Colossians 3:18-19 - At the center of our marriages

I love weddings.

I don’t do very many of them because there is something sacred about a wedding.

The sacred thing is the marriage.

I tell couples that are preparing to get married that two things could make this whole thing fold: The husband or the wife.

When two sinners get together, things will inevitably get messy.

Marriage is hard. Keeping a promise on hard days when its easier to run is hard.

Those who have been changed by the gospel recognize that Jesus is not going to run from us.

He is committed, and on our worst days, His commitment stands.

He promised that through faith in Him, we would be saved, and He promised to not let it go.

For Christians, we focus less on the wedding and more on the marriage, as we recognize that it is a covenant made between two sinners in the presence of God.

We have been changed by the gospel and given a new identity to live in.

Our lives are not what they use to be—Now we can live with the Jesus at the center of our lives.

How does this play out?

Let’s talk about marriage.

Big Idea: Jesus is at the center of our marriage

This is not only for married people.

This is for single people who are looking to be married

For people who have been divorced and need a refreshed and biblical understanding of marriage.

Stand to read

Colossians 3:18–19 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Leader: This is God’s Word.

Everyone: Thanks be to God.

I know, “Tread lightly, preacher.”

Everyone take a deep breath out.

Guys: “Yeah! Tell her to submit!” I’ll get to you in a minute.

This is not a statement on social roles in society or the marketplace.

This is not a political statement.

This has to do with the home of a Christian husband and a Christian wife.

Gospel presentation

Marriage is a picture of the gospel.

Jesus Christ set His affections on the Church as a loving husband.

He gave her the promise to care for her, to nurture her, to provide for her eternal life.

He sacrificially loves and gave Himself up to die on the cross to atone for her sins

And He has given her the promise that He will have her as His Bride for eternity.

As believers we live in this hope that Christ will be united to His Bride, the Church when He returns.

Marriage mirrors the gospel and a loving man and woman live in a covenant together for the glory of God.

This is very countercultural for our day/age.

This was very countercultural for Paul’s day.

Historical context

Historical Roman culture was ruthlessly aggressive.

Compassion, gentleness, and and patience were foreign languages to this culture.

Under Roman law, women were treated as objects and property of their husbands.

They were seen as lesser human beings.

All around the Roman world, the Lord was using women and children to further His kingdom, so Paul addresses that in a Christian home, they are due respect and dignity as a daughter of God.

This was a revolutionary stance.

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Explanation

This is a very tender topic, especially in an assertive, rights and power-seeking culture like this.

It’s a term often associated with oppression, domineering, and abusive behavior.

Andrea Text

What is biblical submission?

The husband and wife are equally created in the image of God and deserve the utmost honor and respect.

Submission is one equal person’s voluntary acceptance of another equal person’s leadership.

It is not slavery, this is willful submission to the leadership that God has given.

God has created us male and female in His image to reflect His glory in the covenant of marriage.

God has gifted both the husband and the wife in particular ways in order to see the home flourish.

When two people dance together, there has to be one who leads and one who follows.

If both are leading, then that looks clunky and awkward.

If both are following, then they’re probably just staring at each other.

There’s a poetic romance when a couple are dancing in their respective roles, with one leading and one following.

According to the Bible, the man is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the man.

1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

God has a beautiful design for marriage in the household that produces flourishing

This is not an arbitrary rule that God made up to suppress women.

This is what redeemed life in the Kingdom looks like.

Submission flows from submission to the will of God.

When he writes “as is fitting in the Lord,” he’s pointing to the fact that the way that we engage in our marriage is a matter of worship to the Lord.

Since our identity has been changed by Christ, we are to live according to the new identity.

As a woman redeemed by Christ, your identity is first in Christ.

The goal of biblical submission is an lifestyle pleasing to the Lord.

Church,

Wives, love through (submission) support

Wives provide a peace in following her husband’s leadership.

This is a particular safety that men feel just by a word spoken by you.

When Hilary and I first got married

I was going to make my wife a “nice” homecooked meal.

Deer steak, noodles, and peas.

A real delicacy.

I had a $50 charcoal grill.

I was doing something and left the steaks on too long.

I scorched them.

I was so mad. I felt terrible because I ran my mouth talking a big game on how awesome I could grill.

She ate more than one and told me it was great.

Simply receiving me in my flaws and inability to grill at the time allowed me to feel my wife’s supportive love.

So what if he begins to lead me into sin?

A Christian wife and question his moral follow if he appears to be wandering into sin and foolishness.

Not out of a rebellious spirit, but out of genuine live.

Refusing to support his sin is not sin.

You cannot stand with your husband against Christ.

From a loving spirit that seeks to honor his leadership, she has every right to challenge sinful motives.

Wives have unique gifts given by the Lord that are to be used for the building up of the home.

If the husband is the head of the home, the head cannot function without the body.

The problem:

We have a lot of men that think they make good leaders and deserve to be submitted to.

What we’re finding in culture is that people are waiting until later to get married and have children.

The marriage rate has dropped more than 60% since 1970 — to the point where only about 1 in 2 adults are currently married. What's more: New demographic projections (Stone 2024) suggest that about 1 in 3 young adults will not marry by age 45 and maybe never marry

There are many contributing factors to this, but a a contributor is that men don’t know how to lead.

They’ve never been taught or they simply do not have the desire to walk in God’s design.

It’s easier to live in a hookup culture than in a covenant promise.

Transition

Premarital Counseling with Martin Justice

The topic of submission/headship was discussed.

“If she has a problem submitting, it’s an issue with you.”

Biblical submission is a result of Biblical headship.

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

God has given husband’s a special calling: To lead their homes.

God has called you to be a husband who leads his wife and children into flourishing and godliness.

Our calling directly impacts our wives calling to submit.

Brothers, we need to give them something to follow.

We are not called to rule our houses with an iron first.

You’re not the “King of the castle!”

If you’re a Christian, then Christ is the King of your home and you must look at your families and say, “I’m the chief servant, and I want you to follow me as I follow Christ.”

Not only are you the chief servant, you’re the chief sinner.

This is where we walk in humility and pursue forgiveness and model what it means to receive the gospel.

Notice that Paul does not once ever tell the men to make their wives do anything.

This is an overlooked fact by insecure men who have used this passage to inflate their ego to rule their homes as petty dictators.

Men have used verse 18 to justify physical and emotional violence in the home.

They have no self-control so they have to exert harmful control over their wives.

The issue with many men is that they believe they’re Romans and their wives are their property.

Paul condemns this by saying “Don’t be harsh with them.”

Your bride is not a punching bag.

The same Greek word for “love” is used in a more intense passage. Ephesians 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

This is a deep, self-sacrificing affection.

The Christian is supposed to love His neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she should be his deepest love. (Martin Luther)

Husbands are called to die.

“I’d take a bullet for her!” Are you willing to treat her like it?

Husbands are called to die to themselves for the sake of their bride.

ILLUSTRATION: The boy goes down and the girl goes free.

Husbands, love through sacrifice

The example that men are given for marriage is Christ who “gave Himself up for His bride.”

Gospel presentation (JESUS IS THE LOVING SACRIFICIAL HUSBAND)

Jesus came to redeem the church from her sins and present her holy to God.

Jesus died so that our sins could be forgiven.

Jesus laid down His life so that we could be made right with God and have a right relationship with Him.

Jesus is the sacrifical lover of our souls.

Now, when we trust in Jesus, the lover of our souls draws us in a gives us a new identity.

Jesus loved us through His sacrifice.

If you turn from your sins and believe in the finished work of Christ, you can have a redeemed relationship with God again.

If we put our trust in Christ we get to live in a new identity, and this changes everything about us. Including our marriages.

If you feel like your marriage is on the brink of destruction, it’s nothing that the gospel cannot repair.

We render forgiveness and grace that has been shown us by Christ.

Jesus died to redeem us back to the Father.

Our marriages can be redeemed by the grace and mercy of Christ.

As we seek to live out our mission statement at Graceland—We put Jesus first in our lives for our neighbors—Then we must start at home.

Take the Next Step

Identify how your marriage does not reflect the gospel of Christ.

What is keeping you from loving your spouse in a way that exalts the name of Jesus?

Find a married couple who models the gospel and learn from them.