Forgiveness

ME/INTRO

Good morning!!!  My name is Ryan Hanson and I serve here at Encounter on the preaching team and I am so glad to be back with you to wrap up our 70x7 series on forgiveness.

During week 1, Dirk talked about the WHY we need to forgive.  He spoke about the offenses that people place upon us that if not dealt with weigh us down spiritually if we don’t forgive them.

Last week we walked through a forgiveness framework that showed us HOW to forgive.

Frustrations Failures Flagrant fouls The Offense Happens at the exchange Due to unmet expectation Others exploit you The Feeling I have no Value Victimized Violated The Result Petty response Personally painful Programming – changes who we are Biblical Antidote Maturity (my choice) Ministry Miracle Biblical Answer Patience Process (no quick fix) God’s Presence The Reaction Bounce Back Boundaries Break up, Break through, or Break down

We talked about three levels of offense that we all experience; frustration based on a poor exchange with someone, failure due to an unmet expectation we have of someone, or a flagrant foul where someone exploits us.  Last week we found that each of these offenses require us to forgive in different ways.

Today I’d like to talk about the WHAT.  WHAT is the harm if we choose not to forgive.

You see the harm, from my experience, when we choose not to forgive, is that we’re essentially planting seeds in our own lives, that grow to produce poisonous fruit in our future.

You see, when I was young, I had two events that occurred to me within the same year that fell in the flagrant foul category of offense.  The first day of 6th grade my best friend from elementary school gave me a “dear John” letter saying he didn’t want to be my friend and not to talk to him anymore; no explanation, just a note.  Shortly thereafter I called a friend from the hockey team I played on, this was before texting existed, to see if he wanted to hang out.  Instead of saying yes or no, he thought it was funny to pretend he didn’t know me.  He continued to pretend not to know me for a while, like months.  If you remember the flagrant foul framework from last week…

Flagrant fouls The Offense Others exploit you The Feeling Violated The Result Programming – changes who we are Biblical Antidote Miracle Biblical Answer God’s Presence The Reaction Break up, Break through, or Break down

…these rejections made me think that our friendships were one way, that they were exploiting me.  Like I was a commodity that these people were willing to use while it served them, but that I was to be thrown away when they no longer had need of me.  I felt violated for being led to believe the friendships were genuine.  And it changed my programming.  From that point forward, I stopped trusting people.  I built walls.  I would have acquaintances in my life but never allow myself to cross the line of vulnerability.  From that point on, nobody would know me enough to hurt me.

The seed was planted in my life that nobody could be trusted and that I was truly alone.

WE

Maybe my story resonates with you.  Maybe you’ve been flagrantly fouled by someone that changed who you are, how you see the world, and affects the choices you make.  Maybe you’ve had a seed planted in your life that has grown and is producing fruit that continues to poison your life.

I don’t know what your story is, but I know that life is unfair.  That things happen that hurt all of us.

Today I want to walk through a story in the Bible of a man who had a flagrant foul committed against him, who had some seeds planted in his life, and yet was able to forgive and live the life of purpose that God designed him to live.

GOD

Today we’re going to go through the story of Joseph from Genesis 37-50, and to help we’re going to need these 4 chairs, which represent the four chairs of unfair.  As flagrant fouls happen to us, and seeds get planted in our lives, poisonous fruit grows and can sprout as one of the 4 chairs of unfair.  This is what the devil wants.  The devil wants us to get stuck in one of these four “Chairs of Unfair”.  Let’s dive in.

The first chair is the chair of betrayal.

Chair of Betrayal

[point to stool]

Betrayal is difficult because you can only be betrayed by someone that you allow to get close to you, someone you trust, someone you consider safe.

In Genesis 37, Joseph has dreams about him ruling over his brothers.  Feeling safe to share, he tells them, and they betray him.  First trying to kill him by leaving him in a cistern, but thinking better of it, in …

Genesis 37:28 NIV

So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.

Joseph did nothing wrong, but his brothers betrayed him.  They took the trust that he had placed in them and used it to personally profit.

Can you empathize with Joseph?  It is at this point the Devil temps him, and us, to take a seat on the Betrayal Seat.  The devil wants us to camp out in the feeling of being unjustly treated, feeling like we did everything right, and others took advantage of the trust we gave to them.

Maybe you’ve been betrayed by someone.  If we’re honest, sitting in these bitter feelings, feels good; knowing you did everything right, and being able to blame your circumstances on others.  I know I can camp out her for a long time.

The challenge is that once betrayed, we have a choice.  We can stew in our feelings, or decide to get up off the chair, and allow God to work through the situation.  Joseph didn’t stay in the chair long, he knew that

God could be trusted even if his brothers couldn’t

, and allowed himself to be used by God while serving Potiphar.  We are called to do the same, keep our trust and focus on God, not the people that betrayed us.

The problem is betrayal is not the only chair, if Satan can’t get us caught in chair of betrayal, he’ll try to trap us within the Chair of blame.

Chair of Blame

[point to folding chair]

This is the chair we go to when we get blamed for something we didn’t do.  This is when we’re already being punished, so we lose the motivation to continue to do right.  We decide we don’t have to take responsibility for anything, because everything is someone else’s fault.  We start replaying situations over and over in our heads, until it changes our character.

Have this ever happened to you?  Have you been stuck in the death spiral of hitting replay on the events of your life?  I know I have.

In Genesis 39, Joseph, while loyally serving Potiphar, running his house with integrity, was approached by Potiphar’s wife.

Genesis 39:11–15 NIV

One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. When she saw that he had left his cloak in her hand and had run out of the house, she called her household servants. “Look,” she said to them, “this Hebrew has been brought to us to make sport of us! He came in here to sleep with me, but I screamed. When he heard me scream for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house.”

He was blamed, and sent to prison for something he didn’t do.  Now Joseph has had two flagrant fouls committed against him at this point.  He was betrayed sold into slavery, now blamed of rape sent to jail.  It would be so easy to take a seat in this chair of unfair as he has definitely received the short end the stick twice now.

If you notice this chair is just a little more comfortable than the chair of betrayal.  With the chair of betrayal, I put trust in someone I shouldn’t have, and at some level take some responsibility for what happened.  Here in the chair of blame, I am clean, I feel fully within my rights to be upset.  It is even EASIER to camp out in this chair.

Yet, Joseph continued to

believe that God had a plan for his life

, and that God’s plan was good, even if his current circumstances don’t reflect that truth.  Joseph got out of the chair and allowed God to use him in prison.  In Genesis 39 and 40, Joseph was not only put in charge of everyone within the prison, but used to interpret the dreams of the baker and cup bearer.

The problem is, even if, like Joseph, we can get out of the chairs of betrayal and blame, Satan is not going to give up on us.  Often, the devil gets us with the next chair, the chair of bypass.

Chair of Bypass

[point to cushioned chair]

This is the chair when we’ve done everything right, and still get passed over.  This is when the devil gets us to play the game of “shoulds”.

Have you ever been bypassed and played this game? I did the work; I SHOULD get the credit.  I have the better resume and experience; I SHOULD get the job.  I’m funny and interesting; I SHOULD have more friends. The problem is the game of shoulds does nothing but make us Jaded and start to doubt ourselves and God’s plan for our life.  For Joseph, the cup bearer SHOULD have told Pharoah about him, so he could be released.  But…

Genesis 40:23 NIV

The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.

Joseph helped these two men and yet he was left in prison.  Joseph was doing everything right, keeping his faith in God and God’s plan, and yet after helping the people that had access to Pharoah, the two people who could get him out of jail, he was forgotten and bypassed.

Joseph could have sat in the chair of bypass, become jaded, and played the game of shoulds forever, making himself unusable to God.  This is easy to do and feels so good. But Joseph didn’t.  He

remained faithful and ready for the time that God has set for you and your life

Joseph was able to keep his faith in God and get out of the chair of bypass. He trusted in God’s timing even when it didn’t line up with when he thought things SHOULD happen.

Joseph’s time did come.  In Genesis 41, Pharoah had a dream that Joseph interpreted.  There was going to be bumper crops for 7 years followed by a famine for 7 years.  After interpreting the dream, Joseph made a recommendation to Pharoah to store grain from the 7 plentiful years to ration during the 7 years of famine, which led to him being appointed to 2nd in command of all Egypt.  God used Joseph to save not only the people of Egypt from a famine, but many others from the region as well, including the Israelites.

In Genesis 42, some of the people that came for food were Joseph’s brothers.  It is at this point that the devil shows us the final chair.  If we make it through the chairs of betrayal, blame, and bypass, the devil will show us the chair of bitterness.

Chair of Bitterness

[point to bean bag]

This is the most comfortable of all.  We’ve gotten past all the tests, we’ve accomplished God’s plan for our life, and now we’re in a position of power.  We now hold power over those that have hurt us.

The question becomes, what do we do when we hold the cards?  Can we act as Christ calls us to at when we hold all the cards?  Can you forgive unconditionally, or

Do you make others deserve your forgiveness?

Put another way…

Can God trust you with your offender?

The chair of bitterness is the most comfortable of all.  We’ve already past the tests, moved on from the previous three chairs.  We’ve arrived, found our purpose, and find ourselves in the position of power we’ve wanted for so long.  This is a bean bag because it is in our bitterness that we naturally want to just crawl into and camp out.  The problem is, bitterness knocks us off the path that God created us to walk, because we try to take God’s job by judging others.

It had been 22 years since Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery.  He had decades to think about what he’d do if he ever saw them again.

In Genesis 42-45, Joseph confronts his brothers, tests if they’ve grown as people, but allows God to work a miracle in him and forgive them and brings his entire family over to Egypt saving the Israelites from the famine.

Joseph was able to get out of the chair of bitterness

because he remembered

what God had been doing for him all along.

Genesis 45:4–7 NIV

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

God worked a miracle in Joseph, allowed him to see how God used his circumstances to prepare him at every step of his journey, and gave him the perspective that he needed to forgive his brothers.

YOU

As you look at these chairs, do you find yourself emotionally sitting in one of them?

Have you been betrayed, and struggle to trust?

Are you been blamed, and replay events over and over in your mind?

Have you been bypassed, and find yourself stuck in the “game of shoulds”?

Or have you achieved a position and power, and now believe that others need to earn your forgiveness?

Wherever chair of unfair you’re currently sitting in, whatever you’re struggling with, God wants to help you get out of the chair that you’re sitting in and start walking the path that he created you to walk. God wants you to move on from the Chair of Betrayal by trusting in Him even when you can’t trust others, move on from the Chair of Blame by believing that He has a plan for your life and that the plan is good, move on from the Chair of Bypass by remaining ready for His timing, and move on from the Chair of Bitterness by remembering all the ways that He has already acted in your life.

WE / JESUS

You see, the seed that was planted in me by the original betrayal in 6th grade produced poison fruit that affected me for decades.

I was originally betrayed by my elementary school friend and hockey teammate.  It caused me to build walls and stop trusting people.

That seed flowered and created a spirit of blame within me.  Because I had built up walls, refused to be vulnerable, and trusted nobody, I took no risks.  I stopped initiating friendships.  I stopped inviting people to do things, all the while blaming others for not initiating with me.

As I got older the effects of the walls continued to get worse, more seeds sprouted.  As things didn’t happen that I wanted, I got caught in the game of shoulds.  I should have more friends.  I should be married by now.  I should have gotten that promotion.  I felt bypassed, always looking backward, and not keeping myself available to be used by God.

All these events culminated in a deep level of bitterness within me.  I felt like a commodity that others would use and discard when I no longer served their needs.  I all but wrote off adults.  To stay busy I started serving the church middle school ministry as the kids were crazy and easier for me to keep a health perspective around their actions.

I wasn’t stuck in one chair, I was playing pinball between all four. (maybe push together and lay down)

So, what do we do when we’re stuck in these chairs?  I think there are three things that we can do.

The first thing we can do is

1. Believe God is With You

Even when things feel the darkest, God will never leave us.

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Just like Joseph did, we need to believe that God is with us even when we feel things couldn’t get worse.

The second things we can do is know that

2. Being in an unfair situation doesn’t release us of responsibility

Even when life is hard, God calls us to keep working

James 1:12 NIV

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

No matter how many times Joseph was hurt he continued to work in whatever capacity God called him to.

The third thing we can do, and the one that changed my life is

3. Serve through the pain

If you remember the framework, flagrant fouls need a miracle from God for us to heal.

For me, God’s miracle, the solution to my hurt, and lifelong distrust of people came in the form of a running group.  Keep in mind I was not, and am not, a runner.  By God’s grace I got married at age 29.  My wife and I were attending church when they asked if anyone wanted to run a ½ or full marathon to bring clean water for kids in Africa.  At that point in my life my knee was messed up and I quickly said no.  I couldn’t even run ½ a mile without very sharp pain in my knee.

My wife signed for the ½ with her friend.

I’d show up to the group runs on Saturday while my wife would run.  Walked my daughter around in the stroller.  Never going very far, never really be part of the group, but showing up as nothing more the dead weight to the team at that point.

God started his miracle here.  God exposed me to a community of adults that truly cared.  Nobody was negative towards me because I didn’t sign up.  Some of the experienced runners even gave me advice on me knee that ended up fixing the problem.  I started jogging with them, and eventually putting in some real miles, all while pushing the stroller.  For years, I’d show up, never signing up for a race, never raising a penny.  Just showing up “support my wife, and keep my daughter alive”.  And through it all this, the World Vision community of people was amazing.

I saw things I would have never expected.  People would welcome the new people, invite them to run with them so they weren’t alone, change their personal pace to match the new person so they didn’t feel alone or inadequate, and lovingly encourage each person that came.

People would reach out to each other during the week to check up on injuries, organize mid-week ice-cream runs, and show up to support each other through life’s challenges.  This was the first “real” community I had experienced.

It was two years before I SAID YES and signed up for a race, but I did.  More honestly put, it took two years for me to accept the miracle that God had given me in this group of people, to break the walls down, and allow me to enter into a community again.  Here’s a picture of me last year running a marathon, pushing my 6 year old daughter in a stroller, being encouraged (which I needed) by this great community.

📷

Today, my encouragement for you is this.  No matter where you are at, which chair of unfair you’re sitting in, make the decision to serve through the pain.  Allow God the space and time in your life to work the miracle you need by taking the focus off your pain and serve someone else through theirs.  The more we focus on our pain the deeper we sink into it.  That’s the temptation.

And I am so pumped because today we are launching the 2021 Encounter Team World Vision team!

My wife and I already said YES, will you join us. [put on jersey]

In some remote villages kids walk over 4 miles one way multiple times per day to collect water for their families. This water is dirty, leading to disease, and on average 50% of kids don’t survive to their 5th birthday. Could you imagine having 2 kids and knowing that 1 of them wouldn’t live past the age of 5.

I am passionate about World Vision.  They are the number 1 non-governmental provider of clean water in the world. Together, in community, we are going to tackle the leading cause of death on the planet and train together for the Grand Rapids Half or Full Marathon this October.

Now even if you don’t think this is for you, just like I did, let me assure you that our team is made up of all shapes, all sizes, all ability levels. Most of the people who join our team have never done a race of any kind before. Our first day of training is just 20 minutes of moving; WALKING, JOGGING, or RUNNING. Together we’ll cross the finish line of the race, but more importantly take a few steps closer to a world where kids aren’t dying from unsafe water.

Check out this short video:

WORLD VISION INVITE

As you can see, you don’t need to be a runner to say YES. I wasn’t, I still don’t consider myself a runner, but I log the miles so those kids don’t have to, and YOU can do this too!! If you’re watching from home, you’re going to text the word

ENCOUNTER TO 44-888

to get more info or you can sign up directly at the church’s events page, but if you’re here in person DON’T TEXT THAT NUMBER, you’re going to join me and my friend Katie at the tent outside at the exit of the building for a quick 10 minutes info meeting. By coming to the meeting you’re not committing to anything, just come get your questions answered.

Whereas I know anyone in this room can complete a ½ marathon, if you are not ready to take that step, I’d encourage you to support the cause anyway.  At the table, I have some sponsorship packets for real kids who have real needs, that we can help.

My encouragement to you today, no matter how much pain you’re in, no matter what offenses others have put on you, believe that God is still with you, keep working during the pain, and commit to serve others through the pain. And if you’re hearing even just a small whisper saying “do this!” Katie and I will see you at the tent right after the service. Don’t say “no” to an opportunity God wants you to say “yes” to.

In my life, and in many other’s lives I know, serving is the best way to heal of from hurt. To get out of whatever chair of unfair you’re currently in, and allow God to work the miracle that you need to forgive the person that has hurt you.

Let's pray.

PRAYER

Dear God.  This series had been tough.  We’ve had to face the fact that we have been hurt, and we have not learned how to live out your call to forgive.  We find our comfort in camping out in the chairs of betrayal, blame, bypass, and bitterness.  We re-run situations over and over in our heads allowing them to change who we are and move us farther away from the path you created us to walk.  Help us to be like Joseph.  Help us to see that even if others can’t be trusted you can.  Help us to know that you have a plan for our lives, and it is good.  Help us to be patient, waiting for your timing.  And help us to remember all the ways you have already acted in our lives for our good.  Help us to take the focus off of ourselves, and our pain, to know that you are with us, to continue to do the work you call us to do even when we’re hurting, and to serve others through the pain.  I pray for everyone in this room and online, that they act upon this opportunity to partner with World Vision today to serve the least of these in this world, literally saving lives.  I pray that even in our pain, you use us to accomplish your kingdom work as you used Joseph.

We love you, thank you, and it is in your son Jesus’ name we pray, AMEN.

SONG

My Testimony by Elevation Worship (https://youtu.be/7NyH9mDYECk)

"If I'm not dead, you're not done."

BENEDICTION

As you go out this week, I want to leave you with Genesis 45:5 –do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. God used Joseph, in his pain, to save the lives of the Egyptians and Israelites. Stick around after service or text ENCOUNTER to 44-888, learn about World Vision, the work they do, and join the team.  Let’s all take some steps together, so those kids don’t have to.

SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS

Practice Truth When in your life have you been flagrantly fouled? How did it change you as person? What seeds were planted, and how did they sprout to poison your future? Have you found yourself getting stuck in one of the chairs of unfair?  Are you in one of the chairs now? Chair of Betrayal, where someone took advantage of your trust Chair of Blame, where you were punished for something you didn’t do Chair of Bypass, where you didn’t get what you thought you deserves Chair of Bitterness, where you have the power and now think others need to earn your forgiveness Do Life Together What do you need to do to get out of the chair you’re currently in and enter back onto the path that God created you to walk? Believe God is with you Persevere through the pain, continuing to do the kingdom work God is calling you to Serve through the pain

Who can you ask to hold you accountable to following through on taking this next step of faith?