Fathers and Children

Ephesians 6:1-4

Ephesians 6:1–4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Intro and Context

Good morning, family. Before we dive into today’s text, let’s take a moment to recall the context. Toward the end of Chapter 5, Paul teaches that one of the fruits of the Spirit is submission within the Christian community. He then provides specific examples of what this looks like in Christian households. At the end of Chapter 5, he addresses husbands and wives. Today, he focuses on parents and children, and next week, we will look at slaves and masters. Remember, in those days, slaves and servants were considered members of the household.

Paul writes in this way intentionally, as the upside-down kingdom of Jesus Christ presents a stark contrast in how headship and authority operate. Paul does not advocate for completely discarding the cultural model of his time but rather seeks to redeem it, showing what it should look like in the kingdom of God. In the ancient Greco-Roman culture, husbands held the highest status, and the heads of households wielded considerable authority and power. Wives, children, and servants were often treated as less valuable and even viewed as property. There was a Roman law called patria potestas, which granted a father the legal right to severely discipline, sell, or even execute a child if he chose. Needless to say, men—husbands and fathers—often exercised their authority harshly, lording it over their subordinates without compassion or care.

When Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives, it might seem obvious to us today, but for Paul’s audience, this was a dramatic paradigm shift and a profound charge. It was equally revolutionary when Paul called fathers to care for their children and masters to care for their slaves. This was a call for a complete transformation—a radical 180 from the cultural norms of the time.

Children

For this week’s text, I suggest that Paul is not writing broadly about all parenting but is specifically addressing Christian families. In the passage that is often understood as a general instruction on parenting, Paul doesn’t begin by speaking to parents; rather, he explicitly addresses children directly, not as a message for parents to pass on later. Paul is speaking to the children themselves. This implies that the children he addresses are both old enough to be present with the community and attentive during the reading of the letter.

Furthermore, earlier parts of the letter make it clear that it provides instruction specifically for Christians and discusses the outcome of being filled with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, these children would need to be mature enough to be considered Spirit-filled believers and active members of the Christian community. While my study did not reveal a definitive minimum age for this category, it seems unlikely that Paul is referring to children younger than seven years old.

Although the text does not explicitly state this, when considering the immediate textual and cultural context, the gospel, and Paul’s heart, here’s how I might paraphrase verse 1: "Hey little buddy, I know you’re filled with the Holy Spirit, and I know God is transforming you, making you one with Christ. This is exciting, but remember, in your station, you’re still under your parents. You need to respect them, listen to them, and learn from them—this is good and right! And by the way, you don’t have to be afraid of your dad anymore; he follows Jesus now, and everything is different. Be gracious and patient with him as he is being changed, and submit to his teaching."

Just as we saw in last week’s passage where Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands, he does not instruct the husbands to enforce or coerce submission. Similarly, with these more mature, Christian children, Paul encourages them to submit willingly.

I would also suggest that Paul is, once again, teaching a principle rooted in natural law or predictable outcomes. Children who are old enough to understand morality are instructed to obey their parents “in the Lord” because it is the right thing to do. Paul implies that this obedience predictably leads to a long, productive, and good life. This was the first commandment with a promise, but it was not the last. Many scriptures follow this pattern, offering a command and then detailing the expected outcome or blessing that follows obedience. Here are a few for us to consider:

Deuteronomy 5:33

Command: "Walk in obedience to all that the LORD your God has commanded you."

Benefit: "so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess."

Psalm 1:1-3

Command: "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers."

Benefit: "That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers."

Proverbs 3:9-10

Command: "Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops."

Benefit: "Then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine."

Philippians 4:6-7

Command: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Benefit: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

1 John 1:9

Command: "If we confess our sins."

Benefit: "He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

If you’re a drunkard, you can expect to live a reckless life. If you’re filled with the Spirit, you can expect to exhibit its fruits. In the same way, children, if you obey your parents, you can expect to benefit from it.

Fathers/Parents

Last week, I suggested that while men and women, husbands and wives, are of equal value in God’s eyes, they were created to fulfill distinct roles. These roles complement each other in a way that more fully reflects the image of God. Neither man nor woman can fully image God alone, but when united as one, they together mirror God’s image. During our discussion, it was mentioned—and I affirmed—that as the "head," the husband bears the unique responsibility for decisions and their outcomes. Even when a decision is delegated, the husband remains accountable for its result.

In today’s passage, while both mothers and fathers share the responsibility of raising children, it is the father who is primarily responsible for setting the vision and culture for the household’s training. This is why Paul addresses fathers specifically. Paul instructs them: “Don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This verse is often cited as support for punitive actions like spanking or grounding. I’m not prescribing specific methods, and I suggest that Paul isn’t either. Rather, Paul provides a framework for gospel-informed parenting that focuses on motives and heart-level intentions. Consider the Greek word translated as either “training” or “discipline” includes a range of meanings, such as “tutoring,” “education,” “correction,” “chastening,” “chastisement,” “instruction,” and “nurture.”

Last week, we also explored Paul’s call for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. We examined how Jesus loved the church, noting that husbands are not called to rule tyrannically or exercise authority in a coercive or domineering way. Instead, they are called to demonstrate humility, attend to the needs of others, and offer themselves sacrificially for their good. The love of Jesus is warm, relational, and compassionate, and husbands and fathers are to embody these same qualities.

The way of Jesus—the way of husbands—should also be the way of fathers. When fathers train their children in holiness and righteousness, which is the instruction of the Lord, their demeanor should be meek, patient, and gracious.

In summary, I suggest that Paul is simply instructing fathers to follow Jesus and teach their children the way of Jesus.

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, while Paul speaks directly to children and fathers in this passage, the call to follow Jesus and live for the good of others extends to the entire church community. Let’s pray that we become a community that models the love, patience, and grace of Christ in every household, building a family that serves as a powerful testimony to God’s goodness.

As we go forward this week, may we intentionally live out Paul’s vision for transformed, grace-filled households, trusting that as we obey God’s commands, His promises will unfold in our lives. Amen.