Preparing Your Children For The Gospel

Hebrews 12:9–10 ESV

9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.

…That’s why the way you discipline your child may impact his eternity…

The way we discipline our child will either help them see themselves truly and the benefit of obedience and righteousness, OR it will contribute to the lie that their hearts are already telling them (that they are enough unto themselves) and also contribute to further their rebellion against God.

We have been given this monumental task in shepherding our children.

And our success is shepherding our children will depending largely on whether or not we’re willing to use the rod (staff)

Chap Bettis says this…

Your son or daughter, that beautiful bundle of joy that you held in your hands at birth, is made in God’s image and precious to God. At the same time, this beautiful little child has a heart that is sinful, bent away from God. He is on a trajectory of death, wanting to go his own way. He does not want anyone to rule him - not you, not his teachers, and certainly not God. Left along to his own way, he will disgrace you (Prov. 29:15).

Proverbs 29:15 ESV

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Our children need a regenerated heart. They need to be resurrected from death. An action that only God can do.

But, something that we’re going to propose tonight, is that to set them up for that time of regeneration… God calls us as parents to allow discipline to be the means by which He will use to save their soul from the trajectory of hell.

Proverbs 23:13–14 ESV

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

DISCIPLE-MAKING PARENTS DISCIPLINE THEIR CHILDREN WITH ETERNITY IN MIND.

Training to Disobey God?

As parents, we have real, God given authority. Our authority is a delegation of God’s authority.

The 5th commandment…

Exodus 20:12 ESV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

We literally in a sense… stand in the place of God in the sense that, To disobey us, is to disobey God.

If we are not correcting their disobedience and if we look lightly upon it, then we are in fact training them to disobey us.

If by our neglect in this, we are training them to disobey us, then we are actually training our children to develop a character that will disobey God later.

You must not wonder that men refuse to obey their Father which is in heaven, if you allow them, when children, to disobey their father who is upon earth. J.C. Ryle

Psalm 119:32 ESV

32 I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!

This is the goal! We want our children to arrive to this place… where they themselves run in the way of God’s commandments.

SO… that means that our discipline is NOT FOR US TO HAVE THIS PEACE, QUIET, CALM IN THE HOUSE.

DISCIPLINE IS NOT FOR THEM TO BE WELL BEHAVED LITTLE CREATIONS…

DISCIPLINE IS so that they will later down the line say YES to God.

This is the goal.

If we let them ignore and disobey authority, we mustn’t be surprised when they are adults, and they show this life and complete disregard for their authority later.

Matthew 28:19–20 (ESV)

19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe (OBEY) all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Jesus commanded this.

Show figure 1 from Chapter.

Figure one helps us understand how young children learn to relate to God by relating to us. When they are young, they are developing habits of relating to authority, their friends, and their toys. When they are older, those habits will influence how they interact with authorities, future friends, church members, and spouses. (Dr. Harold Burchett)

Misrepresenting God: Too Little Correction?

There is no avoiding the cultural understanding amongst some young families who who refuse to tell their children no.

It’s this thought progression of… if I can just be my child’s friend… maybe I can talk them into obeying.

Maybe I can friend them into being a good kid coming at it from that perspective.

Or… I don’t want to discipline them in fear of my child hating me, rejecting me, not wanting to talk to me when they are older because of all the “trauma” I have put them through (FEAR OF MAN THOUGHT)

The problem with this way of thinking is that it is grounded in a wrong view of God, authority, and discipline.

Our heavenly Father, who loves His children, also disciplines them.

Hebrews 12:7–11 CSB

7 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

God provides boundaries for us (HIs Children), because He loves us and knows what is best for us.

He has given us commands to obey, and He expects them to be obeyed. He knows that we can’t on this side of glory, but the expectation is still there.

For Christians, the fear of God and the Love of God are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. BOTH ARE COMMANDED.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.

Matthew 22:36-37 (ESV)

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Leviticus 19:2 ESV

2 “Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.

1 Peter 1:15–16 ESV

15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

(Just for reference)

2 Timothy 1:9–10 ESV

9 who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, 10 and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,

Similarly, as parents we are to say “I LOVE YOU” and “NO, you can’t have it your own way” at the same time.

The parent wanting to be buddy with their young child is misrepresenting God.

It is actually… showing our children that we love them by showing them discipline in their lives. Just as Hebrews and King Solomon in verse 5 refer to.

Hebrews 12:5–6 (ESV)

5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

Exalting Jesus in Hebrews The Place of the Lord’s Discipline

When Solomon writes to his own son, whom he disciplined, he essentially says, “You should take the Lord’s discipline as the sign of how much he loves you, in the same way that I discipline you because I love you.” The writer of Hebrews assumes that discipline is an act of love by the righteous parent who understands his child’s need.

A Wrong View of Discipline?

Many Christian parents have a wrong view of discipline.

GOSPEL DISCIPLINE:

rescues out children from their natural self-centeredness.

Is a means of facing a soul toward God. (Which means the lack of discipline is the act of facing our children away from God)

It’s a positive corrective to walk right with God.

Jesus says to the church in Laodicea in…

Revelation 3:19 (ESV)

19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

So, to discipline our children is an act of love.

To not discipline them actually means that we hate them.

Proverbs 13:24 (ESV)

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

As far as particular methods of this, one book to look up is called Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

Discipline now as they are children, is inflicting a little pain along the way now so that they will avoid a larger pain when they are young adults.

One of our goals in this is FRUITFULNESS LATER.

Fruitfulness Later

THERE WILL BE ROUGH TIMES.

THERE WILL BE TURBULANCE.

Rightly training them now to submit to authority or face painful consequences as children, we are training them to submit to authority as adults.

As we do this… we must realize that Teenage rebellion is not a natural part of growing up. It’s a natural part of sin nature maturing.

AND SO… this demand for obedience must be contextualized by age.

WHEN CHILDREN ARE YOUNG: DEMAND FOR OBEDIENCE SHOULD BE ABSOLUTE.

AS STHEY GROW OLDER: Obedience becomes less of an absolute thing but morphs into being a less pronounced objective, and becomes more of a suggestive, persuasive advice.

They need to learn less from parental consequences and more from logical, real-world consequences.

HONOR… though is never graduated by age. HONOR should always be expected as the 5th commandment. (notice how it’s the bridge from the vertical commandments to the horizontal commandments. )

Because in HONORING US… they HONOR GOD.

Tenderness & Affection while not Misrepresenting God with too much correction

We are called to be the shepherd WITH THE ROD of our children. YES.

We are called to discipline our children. YES.

We are called to call our children to OBEY and HONOR us and GOD. YES.

BUT, here’s a reminder that some of us may need.

Let us not forget to provide balance.

Psalm 127:3 ESV

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

We receive these children as gifts from the Lord.

We receive them as a sanctifying tool from the Lord.

This section on discipline must be balanced with a right understanding of our children needing to understand our affection for their hearts.

If this isn’t done, all the correction int he world will only give them a wrong view of God as a oppressive tyrant instead of our loving Lord and King.

THIS ONLY LEADS TO FURTHER REBELLION.

Remember from chapter 5 where we spoke about this. How a person described parenting as a GRACIOUS, BENEVOLENT\, KIND-HEARTED, SELF-DENYING DICTATORSHIP. (Let us not forget the first four words of this)

Communicate that you LOVE and LIKE them.

Be intentional about showing affection to your child.

Ask them CURIOUS QUESTIONS TO CONNECT TO THEIR HEARTS.

Cuddle with them. Show them physical affection. Don’t forget that they need this.

Have date nights.

Try to make sure that either one of dad or mom is spending one on one time with each kid. (This can be super simple, don’t complicate things.)

Try to remember what it’s like to be a kid at times when you’re playing with them.

ONCE you have disciplined your child… FORGIVE THEM AND MOVE ON LIKE there is a brand new slate. Fully forgive each time.

Let us not misrepresent God by too little correction… or too much correction.

Well, how do I know if I’m showing too much of one or another.

Go by this simple rule… YOUR HOUSE SHOULD CONSISTENTLY REVEAL BOTH.

THEY SHOULD BOTH BE PRESENT daily.

The Gospel

In this section of the book, we’re beginning to look at what it looks like and what it means to share the GOSPEL with our children.

NOTICE that discipline is the first topic in this section. And for good reason!

Discipline gives a perfect chance to apply the Gospel. A PRIMARY DISCIPLESHIP OBJECTIVE IS TEACHING OUR CHILDREN TO LIVE UNDER RULE. WE ARE RESCUING THEM FROM UN-DISCIPLINED SELF LAW WHERE THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT. WE ARE MOVING THEM TO THE BLESSING OF LIVING UNDER OUR LAW AND RULES. AND AS THEY UNDERSTAND THIS GLAD SUBMISSION, THEY ARE ABLE TO TRANSFER THIS UNDERSTANDING TO GOD.

Exalting Jesus in Proverbs (Having a Happy Home (Proverbs 24:3–4))

Correction is a gospel issue. You teach them what sin is, that it has consequences, that they will be held accountable, and that it needs to be repented of. If you do not correct them, they will start to think that evil is good.

When our children break our law - because they will - we are able to show them that we have to discipline them, because we love them.

Similarly, God’s law is higher than our family. All of us have broken this law. In light of this, we are thankful that Jesus has taken our punishment for us on the cross.

Through discipline, we are able to show this picture to them.

The “Perfect” Child

As we do this, and as we finish up here tonight… there is something else we need to watch out for.

One of my favorite stories int he bible is the Prodigal Son.

The Gospel is just exemplified in every way.

Within the Prodigal Son story… something that is interesting is that you aren’t just shown one way to avoid the Savior, but two ways.

On one hand you have the self-indulgent younger brother, which everybody likes to pick on. He seeks out this life of individualism, thinking that he should have full autonomy. That he can do this life on his own.

On the other hand though, you have the self-righteous rule-keeper brother. This is the brother who thought he could EARN THE LOVE of the father, that he could check off all the boxes and that this relationship between him and the father was all LAW DRIVEN. DO DO DO. (The perfect child is not perfect)

As parents we must look out for both within our children and parent accordingly.

Conclusion

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV)

11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

THIS IS THE GOAL parents.

What is clear from the Bible is that willful disobedience of children and their parents is a manifestation of rebellion against God.

Instead… discipline is to bring this “peaceful fruit of righteousness” into the child’s life.

Exalting Jesus in Hebrews (The Purpose of the Lord’s Discipline)

Because the parent loves the child, he always disciplines in a reasonable, firm, authoritative, and yet loving and righteous way. A father shows his son that he loves him through his discipline. If he did not love him, he would let him run wild. But he wants this son to know the peaceful fruits of righteousness.

DISCIPLINE IS DISCIPLESHIP IN ACTION (This is what all of our discipleship relationships should show: DISCIPLINE)

Disciple-Making parents discipline their children with eternity in mind.

For Thought, Discussion, and Action

Where does a parents authority come from? If children are commanded to obey us (Eph. 6:1), then what does that mean about direct disobedience to us?

What do you think about J.C. Ryle’s quote, “You must not wonder that men refuse to obey their Father which is in heaven, if you allow them when children, to disobey their father who is upon earth.”? Do you agree of disagree?

What do you think about the figure shown today? Have you ever thought about disciplining like this?

How were you raised? Loosely or strictly? Can you identify ways that your own parenting style might be a reaction against your parents’ style?

How can you intentionally bring the gospel into your discipline?