As A Family

The Mysteriously Beautiful Picture of Marriage & Family

10.6.24 [Ephesians 5:21-6:4] River of Life (21st Sunday after Pentecost)

When you’re a kid, there’s many things you look forward to about big extended family get-togethers. For me, it was the food & the games. Whenever we would get together with my cousins on my dad’s side there would be way too much food and games outside until we ran out of light, games on the TV when we came inside, and then, every once in a while, video games until the wee hours of the morning.

Do you have a favorite memory of those family get-togethers?

I’m guessing you do. But I’m also quite certain that your favorite memory wasn’t taking the big group family picture. Some big family pictures are orchestrated events with a schedule and a dress code. Others are much more relaxed, even relatively candid.

The big group photo is most kids’ least favorite part. It often means wearing clothes you didn’t want to wear, standing in a pose you didn’t pick, and then waiting until everyone is lined up and then rearranged. Everyone has to be looking the right way and smiling with their eyes open. As a kid, you learn the hard way that the first flash of light isn’t the finish line. Just when you think they’ve captured the moment sufficiently, someone says we need just a couple more, just to be sure.

In Ephesians 5, God gives us his perfect family picture. Obedient children. Fathers actively bringing their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. One man and one woman committed to a lifetime of faithfulness, sacrificial love, and humble submission.

Maybe you’re as excited about this kind of picture as a kid is for those big family pictures. This isn’t how you want to present yourself. This isn’t the pose you’d pick out. It’s not always much fun.

In fact, the big group photo would be a lot easier. Because at least in that case, it’s over and done relatively quickly. But this isn’t. This is how God calls the Christian family to follow him, to live day by day.

And it’s hard work. It’s hard work to be an obedient child. It’s hard work to train children up in the instruction of the Lord. It’s hard work to submit to your husband in everything and respect him. It’s hard work to love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.

But why is this hard work? Why is it such a grind for children to obey and honor their parents and parents to train their children up in the Lord when God promises it’s good for you in the long run? Why is it such a slog for wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church when doing that eliminates the conflict and stress that makes marriage miserable? Why is this so difficult for us? You’re not doing any of these things for complete strangers! You’re called to do this for the people you love!

Perhaps, if we had the time to sit down privately, and I could ask you this question, you’d give me a fine-sounding answer. Why is it so hard for you to love your family the way God wants you to? Because I’m selfish, short-tempered, and short-sighted. But, even if you have the right book answer in your head, do you have the smarts and the skills to actually live it? Can you put it into practice in your everyday life?

In the heat of the moment, we have different reasons why this is so hard. Children don’t obey because their parents are being unreasonable. Parents don’t habitually bring their children up in the training and the instruction of the Lord because they are uncooperative.

Wives don’t submit because their husbands are being unpleasant and unbearable, irritating, inconsiderate, and insufferable. Husbands don’t love sacrificially because their wives are impossible to please, mean-spirited, and malicious, disagreeable, displeasing, and draining.

The long & the short of it is this: It’s hard work to live with sinful people!

And listen, maybe you’re absolutely spot on in your assessment. Maybe you see your parents, your children, or your spouse better than anyone else does. You know what and who they really are. Does your selfish behavior make the situation any better? Does treating them to your atrocious attitude and destructive retaliation make them want to obey you, learn from you, love you, or submit to you more or better?

You know that doesn’t work. If it did, this whole thing wouldn’t be so hard. But do you understand why it never works? You cannot legislate love. You can make demands and threats—but they cannot create love. You can make someone feel small, ashamed, and guilty, but you cannot make someone love you and act on that love in any of these ways.

That’s why, you will notice, that God doesn’t say Parents make sure your children obey you. Or Children make sure your parents are bringing you up in the training and instruction of the Lord. God doesn’t tell husbands to make their wives submit or to wives to make their husbands love them sacrificially. You do not have the power to make anyone carry that out. You cannot force anyone to joyfully fulfill the Lord’s will. But you already knew that from experience.

Not only can you not legislate anyone into loving you, you cannot legislate yourself into loving anyone. Paul explains. (Rom. 8:3) The law is powerless to change hearts because it has been weakened by the sinful flesh. No demands or threats from God can make you fulfill his Law joyfully. Only love can spawn love and spur it on.

So that is what God did. That’s why he gives us his perfect family picture in the person and work of his own Son, Jesus, (Heb. 1:3) who is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being.

(1 Jn. 4:19) God loved us first. In each part of the perfect family picture, we see God’s love for us. Jesus was the obedient child that we and our children and our children’s children cannot be. Jesus was not an earthly father, but he was the patient Eternal Father who brought people up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Jesus was not a wife, but he submitted himself to God the Father’s will in everything. Jesus was not an earthly husband, but he loved the Church and gave himself up for her and continues to feed and care for the Church as his own body.

Christ as obedient child is glaring in the Gospels. Jesus prayed fervently in the Garden of Gethsemane, (Mt. 26:39) My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will. Three times, Jesus humbly submitted this request to his Father. Ultimately, he obediently accepted his Father’s will and died for us.

On that same evening, Jesus called his disciples (Jn. 13:33) My children. That is how they saw Jesus and how he treated them. Jesus was a patient Father who explained to them what the will of God was, modeled it perfectly, and correctly them patiently and lovingly.

But even in the roles of husbands and wives, we have Christ as our substitute, our Savior, our strength, and our salve. (1 Cor. 11:3) The head of Christ is God the Father. Throughout his ministry, Jesus makes his full submission clear. (Jn. 8:50) He did not seek his own glory, but the glory of his Father. (Jn. 14:24) The words he spoke were not just his own idea, they belonged to the Father who sent him. If that were not enough, he also made himself our servant and humbled himself to death on the cross. He submitted to the Father in everything he said, did, & endured.

Christ loved the Church, his dear bride, and gave himself up for her. Why? Because, even though it was hard work, he loved sinners. He wanted to make us what we were not—holy and blameless. He poured out his lifeblood so that we might be washed clean and presentable. And his husbandly love did not consist of but one big act. Even now, Christ feeds and cares for his body. Each time we gather in his name, he is there with his bride, the Church. Each time we gather around his table, he is there to feed us and strengthen us with his true body and blood.

This perfect family picture is a profound mystery. Why would God love us like this? Why would God become an obedient child? Why would the Maker of Heaven and Earth patiently parent me? Why would the Son of God submit in everything? Why would the Lord of lords love me and give himself up for me?

Well the answer isn’t found in me. I did not give him a reason to do any of these things. And neither did you. God did this because this is who he is. God is love and he is glorified in how he demonstrates his love to sinners like us. By grace through faith he has brought you into his perfect family photo. His mercy triumphs over the messiness of our sin.

That same mercy moves us to do the same for our earthly families. We may find many reasons to love them. God be praised when he makes it easy on us! But we must love them when they are hard to—even impossible!—to love. This is God’s mysteriously beautiful picture. When God’s design is carried out in our homes, even imperfectly, everyone flourishes and God is glorified. The family photo may not be award winning but it is heart-winning.

When children obey their parents, not because they think their parents are acting reasonably, but because it is right in the Lord, God is glorified. When parents train their children up in the Lord, not because their children are cooperative, but because this is their blessed duty, God is glorified. When wives submit to their husbands in everything, not because their husbands are perfect, but because they fear, love and trust in God’s design, God is glorified. When husbands love their wives and daily give themselves up for her, not because she is submissive or respectful, but because they know the power of Christ’s love, God is glorified. Do you see God’s mysteriously beautiful picture of marriage and family? Do others see it in your household? Is it a work of art?

Maybe, right now, it looks like a young child’s artwork. Most kids like to draw pictures of their family members. These pictures are not precise renderings of each family member. They are not better than professional family photo. But they are still welcome and treasured. That’s how God views our endeavors. As we strive to be obedient, be patient, be submissive, respectful, and sacrificially loving, God is glorified. Because we are modeling our homes after the One who has made his home among us. Amen.