Watch Your Mouth

Grace to you and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a great honor to share the Word of God with the saints of Durbin Memorial Baptist Church. Our church exists by grace for glory in love.

There is a cliche that is the ire of many high school relationships. Now, I could go on a tangent about the futility and misdirection of modern adolescent “dating”, but I’ll save that for another day. Instead I want to bring up the common phrase often that sends shivers down the spine of young romantic. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Now typically this phrase is used to soften the blow of a break up. The one who wants to leave the relationship says it to the other so that the other person might not bear the weight of the separation. It is an attempt to place the blame on the person doing the rejecting. However, this almost always fails. As one pastor put it, “Hearing those five words can crush our spirits. We intuitively know the words are dishonest, that it’s just a way of avoiding conflict and quickly ending an unhappy relationship.”

Now I recognize that the most common usage of this phrase is to soften the blow in a break up. But I would suggest to you that, “It’s not you, it’s me,” can be a very helpful, and honest starting point as we evaluate the ongoings of our lives, our relationship with God, and our interactions with others.

Let’s look briefly at those categories. First, evaluating the ongoings of our lives, We read in Psalm 14:2–3 “2 The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. 3 They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.” We generally think that we are pretty good people. And there may be some comparative truth to that. You may not be burning down your neighborhood or causing the most amount of drama in your workplace. You may make it to most of your kids event and be involved in their lives. I don’t want to discourage you in those things. We should be involved in raising our children and live with peace in our neighborhoods and workplaces, but the reality is that we all have a sinful nature. When we look at Jesus’ sermon on the mount we see that even our angry thoughts are liable to judgment. Even just looking at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery in your heart.

As we evaluate our lives, we need to do so with the right standard, the standard of the righteousness of God. When we do so, we will come into congruence with the truth of Psalm 14, we will see how God sees, that we don’t do good on our own. And when we see that are all sinners, we can then come to see that we have no one else to blame but ourselves. There are certainly times when others act poorly towards us, but that doesn’t excuse our own sinful reactions. In the same sermon on the mount I mentioned a moment ago, Jesus would say, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” I don’t typically think of enemies treated us well. And yet, Jesus says to love them, seek their good, and pray for them. Not in a passive aggressive sense, but from a genuine place of concern and care even for those who persecute you. This means that we can’t blame others for our sinful reactions when they are the very people God has called us to care and pray for! It’s not you, it’s me, it’s my sin issue!

We can then look at our relationship with God through the lens of “It’s not you, it’s me.” As I mentioned that God is the very standard of righteousness, that points us to the reality that God is all Good! Jesus would say in Mark 10, “No one is good except God alone.” That means that when we see the world falling apart around us, when we see the pains of sin, even the sting of death, that we don’t then throw the blame on God. We can see from the beginning in the Garden of Eden to the End of Revelation with the coming of the New Heaven and New Earth that God is Good and is working out a good plan. We must trust God through it all seeing how He has continually and consistently worked out His goodness through what appears to be dark and messy circumstances. It’s not you, God, it’s me! It’s my heart that wanders from your steadfast love. It’s my eyes that turn from your face! It’s not you, it’s me!

Understanding our responsibility drives our repentance, our eyes are opened to our own shortcomings, we mourn our sin and rely of the Spirit as we turn to the Lord and pursue righteousness for His glory.

The third application of “It’s not you, it’s me” is towards our relationships with others. And that will be the primary focus of our sermon today.

Open your Bibles, if you have not already, to James chapter 3. Today we will be looking at verses 1-12. We will be seeking to take responsibility for own misuses of our mouths, of our language, and learning how to glorify our God through how we speak to one another. Understanding that we are primarily held accountable for how we handle ourselves in any and every situation.

Let’s begin in verses 1 and 2.

James 3:1–2 ESV

1 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.

If you have been with us throughout the journey in the book of James thus far, you will hopefully have noticed that this book transitions from topic to topic while maintaining an overarching theme of humbled, tested, lived out faith in Christ Jesus. If you are going back to review the rest of the book, beyond what we touch on this morning, you can see that when James uses the phrase, “my brothers” it typically indicates a transition to a new topic. That is the case before us this morning in verse 1. “Not many of you should be teachers, MY BROTHERS, for you know that we who teach will be judged with a greater strictness.”

Now the specific teaching here in verse 1 is important, so we’re going to talk through it for a bit, but its also important to understand it as a part, a foundational example to lay the base for the more general teaching that we will get to in the rest of our text this morning.

So let’s first look at the specific before connecting it to the larger picture for this morning.

James says, not many of you should become teachers, for you know that WE who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

We first need to note that James once again exhibits humility. Though there is much direction and even some harsh correction given in this book, it is not given from sitting on the top of the ivory tower. This is how it ought to be in all churches. Pastors give biblical explanation and application, but its not done so flippantly or overbearingly, from a place of superiority. No, real pastoral teaching and guidance comes from humility, ultimately being humbled by the God of our salvation and seeking to honor Him through shepherding the church in a direction that honors Him, understanding that we must give an account, we will be judged for how we handled and stewarded God’s church.

It is a fearsome reality to know that teachers are judged with a greater strictness. Teaching has an inherent authority behind it. People *generally* accept the teaching that is given to them. If the teacher is teaching good and true information, then all is well, but what if the teacher goes off the rails?

My sisters and I grew up in Lexington Virginia. I remember one time when my sister was in, I believe, second grade, her class was going through the state capitals. Now I don’t know about you all, but that’s something I’ve never been good at. I wouldn’t even begin to attempt to teach that to you, at least not with a verified list of them all in front of me. But at that time, my sister took her capitals quiz and was very surprised to see that she was marked incorrect on one particular state. A state where a lot of our family lived. A state we had visited consistently. The state she had marked wrong on this quiz was Kentucky! She looked at her answer: She put Frankfort! She rushed to the teacher and said it had to be a mistake that’s the right answer! The teacher said no the capitol of Kentucky is Looey-ville! She didn’t even know how to pronounce Louisville! It took a parent teacher conference before she finally acquiesced and corrected her teaching for the class.

Listen, state capitals, while not unimportant, are not the end of the world. But when it comes to the things of God, this teaching is too important to be trifled with. I’m not claiming to have a perfect understanding but I walk into this pulpit every week trying to do my due diligence to ensure the Word is being taught in a way that aligns with the One who gave us the Word intends it to be taught and with the understanding that it is to Him that I will give an account for what I teach.

The reality of living in a fallen world means that there will never be a perfect pastor. It’s fitting because we wont find a perfect church on this side of glory either. Some pastors may excel in exposition and struggle in leadership, others have great vision for building the body, but struggle to provide care for the shut ins and a estranged. Excelling in one area does not excuse lack of effort in another. We have to be willing to work on our deficiencies and build teams to cover where we fall short. For we all stumble in many ways, as it says there in verse 2.

As believers, we recognize that we will stumble, that we will face both trial and temptation, and not always do what best honors God in those situations, but there is hope for us all in the second half of verse 2. “If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” You might say, but Pastor Brad, “I’m not perfect, and you just said we’re gonna stumble. This verse isn’t for me nor does it give me much hope.” If that’s you at all in this moment, allow me to further your understanding of the word Perfect.

When we think of perfect, our minds go to faultless, without blemish. That is certainly one usage of the word perfect. But often in Scripture, particularly in the context of believers, as its used this morning, perfect isn’t referring to ultimate shiny perfection, but to a matured, fully developed, sanctified Christian that has learned to control his body and tongue. This is certainly important for those holding the position of pastor, but it is something that we all strive towards. This is explained further as we progress through our text and our focus is now shifted from specifically pastors and teachers, to believers as a whole. Look at the next set of verses.

James 3:3–5 ESV

3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!

I gotta say, I love preaching through James because he does all the work of finding illustrations for me. We were just talking about matured, perfected, lived out faith being some one who controls what he says and disciplines his body.

There is a general point that the Christian life should be a disciplined life. As a church on Sunday nights in the past, we have walked through Donald Whitney’s Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. It talks about the specific disciplines of being in the Word consistently, daily prayer, gathering for worship, evangelism, serving, stewardship, fasting, enjoying silence, journaling, and continuing education. These are good disciplines. Dr. Whitney rightly presents them as aspirations to help live out lives for the glory of God. Not a set a binding demands that we must do to earn our own goodness, but the right response to seeing the goodness of God displayed on the cross on our behalf.

I think that James would agree with the sentiments of discipline expressed in Dr. Whitney’s book. But James gives us an even more elementary first step of discipline than the various reading plans and morning journal routines. James says, look at a horse. These big powerful animals. Yet you put a bit in their mouth and they’re now under control by the rider. The whole body of the horse follows the mouth. Similarly, a ship. This massive feat of engineering. Giant sails carry them across the oceans. Yet they are directed by a comparatively small rudder and the pilot uses the rudder to direct the giant ship.

In the same way, the daily disciplines are good. I encourage all of us to steward our lives for the glory of God and seek to be disciplined. But the first place we need to start our stewardship is much simpler, yet much more difficult to change than scheduling a time for daily prayer. Stewarding your life for the glory of God begins with watching your mouth.

This sermon has been entitled Watch Your Mouth. I think from my experience that this is one area of Christian stewardship that is massively overlooked. “Godly speech not only evidences but also contributes to a life that honors God. Wicked speech, on the other hand, leads to more rebellion, sin, and dishonor. James’s language is reminiscent of the many biblical proverbs that address speech (e.g., Prov. 18:21).”

We are given the consistent reminder all throughout Scripture to watch our mouths, but our culture teaches us the exact opposite. We’re in a society that celebrates popping off, being divisive, and having the loudest voice in the room. We honestly just don’t seem to think that what and how we say what we say matters. We teach our kids to sings, “Be careful little mouths what you say, be careful little mouths what you say, for the Father up above is looking down with love, so be careful little mouths what you say,” then let them watch us curse out the guy who cuts us off in traffic.

You may think that I am exaggerating the importance of watching our mouths but look at destructive James shows it to be. Read verse 5 again though verse 8.

James 3:5–8 ESV

5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

The overarching point here is that the tongue, our speech, is a big deal! Look at all the ways he makes he reiterates this point. It’s like a small fire that sets a full forest ablaze. A small fire can quickly get out of hand. Proverbs 16:27 “27 A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” A careless word can cause unknown destruction. We can understand this in regards to how a rumor can spread and cause dissension within a particular group of people. But as we progress through the metaphor in this section of scripture the damage is not just outward, but inward as well. The tongue stains the whole body, it effects everything! When James writes that the tongue sets on fire the entire course of life, “this refers to the entire sphere of human existence, the unending span of life stretching from birth to death. The idea seems to be that the tongue's evil effects can extend beyond the individual to affect everything in a person's sphere ("wheel") of influence. James has just said the evil effects of the tongue can permeate our personality, but now widens the sphere of influence to our entire life. In short, the tongue is capable of disrupting everything!”

The tongue is untamable! Every creature in life is untamable, you can go to Sea World and watch some of earth’s most deadly sea creatures splash on command, jump through hoops for fish, yet the no human tongue can be tamed. It’s restless evil, full of deadly poison. It’s a big deal!

In the rest of our text, we see more specifically why we ought to watch our mouths and why the tongue can be a wicked thing.

James 3:9–12 ESV

9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

There was an interesting tradition in the early Jewish Christian churches that came from their Hebrew roots. Anytime there was an utterance of the name of God, the entire congregation would say together, “Blessed be He.” So all throughout the service there would be a consistent refrain of corporate praise punctuating throughout. “ Yet these same people, with the blessings still on their lips, would sometimes, after leaving worship, actually curse someone who had angered them! This was a shameful sin, and James would not tolerate it!”

More pressing to our application this morning, WE should not tolerate it! We should not tolerate it in ourselves! We come to church, we sing the songs, we have the polite conversations, we pray and praise, then when we leave the doors we treat the waitress who is later than we would like with our refill with disdain and disrespect!

Don’t hear me incorrectly here, I am not trying to be the “tone police.” There are times in which we must have stern and even uncomfortable conversations, but we really ought to evaluate our motivations before we do and ensure that in the moments when the blood begins the boil, when we steam is about to leave the pot, that we are sincerely seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, because I would suspect that most times when we lash out at others we are more concerned about ourselves than our God.

James writes that we bless our Lord and God while cursing His image bearers. “Even at their worst, humans maintain a dignity that comes from being created in God’s image. This reality should restrain our speech and defer judgment to the Creator. Indeed, our speech should reflect God’s providential and fatherly care of his creation, over which “he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matt. 5:45). Or, as Jesus warned, “Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matt. 5:22).”

v 10 “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so.”

It shouldn’t be this way. We are not serving the God of our salvation how we ought to if we sing His name on Sunday and run our Neighbor’s name through the Mud on Monday.

James shows that a continued presence of incendiary may indicate that some one is actually unregenerate, not truly a believer. James 3:11–12“11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.”

Charles Spurgeon wrote, “It would be a monstrosity, a thing to be wondered at, and stared at as unnatural and absurd if a fig tree started bearing olive berries and it is just as unnatural for a Christian to live in sin. Can he so live as to bear the fruits of iniquity instead of the fruits of righteousness? God forbid that it should be so!”

So what do we do? What do we do if we notice that our tongues are out of control?

James just said in verse 8 no human being can tame the tongue. And James is correct. By our own power we are helpless in such things. But by the grace of God through Faith in the Son and the empowering of the Spirit, there is hope! With man this is impossible but with God all things are possible! If God can save a wretch like me He can certainly tame my tongue!

When you hear gossip, pray silently in the Spirit to keep your tongue busy lest you join in the hellish discussion. If I listen to and absorb gossip, or put-downs, I am actually an accomplice in that fire ignited by hell. But if I refuse to listen and pray instead, the water of the Spirit douses the fire of hell, and the conversation dies. Get out of the conversation and run to the Lord.

Colossians 3:1–5 “1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

Colossians 3:12–14 “12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

The Christian life on this side of glory is a consistent taking off the old and putting on the new. Some days we do better than others, but in all days we are wholly reliant on the grace of God to get us through and bring to completion the good work that He began in us on the day that we understood Christ as Savior as Lord.

Church, the whole of what we talked about this morning is really this simple. Do you believe that Jesus is Lord? Do you believe that He saved you from your sins? Do you believe that His commands are for your good and for His glory? Do you believe that He has a glorious purpose for your life that is beyond your comprehension? If so, watch your mouth! Speak to others with care and compassion. With patience and long suffering. Display meekness which is power under control. Be strong in the faith, bold for the glory of God, but controlled by the Word and the Spirit.

But if you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, the reality is that your entire course of life is set on fire by hell. That’s not me trying to be mean, but rather to show you the reality of your situation. The glorious grace of God is that Jesus lived and died and rose again so that all who believe in Him. All those who without such belief would be bound for hell, might instead have eternal life and see the great grace of God. Don’t leave here today being controlled by your tongue, by your flesh, by your sin. Leave here today humbly serving the Lord, seeing what He did for you and desiring to serve the King of kings. We’re going to have a hymn of response. If you are uncertain if you serve the King of kings, make that known today. I’d love to tell you more about Him.

Let’s pray.