The Heart of Christian Giving
2 Corinthians 9:6-15 • Sermon • Submitted • Presented • 34:30
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· 10 viewsGnerosity is a gracious gift from the Lord that transforms our selfish hearts to love people and invest in his eternal kingdom
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big idea: our hard hearts break God’s good design - but there’s grace for the humble
Intro me
If you’ve been around Hope City at all long, you’ll know our normal pattern is to work piece by piece through the bible, and this year we’ve been looking at Matthew’s gospel, his telling of the story of Jesus. One of the things I love about this as our standard operating procedure is it means we don’t get to set the agenda, pick and choose what we’d like to emphasise - and what topics we avoid.
Today we come to a section addressing a topic, frankly, I wouldn’t have chosen to speak on. But Jesus has something to say to us - so we’re going to try and listen carefully to him together. It’s a serious and sensitive topic, and it might stir things up for you. But God is good, all the time. We’re going to have a prayer team available after our gathering who you can speak to in confidence. Tell them as little or as much as you like - they’ll be glad to pray for you and with you.
We’re also going to follow our normal practice of taking questions and attempting a live response to them even though it’s a hot topic. Please be thoughtful about the hurt you could cause others simply through the wording of your questions. And remember we won’t have carefully prepared responses; they’ll be far from perfect. If you want to follow up with me or anyone else afterwards to go into more depth, or just talk more privately, you’re really welcome to do that. If you’re online, just drop me an email - matt@hopecityedinburgh.org.
Ok, let’s get to it. And Alex / ??? will be reading for us from Matthew chapter 19 - that’s page 986 in our blue bibles. Matthew chapter 19. Page 986 and look for the big 19.
Matthew 19:1-15
Mt 19:3 our narrator tells us these Pharisees have come to test Jesus. That immediately makes me wonder why this particular question is a test. How is a question on a very very liberal divorce policy a test for Jesus?
Well, there was a livey debate around divorce in those days - even in the Jewish community, who at least in theory would all be singing off the same hymn-sheet, the Law of Moses. There were two divergent Jewish views on divorce:
On the one hand you had the Shammi and his people telling you that divorce was only for a few exceptional circumstances. On the other hand you had Hillel and his people saying you could divorce for basically anything: a wife who burnt the food? she’s gone; find someone else better looking? time to leave - you’re out of there! Really, that was one of the accepted options! That’s pretty “modern” for two thousand years ago, right? Just not in a good way.
That latter view was becoming the norm in society - as we might expect. But still people would be wondering where Jesus stood, which side he might take. And you can see, if those Pharisees had even a little hunch that Jesus wasn’t going to be cool with that growing “modern” view, they might want to get him to put his cards on the table, to say it in public - and to put a dent in his crowd appeal as a result.
How does Jesus answer? As he often does, by going to back to the Bible, by referring back to what God has said - “haven’t you read?...” bit of an insult really for those Pharisees who prided themselves on knowing every single word back to front and inside out. Of course they’d have read the bits Jesus quotes - coming from the first book in their holy scriptures, the first book in our bibles too - probably read it thousands of times.
But what’s Jesus’ point as he quotes from Genesis 1 and 2? God’s design is for marriage to be a connection between one man and one woman, Genesis 1:27 “male and female he created them,” and for marriage to be something exclusive and unbreakable - Gen 2:24 “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh”.
Marriage is designed as a permanent uniting, one deeper even than a parent/child bond - see the “man leaves his father and mother” - and one not to be undone by humans because ultimately it’s not done by humans - did you notice that? God is the one doing the uniting in marriage, not us: “what God has joined together, let no one separate,” Jesus says - and we often quote that in our wedding ceremonies. Marriage is God’s idea - so it should follow God’s design. God has united them - people should not separate them.
But when he says “let no-one separate”, the original language carries a present, ongoing sense to that prohibition: it’s like Jesus is saying “you people keep separating things God joined together. Stop it!” And we might see the finger point at the ones actually divorcing, Jesus is probably more focused on the Pharisees asking the question, on the ones teaching that was just fine - like that Hillel guy: hey don’t worry, you can divorce for “any and every reason”; that present act of teaching was tearing marriages apart. And I guess similarly today those who tell us “you must follow your heart” and “you need to be true to yourself” might be in danger of doing the same.
What we have to see here is that Jesus, if we were to put it politically, is the “continuity candidate”. Where does Jesus stand on this issue? Exactly where God has always stood on this issue, right from the beginning. That’s what Jesus is underlining by going back right to the very first pages of our bibles, by drawing on the most foundational texts from the very earliest days of our world. Jesus is not pitching novel and new ideas about marriage, revealing an updated policy, marriage v2, “the modern marriage”. He’s no progressive - he’s the continuity candidate.
The basic design for marriage is (and has always been) male/female, exclusive and unbreakable. And that’s obviously not the answer the disciples were hoping for - see their response! “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry!” you can see their heads in their hands. And the Pharisees are probably rubbing their hands together with glee as Jesus keeps speaking, thinking he has truly blown it this time. Thinking no-one is ever going to follow someone with such an old fashioned idea as that!
That’s not the answer people in Jesus’ day were hoping for. Maybe it’s not the answer you were hoping for either. Let’s be honest about it: this is not an attractive position to hold in the modern western world. If you’re looking for views everyone’s going to approve of, Jesus just isn’t your guy, and following him isn’t going to win you many likes.
And to make things even more difficult, we have to be clear that Jesus doesn’t do “pick-and-mix”: take some teaching of Jesus that you like, put aside other teaching you don’t. It’s all or nothing with Jesus, like it or not. If you’re hearing what Jesus is saying here and you’re thinking “no thanks, talk to the hand”, then I need you to understand that you’re saying “no” to him as Lord - the one who gets to make the rules, the boss, the one in charge.
A “no” to him as Lord is a “no” to him as Saviour, too. Jesus can only be your Lord and Saviour; no half way house. Only Lord and Saviour - or your Judge on that last day. There’s no third way. Don’t like that? I’m just the messenger - take it up with Jesus.
Maybe it might be helpful, though, to think a bit about why the Lord has ordered things this way. It’s not just to be difficult, to make following Jesus hard, or to make you unpopular if you ever owned up to what he teaches.
Marriage came into the world in response to the one thing that was not good in creation: it was not good for the man to be alone - Gen 2:18. And that alone-ness couldn’t be addressed by any of the other creatures God had made no matter how cute or snuggely - Adam needed somebody suitable, somebody like him.
Now it’s important I say right away that the final and full solution to the problem of being alone is not for everyone to marry. It’s for us to be in relationship with God. Marriage is not the right or best destination for each person - we’ll come on to that later in our passage. In fact, marriage, the bible tells us, doesn’t carry on in heaven: Mt 22:30. Yet everything will be good - perfect in fact. For many who are married it’s hard to get our heads around how that ending could be good - but it will be. That not-good-ness of being alone will be gone forever because we will be with God; and we will all be His people, all together.
So marriage is designed this way for our good - but marriage also is a reflection of God’s own character. You see the bible tells us marriage pictures the relationship between Jesus and his church - Eph 5:22-32 - that’s a relationship which is exclusive, and one which is unbreakable. Jesus is never unfaithful to his church - and his church must not be unfaithful to him; Jesus will never forsake his church, and his church must not forsake him.
That’s why adultery is outside of God’s design: it distorts that picture, undermining the exclusivity of the relationship. That’s why divorce is outside of God’s design: it distorts that picture, undermining the unbreakability of the relationship.
Breaking God’s design undermines what marriage is meant to picture - but that’s not all the harm it does. Breaking God’s design never results in our good. His design flows out of his character and goodness, out of his love and care for us as his creatures - his design isn’t just right, but it’s also best for us. So there’s always harm when we break that design.
So that’s the foundation, that’s the ground we’re building up from. Marriage is good where “alone” is not - but it’s not the final solution or the only option. Marriage should be exclusive and unbreakable, like the relationship between Christ and the church that it pictures. Marriage is for our good, and when we distort it, we reap harm.
But there’s quite a bit more in our passage today. Jesus is quite happy to stand against culture when culture stands against God. But the Pharisees have another card up their sleeve, a way they think they can make Jesus even less popular with the crowds. As they’re listening, they think his opening statement shows he’s not just standing against culture, but standing against Moses, the most revered teacher of the Jews.
“Ah,” say the Pharisees, “so I see you saying marriage is unbreakable. Well, I raise you the teachings of Moses, the man who brought us God’s Law!” Mt 19:7
They think they’ve got him. Jesus cannot be the true teacher from God - because he contradicts Moses. But their confidence is going to be short-lived. First up, Jesus sets the record straight. Notice how the language changes here: Mt 19:8 permitted
“Moses commanded divorce?” says Jesus, “really? No, Moses permitted it. And that’s quite a different thing.” The Pharisees and Jesus are drawing on the same teachings of Moses from Deut 24:1-4. The original language is a bit tricky, and the focus is really on remarriage not divorce. But Jesus is right: Moses regulates something that was happening rather than commanding it: “if there should be a divorce for this reason...” he begins. So Jesus explains Moses only permitted divorce.
But he doesn’t just stop there. He goes on to lay out for them the real permission, put his finger on the real problem, and showing them the real root.
What’s the real permission? In some limited circumstances, the least harmful thing to do is to separate what God has joined together, what no-one should separate. No one should separate it - but because our hearts are hard, and our world is broken, sometimes that is an permissible path, the least harmful way ahead.
Then Jesus goes on to give us clarity that it’s only exceptional situations which make that divorce - and so any subsequent remarriage - legitimate. In our New Testaments, there are only two passages which set out legitimate exceptions to the unbreakability of marriage: this one and 1 Cor 7. It’s no accident that both come after a very deliberate underlining of God’s basic intent and design for marriage: lifelong exclusive union of male and female. Though there are some exceptions, that’s the main line, the primary plan.
Then Jesus explains why God instructs Moses to give such a permission, showing us the real problem: “your hearts were hard.” Did you notice how Jesus moves from their words about “a man”, a person in the abstract to “you”: “you divorce your wives” Jesus says - to these Pharisees. And why? Because of their own hardness of heart. See, that’s where this idea of separating “for any and every reason” is born: in our hard hearts, that won’t love, won’t forgive, won’t serve, won’t die to self. The real problem is our hard hearts - but Jesus agrees with what he can agree with: there is a permission to separate.
Finally, Jesus hints at the real root of the problem: “it was not this way from the beginning” Jesus is not undermining Moses, calling him a late-to-the-game add-on, a recent innovation. Remember Jesus’ comments on the ongoing validity of every detail of the law in the Sermon on the Mount? Mt 5:17 Jesus rejects the tradition of the elders when they conflict with, and are placed over, God’s law - but he has absolute fidelity to that Law itself.
Jesus is pointing out this permission, flowing out of the problem of our hard hearts, isn’t rooted in God’s good creation right at the beginning - just as it’s not reflected in God’s good design at the beginning. It flows out of humanity’s fall: our first parents Adam and Eve said “no” to God’s way, and in trying to grasp what belongs only to God, broke our world in a way that’s so fundamental it leaves each one of us broken, our whole world broken. This is the true root of the permission to break God’s good design: our fallen world breeds and feeds our hard hearts, and there’s nothing which isn’t tarnished by them.
Notice here that Jesus doesn’t say it must be broken, or even that it should be broken, just that it is permissible. If the design for exclusivity in marriage has already been distorted through sexual immorality, it is then permissible that the unbreakable be broken.
And where Jesus only mentions this single exception, the apostle Paul adds a second in 1 Cor 7: Speaking about marriages where one person from a couple becomes a believer, he encourages the believer to stay and pursue their marriage - but accepts that the other party may choose divorce, and what should be unbreakable has been broken.
Rather than seeing Jesus and Paul having different views on divorce, we understand this as what’s called “casuistic law” - that is, example cases intended to illustrate a more general pattern. Casuistic law. Teaching in the bible often takes this form rather than giving exhaustive lists - for example in Ex 21:33-34 we’re told:
“If anyone uncovers a pit or digs one and fails to cover it and an ox or a donkey falls into it, the one who opened the pit must pay the owner for the loss and take the dead animal in exchange.
What if it’s a horse or sheep that falls in? Of course this still applies - it’s just two illustrative examples to establish the more general pattern of responsibility. That’s obvious. Well, that’s how we as a church understand the bible to be teaching on divorce. We have a general principle that marriage should be exclusive and unbreakable. We have two illustrative exceptions in the New Testament - that’s not very many at all but it’s enough to show us that sometimes divorce is acceptable.
Look, real life is messy, complicated and painful. Each situation is unique and when it comes to marriage and divorce, it’s difficult to know what is right in many cases - we can’t just draw up a short list of clear and hard rules. If you want to read more on how we think about this as a church, you can find our policy through the church app. If you want to talk to someone privately, any of the elders would be happy to do that.
But this is one of those matters where Christians do disagree, even when trying to reason carefully from the bible. You don’t have to agree with us on this to be a part of our gatherings - though we do ask you to disagree gently and gracefully because people who’ve been up close to this often find it extremely painful.
I know I’ve already said a lot - but this isn’t the end of our passage today. We have to go a bit further, dig a bit more before we’re done. We’ve talked a lot about marriage - well, what about everyone else? Perhaps you’re all feeling rather smug, like you’ve got off easy? The disciples definitely seem to think so: Mt 19:10
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
I’ve struggled to get my head around what they are actually meaning here - particularly since Jesus has just set out marriage as God’s original good design, and we later learn that at least some of the disciples are married. Are the married ones regretting getting into marriages which it turns out will be really hard to break? Do they mean if it’s so hard to get divorced, if there are so few acceptable reasons, if you can’t just walk out “for any and every reason”, then they wish they hadn’t?
Perhaps it more that, knowing so many marriages struggle, and seeing so many broken, legitimately or illegitimately, the disciples are suggesting it might be better never to try in the first place? I’m sure like us they also knew well the pain, hurt, sadness and difficulty resulting from marriages - broken and also many that are not, yet, at least. If you’ll forgive the Chariots of Fire quote, their basic idea is “if I can’t win, I won’t run.”
That, I think, helps us make more sense of Jesus’ next teaching. I think Jesus is cautioning against jumping all the way to thinking “marriage is so hard it’s much better to be single.” I think what he says next shows us single is hard, too.
Jesus starts talking about eunuchs all of a sudden [that is, boys with the boy bits cut off] because single-and-ready-to-mingle wasn’t really a category at the time - at least not for guys over 18. Society expected you to marry and reproduce - and to do so quickly. In Judaism, marriage was not only praised, it was required; Singleness was something to be avoided. [quote]
Eunuchs were the exception - they wouldn’t marry because they couldn’t marry and reproduce. They were despised in Jewish culture because they couldn’t fulfil God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” (that is, to have children) - excluded from the temple, even. So when you read ‘eunuch’ you can think ‘single’, too.
But look at what Jesus has to say about them Mt 19:11-12
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
Derided by their culture, Jesus dignifies them through his words. There is a valid Kingdom life as a single. And think about this: Jesus is single. And John the Baptist was single. And Paul will be single. This new Kingdom Jesus is bringing definitely has honour and places value on singleness as well as marriage.
He gives us three different categories: those born that way, those made that way by other people and those choosing that way of life for the sake of the Kingdom. I think these are helpful as we think about singleness, too.
Sometimes we’re simply made in a way that will keep us single: not our choice, but our reality - seemingly flowing directly out of God’s design. Something we have to accept.
Sometimes it’s others around us who’ve made us that way, meaning singleness is the right path for us. It’s the only possible path in Jesus’ words where that limitation is physical - but I think we can see how wounds from others which aren’t just physical might have the same effect too, making a single life the right life for us.
Then Jesus introduces a third category - people choosing singleness for the sake of the Kingdom. Some can choose a single life for the sake of the Kingdom. And that can be a good and right thing. That’s massively countercultural in Jesus’ day, to suggest there’s a meaningful, valued path outside of marriage.
Important that we see its a single life for the sake of the Kingdom that’s in view, not a single life so I’m free to just please myself. We have to be careful as we think about this to have single for the sake of the Kingdom in view, not those choosing singleness for other reasons. An analogue might be people choosing childlessness in relationships just so they have more time and money to travel the world.
So are the disciples right? Is it better not to marry? What is Jesus saying about singleness here? Well, when he says “not everyone can accept this word” I think he’s pointing to the disciples, their wondering whether it’s better not to marry, and showing us singleness is hard, too. Not everyone can manage that without stumbling. As Paul will write later in 1 Cor 7, although there are advantages and opportunities in singleness, there are challenges, too. Jesus tells us plainly this is not his path for everyone.
See, “not everyone can accept this” isn’t Jesus saying not everyone is willing to accept this, it has the sense of capability or capacity: not everyone is capable of holding or containing this, Jesus says. A really important distinction. This is something some people are given - not everyone. It’s not a challenge we should all aspire to, a higher level we should all strive for. But God gives some people the capability and capacity for it.
Jesus wraps his teaching both ends this way: “the one who can accept” - and again, that has the same sense; not willingness, but capability, capacity - “the one who can accept this should accept it.” If this is what your are given, whether that’s by nature, by others’ wounds, or by a special gift from God, yes, you should absolutely do this.
But if that’s not you, is it better not to marry? Given marriage is a risk, given hurt and brokenness in marriage are both possibilities? Well, Jesus doesn’t answer. I think he acknowledges the truth in the disciples’ words: marriage is hard and dangerous. But I think he knows and sees that singleness is, too.
And remember “It wasn’t this way from the beginning” - this all flows out of the sad truth that our hearts are hard. That’s where the wounds and the hurts and the dangers and failures all come from: our hearts are hard.
What do we do with all this? Well it might have seemed odd to include the last few verses in our reading today about little children and blessing and Kingdom. But it happens right there and then, tied into this whole discussion on marriage and singleness. Mt 19:13-15
Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.
Here’s how I think it connects: we’ve talked about who children were in that culture before, how that society thought of them: utterly insignificant, not the centre of attention like today. Of no importance except as your pension: the ones who would look after you when you no longer could. Worthy of no attention at all.
As we talk about marriage and singleness, maybe you think you have no issues. You’re doing fine and it’s just others who have problems? Well, no: marriage is hard - and there’s no escape in singleness either. At it’s root, and we’ve said it many times before, the problem isn’t primarily out there - it’s in here, with us, with our hard hearts. All this talk of broken marriages and difficult singleness, should leave us humbled whatever our lot.
And then once we’re humbled, perhaps we can rightly hear Jesus’ words about those little children offered also to us: “the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”. It’s not a Kingdom of winners and top performers, it’s Kingdom of losers and failures, a Kingdom whose foundation is mercy and grace. If you know that’s who you are, that’s what you need, this can be your kingdom too, through Jesus.
Think about the wider context - go back and read Matthew 18 today:
last week we saw our God as the great King who hears our plea and forgives our unpayable debt - and calls us to forgive like him.
Two weeks ago we saw God’s design for his Kingdom is all about reconciliation and restoration, about pursuing people, bringing them back.
The week before we saw our God is the good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one who has wandered off, the one who will bring them back rejoicing.
One more week back, at the start of chapter 18, we saw Jesus centring the little children - the same little children as here: “unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven.”
What should all this talk of marriage and divorce and singleness do for us? It should show us our hard hearts, and invite us all to humble ourselves - like little children. And though we might worry others would send failures like us away, discarded, see Jesus wants us to come to him and be blessed. “Humble yourselves under God’s mighty hand - and he will lift you up.”
We’re going to sing now, if I can invite Jon us, as a way for us to respond together to all this. Calling our hearts to think about our God who restores all that is broken, who gives life and hope. Let’s sing.
Q+R Prep
Q+R Prep
Those outside of God’s design:
John 4 as a model for how Jesus and we should respond to those outside of his design:
Doesn’t call down judgement or send her away - he doesn’t even just keep himself to himself.
Jesus’ first response is to invite her into the Kingdom.
Does bring her situation into the light - doesn’t do is just shove it under the rug and hope it goes away.
Why? if she’s going to enter the kingdom, she will have to repent and bow to the king. gives her the opportunity to respond, to choose her response.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning - but you can start here and change the ending”
Singleness
1 Cor 7 for call to singleness, challenges of singleness
Casuistic divorce
1 Cor 7 desertion by unbeliever
big idea: our hard hearts break God’s good design - but there’s grace for the humble
We’re going to have a prayer team available after our gathering who you can speak to in confidence. Tell them as little or as much as you like - they’ll be glad to pray for you and with you.