Colossians 3:20-21 - At the center of our parenting

I was so happy to have both my kids home a few weeks ago.

When we brought Silas home, our house got really cold.

First night. We were crying, and it was a mess.

How are we going to do this?

There are so many books on parenting, and people are so generous with their two sense on how to parent, it’s so helpful.

Context

Paul is addressing how a redeemed household is supposed to be ordered.

Wives, submit to husbands

Husbands, love your wives and give yourself up for her

Now he pivots passed the marriage to parenting.

Big Idea: Jesus is at the center of our parenting

God has organized the household in a way that is glorifying to Him and builds up the family into flourishing.

When things function the way that God has designed them, then we get to walk in the joy and presence of God.

Stand to read

Colossians 3:20–21 ESV

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Leader: This is God’s Word.

Everyone: Thanks be to God.

It is surprising that children are addressed at all.

Especially for the younger they are, the less responsibility they are expected to have for their actions.

Paul honors them as members of the household.

We are to submit to Christ in every aspect of our lives, so for children this means taking their parent’s authority seriously.

“Obey” is significant for two reasons.

It’s a different word than “submit” verse 18

“Submit” is a voluntary submission - “Obey” is absolute.

It requires children to listen and do.

This says, “in everything”

Are there exceptions? Of course.

We never go against Scripture to obey anyone.

We stand with Jesus.

If we or someone else is leading our children into sin or other harm, then the kid is not to obey!

There are parents who use their children for shady and sometimes dangerous things.

Matthew 18:6 ESV

6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

The Bible does not call for obedience there.

God has called Christians to build a kingdom-oriented home for their families.

This is where we step up as parents and model what it looks like to be in a right obedience to God.

We model what it looks like to walk in dependence upon the Lord.

Church,

Parents, teach obedience by modeling obedience.

Your children will not out-obey your obedience to Jesus.

If you want to put Jesus first, then you must model that for your kids.

Jesus isn’t just an add on to your lives, He is your life.

The gospel is the foundation of your home.

Deuteronomy 6:5–7 ESV

5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Do your children hear you pray or see you read God’s Word?

Read the Bible to your kids, pray for and with your kids.

If you don’t know how, ask someone.

The best way to learn how to pray is to pray.

Do your children hear you repent?

When you lash out at them, do you model the gospel by seeking their forgiveness?

Do you approach them in humility and say “I was wrong?”

We are called to obey the Lord and teach these things in our home.

You only have so much time with your kids, and most of the time we’re trying to figure out how to entertain them.

Talk with them about what they learned at church

Tell them what you’ve been reading in the Word.

Those times between practices or on the way home from school.

Matthew 28:19–20 ESV

19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Making disciples starts at home.

That bleeds out into our church, which bleeds into our community, which bleeds into the mission field.

The Lord is going to continue to develop us as believers as we grow in our marriages and in our parenting.

The Lord has used my marriage and parenting more than anything to change me and make me more like Jesus.

The Lord has humbled me by my wife and kids.

When Silas was almost two, there was one night that he woke up around 3AM ready to party.

3AM is not a time for me to party.

I did the godly I took him to the living room so Hilary could sleep while I pouted, and he was playing.

I was sitting annoyed on the couch and he came and grabbed my finger to come play.

I pulled my finger away.

He came back and grabbed my finger again.

“Dude, I don’t want to play. You play, make yourself tired”

He came and grabbed my finger again

The Holy Spirit used him as a crowbar on my soul.

Our heavenly Father doesn’t pull away from us.

This is not how our heavenly Father has treated us.

We are called to parent like our heavenly Father.

God is perfectly good.

He’s a good Father, who adores and loves His children.

Colossians 3:21 ESV

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Explanation

Our family lives would be radically improved if we fathers took Paul’s command seriously.

We have all failed at this by not making it easy for our children to obey us.

The issue is that we fall short.

Paul warns that these shortcomings can lead to strained relationships and emotional damage.

It’s easy to overlook their feelings and thoughts.

I’m prone to make false judgements about my son’s motives—This is something I have to repent daily for.

The word Paul uses means to stir someone to action to the point of exasperation.

This is continual nagging and exhausting negativity.

Millions of children, even in Christian homes, experience a constant rain of criticism.

This doesn’t always look like screaming and yelling.

Sometimes it looks like us living vicariously through our children.

In sports/school/relationships.

When we try to live vicariously through our children, we put a weight on them that their little souls cannot bear.

Christian fathers are expected to display the character of God, who shows compassion as a father should.

We mischaracterize God when we think He’s always looking at us with a scowl.

Perhaps this is because this is how your earthly father treated you.

You weren’t good enough. He made you feel like a burden.

Or he just simply wasn’t there.

I work in a school setting, and that is one of the most heart-breaking places to be.

This week, a young boy came up to me at work and asked “Do you know my dad?”

Justin—I asked what his last name was, and there was a major delay.

He had to think of his dad’s last name before he was able to tell me.

Before the conversation ended, he said, “If you see him, could you tell him I said ‘hi’?”

This is a broken picture that does not reflect the heart of God the Father.

This is a travesty.

Gospel presentation

God the Father had every reason to leave us.

We had all wandered into sin and we were left in the cold.

We were orphans who do not know what true love is.

We deserved to be left behind.

But God is a good Father, who sent His Son to redeem us back to Himself as children.

At one time, we were merely His creation.

But when Jesus went to the cross and died for our sins, He gave us the right to become children of God.

Jesus took your death sentence and then raised three days later to give you eternal life so that you can become a child of light!

When you repent and trust in Jesus, the Father adopts you joyfully into His family.

He delights in those whom He has saved!

He is not burdened to save you!

If you’re not a Christian, you can become part of God’s family today and live in a right relationship with a heavenly Father who delights in you and sings over you.

Will you leave your sin behind and become part of God’s family through faith?

God has given us a beautiful model for parenting.

Sacrificial, unconditional love.

Church,

Parents, love your children as God loves you.

Through the sacrifice of Christ, we are able to model grace and patience.

When we approach our children with Jesus’s compassion and forgiveness, we provide a household that is built on redemption, not despair.

Let’s not leave our kids struggling for hope or fear of failure.

Let’s nurture in them a dependency upon the Lord and encourage them to follow Jesus.

Let’s teach them what it looks like to put Jesus first in our lives.

Let’s model a love for the Lord that builds up our families and God’s Kingdom.

If you’re not a Christian, you can’t be this parent if you don’t love Jesus.

Repent and follow Jesus.

You can begin living in a redeemed family today.

Everyone has a next step.

Take the next step

Decide how you are going to lead your home.

Do you want your home to be an embassy of heaven on earth?

Repent for not putting Jesus first in your home.

Learn how to disciple your children.

Pray with them. Read with them. Learn with them. Worship with them.

Find someone to learn from.

Who is someone who model’s Jesus-centered parenting?

COMMUNION