You Can't Keep Running: The Dangers of Avoidant Behavior
Notes
Transcript
Protocol
Attention Grabber: We put on headphones to block out things we don’t want to hear
Qualifying statement:
We are continuing our series on conflict resolution, and today, we're diving deep into a pattern that plagues many families: avoidance. We're going to explore how this behavior is passed down through generations and how it takes someone courageous to break the cycle finally.
Text: Isaiah 9:6
Isaiah 9:6 (KJV 1900)
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given:
And the government shall be upon his shoulder:
And his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God,
The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
Prayer
Thesis: You Can’t Keep Running
When we walk about the dangers of avoidant behavior
These are behaviors coping mechanisms characterized by the tendency to avoid or escape from potentially stressful or uncomfortable situations, thoughts, or emotions.
the first thing we need to understand is that we cannot be
Body 1: Blinded by the Familiar.
We must be able to identify familiar spirits.
Our ancestors, the Israelites, often found themselves in trouble because they refused to see their faults.
Genesis
Adam and Eve hide from God after disobeying Him. (Genesis 3:8-10)
Cain denies responsibility for killing Abel. (Genesis 4:9)
The people of Earth become increasingly wicked before the flood. (Genesis 6:5-7)
Exodus
The Israelites repeatedly complain and doubt God's provision in the wilderness. (Exodus 16, 17)
They build and worship the golden calf while Moses is on Mount Sinai. (Exodus 32)
Leviticus & Numbers
The people grumble against Moses and Aaron, leading to a plague. (Numbers 16)
They refuse to enter the Promised Land due to fear and lack of faith. (Numbers 14)
Deuteronomy
Moses warns the people of their tendency to turn away from God and worship idols. (Deuteronomy 4:25-28, 8:19-20)
Judges
The Israelites repeatedly fall into a cycle of sin, oppression, repentance, and deliverance. (Judges 2:11-23)
How many things have you gone back to because you avoid what make you detour in the first place
1 & 2 Samuel
King Saul disobeys God's instructions and offers a sacrifice himself. (1 Samuel 13:8-14)
He later tries to kill David out of jealousy and insecurity. (1 Samuel 18-26)
1 & 2 Kings
Solomon allows idolatry to flourish in Israel due to his foreign wives. (1 Kings 11:1-13)
The kingdom divides, and both Israel and Judah engage in widespread idolatry and social injustice. (1 Kings 12 - 2 Kings 25)
Throughout Israel’s history they have a consistent pattern of being stuck in the cycle of failing to take responsibility for their sins.
Sound familiar?
We do the same thing today.
We walk around with blinders on
failing to realize that we operate in this same spirit of avoidance as Israel.
We walk around as what we do in sin has no stench to it in the nostrils of God.
Come here Andre 3000, testify from roses album
I know you'd like to think your shit don't stank, but
Lean a little bit closer, see
Roses really smell like boo-boo-ooh
Ever notice how you reorganize your desk when facing a looming deadline?
That sudden urge to alphabetize your spice rack isn't about cleanliness—it's avoidance in disguise.
We're masters at creating busy work to dodge the real tasks at hand.
Think about the last time you were in a crowded elevator.
Did you pull out your phone, even though you had no notifications? That's avoidance.
We'd rather stare at a blank screen than risk making eye contact or small talk with strangers.
Or consider how we treat our cars.
That check engine light has been on for weeks, but you've convinced yourself it's probably nothing.
You turn up the radio a little louder, as if the music can drown out the potential problem under the hood.
Have you ever found yourself lost in a Wikipedia rabbit hole at 2 AM?
You started with a simple query and now you're reading about the mating habits of sea slugs.
It's not insomnia—it's your brain avoiding something that's been bothering you.
Then there's the "I'll just watch one more episode" syndrome.
We know we should sleep, but we keep Netflix rolling.
It's not about the cliffhanger; it's about avoiding the thoughts that creep in when everything goes quiet.
Because you refuse to deal with the solitude of self
being alone is agonizing to those who cannot handle who they are without company
Even our shopping habits can be a form of avoidance.
That cart full of self-help books? It feels productive, but it's often a way to avoid actually confronting our issues.
Because buying buying the book feels like progress, even if we never crack the spine.
These subtle avoidances are everywhere once we start looking.
They're in the way we curate our social media feeds to avoid challenging viewpoints, or how we always seem to remember urgent errands when it's time to exercise.
Thesis: You Can’t Keep Running
But here's the thing: avoiding our problems is like ignoring a leaky roof.
Sure, you might stay dry for a while, but eventually, the whole ceiling comes crashing down.
Marriages that seemed picture-perfect on Facebook suddenly end in divorce.
Kids who grew up in homes full of unspoken tension struggle with trust in their own relationships.
We find ourselves stuck in dead-end jobs because we never had the courage to ask for that promotion or pursue our true passions.
The stress of it all shows up in our bodies - those tension headaches, that persistent backache, the weight we can't seem to lose.
We think we're protecting ourselves, but in reality, we're just setting ourselves up for a bigger fall down the line.
Thesis: You Can’t Keep Running
We all know the song by the late Rev. Timothy Wright
You've been running and running
Running for a long time
Your time is winding up
You better make up your mind
It's getting late in the evening
The sun is going down
You better get right get right
While he may be found
The time to act is now.
So yes we need to be aware the blind spots that avoidance creates
Transition: Here’s what you need to know, your avoidance is learned.
Body 2: The Legacy of Avoidance
Avoidance in your family is like a bad habit passed down through generations.
Imagine you as a child watching your parents dodge tough topics, speaking in whispers about certain things.
Without being told, you learn that some subjects are off-limits.
As you grow up, you see how your parents sidestep issues.
Your mom might change the subject when money comes up, or your dad might retreat to his garage when emotions run high.
You soak up these behaviors, learning that it's best to avoid discomfort.
This avoidance shows up in many ways in your family: gatherings with missing relatives, photo albums that only show happy moments, and siblings who text instead of call to avoid real talks.
Secrets become like shadows in your home, always there but never discussed.
Unhealthy communication becomes your family's normal way of interacting.
You master the art of changing subjects, finding excuses to leave when things get tense, or pretending not to hear difficult questions.
This behavior feels natural and is passed on to the next generation.
At first, avoiding problems might feel comforting to you. It lets you hide your pain behind fake smiles and distractions.
But over time, it's like a slow poison, eating away at your emotional health.
You might run from conflict because of past hurts: a parent missing an important event, someone you love leaving you, or traumatic experiences that left deep scars.
These memories shape how you act, often without you realizing it.
But your pain doesn't just go away when ignored. It's like a persistent debt collector - the more you ignore it, the louder it gets.
If you keep avoiding it, it grows bigger, affecting every part of your life.
Each unaddressed hurt adds to the weight you carry.
Each unspoken word builds up inside you.
Eventually, it becomes too much.
When you can no longer hold it in, all that buried pain comes flooding out, overwhelming you.
Transition: Ostrich Effect Myth:
Have you ever heard of the phrase “stop burying your head in the sand?”
This labeling of avoidance behavior comes from the idea that Ostriches bury their heads in the the sand to hide from predators.
This is a myth.
Ostriches typically have thier heads up high, but with the threat of danger, they engage in a tactic called head down, head forward…. It does this to asses it’s surroundings more carefully.
Sometimes, we have to change our vantage point to move forward!!
Close:
Isaiah's prophecy about a child puzzled me.
Why would God use a child as the representation for change?
The concept of a child rectifying the wrongs of the family is deeply rooted in Jewish thought
This concept, known as "tikkun olam" (repairing the world)
It encourages children to learn from their ancestors' mistakes, make amends for past wrongs.
It emphasizes the responsibility of each individual to act in ways that improve and perfect the world.
This idea reflects a divine pattern where God strategically raises up individuals to bring about change and healing to their lineage and, by extension, to the world.
Throughout biblical history, we see this pattern unfold:
Abraham: Born into a family of idolaters, Abraham's bold rejection of polytheism and embrace of monotheism marked a radical departure from his father Terah's ways.
His courage to question the status quo and seek a higher truth set the foundation for a new spiritual lineage.
Isaac: Though his father Abraham had moments of doubt and made mistakes, Isaac's unwavering faith, especially during the binding (Akedah), demonstrated a deepening of trust in God's promises.
Jacob: Despite his initial deception, Jacob's transformation through trials and his wrestling with God (becoming Israel) showcased a spiritual maturation that surpassed his forebears.
Joseph: Rising above the betrayal by his brothers, Joseph's forgiveness and wisdom in Egypt not only saved his family but became a turning point in the formation of the Israelite nation.
Moses: Raised in Pharaoh's house, Moses chose to align with his oppressed people, becoming the liberator and lawgiver who shaped the identity of an entire nation.
David: The youngest son, overlooked by his family, became the greatest king of Israel, establishing a royal lineage from which the Messiah would come.
After researching this it became clear that there are some qualities children possess that the more likely to be bolder than the generation before them.
The characteristics that make children more likely to be bold agents of change include:
Innocence: Unencumbered by cynicism, children often see possibilities where adults see obstacles.
Curiosity: Their natural inclination to question and explore can lead to revolutionary insights.
Adaptability: Children are more open to new ideas and change, making them ideal vessels for divine inspiration.
Courage: Often unaware of societal constraints, children can exhibit remarkable bravery in challenging norms.
Faith: Children typically possess a pure, unquestioning faith that allows them to believe in the impossible.
In raising up a "seed" for transformation, God often chooses the unlikely, the overlooked, or the young - those whose hearts are malleable and whose spirits are willing to be shaped for a greater purpose.
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Isaiah is simply saying that this curse won’t last forever
There will be a child
I got one question
Are you going to be that child
That faces generational dysfunction in your family
Are you going ti be that child that stops running
Are you going to be that child who stops deflecting with humor when faced with serious discussions?
Are you going to be that child who stops becoming "unavailable" when important conversations arise?
Are you going to be that child who stops changing topics abruptly to avoid addressing uncomfortable issues?
Are you going to be that child who stops immersing themselves in work to escape personal challenges?
Are you going to be that child who stops habitually responding with "I'm okay" even when they're clearly not?
But what do you do when
You gt tired
You’ve been trying to face this mountain
You’ve been trying to deal with this problem
God he sees your struggle
He’s sees you trying to overcome these bad habits
he knows that you’ve been struggling
He told me tell you
You can’t keep running
at some point
You’ve got to sop and stand still
I hear you david
David said
Be still, and know that I am God:
I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
I hear you Moses
And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
God won’t let this struggle last too long
But you will see things turn around
You’re see something better
Isaiah prophesies that better shall come
It’s not a maybe
and it’s not a might
Isaiah 9:6 (KJV 1900)
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given:
And the government shall be upon his shoulder:
And his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God,
The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of a dry ground:
He hath no form nor comeliness;
And when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
He's going to handle broken relationships
He's going to handle inner turmoil
He's going to handle social injustice
He's going to handle spiritual emptiness
He's going to handle moral decay
He's going to handle commitment issues
Somebody might say we’ll if Jesus is going to fix why should I face it
Why not you
He saved you to be that child
Your experience has qualified you to be that child
How do you know that I am that seed
1 Peter 2:9 - "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:"
It’s your job to be the seed that declares his coming
God wants you to be that seed
to break the cycle
break the generational curse
You don’t have follow that same trodden path
God is raising up generation to declare change
Shake your neighbor say neighbor
You Can’t Keep Running