Ephesians 5:21-6:4 (ir)Reconcilable?

Ephesians 5:21-6:4 (Evangelical Heritage Version)

21[Submit] to one another in reverence for Christ.

22Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he himself is the Savior. 24Moreover, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, in the same way as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water in connection with the Word. 27He did this so that he could present her to himself as a glorious church, having no stain or wrinkle or any such thing, but so that she would be holy and blameless. 28In the same way, husbands have an obligation to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29To be sure, no one has ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33In any case, each one of you also is to love his wife as himself, and each wife is to respect her husband.

6:1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise: 3“that it may go well with you and that you may live a long life on the earth.” 4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

(ir)Reconcilable?

I.

“Irreconcilable differences.” I wonder if the people sitting in the pews of the congregation in Ephesus thought that as they looked around at their fellow Christians all listening as Paul’s letter was read to them. They were, after all, quite a diverse bunch. Paul himself had spent three years in their city.

The usual formula for planting a congregation in the early church was to go to the Jewish synagogue and show them that Jesus was the answer to all the Old Testament prophecies. From there, they would branch out to preach about Jesus to non-Jewish people, as well.

The group was diverse in a number of ways. There were, of course, men, women, and children in the congregation. There were people of different ethnic origins. But beyond these differences were the differences in religious background. In the congregation were people familiar with Judaism; they knew their Old Testament very well and were the ones who would help newer converts understand the back story of Jesus. People who had formerly been in pagan religions were also part of their group, as well as people who had no religious background whatsoever. In a metropolitan area there were no doubt vast differences in the social status, as well; some were rich, others poor; some were bosses, some were servants—or even slaves.

There they all were: rich, poor, slave, free, male, female, of Jewish descent, non-Jews of many different backgrounds. With all their differences in background and economic status and everything else, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they were to all just decide they had “irreconcilable differences.”

“Instructions for Christian Households” is the heading right at the first verse of today’s reading in the newest version of the NIV. Think back to your catechism days. My students all have to memorize and recite something called “The Table of Duties.” For the Husbands recitation Luther used the wording of other parts of Scripture, but Wives, Parents, Children, Employees, and Employers was mostly lifted straight from Ephesians 5-6.

Today’s reading covers only the Table of Duties that applies to Christian families.

II.

You may have noticed in our reading that the first word—submit—had brackets around it. Some versions of the Bible put a period at the end of the verse before, but the Evangelical Heritage Version wraps it into a whole, long sentence. Paul had told the Ephesians to be wise in their Christian lives, rather than following the secular paths of sin. Then he says: “Instead, be filled with the Spirit 19by speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (singing and making music with your hearts to the Lord), 20by always giving thanks for everything to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21and by submitting to one another in reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:18-21, EHV). Each individual in the Table of Duties that follows Paul’s sentence has an element of submitting.

Wives, Paul says, are to submit to their husbands, as if they were submitting to the Lord Jesus. That means that a wife treating her husband with respect is one of the ways she worships God. It’s a difficult task for women.

Husbands are to love their wives “in the same way as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, EHV). Jesus sacrificed himself for the church. Husbands are to have that kind of attitude toward their wives. A husband is to put his wife’s needs and cares and concerns above his own. He is to always take into consideration her feelings, even more than he thinks of himself.

Children come next on Paul’s list. “‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with a promise: 3‘that it may go well with you and that you may live a long life on the earth’” (Ephesians 6:2-3, EHV).

When you recited that in catechism, what did you think about that “long life on the earth” part? Parents constantly teach their young children to avoid things that put their lives in danger. “Hold my hand when we’re in the parking lot.” “Look both ways before you cross the street.” “Don’t touch the hot stove.” Failing to honor the constant stream of instructions from your father and mother could easily result in an early death. Listen to them, Paul says. They aren’t just speaking to hear the sounds of their own voices.

But fathers are next. Luther’s Table of Duties applied Paul’s next words to both mothers and fathers: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, EHV). Parents are not to have arbitrary “rules” that are designed to do nothing more than irritate their children. They are also to make sure their children are brought up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

III.

“Irreconcilable differences.” That’s an often-used phrase at divorce proceedings— especially, it seems, celebrity divorces. What makes differences irreconcilable?

Paul only uses the word “love” when speaking about the husband’s relationship with his wife. Really, all four parts of the Table of Duties in our text involve love. Throughout the reading, Paul describes love as work. When you don’t work at love, things become irreconcilable. Have you worked at your love in all these areas of life?

Start with parents. Parents are to love their children. The work of love includes the area of discipline. Parents, have you disciplined or punished your children? Discipline is to correct behavior; punishment is to simply apply consequences. Sometimes it might be appropriate to punish; most times parents should discipline. Neither is to be done in anger, lashing out at your children. Discipline—or punishment—is to be administered in love.

The most important task for parents in the Table of Duties is to raise your children in the training and instruction of the Lord. That doesn’t just mean enrolling them in the Lutheran elementary school. It means bringing them to church; not just at Christmas and Easter, not just occasionally, not just once a month, but regularly and consistently. Beyond even that, it means praying with them and having devotions with them. It means showing them Christ by living a Christian life.

Now to Children in the Table of Duties. When does “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” end? When does “honor your father and mother” end? “Obey” and “honor” might change when you are helping older parents—or elderly parents—but it doesn’t end. Your love for them is to be displayed in your honor and obedience, even as they age. Honor their memory even after they have passed into eternity.

Husbands in the Table of Duties in the catechism doesn’t use Paul’s words here in Ephesians. Paul gives husbands impossible instructions. Let’s pull out just one part: “In the same way, husbands have an obligation to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28, EHV). The love a husband displays for his wife is more than just a suggestion; Paul calls it an obligation. Do it. It’s part of the marriage contract.

If the husband follows through on his vows in the contract, it will certainly be easier for the wife to submit. But the wife submitting is not conditional on the husband fulfilling his obligation to love with a self-sacrificing love. She is to do it anyway.

If you don’t yet have a spouse, you are to follow the instructions for husbands and wives anyway, keeping yourself pure in the event that you someday have one.

IV.

If you have really paid attention and done a bit of self-analysis, you have irreconcilable differences in any area of life that you find yourself in.

But if you have really paid attention, you realize there is an even more irreconcilable difference. Every one of these family failures is a sin. Every sin separates from God.

Every sin is irreconcilable, because every single sin—no matter how small it seems to the human mind—is to be punished by an eternity in hell. We have committed so many sins. Our load of sin makes things even more irreconcilable. There is no way we can get to heaven.

But Paul sprinkled all kinds of things throughout these verses.

“Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water in connection with the Word. 27He did this so that he could present her to himself as a glorious church, having no stain or wrinkle or any such thing, but so that she would be holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27, EHV).

Though you and I were irreconcilably separated from God, Jesus reconciled us anyway. He cleansed us by washing us. Sometimes a stain doesn’t come out when you do the laundry. That isn’t the case when Jesus washed our sins away with his own blood. There is no stain, or even a wrinkle left. You and I are holy and blameless in God’s sight. Irreconcilable though we are, Jesus reconciled us to God.

When Paul said husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies, he continued: “To be sure, no one has ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones” (Ephesians 5:29-30, EHV). Jesus reconciled the irreconcilable. Having spent his life to reconcile us, he cherishes Christians. He considers us members of his own body—you and I, as believers, are part of the body of Christ.

“This is a great mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32, EHV). The Bible uses “mystery” to speak about something that can’t be understood by human logic. God’s plan of salvation is, indeed, a great mystery. God loved us, even though we were unlovable and evil. God reconciled us, even though we were irreconcilable. God made us his own.

Whether rich or poor, male or female, Jewish or non-Jewish, or whatever ethnicity or skin color that was not what made you irreconcilable. It was your sin that separated you from God and made you irreconcilable. But Christ reconciled the irreconcilable.

Though no one has filled his or her role in the Table of Duties perfectly, Jesus has washed us all so that he could present us to himself as a glorious church—stain-free, wrinkle-free. He sees only blameless husbands, wives, parents, and children. Now live as one reconciled by Jesus. Amen.