A Study of Matthew: Family Matters

Matthew 12:46–50 ESV

While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

When I was a kid, a family in my church fell into a bad situation. I felt so bad for them. I started trying to get things together to help them—I was 10 at the time, so I couldn’t do much, but I just wanted to make sure they had EVERYTHING they needed. I went to my folks and told them we needed to help this family with food, clothing, and other things. My dad, who was a very generous man, looked at me and said, “We can’t do all that.”

Of course, I responded, “Why not? You always told me that we have to take care of each other.”

Dad’s reply was, “I was talking about family.”

And my answer to that was, “But Dad, they are our brothers and sisters in Christ. They ARE family!”

In today’s passage, we see a scene just following the events of last week’s passage. The local scribes and pharisees have been trying to discredit Jesus. First, they tried to make him look like a bad leader because he didn’t keep his disciples from picking grain on the Sabbath. That didn’t work. Then they tried to make Jesus look like a blasphemer by bringing a man with a withered hand to him in the synagogue and asking if it’s lawful to heal on the Sabbath. Jesus asks them if they would rescue their livestock if they came into danger on the Sabbath. The pharisees can’t answer (because Jesus was right), so Jesus concludes that it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath, and he heals the man’s hand.

Jesus goes out into the city and meets a bunch of other people and heals them too, including a blind mute who is also tormented by a demon. But when Jesus casts out the demon, the pharisees accuse Jesus of being in league with the devil! Jesus tears down that accusation, so the pharisees again challenge him. Prove that what you’re saying is true. Give us a sign so that we will believe you. Jesus basically says that they won’t believe any sign he would give—seeing how they have just seen him grow a new hand on somebody AND cast a demon out of somebody, in addition to giving the man his sight and the ability to talk. He does offer them the sign of Jonah. He prophesies his death and resurrection, offering them the hope of salvation.

And THEN Jesus’ mom and brothers show up. They are just outside the place Jesus is with the pharisees. They send someone in to ask Jesus to come out and speak to them. Jesus doesn’t go out.

Matthew 12:47–50 ESV

But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Now, it’s interesting to note that Mary and Jesus’s brothers show up at this particular time. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they show up just as Jesus is in the middle of a confrontation with the religious experts I am sure that word quickly got around about what’s going on. Jesus’ mom found out that the pharisees were going after her boy, and how Jesus was making them all look like a bunch of chumps. I think mama knew that the pharisees were only going to get more angry with Jesus. She knew that her boy was in danger. So it looks like maybe mama came with her other boys to get Jesus out of a bad situation.

Mary sends someone in to talk to Jesus. Maybe it’s one of his brothers. “Hey dude, mom’s outside. She wants to talk to you. The whole family is here.”

So why doesn’t Jesus go out? Why does he say what he does?

I believe Jesus is making a point about the family of faith. It is a family made up of people who are fully surrendered to God. Jesus came to do his Father’s will, and that includes having these conversations with the pharisees. Jesus knows that these men are getting angrier with him at each encounter. He knows that what he is doing now will lead to his death.

Mama Mary sees it to. She has been around long enough to know how the religious leaders deal with anyone they consider a threat. She’s a mom, and she is doing what any good mama would do—try to protect her kid.

The problem is, what Mary wants would go directly against what God wants. Mary is a woman of faith. She was chosen by God to bear the Messiah. But at this point, she can’t see the whole picture of what Jesus is supposed to accomplish. She thinks he’s making a mistake, and she wants to get him away. She’s trying to give God a helping hand.

On the other hand, we have Jesus’ disciples; this motley crew of misfits. We have blue collar guys, riffraff, and notoriously corrupt Roman collaborators in the same room with Jesus and the elite of Jewish religious society. They don’t fully understand what Jesus is doing, any more than Mary does. They can probably feel the room and know that Jesus is putting himself in hot water. But where Mary has her boys ready to pull Jesus out of that situation and “talk some sense into him,” Jesus’ disciples stand with him against the pharisees.

So you have three groups here, all with their own ideas of what it means to belong to God. You have the Pharisees, who base their membership on their Jewish ancestry and position in society. They see a religion, where they are God’s officers. Then you have Mary, who knows she was chosen to be the mother of the Messiah and wants to watch her son fulfill a glorious destiny. God may have worked a miracle, but to Mary, that man in the house is her son—hers to protect and hers to command. Finally, you have the disciples, who probably haven’t even thought of themselves as “family.” They are just devoted to following Jesus.

What does Jesus have to say about this?

Matthew 12:50 ESV

For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Once again, Jesus has made it perfectly clear what constitutes being a member of God’s family. It’s not heritage. It’s not connections. It’s not being religious. It’s not even enough to believe there is a God. Family membership requires nothing less than complete submission to the Father. Family obeys the Father.

This can sound harsh at first. For one thing, this devalues everything we have tried to do to make ourselves worthy. People can be impressed by the things we do or the society connections we have. God doesn’t care about that. God cares about what is going on in our hearts. Do we really love him? Are we seeking his will for our lives? Are we willing to turn away from anything that would dishonor our heavenly Father?

I admit, surrendering to the will of the Father is a daily challenge. The apostle Paul admitted as much. But the grace of God is that he looks at the motivations of our hearts. If the desire of our heart is to surrender to him, he will accept that.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Surrendering may be a challenge, but isn’t it worth it! Because the reward is being adopted into the family of God. The creator of the universe is now my father! He will look out for me and provide everything I need. And now I am surrounded by family. Every person who has surrendered their lives to Jesus is now my brother and sister. I am not alone in this journey.

Sometimes we fail to understand how powerful it is to belong to the family of God. We were raised in church. We are surrounded by spouses, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, children, grandchildren, and dear friends. But think about places like the Middle East, where choosing to follow Christ means being disowned by your family. It can mean being shunned, or even killed, by your community. Even here, in Jamestown, there are people who are stuck in bad situations. They are afraid to do anything about it, because it could cost them their relationships.

Remember when Zenetta told us about the person who came to talk with us? That person had questions. They don’t feel that they are being spiritually fed at their current church. But to leave means possible rejection by their entire family.

People like I’m describing need to know that there is a family ready to embrace them. They need to know that what they will receive from God is worth all the rejection they might face from men. We tell them that God loves them. They need to see that love lived out in us. This is what it means to do the will of the Father. We seek justice, we love mercy, and we walk humbly before our God. We love the Lord with all our hearts, minds, and strength—with everything that we are—and we love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

I stress that we are a family. We are one in the Spirit. We are one through our heavenly Father. And we are one through the blood of Jesus.

Communion reminds us of that. It reminds us of our connection to Christ. It reminds us of the price Jesus paid to set us free from sin and make us a part of his family.

1 Corinthians 11:23–26 ESV

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.