Three Practical Relationships
Ephesians: Rooted and Grounded • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.
Introduction
Introduction
Chapter 5 ends with Paul moving to a different subject. He now addresses the interaction of the family in the life of the Christian. As we look at these relationships, we find that the Christians of Ephesus were not much different from ourselves in their important encounters with others on the paths of life.
The letter of Paul to the Ephesians, an important epistle in the Bible, has much to say on the subject of what our church should be. Paul has shown us the importance of unity, faithful leadership and biblical order in the church. We will see the vital part that their family plays in the life of every Christian. We have seen the blessings of God through His salvation. We will also see the reality of the spiritual warfare around us.
Written by Paul the Apostle, Ephesians is a letter that begins high on a mountain top in chapter one. We see the amazing blessings of the Trinity toward saved man. In chapter two, we see two paragraphs that give us the truth of grace for mankind. We are saved by grace. We are united by our sin and His salvation. Chapter three gave us insight into the task of Paul as an apostle and his prayer for the church at Ephesus. Salvation is a major focus of those doctrinal chapters in Ephesians.
In chapter four, we see the way that we can live out these beneficent truths through a faithful walk in His unity. God has given us gifts, people, to help us in this walk through the local church. Walking requires two companions in the life of the Christian and each of us must chose which to listen to. Walking requires two environments that we must navigate and our choice ought to be toward the light that we have been saved to. Walking divides into two different groups.
Remember, the central theme of Ephesians is the unity of believers, in Christ, as part of the local church.
This morning, our passage gives us the specific teaching of Paul on the subject of the family. God has given each of us a family. For some, that maybe something that is familiar and satisfying. For others, it may be concerning or stressing at different times in your life. For all of us, our family is where we can be at ease and at home in some sense. That is as it should be.
Now, you may say, “My time with family is fraught with worry, stress and tension.” You may say, “I would rather be with friends than with my family.” But God here seems to indicate that our family is vital to an effective Christian life.
How is your relationship with your family?
The family is where our interactions are first decided upon and where we have the opportunity for growth in the early years of our life.
Family life is a school for character.
Martin Luther (Founder of the German Reformation)
This morning, let’s check our family and business interactions for the love of Christ!
Declaration
Declaration
Meaningful relationships are built on the model of the Christian’s relationship with Christ. As we are “in Christ”, as we are obedient to Him, as we look to His authority, we are able to show the love of Christ practically to others. The love of Christ is the basis for our love for each other. This morning, we see three practical, daily relationships.
1. The Marriage Relationship
1. The Marriage Relationship
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
What is Biblical marriage? The answer is found at the beginning of the Bible and the truth is found throughout its pages. God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of His creation.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Marriage is between one man and one woman for a lifetime. This is not negotiable. This is not re-interpretable. This is not re-definable. God created man and God created woman. They are meant to complement each other. This is the design of God and we should stand faithful to the truth of the Word of God and not waver on the definition of marriage.
If the foundations be destroyed,
What can the righteous do?
The Spiritual Side
The Spiritual Side
Paul teaches here that the marriage relationship begins on a spiritual level regarding the position of Christ to His church. We have seen this topic throughout the letter to the Ephesians.
Christ is the One who is the Head of the church as regards authority.
And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,
Christ is the One who is the Head of the church that gives us an example of love and truth.
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Here we see that Christ is the Head of the church because the church is His Bride.
Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.
In the connection with the description of Christ here, we see 6 statements regarding actions taken by Christ:
Christ is the Head of the church v. 23
Christ is the authority and He is the goal of growth in the life of the church as a whole and the believer in the church as well.
Christ is the Saviour of the church v. 23
Christ is the One who died to give life to those who were lost in sin and could do nothing on their own to save themselves.
Christ loved the church v. 25
Christ loved those who would receive Christ just as He loved those who would reject. However, here the focus is on the love that Christ has as the husband to the church, His bride.
Christ gave Himself for it v. 25
Christ was willing to give up His life to allow life for those who were lost. “Saviour” is the action of pulling them out. “Gave Himself” is the action of putting Himself in their place.
Christ sanctified and cleansed it v. 26
Christ used the Word of God to bring us from darkness to light. He brought us through spiritual baptism through His death, burial and resurrection. He daily removes and pardons our sin based on our confession to Him. Christ is cleaning us for the future marriage of the Lamb.
Christ presents the church v. 27
Christ is preparing to bring us unto Himself perfect. He is working in us and through us to make us after the pattern of Himself. One day, we will be presented as perfect in the sight of God.
The Practical Side
The Practical Side
The marriage relationship is further the practical obedience of two people to the commands of God.
First, Paul gives gender specific relationship commands:
Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord v. 22
Submission here gives the idea of a voluntary willingness to be under another’s authority or control. Wives are commanded to be under the husband’s authority. This implies that they listen to what the husband says and follow his exercised leadership.
Husbands are to love their wives as they themselves v. 25
Love is an choice that we choose to show to those who mean much to us. Husbands are commanded to choose to have regard for the well-being of their wives. The characteristics of love are found in 1 Corinthians 13.
The significant comparison that is made here is to the love a man to himself. We give ourselves the necessary food, clothing, and care that we feel that we need. When we are hungry, we satisfy that need. When we need rest, we take a nap. The husband already does these things for himself but here he is commanded to do these things for his wife as well. The husband has been give responsibility for the care and provision of his wife.
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
Both are to be joined together as in the garden v. 30-31
The husband and wife were created by God to complement each other. There must be a choice by each to leave their parents and be joined to each other. This was the pattern from the time of the Garden of Eden.
Husbands are to love unconditionally v. 33
The adjective to describe the love that the husband is to have for his wife is “unconditional.” Just as Christ loves those who are in Him, the husband loves the other half of his flesh!
Wives are to reverence v. 33
Wives are commanded to show respect and fear toward their husbands. This fear is not concern regarding harm. Instead, this is connected to the fear of God. The husband ought to represent and seek to show forth God in the life of the wife.
Second, two general church spiritual commands:
Church is to be subject to Christ v. 24
Church is to be connected in Christ v. 30
Much could be preached on or taught regarding the marriage relationship.
The Marriage Relationship
2. The Parent Relationship
2. The Parent Relationship
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Two groups are addressed in this passage: the children and the fathers. Interestingly, mothers are not mentioned except in verse 2 regarding honor.
The parent-child relationship is a lifelong relationship in each of our lives. How do we treat our parents? How do we treat our children? It has been said that the people in our family know us better than anyone else. What could your family tell us about you?
Children
Children here are addressed first with two commands:
Obey your parents (in the Lord) v. 1
Obedience is choosing to follow the commands of another. Children are provided for and protected by adults until they are able to do those jobs for themselves. Though often children are resistant of obeying their parents, this is the only command given directly to children in the New Testament. It is echoed in Colossians that the job of children is to obey their parents. Obedience matches the requirements of the law of God. This is the right thing to do.
And it shall come to pass, when all these things are come upon thee, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before thee, and thou shalt call them to mind among all the nations, whither the Lord thy God hath driven thee, And shalt return unto the Lord thy God, and shalt obey his voice according to all that I command thee this day, thou and thy children, with all thine heart, and with all thy soul;
Honor your parents v. 2
The second command to children is to honor their parents. This word “honor” gives the idea of placing in a high place through respect. Throughout the New Testament, this word is always connected to the fifth commandment.
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Even Christ himself connects this commandment to faithfully obeying God. Martin Luther had this to say about the command here,
The Annotated Luther, Volume 1: The Roots of Reform The First Commandment of the Second Table of Moses
God said on purpose that we should honor them, not that we should love them, although we should do that as well. Honor is superior to simple love and includes a certain fear that is joined with love and makes people more afraid to insult their parents than punishment would do—just as we honor a holy place with a certain fear but do not flee from it as we would from punishment but flock to it.
There is a promise here in verse 3 that echos the Old Testament’s to the effect that God will prolong the life of the obedient child. Do you want to live a long and full life? How are you doing with obeying and honoring your parents. There is no time limit on obedience, only on blessing.
Fathers
First, fathers are given a negative prohibition: provoke not to wrath. The word “provoke” here is a derivative of the word translated “wrath”. Paul is telling fathers to be sure that they do not make their children angry. There is a fine line between faithfully training and disciplining children and causing them to be angry and resentful. However, there must be a balance here.
Second, two positive actions: nurture and admonition (of the Lord). Nurture is the aspect of counsel and training. Fathers are to train their children to follow the Word of God and to have a personal relationship with Him.
Train up a child in the way he should go:
And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Admonition is the correction that must take place for a child to learn the right way to act and obey. Ultimately, the father is representing God to the child and the child needs to understand this.
Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.
The Marriage Relationship
The Parent Relationship
3. The Labor Relationship
3. The Labor Relationship
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.
The final relationship that Paul addresses is the business relationship. How are we to interact with others in our work. Again, two groups are defined in this final relationship. There are servants (doulos) and masters (kurios).
The word “servants” describes all Christians in the letters of Paul. The word “masters” is the same word used often of our Lord throughout the New Testament. We are slaves to Christ and are to follow the instructions here just as they did in these days of Romans slavery.
Servants
These servants were slaves who were purchased by their owners and were often without rights in society. Yet, we see throughout the letters of Paul that many of these came to Christ in salvation.
Be obedient v. 5
The same word found in the command to children in verse 1 is found here in reference to these slaves. They are commanded to obey. This is a command to follow the specific instructions of their masters with “respect” (fear) and “visible quivering” (trembling). Why would Paul use these words to describe it? It seems that this shows sincerity in the actions of the servants. As Christians, we are commanded to obey just the same the commands of Christ.
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Do service v. 6-7
Service is the job of the servant. Paul commands the slaves here to be sure that they are serving the Lord first instead of trying to visibly impress their masters. Too often in our workplaces, we see people who are one way when the boss is present and another when there is no accountability. Character is living rightly in any situation. How is your character in service to your boss?
Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
Know God will reward v. 8
The promise associated with these commands is that God is the One we are ultimately serving no matter our occupation or business.
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
Masters
Paul commands the masters in the church at Ephesus to be faithful to show the love of Christ as well.
Do the same commands v. 9
Verse 9 tells us that the job of the master is to obey the same commands as the servants. He is to be obedient. He is to serve God first. Finally, he is to realize that God will reward the faithful servant.
Forbear threatening v. 9
There seems to have been a constant habit among the masters to attempt to bring fear upon their servants through constantly promising harm for disobedience. Instead, Paul prohibits this.
Knowing God treats all equally v. 9
Instead of threatening harm, masters are commanded to treat all people equally. Favoritism is never the best policy. Throughout the New Testament, we see the example of God and the commands of Christ to treat people as the same because that is how God treats us.
For there is no respect of persons with God.
Whether you are a employer or employee, we need to show the love of Christ through service to Him first.
The Marriage Relationship
The Parent Relationship
The Labor Relationship
Conclusion
Conclusion
Meaningful relationships are built on the model of the Christian’s relationship with Christ. As we are “in Christ”, as we are obedient to Him, as we look to His authority, we are able to show the love of Christ practically to others. The love of Christ is the basis for our love for each other.
A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.
Chuck Swindoll
How is your love today? Are you showing love to those around you, especially those closest to you? Are you willing to pass on the unconditional love of Christ as He was willing to do for you?
We have seen throughout Ephesians that we are to show the love of Christ for other people. We need to live that out today in our relationships.
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Take a few minutes to think about how your marriage relationship is going. How is your parental relationship showing the love of Christ? What is your work situation like. God wants us to show the love of Christ to those we come in contact with each day.
What if we have never received the love of Christ? Today, Christ offers salvation to anyone who is willing to come to Him. That is the reason that He came to die for us, love. The way that we can show love is through the love that He showed to us. Accept that love today!
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
