30 Days of Community - Verse 5

Self Examination & change

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 CSB

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Last week we spoke about how love is patient and kind and how it is not looking our for its own but looking to see how it can be expressed in community. This week looking at verse 5 and how it backs that up by saying it is not rude and it is not self-seeking, it is not irritable or keeping records.

1 Corinthians 13:5 CSB

is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.

Rude, self-seeking or selfish, irritable, and list making require that other people be around. To be these things means there are others you are being that to. You are directing not love but frustration towards someone.

I think the two in the middle are identifiers that something is going on that needs to be brought to Jesus because if you are selfish then you can easily be rude and keep a record or wrongs. If you are easily irritable or easily offended then you will definitely be rude and keep a record of wrongs.

This morning I want us to press into these and it might be uncomfortable but that is ok. We should not shy away from uncomfortableness because we have holy discontent. We don’t want to settle for less than God’s best.

Galatians 6:7–8 CSB

Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a person sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.

There are times when we need to make a decision to do the hard work.

If we want to love like God, if we want to be changed, if we want to press into Jesus receiving His love and all that He has for us then sometimes it means we have to do the hard work of not just self-evaluation and self-reflection but make the changes that need to be made.

Self-Seeking

Selfishness is immaturity. It is one of the most basic and easily identifiable traits of an immature person.

To be clear we all have a level of selfishness. Generally, we would all prefer our own way. It is easiest for us if we can just get our own way. Life could be so simple if people would just do what I want. If everyone could just get on board and do things my way it would be better.

To not be self seeking means we have learned how to look at things from someone else’s perspective. We have learned that other people might have an idea better than mine. Other people might have a different way of doing things.

A sign of maturity is that we have learned the art of appreciation.

We often use appreciation to mean grateful and it does mean that but it also means sensitive awareness.

We can learn how to appreciate others points of views, thoughts, or desires. To be selfless is to be able to say at a minimum, I can see where you are coming from.

It also means we can see the gifts that others have.

Selfishness cannot do this. Selfishness cannot look beyond its own wants, desires, and thoughts. Selfishness is not just immaturity but it is also pride and arrogance. This is blindness that leads to more blindness.

To be mature in the Lord is to realize that you might not have all the answers. Someone else might have a better idea. But in community it also means someone else might have a different way of doing something and that’s ok.

At home maybe you load the dishwasher a certain way and someone else loads it a different way. As long as the dishes get cleaned who cares?

To remove and actively pursue removing selfishness from our lives also means we release control.

Selfishness is immaturity but it is also a control issue.

Letting go of control is hard because we like control and because control gives us the allusion of power and safety.

We like control. We like being in control. We like being in charge. We like to be the boss. Control helps us feel like we are in charge and we control not just the situation but the world around us.

Control makes us feel safe and secure but this is an illusion.

It can come on us in a moment where our illusion of control and safety and snatched from underneath us.

Jesus tells a story about a man who had many possessions. His barns were filled, he was content and felt like everything was ok, he felt in control and had things taken care of. He built bigger barns because why not. He was in control, he had everything he desired and wanted. Life was going a ok for him, but God said,

Luke 12:20 CSB

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life is demanded of you. And the things you have prepared—whose will they be?’

Selfishness comes from control and an overestimation of ourself.

Again, this is something we all struggle with to one degree or another. We all have overestimation bias. We all think we have more control that we do. We all have some area where we do not want to relinquish control. But here is the thing. If you are a Christian then either Jesus is Lord or you are. Either He is in control or you are.

The cure for selfishness rooted in a control issue is to change your perspective.

Matthew 6:33–34 CSB

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

If we are focused on seeking God’s kingdom then we are not focused on our own. If we are not focused on our own kingdom, then we are not selfish, if we are not selfish we are loving well.

The quickest way to remove selfishness and keep it at bay is make the kingdom of God your priority.

Irritable and Easily Offended

Of the two I think this one is the harder of the two to deal with. I have found that the thing that is most opposed to loving well, most opposed loving like Jesus, is being easily offended and it is to tied to being selfish. There are at least two reasons we are easily offended.

One is because we are selfish and when someone dares have a different opinion or disagree with us we are offended. For someone to not just blindly accept what we say as gospel truth offends us and we cannot let it go.

Don’t they know I am right, don’t they know who I am? Our selfishness makes us easily offended.

When we are easily offended we have a hard time letting things go. The offence eats away at us. We stew over it. This is not like self-reflection where we are trying to figure out if this is our flesh or if it is something we need to address. This is not a internal wrestling with letting it go or speaking up for ourself. This is just stewing and brooding over the offence.

Hebrews 12:14–15 CSB

Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness—without it no one will see the Lord. Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.

When we are easily offended we allow bitterness to grow and that needs to be pulled up by the root. We need to be ruthless when it comes to removing that. Nothing will destroy a relationship or community faster than bitterness.

I have been there and I promise you it can be painful to deal with but if you do not address bitterness and the cause you will be alone because no one wants to be around a bitter person.

To remove it we have to get not just what we see but the roots.

Offense from Open wounds and insecurities

The second major reason we can be easily offended is because we have open wounds we have not addressed. We can also call this operating from insecurities.

I have so much compassion in this area. I want to make sure I say that clearly because this is something that again to some degree or another we are all working on. So often we operate from insecurities.

We have open wounds, some we know about and some we are unaware of.

We have wounds that we know. We see them, we are aware of them. We know what caused them and we know we need to do something about but we don’t.

Then we have some wounds we are unaware of until someone else points it out or we just happen to notice. How many times has someone asked, where did you get that bruise? You are completely unaware you had a bruise.

Either way we cannot ignore them. We have to address our open wounds and insecurities.

Open wounds can lead to spiritual and emotional infections.

Our open wounds are easily aggitated.

Here is what happens. I am walking around with my open wounds that I am either aware of or unaware of and someone bumps me. I become offended because that hurt.

Did they mean to hurt me? Don’t know and don’t care. I am hurt so I blame them and lash out at them because they hurt me. But the only reason they hurt me is because I have an open wound. I have a sore that is exposed and my inability or refusal to deal with that causes me to be easily offended.

We have to address the open wound.

I know someone who has been carrying around the same offence, the same open wound of not feeling wanted for about 80 years. For 80 years he has felt unwanted and he has allowed it to touch every single area of his life. He has become selfish because he wants to protect the wound instead of healing it.

In the physcial we have this natural reaction when we are hurt where we guard the area. If I hurt my arm, I guard it. I protect it, I keep it close. Do we not think we do the same thing with our emotional and spiritual wounds?

If we have a fear of abandonment or being unwanted we guard that wound. Sometimes we keep people at a distance so they cannot hurt us. Sometime we become selfish. Sometimes we hurt them first. Sometimes we over compensate and become loud and want to be center of attention.

If we have a fear of not being good enough or that insecurity we get offended when people don’t like or want our opinions. Sometimes we feel the need to insert ourselves in situations that have nothing to do with us because we need to be validated. If someone criticizes us we get defensive and react.

If we have an open wound or insecurity of a lack of provision we protect that wound. We can become a hoarder. We can collect and keep everything around us because it reassures us we have enough. We can start to live with a scarcity mindset.

Whatever the open wound is the only way to love right in community is to address it. Sometimes that means the wound has to be scrubbed. But we have to address it.

That is why we reversed the order of service today. We want to have time to worship and spend time with Jesus asking Him to heal it. Maybe this means you need to forgive someone. Maybe it means you need to forgive yourself. Maybe it means you need to come to alter and lay it down. Whatever it means there is an opportunity before you today to deal with what is holding you back.

If you are thinking today, “Pastor Mike you don’t know what I have been through.” You are right I don’t know. And you don’t know what I have been through and we don’t know what someone else has been through. But you know what we do know? What Jesus said,

Matthew 11:30 CSB

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

If it is heavy then Jesus says we can exchange it for his yoke and burden.

I want us to all experience freedom. I want all of us to be examples to others of how we can cast off the bondage of selfishness and offence. I want us all to experience freedom so we can love well in community and offer hope to others.

Maybe you need to get baptized. Maybe you need to get in the water and be washed clean. Maybe you need to make a statement today to yourself and to the world that today I will be different. Today I will walk only with Jesus.

There is also the filling of the Holy Spirit where you ask Him to empty you of you and fill you with Him. If you need any of those today then do not wait.

Ephesians 5:18 CSB

And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit:

When we are drunk it changes the way we act this is why Paul compares it to the filling of the Holy Spirit. If we are full of the Holy Spirit we will act different.

2 Corinthians 6:2 CSB

For he says: At an acceptable time I listened to you, and in the day of salvation I helped you. See, now is the acceptable time; now is the day of salvation!

Today is the day of salvation. Not just salvation from sin, but salvation of having to live a way you don’t want too. Salvation from selfishness, open wounds, and insecurities. Today salvation is here!