Marriage weekend 2024
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Intro
Intro
Welcome. Weekend is a time to reflect, learn, and build Strong Biblical Marraige.
The Bible gives us this picture of marriage as two people who become one flesh because they can effectively serve the kingdom of God better together than they can apart. It’s a covenantal bond between each other, and between each of you and God.
This weekend I really do hope that what you learn can assist you to serve the Kingdom better together.
**Prayer**
Some information > Throughout the weekend, there will be all types of Content - Get to that soon.
> There will be questions throughout the weekend and at the end of each Session
> Questions are designed for you to write by yourself, and then discuss together.
> After each content, there is 10 minute of silent time, Then discussion Time.
Practice with some Intro Questions.
[Questions on Screen]
Why did you sign up for this weekend?
What is your hope over the next 24 hours?
What is one thing you would like God to reveal to you during this weekend?
Ok so the Itenary.
[Show on Screen]
*Aeroplane Game*
Who was the leader? Who had the instructions?
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Imago Dei = God’s Image.
God said what? Here is your mission
Soooo interesting, first thing said “you have mission” Last thing Jesus says? “You have a mission”
Why get married? | Serve the kingdom better, than you can apart - You have been created, to compliment each other perfectly, to serve the Kingdom.
Now, We know Adam was created from Dust;
and then it says
Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
Names = Nature = Whether they where a fit helper or not - but Adam found nothing that was able to compliment Him.
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Man = Ish. Woman -= Ishah
Eve is like Adam and yet perfectly unlike Adam so as to be the exact suitable counterpart for Adam.
So the woman only thing not made from Dust - and 2 Where created to perfectly compliment each other.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Together, we more closely reflect the image of God = The Imago Dei together.
You have been created to be together - To reflect the image of God together.
And you have been put together with a Purpose.
Here’s our leading question into this session - What is your purpose for your marriage?
**Video**
[Questions on Slide]
Dinner Name Game
Name Game.
For each letter of the first name of your partner, you’re going to write down a compliment, or a building up phrase.
Then over dinner, you’re going to discuss how thats been proven through your marriage, through Action.
[Dinner is Served]
Session 2
Marriage was perfect in Garden of Eden - Why? because there was no Sin in the Marraige. There was no Flesh - They where created by God in His Image.
In His Imago Dei - Relationally perfect together. However, We know that’s not how it stayed.
Serpent Convinced Eve to Steal the apple from Tree.
Then they where aware of their Shame, and tried to hide from God.
He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”
This is important - That God came after Adam for Eve’s Sin - More on this later.
What did Adam do?
The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”
No responsability - Blamed Eve.
then Eve Blamed the Serpent.
Adam Blamed Eve, Eve blamed the Serpent and the serpent had no leg to stand on.
Then the Fall - and Sin entered the Human Race.
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
desire should be contrary - This is not a curse from God - this is an effect of the Fall - This is because of Sin.
When we are born, because of the Fall, Born of Sin, and Flesh - The imago Dei is there but it’s dormant.
We have the potential to reflect the Image of God, but without the Holy Spirit we don’t have the capabilities to carry it out.
So what happens?
Our mind gets influenced with new Patterns - This is why The bible says that our renewing starts with our Mind.
When you are saved - You get the Holy Spirit - Which gives you the capability to become the Imago Dei or Image of God again > This is relational, and partly reflected in Marriage (it’s relational)
We get programmed to understand what relates to Love.
We get programmed on what affection looks like? And when a behaviour is attached to a feeling - It becomes a Driver of Action.
Behaviour (pat on the back)
Feeling (loved)
Action - What ever I can do to get that pat on the back
When we, in a marriage look to get the love we should get from God, from each other, we play into this Dominant Driver.
And it’s been programmed into us as a child, or through relationships.
This next Session is on identifying that “Dominant Driver”
Session Video
[Questions on Screen]
Wrap up - Look forward to Tomorrow. Prayer and Finish.
Saturday
> There will be questions throughout the weekend and at the end of each Session
> Questions are designed for you to write by yourself, and then discuss together.
> After each content, there is 10 minute of silent time, Then discussion Time.
Recap
Yesterday we said that as a Married Couple - You have a Mission. First thing God gave Man and Woman was a mission - You have Purpose.
Together, you can further the kingdom together better, than you can apart!
You have been made to perfectly compliment each other for that mission.
We looked at what that Purpose might be, and how often we mention that throughout our Marriage.
In Session 2, we looked at our Dominant Driver.
We spoke about because we are born of Sin, and of Adamic Nature, our whole view of Love is Skew.
We said that when a behaviour, leads to feeling loves, it leads to an action that we do to feel that love.
The action that we do, to get this feeling of love is called our “Dominant Driver”.
It’s been programmed since we where children, and it’s fueled and affirmed by our Flesh and the Devil.
However, we weren’t meant or created to get that which we can only get from God, from each other.
Ok so what are we doing today?
Look at Boundaries in Marriage.
I want to introduce you guys to the Shame Triangle and how Satan uses this to keep our marraige in Sin and being Unhealthy.
Then we are going to speak on Marriage Covenant
Prayer time with each other
End of the 4 lies of Marriage and the 4 Goals of Marriage.
Remember When Game
This is to reminisce or to see if you can remember key moments in your marriage.
What we’re going to do - I’m going to give you a signficant part in your relationship - For 2 minutes, you’re going to write down what you remember about it, and how you felt.
Then you’re going to share with each other what you have written.
First Date - Or first interaction.
Hardest Moment
Best Moment
Wedding Day (Or what you would like it to be)
—-
We are better together > What does it mean that we compliment each other?
It means that we alone, can do what God has asked us to do - but together, we can do it better.
It doens’t mean, that we drag each other down, but we compliment each other.
[ White Board ]
[Dependance] > Dependant on something.
[Interpendance] > Do it alone
[Interdependance] > Dependant on Each other > This is how the body of Christ works - Dependent on each other and Christ
[Synergy] - The full realisation of the Imago Dei > The full Potential released - For a common and higher Goal.
However - To get to this ,we have to realise that the obligations we have toward each other - Is obedience to God.
[ Christ Centered ]
Marriage has to be centered around something;
Yourself: Self-Centered
Kids: You won’t know your spouse in 20 years
Money, Success, career, image.
When about yourself, you’re forced to look for “The One”.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.
God is number 1.
If Christ number 2 and Wife number 1 | You will fear Wife more than God | Tough Position because Man has been elevated above God BUT Cannot LOVE you the way God Loves you.
Christ is your number 1 | When marriage is centered around Jesus, lives are centered around Jesus, God can then use us, and our MARRIAGE for his Purpose
You will read the scriptures around loving your wife like Christ loves the Church COMPLETELY differently | Between you and GOD.
this is why when you Marry someone, it’s always a 3 way relationship - it has to be a deep covenant between, you, your wife, and God.
[We are Christ Centered]
So what is a “Covenenant Keeping” Relationships.
There are 3 types of Marriages or Relationships | Casual | Contractual | Covenetal
Casual - We practice breaking up - It’s Casual
Contractual Marriage:
What’s wrong with a contract? it’s based on Mutual Distrust | Entering a deal | We are shaking on it | Trading ideas | Protect each other…as long as you live up to your end of the bargain.
Leads to: He should treat you better” “You deserve better” “Why do you let him treat you like that” “Where is the SPARK”
We get to our 3rd way - Covenental Marriage
Back in the Hebrew Wedding | Priest take a knife | Cut bride and groom hands | Join them | Then they would depart for a time | go to HUPPA | They go alone | In theory, Virgin Groom enter the Virgn Bride | Physically they become 1 flesh | Physically representing what has happened Spiritually
Young Couple | People would wait about 2 minutes | Party back on
I want you to embrace this though, take to heart Marriage matters to GOD.
Love Making is important to GOD.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
What doe it mean to have a Covenant between yourself and God.
It means, I am Obedient to God in how God is asking me to behave in this situation, in how the Scriptures ask me to behave in Marriage.
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
[What is this whole submission thing?]
Here is the point;
There are different Roles for both man and woman, and here we go;
Those roles are your obligations toward God.
You can not, ever, use this text to manipulate the other. it is a promise we have made, in marriage, to follow these with all our heart, so that we can give Glory to God.
We are one flesh, but we have responsibility to lift each other up.
We are going to go into a session now - It’s a lot of smaller chunked sessions on Boundaries in marriage, how do we become better together, while lifting each other up.
[Boundaries - First 4 Videos]
The Christian triangle of shame.
One of Satan’s Lies is that He tells us that we are Victems of the big bad God - That if “God Loved us, He would take away the suffering, that the fall would never have happened…what does it do? It makes God a Persecutor”.
The Drama or Shame Triangle - Makes us a victim, which means that someone has to be a persecutor, and someone else has to be a victim. Without proper boundaries, this can fall into our Marraige.
Our wife has a problem, we Men, we LOVE fixing it, and there are times we have to fight for our wives or our husbands - Absolutely, however, We are actually more responsible for Sanctifying Each other.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
[Explain the Shame Triangle and how it works]
Sin and Satan in middle of drama triangle.
God’s Will and God’s Word in the Creator triangle.
We are dependant on each other, but we need to be the right type of Dependant to Create SYNERGY in our Marriage.
Questions;
Shame Triangle
1. Where have you been a rescuer, rathar than a coach in your marriage?
2. Have you ever played the victim? When have you ever caught yourself doing this?
3. How can you be a coach and/or Challenger in your marriage?
4. How can you give your Spouse permission to be these things for you?
MORNING TEA
BOUNDARIES
[Boundaries Videos]
Questions;
Is there any boundary issues that may have been identified through this session?
What is one way you can encourage your spouse to use their gifts in the next 30 days?
LUNCH
[Game if before 1pm, if after 1pm - Lunch]
[ Prayer Walk]
This session is a little bit lighter - It’s on the 4 lies that the world tries to feed your marriage - and then I’ll wrap up.
[Video]
Questions;
4 Lies:
Lie 1. I married the wrong person
1. What did you go into this Marraige expecting?
Does it line up with God’s expectation?
What do you both expect now?
Lie 2. It’s never going to get better. Psam 84:11.
2. How are you obeying God in your marriage?
How are you fulfilling your role as a husband/wife regardless of what your husband/wife is doing?
Every day for a week ask “How can I serve you?” - Write down 5 things each that you can serve eachother
Lie 3. Everyone else is doing better than us.
In what ways is your marriage glorifying God?
Lie 4. I am primarely “sinned against”, only secondarily “Sinner”
1. In what areas have you thought that your husband/wife has not kept up their end of the bargain?
What is the soundtrack that is playing in your head about your marraige?
When was the last time you repented and confessed something to your spouse?
[Mat’s presentation]
Enemy wants to try and give you 4 lies - To finish - I want to give you 4 Goals > And we have spoken about 2 of them at this retreat and implied the other.
Covenant Keeping
Mission Driven
Christ Centered
Devil Defeating
**Talk about our Marriage**
We serve God together, we have a rich spiritual life together. Pray…Go to the Bedroom, Love, Laugh, She is my Rock, after a long day…When she is moody…When we walk together...
But before you Gag.
We have a Journey…Challenges…Hardships…Complete Integrity, Emma can be really stubborn.
I can be demanding, controlling, harsh.
Miscommunications, hurt feelings, intense conversations with Passion
We fight about…Disciplining the Children, Emma gaurds the kitchen like a rugby player, We fight over what to do after Church, We fight over Schools, extra cirricular activities.
However, We take these goals very seriously and we know if we are to keep the first 3, someone is going to come after us and so we understand, without a doubt, who the enemy is.
We know the Enemy will attack what ever God wants to Bless - God wnats to bless your marraige.
He attacks our Marriage in 2 ways;
Indiviually in our understanding of the Gospel.
Our Marriage by Distraction and Seduction.
First I want to talk about us individually;
Most of us - we weight on the scale of Holiness and Love too far on one side
[Draw Scales on WhiteBoard]
If we tip the scales on Holiness, we are always under accusation and we can become legalistic.
“How can God ever Forgive me” “I’m a failure”
If we tip the scales on Love and Grace - Then His Grace and Love covers everything and we never want to be obedient - Then we fall into Temptation.
How does this work out in our Marriage?
Temptation works, because we have lost our view of God’s Holiness - The enemy comes in and Seduces - and he is Very Cunning.
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
Lured - The enemy is always putting out bait
“What he doens’t take you out anymore” “You really deserve to be better” “I can’t believe she treats you this way”.
This paves the way to be tempted…
What do we do? We lock it down.
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
Not even be named | Not even a HINT | Innapropriate content on netflix? Dressing innapropriately? Innapropriate conversations? Riding in the car with someone else that’s married? You must LOCK IT DOWN.
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.
The Lie: Looking at that guy is ok!!
The Truth: “If you lust in your heart, you have already committed adultery”
When I feel Tempted: Visualise Forward (Actually for everything) - I will have to get Judged in front of God, more harshly than you | Pain for wife | Pain for those around me | pain for my children
What do we do?
We give each other to be brutally honest with each other - How do we start that?
We admit to each other that we are both broken human beings. Unless I can come to my wife and say…I struggled with Lust today…I need prayer…You need to fast forward together - You are a team.
2nd way is Distraction.
**Story - You gave everyone else the best of you, and I got the rest of you**
Don’t idolise each other, but also don’t forget each other. LOVE is a DOING WORD.
The word Paul Uses for Love is AGAPE - SACRIFICIAL.
**Call Emma Up**
It’s not easy, I love this lady, I love God…but it’s not easy...
it’s a CHOICE… Stand together and say “Devil..Not Today”
When yo uare fighting get together.... Choose to be CHRIST CENTERED, WE HAVE A MISSION, WE HAVE AN ENEMY, WE HAVE A COVENENT.
It’s a choice, we have to work at it.
Question: Where are you most vulnruble in your marriage right now? (Answer Seperately, and then each other)
Reflective Questions;
Out of the 4 goals, where do you need to concentrate on?
What from this weekend are you going to implement into your marriage?
How has God spoken to you during this weekend?
[Dream Date Night]
[Worship and Prayer]