Harsh Communications

Intro / Recap

Communication is: To make known, to show by word or deed, to impart to another, to reveal

Several forms of communication:

Verbal communication (the words we say… how we say it… when we say it…)

Non-verbal communication (what we say without words… body language, posture, facial expressions)

Written communication (letters, email, text)

Visual communication (video, photo, drawing, illustrations, animation)

What you say communicates

2. What you don’t say communicates

3. What you do communicates

4. What you don’t do communicates

1. God Communicated in Creation

What we didn’t get to last week:

2. God Communicates to Mankind

Think of the ways God spoke in the Bible:

a.) He spoke and the world was created (He created mankind)

b.) He verbally warned Noah of a flood that would destroy the earth (He preserved mankind)

c.) He called Moses from a burning bush (He sent mankind)

d.) He gave the 10 commandments (He instructed mankind)

e.) He spoke from Heaven and said, “This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.” (He admonished mankind)

f.) He spoke / converted Saul (He Reconciled mankind)

g.) He spoke to Job out of a whirlwind (He Reproves mankind)

God also communicated by:

a.) A pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire

b.) Signs and miracles

John 2:11 (KJV 1900)

11 This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

c.) Visions and dreams

d.) Prophets

e.) Angels

e.) A Whale to Jonah

f.) A donkey…

Here’s what I’m saying: You CANNOT say God did not go to great lengths to communicate with mankind

To the study for this evening

Harsh communications directly and forcefully communicate…

Harsh communications bypass thought, feelings and testimony for submission to my self-fulfilling desires.

Often times harsh communication is not easily retracted once said…

Typically it closes the spirit of the receiver immediately with little success to open back up…

(It is like a cliff that once you go over, it’s hard to climb back up)

You can be forgiven, yet trusted from a communication standpoint is different…

The waitress may forgive me, but she will still be slow to listen to what I have to say…

1. We may communicate harshly out of anger and frustration

Numbers 20:7–12 (KJV 1900)

7 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, 8 Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly together, thou, and Aaron thy brother, and speak ye unto the rock before their eyes; and it shall give forth his water, and thou shalt bring forth to them water out of the rock: so thou shalt give the congregation and their beasts drink. 9 And Moses took the rod from before the Lord, as he commanded him. 10 And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock, and he said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock? 11 And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also. 12 And the Lord spake unto Moses and Aaron, Because ye believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them.

Anger that we don’t have something…

Irritation how someone communicates to us…

Sometimes our boiling points are so low…

It takes very little to set us off and cause us to explode on someone…

Notice the destructive nature of communicating harshly… Because of this, Moses was not allowed into the promised land

2. We may communicate harshly out of fear

Matthew 26:69–75 (KJV 1900)

69 Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee. 70 But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest. 71 And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth. 72 And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man. 73 And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee. 74 Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew. 75 And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

Fear causes us to lose control of our senses…

We react like a wounded animal sometimes… out of survival we lash out on those around us trying to help us because of fear…

When we lash out in anger, it is our way of taking an inch of control back when we feel like we have no control…

In reality it just digs a deeper hole and causes unnecessary hurts to those around us…

3. We may communicate harshly out of response to grief

Job 2:9–10 (KJV 1900)

9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. 10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

It brings the “what’s the point” spirit…

How I speak to you… what I say… it doesn’t matter anymore anyway…

4. We may communicate harshly out of jealousy and instability

1 Samuel 20:30–34 (KJV 1900)

30 Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness? 31 For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die. 32 And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said unto him, Wherefore shall he be slain? what hath he done? 33 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David. 34 So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did eat no meat the second day of the month: for he was grieved for David, because his father had done him shame.

Saul broke fellowship with his son over his jealousy and instability (and quite honestly pride)…

He was willing to allow his emotions to be so out of control that it caused he and his son to be at odds with each other…

Have you ever been there? You allow your emotions to build up so much inside of you that you allow that to control you and your spirit? Then it breaks fellowship with someone because of what you allowed to build up inside blew up on the outside…

5. We may communicate harshly out of irritation, pain, helplessness and humiliation

Numbers 22:22–35 (KJV 1900)

22 And God’s anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the Lord stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him. 23 And the ass saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way. 24 But the angel of the Lord stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side. 25 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall: and he smote her again. 26 And the angel of the Lord went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left. 27 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. 28 And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? 29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. 30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay. 31 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face. 32 And the angel of the Lord said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because thy way is perverse before me: 33 And the ass saw me, and turned from me these three times: unless she had turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive. 34 And Balaam said unto the angel of the Lord, I have sinned; for I knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me: now therefore, if it displease thee, I will get me back again. 35 And the angel of the Lord said unto Balaam, Go with the men: but only the word that I shall speak unto thee, that thou shalt speak. So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.

6. We may communicate harshly out of discouragement when things don’t go your way

Exodus 15:22–24 (KJV 1900)

22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water. 23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah. 24 And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?

Exodus 16:2–3 (KJV 1900)

2 And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: 3 And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.

Exodus 17:2–3 (KJV 1900)

2 Wherefore the people did chide with Moses, and said, Give us water that we may drink. And Moses said unto them, Why chide ye with me? wherefore do ye tempt the Lord? 3 And the people thirsted there for water; and the people murmured against Moses, and said, Wherefore is this that thou hast brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst?

Numbers 14:1–4 (KJV 1900)

1 And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. 2 And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness! 3 And wherefore hath the Lord brought us unto this land, to fall by the sword, that our wives and our children should be a prey? were it not better for us to return into Egypt? 4 And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt.

Conclusion:

Proverbs 15:1 (KJV 1900)

1 A soft answer turneth away wrath:

But grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 12:18 (KJV 1900)

18 There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword:

But the tongue of the wise is health.

Proverbs 29:11 (KJV 1900)

11 A fool uttereth all his mind:

But a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Proverbs 18:21 (KJV 1900)

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue:

And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Ephesians 4:29 (KJV 1900)

29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:31 (KJV 1900)

31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Colossians 4:6 (KJV 1900)

6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.