Learning to Be Good and Angry
Anger and Stress Management God's Way • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Most of us, at some point in our lives, have been “good and angry” in a bad sense, meaning that we have been angry for the wrong reasons and expressed that anger in unbiblical ways.
There are far fewer of us who can claim to have ever been really good ( in a godly sense) and angry - in other words, angry without sin, angry for the right reasons as well as expressing that anger in constructive, Biblical ways.
In this chapter (lesson), we are going to look at what the Scripture says about being good and angry – dealing with our anger in a godly way.
The first aspect of learning to be good and angry is dealing with problems on a regular, daily basis.
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
In this verse, God has commanded we deal with our problems every day. What often happens when there is a problem between people is that they not only allow the sun to go down on it, but allow many moons to go down as well.
Overlooking Sin
Overlooking Sin
According to God’s Word, there are only two ways to deal righteously with a conflict that we have with another person. One, we can overlook the offense.
8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: But love covereth all sins.
11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; And it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
Some people might think that it’s their duty to point out other people’s sins to them. After all, the opine, the Bible teaches us to confront sin in others.
14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.
15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
Though the Scripture does teach this, it’s also true that Scripture tells us to overlook some sin.
[Note: Scripture also tells us to deal with our own sin before confronting someone else with their sin. Matthew 7:1-5]
There are times, as Proverbs 19:11 indicates, when its better for us to overlook an offense than to point it out…It’s generally better to reserve confrontation for spiritual issues that are clearly sin issues-issues that will bring reproach on Christ and serious damage to other people…We certainly need to distinguish between issues of preference and issues of sin-between what is really major and what is relatively minor.
…there is a second way of dealing with conflicts that we have with other people. When we experience or recognize a serious problem with another person because of his or her sin, then, as Matthew 18:15 says, we are to go privately to that person for the purpose of resolving the problem. The purpose of that meeting should be only for promoting reconciliation and unity, not for criticizing or condemning.
Love covers a multitude of sins, but sometimes sin throws the covers off…When the following conditions exist, it becomes unloving and wrong to ignore the problem:
If the sin creates an unreconciled relationship between you and the offender, so that you think often about the sin and think badly of him, then confrontation is necessary for the sake of unity in the body (cf. Matthew 5:23-24; Phil 2:1-4).
If you are not confident that the person is growing in the direction of Christlikeness by regularly confessing their sins and working to change them, then confronting his sin may be the only way to expose his spiritual inertia and help him to avoid God’s chastening (cf. Heb 3:12-14; James 5:19-20; 2 Peter 1:5-10).
If you know that there will be consequences of this sin that will hurt others in the offender’s life, then for their sake you should make sure that he has recognized his wrong and repented from it (cf. Matt 18:6; 1 Cor 5:6-7; 12:26).
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
In other words, Scripture admonishes us to get today’s problems take care of today, so that there is room for tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. If we make this a habit, then throughout our lives we will reap the benefits in our families and our relationship. It will allow us to start each day fresh, free of leftover anger and bitterness.
Self Control and Restraint
Self Control and Restraint
The second aspect of learning to be good and angry is understanding that we can control and restrain the expression of our anger. If we are Christians, we have the means to control the expression of our anger.
11 A fool uttereth all his mind: But a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; And he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
By the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, we can control our anger.
Here the author gives a great illustration of how we often control our anger. The mother who blows up and goes on angry tirade and is interrupted by a phone call from the pastor’s wife and instantly becomes cheerful and pleasant.
We can and do control our anger with the motivation is great. When we fail to control our anger, it’s because we don’t consider the stakes to be high enough. In other words, we think we can get away with losing our temper and letting the shrapnel fly all over the place…for some strange reason, the place where we are most likely to think we can get away with it is with our family members.
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
In all places and all times, we must recognize the fact that as Christians indwelt by the Holy Spirit we do have the power to control our anger. We must realize that, when we fail, it’s by choice. God has given us the power to obey Him in this matter of anger. How, then, do we go about controlling our anger in a practical way? First, if we desire to obey God by controlling our anger, we must never excuse, justify, or rationalize our anger. Second, we must prepare ourselves to acknowledge and deal with it honestly.
Self Confrontation
Self Confrontation
The third aspect of learning to be good and angry is taking time to examine the reasons of our anger. Whenever we start to become angry, we should immediately stop what we’re doing and thing about what is happening.
When we take time to stop and think, we are able to evaluate the reasons for our anger. Are we getting angry because some “right” of ours is being denied? Or is it because we love God, His truth, and His righteousness? Are we really concerned about the kingdom of God and about advancing the cause of Jesus Christ in the situation? Scripture indicates that many times our angry responses are related to pride and selfishness; we become angry because we want our way, we want to control people or the situation, and we’re not able to do it.
10 Only by pride cometh contention: But with the well advised is wisdom.
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
The bottom line reason for much of our sinful anger is because we have an agenda and someone or something is standing in the way of our fulfilling that agenda. So taking the time to evaluate why we are becoming angry can be a helpful way of identifying our sinful, idolatrous motives and promoting conviction of sin and repentance.
Harness the Energy
Harness the Energy
The fourth aspect of learning to be good and angry is learning how to harness the energy created by our anger. It has been medically proven and documented that when people become angry, physical changes take place in their bodies. According to researchers, anger stimulates the adrenal gland, which then releases a hormone (commonly called adrenaline) into the bloodstream. This hormone stimulates other glands in the body, which also releases hormones into the bloodstream. One of these glands is the pancreas, which makes insulin. Insulin helps the body turn glucose (sugar) into chemical energy that the body can use for work. In other words, anger stimulates the body to prepare to use energy - to do something - and we can use this for either destructive or constructive purposes.
If we constantly suppress our anger and the energy that it builds up, we will eventually destroy ourselves. Unreleased stress in the body has been linked to all kinds of physical problems. This, of course, is in keeping with many Biblical statements...
30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: But envy the rottenness of the bones.
13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: But a broken spirit drieth the bones.
14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; But a wounded spirit who can bear?
…when we suppress our anger and fail to deal with it Biblically, we run the risk of not only displeasing God but also bringing upon ourselves all kinds of physical problems. Suppression of anger, therefore, is not the answer to the sinful anger problem.
Conversely, it’s also true that just letting it all come out, “blowing our top,” and engaging in the practice that psychologists call venting is not the answer. Most importantly, ventilating is not the answer because God warns against this practice…Instead of using the energy created by our anger to destroy people, we should use the energy in a constructive way to deal with problems.
Discussion Questions
Discussion Questions
What does it mean to be "good and angry" in a biblical sense?
How can we identify and address the root causes of our anger?
How does the Bible teach us to express anger constructively?
How does the Holy Spirit enable us to control our anger?
What are the consequences of uncontrolled anger?
How can we practically apply biblical principles to control our anger?
Why do we sometimes choose to express anger despite knowing it's harmful?
Why is it important to examine the reasons for our anger?
What are some common sinful motives that can lead to anger?
How can examining our anger promote conviction of sin and repentance?
How can we apply the principle of self-examination to our daily lives?
How does anger manifest physically?
What are the dangers of suppressing anger?
How can we harness the energy of anger constructively?
What is the difference between venting and constructive anger management?
How can we integrate biblical principles into our approach to managing anger?
