Practicing Forgiveness- Practice Makes Perfect (a series on practical righteousness) #4; Build your Life #23

Intro: In an old cemetery not far from New York City, there is a gravestone with a one-word epitaph: forgiven. There’s no name, no date, just the word forgiven. Why, I wonder? Who’s buried there? What did they do? It could be any one of us, couldn’t it?

If we were to create two lines this morning and choose which one we would stand in; one line for those who don’t need forgiveness because we’ve never hurt anybody, wronged anyone, wounded somebody, and another for those who have, which line would you stand in? The line needing forgiveness would be out the door, the other would be empty.

Jesus taught us to pray “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). ILL: Do me a favor and clench your fist, hold it tight, keep holding it until you cut off all circulation, then let it go. That feeling of release, that’s what happens when we forgive. It is the release of a debt. They owe us, but we are going to let it go.

The need to both give, and receive forgiveness, is so important, that after Jesus teaches us how to pray, He goes back to forgiveness & says-Matthew 6:14–15, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Praying forgiveness is at the heart of the Lord’s Prayer. Practicing forgiveness is at the heart of the Lord’s People. Here’s why:

1. The BASIS of Forgiveness

When you look at the overall picture of these two verses, I think it is easy to make an interpretive mistake that our salvation is dependent on us forgiving others of the sins they commit against us- If you forgive them, God will forgive you. If you don’t forgive them, God will not forgive you. Sounds simple, right?

I think we get off track if we look at this teaching through the lens of our salvation. I don’t think it’s about that, i.e., this is not about our RELATIONSHIP to the Father, this is about FELLOWSHIP with the Father.

It’s more about our sanctification than our salvation, and our feelings of security about our salvation, & what we are basing our salvation on.

Notice, that in the context of the sermon, Jesus is dealing with His disciples about the Kingdom of God and He draws a contrast between His disciples and the scribes and pharisees.He said, “unless your righteousness exceeds theirs, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” Think about the most moral & religious people you know, that’s what the disciples of Jesus would have thought about the scribes & pharisees. Jesus was drawing a contrast between the two- the ones who keep the letter of the law externally but miss the spirit of it.Our righteousness does not come by keeping the law but by faith in Jesus.

Now, having received Christ’s righteousness by faith, then we begin living it out- practicing righteousness, giving, praying, fasting, etc. We’re not doing those things to be right with God, we practice those things because we are right with God- that includes forgiveness.

Notice, Jesus refers to God as “your Father” in both vs. 14 & vs. 15, in both the verse that says, “He will forgive you” and the one that says, “He will not forgive you.” How do you explain the conditional difference between those two realities while keeping the relationship the same?

IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS NOT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FATHER, IT’S ABOUT OUR FELLOWSHIP WITH THE FATHER.

Our relationship with the Father is not dependent on either our ABILITY to forgive or our OBEDIENCE to forgive, it’s based on the ability and obedience of Jesus Christ. E.g., When I tell my children to do something they are incapable of doing, they don’t cease to be my children. When I tell my children to do something which they disobey, they don’t cease to be my children. It might strain our relationship, but the relationship persists, because it’s not dependent upon them.

God is not our Father because we forgive others, we forgive others because God is our Father. Matthew Henry- He that relents toward his brother, thereby shows that he repents toward his God.

Ephesians 4:32, And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. The basis of our forgiveness isn’t conditional, it’s relational, because God is our Father.

We practice forgiveness on the basis that we have been forgiven.

2. The BOUNDARIES of Forgiveness Not why, but what.

What are we forgiving people of? Trespass- sin, a false step. In Matt 6:12, sin was like a debt, something owed (e.g., injury settlement).

Luke’s version of the Lord’s prayer, Luke 11:4, And forgive us our sins, For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us,incorporates both ideas of sin (missing the mark) & debt(something that is owed).

Trespass is similar to missing the mark, but consciously doing so. It has the idea of willful transgression, a conscious stepping aside or across, i.e., stepping over a line that you know is there, but you don’t care…

ILL: No Trespassing Signs on my family’s homeland; & every once in a while, you would find someone sneaking through the woods who knew they shouldn’t be there. ILL: In my deer lease days, when we were getting ready for the hunting season, we would ride around the perimeter of the lease, slapping purple paint on trees to identify the boundaries. We all have no trespassing signs in our lives, we’ve all got purple paint slapped on our hearts. There are just certain lines that people shouldn’t cross. They know it, & we know it.

We have lines in our lives that people shouldn’t cross, barriers in our hearts that people shouldn’t break down, when they do so, they have trespassed against us. Where is that line for you? What is that thing they’ve done against you so badly they cannot be forgiven? E.g., Jesus- Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

But what if they do know? How many times can they hurt you until you will forgive them no more? When Peter asked Jesus that question- Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven (Matt 18:21-22). Let’s do the math.

The number 7 represents the number of totality, or completeness. So, we can get in Peter’s mind here right- if I forgive them 7 times, then I’ve done all I can do, I don’t have to forgive more than that. Jesus told him no, 70 x 7= 490, an unlimited amount of forgiveness.

Luke 17:4, And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”

Colossians 3:13, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. There is an unlimited amount of forgiveness for us, & there should be an unlimited amount of forgiveness from us.

People are going to cross the line with us, just as we have with God. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Someone will step over the line, they will step on us, & we will have to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t conditional, nor is it optional. It’s based on our relationship with the Father, and there are no barriers to how often, how much, or how sorry they are. It’s not conditional, it’s not optional, but it is beneficial.

3. The BENEFITS of Forgiveness.

ILL: I had a brief stint as a community service provider teaching an evidenced based curriculum to at risk youth. One of the things we wanted them to learn was how to be a well-rounded person in 4 areas- their physical, intellectual, emotional, & social self. I called it PIES.

Did you know that forgiveness has health benefits in these 4 areas? A Mayo Clinic article- Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness

- Physical benefits- lower blood pressure, improved heart health, a stronger immune system

- Intellectual benefits- improved mental health, fewer symptoms of depression

- Emotional- improved self-esteem; less anxiety, stress, & hostility

- Social benefits- healthier relationships

One of the reasons I left that job was because I couldn’t talk about the heart of the real problem, which is SPIRITUAL. There are wonderful well-rounded benefits of being a forgiving person, but the most important is that if we forgive others, God will forgive us.

We can apply 1 John 1:6–9, If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The basis of our relationship with God is Jesus Christ, but the basis of our fellowship with Him is forgiveness.The forgiveness we give & the forgiveness we receive. Psalm 66:18, If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear.

OK, I hear all that, I understand it, but aren’t there some things that are just so BIG that they cannot be forgiven? Maybe you’ve heard the story of the employee who robbed his boss of a fortune, I mean more money than you could spend in 150 lifetimes, it was an insurmountable debt. So, of course the boss wants him prosecuted to the fullest extent, it was going to cost this guy everything- his wife, kids, house, freedom, etc. He begged the owner for patience to pay him back & received compassion; he was released & the debt forgiven.

But the same employee turned right out of the courtroom & saw another employee that owed him some money, a paltry sum in comparison, just a few hundred dollars; the unforgiving employee slammed him up against the wall, grabbed him by the throat, & demanded payment. When his peer asked for patience to pay him back, he refused & had him prosecuted & imprisoned for nonpayment.

When Jesus told that story of the Unforgiving Servant, the King said ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him (Matt 18:32-34).

Is there something so big that it cannot be forgiven? C.S. Lewis- we must forgive the inexcusable, for God has forgiven the inexcusable in us.

OK, so we have to forgive even the big things, but what if they don’t ask for forgiveness, or even know they have offended us? Mark 11:25, And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Jesus says they don’t have to know about the hurt, or even acknowledge it, if you know about it, God knows about it. You forgive.

The greatest benefit of giving forgiveness to others is receiving forgiveness from God and continuing in fellowship with Him.