A Christ Centered Marriage

Intro

My message today is on Ephesians 5:22-33. Unfortunately Ephesians 5:22-24 has become a bit controversial for a variety of reasons, the biggest reason is due to a misunderstanding of scripture and it’s intended application combined. My hope is to give you a better understanding of those verses and the roles that we fill.

In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul tell us that marriage has a holy purpose, and each spouse’s role is uniquely crafted to display different aspects of the gospel. Marriage is far more than companionship or family; it’s a divine design meant to reflect Christ’s relationship with His church.

The Wife’s Role: Submission as the Church Submits to Christ (vv. 22-24)

“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

When Paul gives the call to wives to submit to their husbands in verse 22, this submission does not imply inferiority or passivity. Rather Paul emphasizes that it is “as to the Lord,” meaning it is done so under the watch of Christ and as such is rendered to Christ himself. This submission is not equal in authority to the Lord but rather a wife cannot obey Christ without submitting to their husbands. This call of submission is also not to every man, but rather “to your own husbands”.

In verse 23 Paul then expounds upon this further by explaining that the husband being head of his wife is, “as Christ is the head of the Church”. This relationship is in manner similar to what Christ has with the church, even though the submission to her husband is inferior to that which she owes Christ. The rest of verse 23 concludes, “his body, and is himself Savior.” This isn’t to say that the husband is his wife’s literal savior as Christ alone fills that role but rather to emphasis the mindset a husband should have in regards to his wife.

Paul then repeats the call to submission again, and compares the submission to how the Church submits to Christ. However submission “in everything” (v. 24) does not mean blind obedience; rather, it signifies a respectful, supportive partnership. A wife’s ultimate loyalty is to Christ, not her husband, so if her husband’s direction conflicts with God’s Word, she is called to obey Christ above all else (Acts 5:29). Submission is not about losing her voice but about honoring her husband’s role in their relationship, trusting in his love and commitment to God.

Wives are not called to submit to perfect husbands, for no sinner can be a perfect husband. Instead, wives are to submit to the lawful leadership of their husbands even when their husbands lead imperfectly. This does not mean submitting to abuse, but it does mean being patient with husbands who are endeavoring to follow Christ and lead well. (Ligonier.org - The Vocation of Wives)

Examples

Consider a wife who disagrees with her husband on a significant decision. She shares her perspective openly, trusting that he will value her insights. If they cannot reach a consensus, she chooses to support his decision, trusting in his love for her and his commitment to following Christ. This submission is not passive but a reflection of her respect and trust in his leadership, just as the church trusts Christ.

Another example is a wife who prays consistently for her husband’s spiritual growth, encouraging him and providing wise counsel. She is actively supporting him in his role, not because she lacks strength but because she recognizes that God designed their marriage to flourish when both spouses fulfill their roles. Such submission builds unity, as both husband and wife reflect the love and respect that Christ and the church have for each other.

The Husband’s Role: Sacrificial Love as Christ Loves the Church (vv. 25-27)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Paul begins with a powerful command to husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This love is not mere affection but a sacrificial commitment, reflecting Christ’s love for His church. Christ loved the church to the point of death (Philippians 2:5-8), sacrificing Himself to make her holy and blameless.

Practically, this sacrificial love means that husbands put their wives’ needs above their own. Instead of focusing on his own comfort, he steps in to help, sacrificing his own desires to serve his wife. This reflects Christ’s selfless love—a love that says, “I am here to serve you” (Mark 10:45).

Paul explains that Christ’s love for the church was intended to sanctify her, to make her holy and cleanse her by “the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26). For husbands, this means loving in a way that encourages their wives’ spiritual growth. A husband is called to support his wife in prayer, engage in Scripture together, and create a home where God’s Word is central. This love has a sanctifying effect, leading her closer to God.

A husband’s Christ-like love makes it much easier for his wife to trust and honor his leadership. 1 Peter 3:7, husbands should live with their wives “in an understanding way,” cherishing and respecting them. When a husband leads with humility, grace, and sacrificial love, he provides a foundation for unity and trust, reflecting the gospel in their marriage.

Loving as One’s Own Body: The Unity of Marriage (vv. 28-30)

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Paul continues, saying, “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). This speaks to the unity of marriage, the “one flesh” relationship in (Genesis 2:24). When a husband loves his wife, he loves himself because they are intimately united in a way that reflects Christ’s union with the church.

To illustrate this, imagine a husband who is attentive to his wife’s emotional or spiritual health. Rather than dismissing her struggles, he listens, supports, and prays with her. This love is about caring for her as he would for his own body. Paul uses the words “nourish” and “cherish” in verse 29, emphasizing a love that is nurturing and tender.

This nurturing love mirrors how Christ cares for the church daily, sustaining and guiding His people (John 10:14-15). Husbands are called to reflect this nurturing love by being attentive to their wives’ needs and protecting her well-being. When a husband embraces this role, he creates a safe environment where his wife can thrive, and their marriage reflects the unity of Christ and His church.

Marriage as a Profound Mystery: Christ and the Church (vv. 31-32)

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

In verse 31, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, saying, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” He then calls this union a “mystery” and explains that it refers to Christ and the church.

This “mystery” means that marriage was designed to point to something greater—the covenant between Christ and His people. Consider a couple who faces a season of hardship, perhaps through illness or financial strain. When they pray together, encourage one another, and lean on their faith, they reflect the faithful love Christ has for His church (Romans 8:38-39). Their unity in challenging times is a testimony of the gospel, demonstrating that marriage is not only about personal happiness but about glorifying God.

Paul’s teaching here calls us to a life of study, prayer, and meditation on Scripture. We cannot fully grasp the divine purpose of marriage without devoting ourselves to Christ and His Word. Without this commitment, marriage can become self-centered. But when grounded in Scripture, marriage becomes a form of worship, a way to honor God’s design and show His love to the world.

The Culmination: Love and Respect (v. 33)

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Paul concludes summarizing the same instructions: “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). This final instruction highlights the essence of Christian marriage—mutual love and respect. When a husband loves his wife selflessly, and when a wife responds with respect, they create a relationship that glorifies God and serves as a testimony to others.

Picture a couple who speak kindly to each other, forgive quickly, and consistently show appreciation. Their marriage reflects the grace of Christ, and their love serves as an example to those around them. This dynamic is not about demanding submission or asserting control but about serving one another, putting the other’s needs above their own (Philippians 2:3-4).

In a marriage grounded in love and respect, both husband and wife live out the gospel. Their relationship becomes a powerful testimony, showing the world that true unity, love, and respect are possible through the power of Christ. This is the heart of Christian marriage—reflecting the relationship between Christ and His church.

Our roles and focus are clear, husbands are to love their wives immeasurably and wives are to respect and yield to her husband as the head of their union. So while we can discern where our spouse is falling short, we are all given a clear call that we should focus on in a Christ honoring manner.

How can we apply these principles in our daily lives? Here are some practical ways to live out these roles and strengthen our marriages:

Husbands: Make it a priority to pray with and for your wife. Set aside time for reading Scripture together, discussing how God’s Word applies to your family. Remember that leading is about serving, not asserting control. Show humility and grace, especially in difficult times, reflecting Christ’s love.

Wives: Look for opportunities to encourage and support your husband, showing appreciation for his efforts and contributions. Even when you disagree, communicate respectfully, trusting in God’s design for marriage. Praying for your husband’s leadership is a powerful way to support him spiritually. Prioritize unity and forgiveness: When conflict arises, be quick to forgive and seek reconciliation. Remember that you are “one flesh,” and division within the marriage harms both of you. Reflect Christ’s forgiveness and grace by letting go of bitterness and pursuing peace (Ephesians 4:32).

Cultivate a habit of gratitude: Make it a point to regularly express appreciation for one another. A simple “thank you” or a word of encouragement goes a long way in building a loving and respectful atmosphere in your home.

Stay rooted in Christ: Recognize that we cannot love and respect each other fully in our own strength. Devote time to prayer, study, and meditation on God’s Word, asking Him to help you reflect His love in your marriage. When we abide in Christ, He gives us the strength and wisdom to fulfill our roles in marriage (John 15:4-5).

When husbands love as Christ loved the church, and when wives honor their husbands as the church honors Christ, their marriage becomes a visible expression of the gospel. But to live out this purpose, we must be devoted to knowing Christ. Through prayer, study, and meditation on Scripture, we can understand God’s purpose for marriage and reflect it in our lives.

Let us commit to honoring these roles, not only for the health of our marriages but to bring glory to God. May our marriages be a testimony of the love, grace, and unity found in Christ and His church.

Let’s pray:

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word and for the beautiful design of marriage. Help husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and help wives to honor and respect their husbands as the church honors Christ. Draw us closer to you Lord, that we may understand and live out your purpose for our lives. May our marriages reflect your grace and serve as a testimony of the gospel to those around us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.