Fight to Stay Together

Welcome

Well, good morning Lifepoint! If we haven’t met yet, my name is Dan and I serve here as the Teaching Pastor for our Worthington campus.

New Guest Info

If this is your first time here with us...

Blessing Tree

This time of year we as we approach the holidays we realize that it can be a little harder on single parent families here at Lifepoint and we would like to bless them. You will notice a white Christmas tree with a QR code next to it where you can nominate/recommend a single parent family here at Lifepoint.

Series Intro

We’re continuing in our series through the New Testament letter of Philippians - a letter written by the Apostle Paul to a church her started in the Roman Colony of Philipi somewhere around 50 A.D.

The over arching theme of this letter has been joy. It’s the point he makes about 16 times - that as followers of Jesus, we understand that the only source of unshakable joy is in God himself - and that by finding our joy in him, we are actually liberated from looking at all our horizontal relationships (to our friends, family, spouse…our careers) and essentially demanding that they make us happy. Instead, we look to our relationship with God as our source of unshakeable joy! That no matter what we encounter in this life…and I really do mean that…no matter what we encounter, as followers of Jesus, we can experience joy.

So if you have a bible with you today, I’d invite you to open up with me to Philippians 4 and we’ll be in the first seven verses today.

Introduction

And while you’re turning there.

I have to say that I think it’s God’s kindness in bringing us to the passage we’re looking at today - as teaching pastors, we didn’t not plan it this way - but the passage we’re looking is very fitting for our cultural moment.

Today, we’re talking about conflict.

Disagreement. Fighting.

And here’s the thing, I know that as soon as I bring this up - some of you have a specific conflict that comes to mind. Maybe it’s one you’re in right now…maybe it’s one you’re just coming off of…

The reality is, all of us experience conflict - some of it’s our fault - some of it is “their” fault…more likely it’s a combination of the two. But for whatever reason, fighting is a fact of life. T

But I think the question we have is: What do we do with it? How do we work through it? And what happens on the other side?

And if there’s anything I want you walking away thinking about today it’s this: as followers of Jesus, we fight…to stay together.

We fight…like it’s going to happen…it is a fact of life…

Bug we fight to stay together. The same energy we put into our conflict, we make a choice to do the hard work of pursuing unity.

So if you’re not there yet, open with me to Philippians 4:1-7. I’ll read the passage, pray, and then we’ll get started.

Philippians 4:2–7 ESV

I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Pray

We Fight

Alright, let’s go ahead and get started.

Remember, the main thing I want you walking away thinking about today is this: as followers of Jesus we fight to stay together.

And I’ll say this from the beginning. There are a WHOLE bunch of things that we are not going to get to talk about today. If you’re tacking with me today - you will have the, ‘Yeah but what about…[FILL IN THE BLANK]” question come up repeatedly. Put it in the questions section of the Notes App.

Now, let me remind you of how the Philippian church would have first interacted with Paul’s letter.

See, the problem is, most people would not have been able to read - so if they wanted to know what Paul said, they’d have to listen. They would have been gathered up in someone’s home…it’s not a huge group of people…they’d all have been ready and excited to hear what Paul had to say to them. And you can imagine that as the reader is going through this whole letter - probably pausing every now and then to give some explain a bit more of what Paul meant - they’re encouraged by what they hear…Paul has been very encouraging to them…he’s let them in on how he’s been processing some hard things going on in his own life…then he get’s the very end and this group of people there would have heard this…look with me at v. 2.

Philippians 4:2–3 ESV

I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

That’s gonna suck the air out of the room...

Actually, in the original language which is Greek, not English, it’s even more direct - Paul says, “I’m specifically calling out Euodia and specifically calling out Syntyche…to agree in the Lord.”

And he doesn’t go into any the issues - he doesn’t pick a side - but he’s calling out that there is some kind of conflict going on between to these two ladies.

Now, just because he doesn’t address the specifics, doesn’t mean we don’t anything about what they we’re dealing with.

First of all, in the rest of Paul’s letters, he’s got no problem calling people out for doctrinal issues - he’s got no problem calling out over sin issues - where someone has clearly missed the mark! But the fact that he doesn’t do that here, gives a little insight into what probably going on and the kind of conflict that’s gripped not just these two people, but really the whole church.

At some point, they’d been able to work together. They were leaders in the Philippian church - they had helped Paul get things off the ground - they were part of his core team…presumably, these are two godly spiritually mature women…but there’s been some kind of relational break. Something has happened insignificant enough that it’s not helpful to specifically mention, but the effect is disruptive enough that Paul has to bring it up.

For whatever reason, they cannot get along.

And isn’t that the way so much of the conflict we experience today plays out? I think occasionally we have these overt fights…where there is a big flashpoint…it’s out in the open…people know about it…you can’t hide it..

But more often than not, we have covert fights. They’re not all that obvious - and you may not even be able to fully trace it back to where it started....Like you do something to me that just kinda rubs the wrong way - I say something that hits you the wrong way - and what we’re left with is this kind of tension. And it may be harmless or unnoticed at first, but over time there is something that just builds. You become the kind of person in my mind that would do something like that…I become the kind of person in your mind that would say something like that. There is this suspicion…you loose trust…and it’s a bit of spiral effect as the longer it goes on, the more and more we interpret what they’re doing through this lens of ‘they are the kind of person would do that...’

You know I mean?

Friends, this happens in all of our relationships. It happens in marriage, it happens with family, it happens with friends - it ABSOLUTELY happens in the church!

We fight.

Sin as Fight / Flight Response

Why?

Well, on the one hand, it’s part of what it means to be human! There is not a single person in this room who doesn’t get upset with someone else, right? It happens.

Sociologists talk about people generally having one of two kinds of responses to when we feel threatened by something - the fight or flight response. Most of us have heard that and know what I’m talking about - the moment some says something that jolts you - and some of us are like ready to go to battle; ready to lean in…let’s go! You are fighters.

Others of us want to get outta there, right? Like you don’t want to stick around for whatever could go down - you’ve been there before, didn’t work out - so you disengage, check out. This is flight.

And the idea is that these responses have been programmed into us through generational patterns going back to dawn of time. And there’s really no right or wrong here, just different ways we are hardwired to respond…some of us are fighters and some of us are flighters.

But as you look through the biblical storyline, we see there is a bit more to it than that. There are actually some deeper heart issues going on that inevitably lead us to direct conflict with others.

You see, as we go through life, you and I cannot help but think of ourselves as the main character of whatever story is playing out around us. This is why kids have no problem having an absolute melt down in the cereal isle - because there is nothing inside of them that says, “maybe this is inconsiderate to the other shoppers.”

And we think we eventually grow out of that way of thinking, but in reality, the older we get, the better we generally get at masking the belief that we’re at the center of it all. We learn how to be with other people - how to give some ground - or however you want to put it - but here’s the important piece - we don’t naturally grow out of the belief that we are at the center.

You see, the scriptures talk about an insidious heart issue of selfishness. And by selfishness, I don’t just mean our tendency to look out for ourselves - to prefer what seems to benefit us. By selfishness, I mean that bedrock belief that makes its home in all our hearts and minds - that I am right. All of us have this…how could we not? Every fact we encounter, every decision, every choice we are faced with, all of it, the first (and usually only) perspective we see through is our own.

And what we often don’t realize is that our commitment to being right…showing that we are in the right…that bedrock of selfishness…actually begins to enslave us.

[ILLUSTRATION] Late night Pizza debacle

But the problem is worse than that because it’s not just me…and it’s not just you who lives this way - all of us do.

This is part of the brokenness of humanity - this is not the way it’s supposed to be - this is not how God had originally created us to function and thrive in community! Our selfishness is a part of our brokenness - it is part of the sin-filled world we live in - and we all bring our brokenness to the table!

This is why we fight.

This is why we can absolutely loose our minds.

This is why we can have some of the deepest and most painful conflicts with people we love most because deep down, there is a brokenness that resides in every single person…a brokenness that absolutely insists that we are at the center of it all and that person over there…they’re a threat.

It does not matter how petty it is, it doesn’t matter if your spouse, best friend, Lifegroup leader, neighbor or parent…all of us will be confronted by our own selfishness and it will drive us against even those we love most - let alone complete strangers!

And the reality is, the world around us doesn’t really have a solution for this selfishness beyond cutting people out of your life.

And we bring all of this right into this community here - the church - and it is devastating.

Over the years, Courtney and I have seen conflict and fighting in the church wreak havoc…we have seen it lead to so much pain and frustration…in fact, we have the scars of church fights that an enormous influence on us …for good and bad!

But friends, this is why Paul is bringing this fight up! This is why he’s addressing the conflict!

Because it won’t just go away by itself and it won’t be an isolated incident. You know it’s interesting, isn’t it? Paul could have sent a second letter specifically to Euodia and Syntyche — a private letter that went into some more details.

But I think he knew that this would be a repeat issue in the life of any church - and he wanted to instruct us on how we navigate through conflict as followers of Jesus - and his message is that ought to be profoundly different from the way the rest of the world navigates conflict.

And his point is that the story of the Gospel itself should shape the way we fight.

It’s going to happen. It’s an unavoidable part of being human.

But he brings to bear the rhetorical force of the entire letter here to get the point across that the story of the Gospel ought to shape how we engage in conflict as followers of Jesus - and ALL of what he says is true regardless of where or with whom the conflict is!

Philippians 2 and Humility

Philippians 2:4–8 ESV

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

[EXPAND]

To Stay Together

And yes, it is hard work. It’s painful work - but what he wants us to understand is that in church we will fight to stay together.

He closes here with three really practical ideas here - that if Euodia and Syntyche are going to agree in the Lord - that if we are going to pursue staying together or navigate through conflict, here’s how Paul says we do this. Look with me at v. 4 (Phil. 4:4-6)

Philippians 4:4–6 ESV

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Transition

Rejoice

And I love that he starts with joy. Keep looking at v. 4, “Rejoice in the Lord.”

We’ve said this over and over again through this series, that Paul’s main idea across the whole letter is joy - reminding the Philippians and us that our joy is not found in our circumstances - it’s not anchored in any of our horizontal relationships, unshakeable joy is found in our vertical relationship with God!

Why is he bringing it up here?

Because when we are in conflict, the subtle lie we start to believe more and more is that joy is found in being right - or shown to be right - or in convincing the other person that you are right!

I think this is an absolutely crucial step in fighting to stay together - in following Jesus, we make the intentional choice to start with joy in the Lord. Rehearsing the truth that we are liberated from the endless need to be right even in this specific conflict. Pursuing Joy in the Lord first is a check against our own tendency to head off the rails - it’s a check against a slow burning anger / animosity that unchecked is corrosive!

And again, as with all of these - it’s not just relegated to conflict in the church.

This is what you need in conflict with your spouse. With you family. With your neighbors and friends.

You take a moment. Step back. And say to yourself, “God, you have freed me from my need to be at the center of it all! You have freed me from this endless pursuit of finding happiness - demanding happiness from my spouse. You have freed me to find what I am actually looking for in my a deep, meaningful, and satisfying relationship with you.

Paul says, if you’re navigating conflict…the first step in fighting to stay together is to rejoice.

Soften

Here’s the second step.

Look with me again at v. 5 (Phil. 4:5)

Philippians 4:5 ESV

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. What does he mean?

Well, in the original language, it’s a word that generally means something more like gentleness.

And if you had to boil it down to one word, Paul is telling us to first rejoice and then to soften.

That we show our gentleness modeled after Jesus’ own posture of gentleness.

Matthew 11:29 (ESV)

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

And I think this is especially important for those of us who are fighters, right? Like those of us who…and we know who we are…we lean in to the fight!

Paul says if you’re a follower of Jesus, we follow his pattern of gentleness.

And again, this is something that I have needed to hear and wrestle with. We can go into a lot of family of origin details - but I come from a fighting family. Like you step in the Osborn household, we were ready to rumble, okay. And over the years, I’ve built up a really positive way to say it: I’m just blunt. I’m got a blunt personality. And what I mean by that is is: I’ll say it like it is - I’ll say what needs to be said! I really liked that metaphor!

And for a long time, Courtney and I would have these conversations about my bluntness - which I was wearing like a badge of honor in whatever conflict I’m in.

And I remember where I was when the question finally hit me: in what context is more helpful to have a blunt knife than a sharp knife?

Like I thought it was the asset in navigating even complicated conflict with people - but isn’t there a reason surgeons use sharp knives and not blunt ones?

It was an excuse - and I’m not the only one whose used it.

Paul is saying, you can’t just say what needs to be said and walk away…you can’t just appeal to your enneagram, “I’m sorry, I’m just a TWO.”

Or maybe you’re just a jerk.

No, he says as step two - we soften. We seek to show gentleness in a way that models Jesus’ own posture of gentleness.

That doesn’t mean we disengage…it doesn’t mean we don’t speak truth… it means we choose to speak truth in love.

We rejoice. We soften.

Pray

And finally, we pray. Look with me at v. 6 (Phil 4:6)

Philippians 4:6 ESV

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Psalm 55:22 (ESV)

22 Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

So What

Friends, what we can’t miss here is how Paul ends this section…as he’s addressing the very real and ongoing fighting that’s taking place in the Philippian church - as he addresses the conflict we experience, calling us to rejoice, soften, and pray.

Look at the promise of what this produces in us in v. 7.

Philippians 4:7 ESV

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

You see ultimately we find that in following Jesus, we are invited into a life free from the endless pursuit of having to be right…of showing we were right…freed from the slavery of selfishness…and welcomed in to a life peace which guards our hearts and mind!

You can be invited into this life.

Gospel

Next Steps

Pray