistics and studies show us that children raised in homes with clear gender roles tend to do far better emotionally and psychologically.
When parents embrace their God-given roles,
they model healthy relationships for their children,
which not only blesses their family,
But it lays a foundation for future generations to experience that same blessing.
But to do this,
We have to have a firm foundation upon which we build our marriages.
And what must that foundation be?
God’s Word.
And what must be believe about God’s Word for it to impact our lives?
Inerrant and infalibile.
Inerrant = No errors at all in the original manuscripts on any subject the Bible addresses (whether it’s about faith, history, or science).
Infallible = The Bible cannot fail in what it is meant to do—teach truth about faith and morality.
Question:
In what ways might we think we’re trusting the Bible, but we’re actually not?
Relying on Personal Experience Over Scripture
Selective Trust (Picking and Choosing Scripture)
Elevating Tradition or Cultural Trends Above Scripture
Trusting Human Authority Over Scripture
Intellectual Doubt and Over-Reliance on Reason
Compartmentalizing Faith
So we need to look for these in our lives,
But we also need to look for ways we are falling short of God’s word and living selfishly and immaturely.
26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Here Jesus teaches that true leadership involves serving others.
And this model of leadership is transformative,
allowing men to take their rightful place as protectors and providers without resorting to domineering behaviors.
As men,
Mature masculinity involves:
servant leadership,
collaboration,
accountability.
and oversight and responsibility over everyone in the family.
But to dot his,
Men must be strong yet gentle,
courageous yet compassionate.
Now - about that idea of accountability.
Because in our culture,
We tend to think that about accountability undermines leadership,
But it doesn’t!
Pastor Steve Lawson
Deacon’s meeting and the need for radical accountability.
Question
So what are some Practical steps for cultivating mature masculinity?
Actively engaging in spiritual leadership within the home.
Listening to and valuing the input of women.
Holding oneself accountable in relationships and responsibilities through transparency.
Alright,
Now let’s look at the Characteristics of Mature Femininity
Mature femininity also includes: strength, resilience, and the ability to nurture.
Women are called to be strong yet tender, wise yet supportive and submissive to their husbands.
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
This proverb describes a woman of noble character who is:
industrious,
wise,
and capable.
And this passage serves as a powerful model for women,
demonstrating that true femininity is not passive weakness!
It involves both strength and nurturing.
Question:
So what are some Practical steps for cultivating mature femininity ?
• Supporting and encouraging male leadership in the home and community.
• Embracing one’s unique gifts and talents while serving others.
• Seeking opportunities to nurture and affirm those around you.
Showing respect and peacefulness with others.
Now here’s the thing:
As both men and women work on maturity in themselves,
It actually has a exponential effect!
Because as I see my spouse maturing,
It encourages me to mature as well - and vice versa!
17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
But for this to work, we must be:
Humble,
Teachable,
Which means being open to correction - and actually means inviting correction!
And willing to put the time and effort in to communicate with our spouse,
Show them respect and dignity - even in their failures,
And seek to encourage - not discourage one another.
And as we do,
By God’s grace we will learn each other strengths and insights,
As well as see growth our lives, together.
And what do you think that does for intimacy within a marriage?
It makes it increase like wild wife!
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.