Colossians 3:20-21 - Children & Fathers
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
God’s truth is for living. As we hold His truth in our hearts, it shapes our words and actions. It reforms the way we work, the way we play, the way we interact with our loved ones in our homes.
Paul addressed this very point in the practical section of his letter to the Colossians.
Having established the truth of the Gospel in the earlier part of his letter, Paul then reminded the Colossians that the truth of God’s grace was meant to show up in all of life—from mission-field to the job-site to home-life.
Concerning the Christian home, Paul began with the most important relationship: the relationship between husbands and wives.
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
Then Paul moved to the second most important relationship in the home—the relationship between fathers (i.e., parents) and children.
[READING - Colossians 3:20-21]
20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
[PRAYER]
[ILLUS] The M&Ms were scattered across the kitchen floor along with shards of glass from the container that once held them. Little three-year-old Joseph stood in the midst of the mess with chocolate on his mouth and blood on his sock. One of the shards of glass had pierced the skin through the sock on his foot.
His dad arrived on the scene just a moment after the container shattered, but by then little Joseph had panicked; he tried to run and that’s when stepped on the broken glass.
He had been warned not to climb on the counter.
“You could fall,” his mother had said.
“You might knock something off,” his father warned.
But Joseph had not obeyed and now he was paying the price.
His father roared, “What did you do? Look at this mess! I swear, your mother and I can’t have a moment’s peace without you getting into something! Are you too stupid to listen? And, now, look at your foot! You wouldn’t be bleeding if you had sense enough to do what your told!”
Many scenes like this play out like this in homes all across the world. Perhaps its even played out in your home. I know its played out in mine.
The parent instructs.
The child disobeys.
The parent scolds.
We may initially call it discipline but in anger it quickly becomes degradation.
The episode ends with a child’s crushed spirit and parent’s frustrated anger.
Isn’t there a better way?
There is, and that’s what we see in Colossians 3:20-21.
[CIT] In those two verses, Paul said that Christian children were to obey their parents, and Christian parents were to encourage their children.
[PROP] This may sound simple, but its not so easy to execute. If we want to see episodes of peace and love in our homes, then you Christian children must obey your parents and we Christian parents must encourage our children.
[TS] Let’s look carefully at each of these VERSES…
Major Ideas
Major Ideas
VERSE 20: The Responsibility of Children (Col. 3:20)
VERSE 20: The Responsibility of Children (Col. 3:20)
20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
[EXP] Imagine the scene: the Colossian church is gathered to hear this letter from the Apostle Paul. They are all eager to hear what the courageous Apostle has to say to them.
“What will he say to us?”
“What will he say to our leaders?”
Perhaps the wives in the church were surprised when Paul directly addressed them.
We can imagine husbands nodding in approval when Paul told wives to be subject to their husbands…
“Yes, Paul, that is a big problem and I’m glad you pointed it out.”
…but then perhaps the husbands were just as surprised when they were directly addressed…
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
But perhaps most surprised of all would’ve been the children who were squirming beside their parents in the Colossians congregation. There was no children’s church for them. There they sat perhaps bored and distracted, until Paul spoke directly to them…
20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
There are four PARTS to examine in Colossians 3:20…
Part #1: Children—who are children?
The Greek word that Paul uses for children doesn’t specify an age. It includes anyone still living under their parents’ roof (and therefore under their parents authority), but it does seem from a parallel passage in Ephesians 6 that Paul has younger children in mind.
There Paul told fathers to ‘bring up’ their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The fact that fathers would have to ‘bring them up’ indicates that they were younger children.
Part #2: Children, be obedient to your parents—what is obedience and who are parents?
A parent is a father, a mother, or a guardian.
Many children are brought up by someone other than their biological father or mother.
Those bringing up the child are the parents.
Obedience is simply doing what you’re told; it is complying with parental commands.
In our home, we say that obedience is doing what you’re told “the first time, right away, with a happy heart.”
The word that Paul used for ‘obedience’ in v. 20 is stronger than the word Paul used for ‘submit’ in v. 18.
A wife’s submission to her husband is a voluntary, willing submission.
A child’s obedience may not be voluntary or willing, but the child must still obey.
Paul even used the present tense ‘be obedient’ to show the children in Colossae that the goal is continuous, unbroken obedience.
Many parents would exaggerate and say their children continuously disobey, but God’s word calls Christian children to continuously obey their children.
Part #3: Children, be obedient to your parents in all things—does all mean all here? If not, when should children obey their parents and when shouldn’t they obey their parents?
Paul can’t imagine Christian parents ever commanding their children to disobey God’s commands, but if they did, obviously children should obey God rather than their parents.
Jesus even gave an example of this very thing. In Luke’s gospel, Jesus said that allegiance to Him would divide some families “father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother…” (Lk. 12:53).
If a parent tells a child not to trust in or follow Jesus, the child must obey God rather than his father or mother because God has commanded that he trust in and follow Jesus.
Part #4: Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord—wait, obedience isn’t about pleasing my parents or making my life easier? No, your obedience is primarily about pleasing the Lord.
[ILLUS] When I was in high school, I didn’t have a curfew on Friday nights. My parents told me they just wanted to know who I was with and where I was. I was to stay at that place with those people until I was ready to come home. So long as I obeyed, I could stay out as late as I wanted.
I was always with church friends at one of their houses, so they felt good about that arrangement and it sounded very reasonable to me. And throughout high school my parents and I never had a problem because I obeyed.
Occasionally, however, another friend would have a problem with his parents.
“There always on my case, telling me what to do, where I can and can’t go. I just want some freedom!”
I would try to be the good Christian friend, and say, “Man, just do what they say and everything will be easier for you.”
That may sound like good advice, but I want you to know it’s not.
Sure, the first part of the advice was good, “Man, just do what they say…” but the second part was wrong, “…everything will be easier for you.”
That second part is wrong because its the wrong motivation for obedience.
Christian children obey their parents not because everything will be easier but because is is well-pleasing to the Lord.
It makes the Lord Jesus happy when Christian children obey their parents.
[APP] The poet George Herbert called the principle of doing everything to please the Lord “the famous stone that turneth all to gold,” (The Elixir).
Christian children, if you want your obedience to your parents to be golden, obey your parents so as to please the Lord.
Fools disobey their parents.
Solomon says…
1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother.
Ungodly people disobey their parents.
Paul said that those God gives over to sin are gossips…
30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
Children, if you’ve been disobeying your parents, you’ve been walking the way of the fool and the way of the ungodly.
It’s time to repent and walk the way of Jesus—the way of obedience to parents.
Paul wrote to Timothy, his son in the faith, that in the last days difficult times will come…
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
Timothy was then instructed to turn away from such people.
Let me ask you children directly, are your friends striving to please Jesus by obeying their parents? Are they encouraging you to do the same?
If not, you may need to turn away from those friends, and commit yourself to pleasing the Lord by obeying your parents in all things.
[TS]…
VERSE 21: The Responsibility of Fathers (Col. 3:21)
VERSE 21: The Responsibility of Fathers (Col. 3:21)
21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
[EXP] There are three PARTS to examine in this verse…
Part #1: Fathers—what is a father and why aren’t mothers mentioned?
Paul is addressing Christian men who have sired children with their wives, but he’s also speaking to Christian men who are bringing up someone else’s children as their own.
For example, many Christian grandfathers are raising their grandchildren as their own.
Those men deserve to be obeyed as Colossians 3:20 demands, and they have the responsibility to raise their grandchildren as Colossians 3:21 demands.
To borrow from the parallel verse in Ephesians 6:4, a Christian father is a Christian man who has taken on the responsibility of bringing up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Christian mothers may be included in the word ‘fathers’ in Colossians 3:21. The plural word behind ‘fathers’ is sometimes translated as ‘parents’ (cf. Heb. 11:23), but if Paul had meant ‘parents’ he might have used the same word for ‘parents’ that he used in Colossians 3:20.
By using two different words, Paul seems to be making a distinction.
While mothers are likewise commanded to not exasperate their children, Paul seems to specifically call fathers to take the lead in ensuring that children are not exasperated.
Fathers, it is our job to ensure that our children are not exasperated.
Part #2: Fathers, do not exasperate your children—what is exasperation? How do fathers most often exasperate their children and how can we stop?
Absent fathers are a societal ill, but Paul doesn’t foresee that as an ill that will plague the church. No, his warning here is against another ill that very well may plague Christian families in the church—the plague of exasperating fathers who produce exasperated children.
Some other translations use the words ‘provoke,’ ‘aggravate,’ or ‘embitter’ instead of ‘exasperate.’
To exasperate is to irritate or embitter a child by constantly nagging them or continuously nit-picking their efforts.
In his commentary on this verse, J. Philip Arthur said…
“It is a bitter legacy to leave behind if, when our children think of us, the phrases that spring to mind are things like: ‘He’s always finding fault,’ or ‘Nothing I do ever satisfies him.’”
Fathers, let’s not let this be how our children remember us.
Part #3: Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart—what is heart? How does exasperating a child cause them to lose heart? How can this be reversed?
To lose heart is to be crushed in spirit; it is to be robbed of healthy confidence and to be filled instead with self-doubt, fear, bitterness, and even anger.
Constantly nagging our children… constantly being critical of their best efforts causes them to be discouraged and feel as if they aren’t worth anything to anyone.
[ILLUS] I recently heard about a man who is likely around 65-years-old. His dad was a beloved pastor in a small community that everyone loved. But this grown man remembers his dad as an exasperating father—one who could never be pleased, one who nit-picked everything he did in life, including everything he did in his spiritual life.
This man with an exasperating father also had an exasperating father-in-law, one who never trusted him to provide for his daughter and continuously criticized whatever he did.
That grown man, with children and grandchildren of his own, lost heart at many times along the way.
Only by God’s grace did this man not repeat the same mistakes with his children.
Only in Jesus has this man found the courage and confidence that was taken from him as he was growing up.
Fathers, are you robbing your children of courage and confidence or are you filling them with courage and confidence?
[APP] In Ephesians 6:4, Paul said that we can fill our children with courage and confidence by “bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Our job as Christian fathers is not to exasperate, provoke, or aggravate our children but to help them live their lives in the discipline and instruction of the Lord Jesus.
Fathers, think about the way you are with your children.
Is your way with them helping them to live in the way of Jesus?
If not, confess your sin to God; confess your sin to your children; and recommit yourself to bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord rather than exasperating them.
[TS]…
Conclusion
Conclusion
When we hear commands like this—commands that really hit close to home—we might be tempted to impose conditions.
A wife may say, “Well, I will submit to him but only if he loves me like he’s supposed to.”
A husband might say, “I will start loving her sacrificially but only if she starts showing me some respect.”
A child may say, “Well, I will obey them but only if they stop treating me like a baby.”
And a parent might say, “I’ll try again with my kids but only if they starting giving me some appreciation.”
The problem with imposing conditions like this is that each person is applying God’s word to someone else rather than themselves.
Don’t make that mistake this morning.
You’ve heard God’s Word this morning.
Apply it to yourself.
Repent where necessary…
…and be the Christian child or the Christian parent God has called you to be in His Word.
[PRAYER]
