Complementary Roles, Unbreakable Unity

22 Wives, submit, to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh., 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Christian Standard Bible (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2020), Eph 5:22–33.

Intro

In last week’s passage, one of the things we discussed was predictable outcomes. Being a drunkard has the predictable outcome of leading a reckless and chaotic life. Being filled with the Holy Spirit should also have many predictable outcomes, one of which is (from verse 21) that all Christians submit to one another in the fear of Christ.

From Chapter 5:22 to 6:9, Paul elaborates on what he means in verse 21 regarding all Christians submitting to one another.

Before I continue, I want to make a minor caveat. When this topic is often discussed, you’ll hear the term "mutual submission." I avoid using this term because I find it unclear and ambiguous, potentially blurring the meaning it intends to convey. Instead, I prefer the term "complementary submission." This better communicates that both parties submit, but in distinct ways that complement one another. Consider the beautiful nature of the Triune God: each member of the Godhead—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—is equal in worth, power, and divinity, yet they fulfill distinct roles, complementing one another perfectly. Similarly, as I hope to illustrate, man and woman share equal dignity, value, and worth, but have distinct roles that complement each other in God’s design.

It is my conviction, after studying this passage along with the wider narrative of scripture, that this is an accurate summary of what Paul is teaching:

Wives submit to their husbands, and husbands submit for their wives.

Submit

As you know, I don't often include academic work in my homilies, but I found it prudent to include some for this week.

Some of you may be aware that the Greek word for "head" has recently come under scrutiny in Christian academia. I won't delve deeply into that debate here, except to note that for the last 1,800 years, the overwhelming majority of Christians have understood "head" to mean "authority." It is only within the last 100-200 years that niche scholars have begun to seriously question this interpretation. I would gently suggest that the idea of "authority" is further supported when we consider the broader context in which the word is used, as the "head" is something to which one is called to submit. The word "submit" appears 24 times in the New Testament, translated from six different Greek words.

In this passage, the Greek word for "submit" is hypotassō, which accounts for 19 of the 24 instances. Paul uses it 11 times across five letters, Luke twice, James once, Hebrews once, and Peter uses it four times in 1 Peter. The definition of hypotassō includes: "to subordinate, obey, or be under obedience." Each of the 19 occurrences in the New Testament communicates obedience or subjection to another’s authority. Specifically, 2 instances refer to submission to one another, 4 to wives submitting to their husbands, 3 to slaves submitting to their masters, 3 to everyone submitting to governing authorities, 2 to demons or spirits submitting to the disciples, and 2 to women submitting in silence within the church.

The point here is that "submit" genuinely implies a functional hierarchy—that there is an authority and a corresponding obedience to that authority.

I also want to remind us of one of our core values at Harbinger: the Apostles' Creed is our primary theology, and anything outside of the Creed is secondary. We can and will have discussions about what was cultural, what transcends time and culture, and what remains applicable today; I’ll even touch on some of this in a moment. You have the freedom to hold your own interpretations and convictions regarding this text and its application. This morning, I have the privilege of sharing what I believe the Lord has been teaching me through this passage, and as your pastor, I strongly encourage you to graciously engage with an open heart and thoughtfully consider what I am offering to you.

The Profound Value of Woman

The Ephesian society in which Paul wrote his letter was steeped in a patriarchal culture that elevated men and marginalized women. The prevailing belief was that men were actually inherently more valuable than women. Women were expected to serve quietly within the home, while men dominated both public and private life. Public displays of affection were rare, and even simple interactions between men and women in public were often restricted. Men avoided engaging with women, seeing it as beneath them, while women, aware of the potential repercussions, hesitated to cross these societal boundaries.

Paul’s letter was revolutionary, challenging the cultural status quo in a profound way. Ephesians 5 is often misunderstood as reinforcing gender inequality, but Paul actually affirms the equal value of men and women before God. He calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, a command that bestows immense dignity on women, elevating them as cherished and beloved—indeed, even the most cherished in the household.

Additionally, I believe Paul hints at the significant and intentional progression we are meant to see in the creation story from Genesis 1:1 to the end of chapter 2. God creates the heavens, the earth, animals, plants, and finally, humanity. The climax of this progression is the creation of woman, not as an afterthought, but as the pinnacle of God’s creative work. Both man and woman are infinitely valuable to God, with the order of creation highlighting the unique and irreplaceable worth of each. Woman, created last, completes creation and fully reflects God’s image alongside man. This paradox in the creation narrative challenges the hierarchical frameworks often imposed on gender. Woman is not created simply to serve man, but to complete humanity, revealing something profound about God’s image that man alone cannot.

Do you recall terms like "shadows" or "types" in the Old Testament—things that prophetically point to greater things to come? Many early church fathers saw a powerful typology between the creation of woman from the side of man and the birth of the Church from the side of Christ. Just as woman was formed from Adam’s side while he slept, the Church—the bride of Christ—was born from the side of Jesus as He slept in death on the cross. John 19:34 recounts that when Jesus was pierced by a Roman soldier, blood and water flowed from His side. Early theologians viewed this as a beautiful symbol of the sacraments: the blood representing the Eucharist and the water representing baptism. These sacraments nourish and sustain the Church, just as Eve, formed from Adam’s side, became the means by which humanity would be sustained and multiplied. Thus, not only is the wife the most cherished member of the household, but woman plays a vital role in God's story, revealing the fuller themes of creation, redemption, and sacrificial love.

Husbands Love Wives

In a fallen world, both leadership and submission are often distorted by selfishness, pride, or fear. However, when rightly understood through the lens of Christ’s self-giving love, these roles become a source of life and flourishing, not control or suppression. In God’s design, headship and submission reflect the very heart of the gospel, where power is used not for dominance but for service.

One of the major concerns in our culture about wives submitting to their husbands is the potential for men to become domineering, lording their headship in ways that are not only contrary to Christlikeness but also abusive. Yet true headship, as modeled by Christ, is never distant, cold, or coercive. Christ leads His Church through the warmth of love and the closeness of relationship. In the same way, husbands are called to lead their wives with sacrificial love that draws them into deeper intimacy, not pushing them away through domineering behavior.

Rather than shrinking away from biblical instruction to accommodate cultural sensitivities, I encourage us to lean into obedience to the scriptures, redeeming the perception of headship and allowing it to become a testimony to the world.

Remember, God sanctifies the Church to be a witness to His new and better way—the way of the Kingdom. We often think of our good works, sanctification, and the way we live as examples, which is good and right; and obedience to biblical principles like this one is another example of a way we invite the world to follow Jesus.

Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. A logical question might be: In what manner did Christ love the church?

In Matthew 20:25-28, Jesus says, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions act as tyrants over them. It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Similarly, in Philippians 2:5-7, Paul urges, “Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead, he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity.”

One of the primary ways Jesus loved the Church was by using His position sacrificially to serve her. He didn’t see His status as an excuse to avoid getting His hands dirty; instead, He viewed His power as an opportunity to humble Himself in a profound way, lifting the Church up. In the paradox of the first being last, we see Jesus—who is preeminently above all—condescending to the Church to raise her up. Ultimately, He gave His life so that she might live.

In earthly kingdoms, the people exist for the welfare and prosperity of the rulers, who are often tyrannical, pursuing their own gain at the expense of those they govern. But in Christ’s upside-down kingdom, everything is different. Following the example set by Christ, husbands are not given headship to dominate, exploit, or neglect the well-being of their wives. Instead, like Jesus, husbands are called to be wholly devoted to their wives' well-being, pursuing their good even when it may seem reckless or foolish to others. A husband must be actively willing to seek what is best for his wife, even at the cost of his own life.

By the way, this is the call for every Christian for all of life—to lay our lives down for the good of others, mirroring Christ. But here, Paul teaches that there is a unique and special burden for the husband to do this for the wife.

As Paul tells us, Jesus gave His life for the Church to make her holy and present her to the Father without blemish. Husbands have a similar calling. If I may, I’d suggest this analogy: that there are two stations in the life of a married woman. First, her father sacrificially lives for her good—raising, teaching, and preparing her—ultimately walking her down the aisle to be given to her husband. Then, in the second station, the husband sacrificially lives for her good—cherishing, nourishing, and preparing her—eventually walking her down the aisle to be given to Christ.

Much of this is mysterious, but we can see the beautiful cycle of sacrificial love and how it mirrors Christ's relationship with His Church and reflects the Kingdom.

Wives Submit to Husbands

According to Paul, wives are called to view their husbands as authority figures and to follow their leadership. Similar to how Christ is the head of the Church, husbands are to assume headship of the family. I beleive that when Paul says Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” he’s not saying submit to your husband as a lord, rather, submit to your husband as part of your obedience and worship to Christ. It is similar to when Paul says in Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people,” — this is the way the wife should submit to the husband, from the heart, as something done for the Lord.

This call to submission is rooted in the broader command given to all believers in Ephesians 5:21: "submit to one another in the fear of Christ." Submission, therefore, is not merely about establishing authority or hierarchy for its own sake; it’s about imitating Jesus’ humility and sacrificial love in all our relationships. Husbands and wives, like all Christians, are called to reflect this mutual service—husbands with the special responsibility to lead in sacrificial love, and wives with the unique responsibility to follow in sacrificial love.

In a similar way that the Church submits to Christ, wives are to assume a posture of submission to their husbands.

A logicial follow up question might be: How does the Church submit to Christ?

1. Through Obedience

The Church receives instruction from Jesus and is expected to obey Him. Consider these passages:

Luke 6:46: “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and don’t do the things I say?” John 14:15: “If you love me, you will keep my commands.” Matthew 19:17: “‘Why do you ask me about what is good?’ he said to him. ‘There is only one who is good. If you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.’”

2. Through Supportting the Mission

Jesus was sent by the Father to “seek and save the lost.” The fact that the spotless Lamb of God would be sacrificed in our place is incredible on its own. Yet the Gospel is even more profound: not only does God save us, but Jesus also invites us to participate in His mission. We see this in Jesus’ earthly ministry as He gathered, called, and commissioned the disciples, giving them authority to teach and perform miracles in His name. Before His ascension, Jesus instituted the Great Commission:

Matthew 28:19-20: “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Jesus commissions the disciples to participate in and continue His mission. The mission belongs to Christ, and the Church, through His gracious invitation and delegation, works alongside Him to bring it to fruition. Both are stakeholders, deeply committed, each playing a crucial role—roles that complement one another.

In a similar way, wives are called to obey and support their husbands. The husband’s wishes should be respected and observed, and the wife should work to support and carry out the vision that the husband has laid out.

There are hundreds of possible examples. As just one quick example: A husband may identify the need for more consistent family devotions as part of discipling the children. In this, he has set the vision. The wife can then come alongside him as his 'helper,' supporting and helping to carry out that vision by instituting regular Bible reading at bedtime, teaching scripture through songs, or using any number of other creative methods.

The Mystery Of Marriage

Wrapping up, let’s look at the mystery of marriage that Paul is teaching us.

Remember, so far in Ephesians, one of the central themes of the letter has been a truly profound truth: through the power and ministry of the Holy Spirit, the Father is making us one with Christ.

In Chapter 1, Paul reveals that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is now at work in us, making us the “fullness of Christ”. In Chapter 2, he shows how we were once separated from God's life, but through Christ, we’ve been made alive—our nature transformed by the divine.

Paul prays in Chapter 3 for spiritual power, asking that the Spirit would strengthen us in our inner being so that Christ may dwell in us fully. In Chapter 4, we are called to put off the old self and put on the new—created in God's likeness. Finally, in Chapter 5, Paul urges us to imitate God, reflecting His nature as we are transformed into the image of Christ.

This all points to the central truth that through God's power, we partake in His divine life, becoming more like Christ, one with Him in spirit and truth.

In Ephesians 5:31, Paul takes us back to Genesis 2:

"So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the Lord God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said: 'This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken from man.' This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:21-24, CSB)

Whether you interpret this passage as allegory or as historical fact, the message remains clear. God made woman from man, and man recognizes that she is "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." The two become one flesh, sharing the same essence. This union is so intimate and complete that they are no longer two, but one.

This is Paul’s profound message: those who are regenerated by the power of the Holy Spirit share in the very essence of Jesus. We are united with Him so intimately and completely that it can be said we are one with Him.

There is a great mystery here, but let me offer two practical implications of this truth:

1. Intimate, Personal Relationship

The truth that we are one with Christ assures us of our closeness to the Triune God. God is not distant. We are not far off from Him but drawn into the intimate fellowship of the Trinity, where we experience the fullness of His love and grace. We can approach Him boldly, knowing we are united with Him through the Spirit.

"May they all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us, so that the world may believe you sent me. I have given them the glory you have given me, so that they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me, so that they may be made completely one, that the world may know you have sent me and have loved them as you have loved me." (John 17:21-23, CSB)

Because we are united with Christ, we share in the same unity that exists between the Father and the Son.

2. Jesus is Faithful

Jesus quotes Genesis 2 when teaching on divorce, and His application has a deeper meaning for us as well:

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mark 10:7-9, CSB)

This marriage analogy points us to the mystery of our relationship with Christ. We are united with Him—made one with Him. Just as marriage creates an inseparable bond between husband and wife, our union with Christ is unbreakable. In this sacred covenant, no external force can separate us from the love of Christ.

Paul captures this truth when he writes:

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39, CSB)

Our relationship with Jesus is like a marriage where He is always faithful, even when we are not. Though we may wander or fall into sin, Christ remains steadfast, always ready to forgive and welcome us back. His love never falters. He calls us to return home to Him, and when we do, He embraces us with grace, time and time again.

This divine marriage is a picture of security not in our own faithfulness, but in His. What God has joined together, nothing and no one can tear apart.

Amen.