Marriage Like Christ and the Church Ephesians 5:22-33
Notes
Transcript
Introduction:
Stories about different kinds of marriages in different cultures. Christian marriage can create a great change in a marriage.
Ephesians 5:22–33 (NASB95)
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Transitional Sentence: All relationships have a hierarchy of power and responsibility to ensure the proper functioning of that relationship.
So what is the Hierarchy of the marriage relationship?
a. Well according to verse 22 the Wife is to be subject to the husband.
Exactly what does this mean?
ὑποτάσσω hypotassō -- subordinate; place or arrange under; submit;
This subjugation should be a willing decision. The wives should willing place themselves under the authority of the husband. She should do this just as she would place herself under the authority of Christ Jesus. The Husband shouldn’t have to force the wife into submission. There shouldn’t be a need for coercion or manipulation on the husbands part so he can be in charge.
This willing subjugation should only be to her own husband. There shouldn’t be a willing subjugation to other men except in the light of verse 21 which says we should be subject to one another.
Colossians 3:18 says the same thing:
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
b. The Husband is next in the hierarchy of the marriage union. The husband is to be the leader of the household. Ephesians 5:23 says:
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
The head of the body makes the decisions and leads the body. The head makes everything else work together for the good of the body. But this leadership isn’t to be one of domination but one of service. The husband is to lead the wife the same way Christ Jesus leads the church. He doesn’t dominate the church He leads the church in love and service. The husband is to love his wife so completely that the wife will never have to submit for fear of the husband or suffer from a life of submission. The husband is to give himself up for her. He is to dedicate his life to the physical, emotional, and spiritual welfare of his wife. Following the example of Christ, he is to give his wife not only all that he has but also all that he is. When a husband loves his wife so completely, the wife should willing accept to submit to him.
c. And then there is the head of the marriage union. Christ Jesus himself. Just as the wife is to submit to the authority of the man as the head so to should the husband submit to Christ Jesus as the head of the Church. Jesus is the model for how to love. He gave Himself up for the church, just as the husband should be willing to give himself up for his wife. This is sacrificial love. John 10:18 says:
18 “No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.”
Jesus chose to die on the cross for the sake of the church. He did this so that He might sanctify Her (the church) and cleans her through the washing of water with the word. There are differing opinions about what the washing of water means. Some believe it to be literal, through baptism believers are washed clean spiritually. And others believe that washing with water is a figure of speech that means believers are washed clean spiritually by the word when you repent and believe.
Either way Jesus did it so that the church might be spotless and wrinkle free.
Here’s a little rabbit trail - have you ever seen a spotless wrinkle free shirt? One of the things that was a part of Army life was starch. Many soldiers would take their uniforms to the cleaners, they would be washed clean, starched and pressed. When they picked the uniform up it would be like a sheet of cardboard, stiff and hard. I wasn’t a starched and pressed kind of guy but I knew a lot of soldiers that were.
Any way the point of being spotless and wrinkle free is for the church to be holy and blameless. Dirty spots and wrinkles in the church don’t look good. It means there are unrepentant sinners in the church who aren’t wearing their wedding banquet clothes.
2. So Jesus gave Himself up for the church and this is how the husband ought to love his wife:
a. Now a days our word love is used for describing a feeling for just about everything. It is used equally between a spouse, a child, a cat or a slice of pizza. But in the Greek language this isn’t so.
There are eight different Greek words which may be translated into the English as Love. Each has a different meaning and describes a different type of love. Here they are:
1. Eros: A romantic, passionate love that’s often associated with a husband and wife’s feelings for each other. The word erotic comes from the Greek word eros.
2. Philia: A deep friendship between people who are close like siblings.
3. Storge: A familial love that’s protective, loyal, and selfless. It’s often felt between parents and children, siblings, or husbands and wives.
4. Agape: A descending, oblative love where one gives of oneself to another.
5. Ludus: A playful love.
6. Pragma: a longstanding love.
7. Philautia: A love of the self.
8. Mania: An obsessive love.
A couple of these words can be used to describe a different feeling of love between a husband and wife. However Paul used the word agape. He wanted to describe a type of love that the husband should have for his wife which is one of selflessness. The husband should be willing to give up everything for his wife. Including his life to protect her if necessary. This is the love Christ Jesus had for the Church, He willing laid down His life for the Church, just as a husband should be willing to do for his wife.
That leads us to a part of what this love should look like.
b. You should love your wife like you love your own body. Does anybody here hate your own body? Sometimes it sure seems like an awful lot of people hate their own body. Based on the stuff they put into it. Stuff that holds mastery over there bodies and their lives. Do you really love and cherish yourself if you don’t take care of your body? Can you love and cherish others if you can’t even love yourself?
What happens if you neglect your own body? For starters your health won’t be all that great and if you are a believer than you won’t be taking good care of God’s temple either. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says:
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
But if your not a believer than you are just neglecting yourself by neglecting your body.
Love yourself and love your wife.
c. In describing this love Paul uses two specific words about how the husband should love the wife. He should nourish and cherish his wife. So what does that mean?
to sustain (nourishment) v. — to provide with nourishment. What do you put in your body for nourishment? Healthy food or junk? If it is healthy food you are probably healthy if it’s junk well you might not be. So if you are to love your wife like you do your own body what do you feed your relationship? Violence, anger, bitterness or tenderness and affection? If you are going to nourish your marriage then you better feed it tenderness and affection. Otherwise you won’t get the results that are best for the long term.
Then you are to cherish ⇔ warm v. — to treat with tenderness and affection; conceived of as warming something up. So you are to cherish your wife. If the idea behind cherishing your wife is to warm her up then what are you doing about it? Do you provide words of encouragement and support or harsh words full of anger and bitterness. Are you kind and gentle or abusive and mean? This goes for both your words and your actions.
Proverbs 16:24 says:
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
So use pleasant words, use healing words, use words and actions that warm up your relationship and not cool it down.
The movie “Fireproof” is an example of cherishing your wife. The movie shows the change in how the husband loves his wife. The husbands small acts of kindness or cherishing lead to larger acts of kindness which lead to a change in the heart of the wife because of the change in the heart of the husband. Acts of cherishing come from a heart which is full of love.
The book “The Love Dare” is a part of the movie. It is the plan that the husband uses to change everything. If you need to change the way you love your wife or husband read it - and do it. Maybe that’s where the saying spice things up comes from?
Husbands, if you are to love your wife the way Christ loves the church you must remember that your wife is a part of your flesh.
c. Just as each of us is a part of the church and Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 12:27 says:
27 Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it.
All those who believe in Christ Jesus are a part of the church and the Church is Jesus’ body. So you are a part of the body of Jesus just as the wife is a part of the husband. You are not perfect and I am not perfect, never the less, Christ Jesus loves each and everyone of us and He died for us while we were still sinners. He still accepts you faults and all and allows you to be a part of His body.
So guess what gentlemen, your wives are a part of your body because you have been joined together as one flesh. As one flesh you need to accept and love your wives faults and all. She isn’t perfect, if you thought she was when you got married then try and remember that. Don’t stop loving her or love her less because you found out she is like everyone else - flawed. Love her anyway. Love her the way Christ loves the church. Love her so much that she will want to submit to you, wherever you believe God would have you go and in whatever He would have you do.
3. As Paul comes to the conclusion of his description of the husband and wife relationship he makes one last exhortation for the husband and wife.
a. The husband is to love his own wife. Paul told the church in Corinth: 1 Corinthians 7:2-3
2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
Immorality inside and outside of the marriage union is a major concern for the church. This is one of the reasons men and women are to have husbands and wives, to avoid immorality.
In the culture at the time monogamy wasn’t a big thing. A married man visiting other women wasn’t unexpected. So Paul reminding the husbands in the church to remain faithful and love only their wives would have made sense. Keep all of your love for your wife.
This same exhortation goes for all of you with wives. Give your love to your wife. Give her no reason to fear. There are many things and ways in the world that can draw you away from your beloved. Guard yourself, guard your heart.
And then comes one final exhortation.
b. Wives respect your Husband. These 12 verses about the husband and wife relationship begins with the wife being subject to the husband and ends with the wife respecting her husband. Every thing else in between has to do with the husband and how he is to love her.
So what’s the deal? Why doesn’t the wife have to love the husband? Perhaps this is contextual to the immediate culture. Women were not equal to men. Women didn’t have the same rights and were often sold into a marriage situation. The marriage starts out as a business arrangement. Pay the bride price and get yourself a wife. So for the wife love isn’t necessary. But the command within the culture is to submit and respect. Submitting is accepting the leadership of the husband. But what is respect?
The Greek word is phobeo — or to fear (reverence) — to regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of.
So basically there should be some reverence involved, a bit of healthy fear maybe. If the wife can’t respect the husband will she submit to him? The question is why fear the husband. Fear and submit because there will be a beating if she doesn’t or revere and submit because the husband loves her so much that she has no reason to fear.
And in respecting the husband she will treat him well. There will be no fighting, beating or abuse from the wife towards the husband. Don’t say it can’t happen ladies - once upon a time I was treated in that way.
Exit: So, the husband and wife relationship can be complicated. Although during the time of the writing of this letter the culture and marriage as a whole may have looked a bit different, but the principle is still the same today. The wife is to submit to and respect the husband and the husband is to love the wife. The love of the husband should be like the love of Christ Jesus for His church. This kind of love should overcome all of the wife's fears allowing her to freely submit to the husbands leading. If there is abuse, both physical and emotional or either one from the husband then the wife will not submit or respect the husband.
So what’s it going to be men? Are you going to love your wives the way Jesus loves the church or are you going to do something else? Something that drives her away?
And what’s it going to be for you ladies? Are you going to respect your husbands and submit to their leading treat them accordingly?
Just remember the command of Ephesians 5:21 -
21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
Submission can go both ways as long as the husband is the head of the marriage when there is no other choice.
Pray!
