Spousal Enslavement | Nehemiah 5:1-13

Spousal Slavery | Nehemiah 5:1-13

Opening Remarks:

Great Couple’s Retreat

Arden Road leadership

Arden Road church members

Hospitality and attention to detail

I also appreciate the preaching. It’s been great.

We’ve heard some great truth. Truth we need to hear.

Reminds me of the time a wife accompanied her husband to the doctor. After the husband's check-up, the Dr. asked the wife if he could have a word with her in his office.

She said, “Certainly doctor, anything for my husband”

The doctor says, “Your husband is suffering from a very rare and severe disorder, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, he will die.”

“Each morning you must fix him a healthy breakfast. You must be pleasant and make sure he is in good humor. Lunch needs to nutritious and supper needs to be healthy and delicious. He needs a break from all chores, and he needs lots of physical attention as well. Keep your problems to yourself and allow him to live stress free." The doctor says, “Do all of these things and he should continue to live a happy healthy life for maybe 10 to 15 more years.”

The wife leaves and they get in the car to go home.

On the way, the husband asked the wife, “So, what did the doctor have to say?”

The wife flatly came back with, “He said you're going to die.”

Sometimes we just need to hear the truth, you know. Just give it to me.

One guy that wasn’t afraid of truth was Nehemiah.

Turn to Nehemiah 5:1-13

This might be the first time this passage has been used at a Couple’s Retreat, maybe ever, but I’m hoping you’ll see the connection by the end.

Nehemiah has led Israel to rebuild the Temple Walls. Against all odds, they secure the city in 52 days (6:15). But the process is not without problems.

There are enemies from without opposing them at every turn.

But chapter 5 is about a more dangerous enemy. It’s about the enemy within, which is far more dangerous.

READ

Chapter 5 begins with God’s people in distress. (vs. 1)

First, there’s a terrible famine going on.

Verse 3 calls it a dearth. There’s a famine. Food is scarce.

Second, there’s a problem with heavy taxation. (v. 4)

They were being taxed to death. Sound familiar? Artaxerxes controlled the land and demanded that they pay taxes. And if you think the IRS is intimidating, imagine a pagan king with no checks and balances. It was a burden.

These first two problems were outside their control. But the next two are their own fault:

The third problem was USURY.

In vs. 7, Nehemiah says, “Ye exact usury,” which simply means an interest rate, like we might pay with a home or auto loan. The bank charges us for letting us use their money to make a purchase. Those with wealth would loan money to their neighbors and charge them usury. Very often, the poor borrowers weren’t able to pay the money back very quickly, so the practice was to become an indentured servant until the debt was paid.

One man and his family would become slaves of the lender until the debt was repaid, but the problem was the wealthy lenders were charging so much interest that the poor borrowers could never get ahead. Maybe you’ve been in a situation like that.

Illustration: Let’s just say your wife has a JC Penney card, and rather than pay it off, she keeps adding to it every month and you’ve kept a balance for about 17 years and 3 months. That’s just a random example and I don’t know where it came from but it could happen…probably.

These wealthy lenders weren’t playing around. And it led to the biggest problem.

The fourth and biggest problem the Jews had was SLAVERY.

They were making their brethren slaves, essentially for life. This was happening among the Jews that returned under Ezra years before so it had been going on for a while. Their terms were so high that the debts couldn’t be paid and they free labor from a family - not just a man, his family too. That’s what verse 5 says. Let’s read it.

They said, “It’s like our children are their children now! They own us.”

Not only were they working overtime to try to pay off an impossible debt, but at the same time, the work of God in Jerusalem is being impacted because people are working to pay off debts and can’t help with the wall.

Understand, for a Jew to charge interest to or own another Jew was against the Law of Moses. So Nehemiah says, “This ends now.”

He calls them out and puts a quick end to a longstanding problem.

But understand what’s happening here:

The wealthy were holding debt over the heads of people they were supposed to love.

God’s work stopped because of their taking advantage of each other.

God’s glory was impacted because His law was being broken.

The only fix was repentance and forgiveness of debt with the idea of restoration, like vs 11-2 say.

That’s the practical summary of the text.

But what is the spiritual lesson?

Think about the issue at hand: the handling of a debt.

And before we think of this as a financial lesson, what other subject does God’s Word use the idea of debt to explain?

In Matthew 6:12, when Jesus Christ was teaching His disciples how to pray, what did He say?

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

He was using financial terms, but making a spiritual point. He was talking about forgiving offenses.

Sin Is A Debt

When we sin against God, we owe Him a debt. We have an obligation to Him.

So when we ask Him to forgive us, we are asking Him to release our sin debt.

I’m thankful we serve a God who loves sinners enough to have made a payment that covers all of our debts. We confess and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all our sin. He willingly forgives debts.

But Matthew 6 talks about our debtors, implying that there are those who owe us for offenses against us.

Luke 11 is another form of that prayer and the language is, “Forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us.”

The parallel is striking. When someone offends us and owes us a sin debt, we can either hold it over their head and never allow them to pay it. Or we can treat them like God treats us and release the debt through forgiveness.

When Debt Is Not Released, It Becomes Enslavement

That’s what happened in Nehemiah. And before we say, “I can’t believe they would do that!” I think it still happens.

Someone offends us - either legitimately or perceived. Big or small.

Now there’s a debt owed. A wound.

And we have one of two options: 1) Release it like God, or 2) Hold it over their head and charge so much spiritual interest that they feel hopeless to ever pay it back.

It can happen in church. There’s an offense. Even with repentance, the debt is held onto with no hope of repayment.

It can happen with friends.

It can happen with a co-worker.

It can happen toward a Pastor.

It can happen toward parents or siblings.

But one of the most likely ways that it happens is with husbands and wives.

In my opinion, there is no relationship with more opportunities for offense than a marriage.

You’re around each other every day and night.

You know each other better than anyone else.

You go on vacation together.

You’re in the car together on road trips.

Day after day, hour upon hour, you’re together.

And the more time that two sinners spend with each other, the more opportunities for offense.

We see each other at our worst.

And the more that offenses take place, the more debt is owed.

And the more debt, the more likely that Spousal Slavery takes place.

Rather than releasing the debt, a spouse can hold past actions over the head of the other and provide little to no hope of it ever being paid off.

Spousal Slavery is like Nehemiah 5.

One person holds a debt over the head of someone they’re supposed to love.

God’s work stops because of one taking advantage of the other.

God’s glory is impacted because His law is being broken.

The only way to fix it is a commitment to the process of repentance, forgiveness, and restoration.

I. Spousal Slavery is possible in every marriage.

Because offenses happen all the time:

SMALL OFFENSES

A husband leaves his clothes on the floor when the hamper is 4 inches away

A wife leaves a messy sink every time she gets ready

A husband comes home and forgets to say “I love you” and the wife thinks about for the next 3 weeks

A wife talks over her husband, or a husband talks over his wife, they just don’t listen to each other

Or a husband ignores his wife when she’s talking to him

A wife puts down her husband in front of others

These aren’t big, but they can be offenses

MEDIUM OFFENSES

A husband or wife has a tendency to lose their temper quickly

A husband comes home and rants against his wife not keeping the house clean

A wife constantly undermines her husband’s decision making (especially when driving)

One spouse questions how the other disciplines or corrects the kids

These offenses become wounds, which are sin debts, which a spouse can hold over the head of the other with little to no hope of repaying.

LARGE OFFENSES

For some couples, arguments quickly become screaming matches with hurtful name calling

Maybe there’s a pornography addiction involved

Maybe there’s abusive language

Unfaithfulness, either in heart or in action

Throwing out the word “Divorce” any time there’s conflict

I’m not saying there aren’t legitimate wounds. Debts are real.

Things must be worked through.

There may be times when drastic measures are taken.

I’m not talking about doing something unwise.

I’m talking about the problem of holding someone captive who has wronged you.

I’m talking about unforgiveness.

And any time conflict arises

Any time something emotional happens

Any time a mistake gets made

Any time a spouse gets mad at the other

The past offense gets brought up and thrown out there. And the enslaved spouse gets reminded of the debt they owe as if there’s no hope to repay it.

Illustration: Yellow Card in Soccer

Don’t watch a lot of soccer, but one thing I’ve noticed is when a player does something wrong they get a Yellow Card.

The Referee holds out a card and basically warns the player that he better stop his current actions or risk being kicked out of the game.

YELLOW CARD - Kicking an Opponent

YELLOW CARD - Tripping an Opponent

YELLOW CARD - Unsportsmanlike Language

And though I don’t know a lot about soccer, one thing I know is you don’t get Yellow Carded for a past action.

Can you imagine playing a game and getting a penalty in the first half, and in the second half you’re playing like normal and the ref comes up to with a Yellow Card and says, “You kicked an opponent in the first half, you’re out!”

You’d say “That’s unfair!” And it is. It doesn’t make sense.

You can’t get penalized twice for the same infraction.

Just like you can’t get two tickets for speeding once.

And you don’t get charged twice for one purchase.

But here’s what happens in marriage.

An offense takes place.

A wound is present.

A debt is owed.

And forgiveness may even be granted. “I forgive you, let’s move past this.”

But then a moment of emotion comes. Or a mistake is made. Completely unrelated.

And here’s what happens…

“YELLOW CARD”

“You forgot to pay the bill again? Now it’s late.”

“This is just like you. Just like the time two years ago you didn’t pay the CC bill and our credit score went down.”

Spousal Slavery

“YELLOW CARD”

“I tripped over the shoes you left out. Typical.”

“This is just like you. You don’t pay attention. Just like when you wrecked the car last summer. We’re still paying for that one.”

Spousal Slavery

“YELLOW CARD”

“That comment you made about me at church wasn’t funny. Typical.”

“You’ve never respected me. Like that time I caught you looking at things you shouldn’t be.”

Spousal Slavery

Each of us could give countless scenarios, but the point is we’re all capable of holding past mistakes over our spouse’s head to the point that they lose hope that those debts can ever be repaid.

One person said, “Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” (David N. Daniels, M.D.)

Without forgiveness, Spousal Slavery never ends.

Start by recognizing where it’s present in your marriage.

II. Realize the only one way to fix it is to commit to the process of repentance, forgiveness and restoration.

1. First, if you’re the cause for the offense, humbly confess it by taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness.

And by the way, if you know that what you’re doing is an offense, stop it!

If you know your spouse doesn’t appreciate something, don’t keep doing it. Be mature.

It’s not just your spouse’s responsibility to forgive you.

Love means you adjust so as to not continue to be an offense.

And if you’ve caused the offense, there’s no healing until you humbly repent and ask forgiveness.

2. Second, if you’re the one who’s enslaved your spouse by holding debt over their head, it’s time to forgive and release it to God.

You might say, “They’re not really sorry.”

Maybe, but forgiveness is as much about releasing yourself as it is releasing them.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” (Lewis B. Smedes)

It’s as much about allowing yourself to be freed because bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

You can’t control them, but you can control your choice to release the debt.

You also might say, “You don’t know what they’ve done!”

You’re right. I don’t. I have no doubt that there are big offenses represented her.

There are legitimate debts.

And I may not know what they’ve done and how big it is, but guess who does?

God the Father. And what are His actions when He knows the offense and there’s a debt?

He sent His Son to a cross to pay the debt.

Ephesians 4:32 “God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Knowing everything you’ve ever done, God forgave you through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ.

God doesn’t reuse a Yellow Card for the same offense.

Once we confess, the Bible says those debts are completely removed, put behind God’s back, blotted out, remembered no more, and hurled into the depths of the sea.

Once He forgives, He refuses to bring it up again.

And the first part of Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Our responsibility based on the redemptive work of Jesus Christ is to forgive and refuse to hold the debt over the head of the debtor.

If we don’t, Spousal will stop God’s work in us and prevent His glory through us.

And our end will not be unlike the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:35, about whom Jesus said regarding his punishment, “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

CONCLUSION:

Slavery is awful. We would never condone it. We don’t have the right to own another person.

So husband, wife, why are we practicing in our homes by holding past mistakes over our spouse’s head?

Charging them so much interest that they feel hopeless to ever have it paid?

Especially, when you consider that God, who is holy, doesn’t do that to us with our past?

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

God never repeats a Yellow Card.

And if He deals with us that completely.

That lovingly.

That gracefully.

Then we ought to find the grace to be kind, and tenderhearted, and forgiving, to the person that we are meant to love the most.

It’s time to let it go.

To release the debt.

To stop bringing it up every time you get angry.

To stop throwing it in their face when we’re emotional.

To stop using today’s mistakes to dig up yesterday’s debts.

Can you imagine what it would do in our spouse if the one who sees them at their worst would love them enough to forgive them?

That’s God toward us. The One who knows us best loves us most.

That is a transforming truth.

It’s about time we take that YELLOW CARD and say, “It’s over. I forgive you. I release your debt to God. I no longer require payment. It’s done.”

Stop the practice of Spousal Slavery.

Your marriage is dependent on it.

God’s work in your life is dependent on it.

God’s glory in your marriage is dependent on it.

It’s time to let it go.

If God for Christ’s sake could know all about me and still forgive me, then I can, through His power, forgive those that have wronged me too.