Untitled Sermon (4)
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Imagine a fire, crackling and wild, consuming everything in its path. A single spark can ignite a vast inferno, spreading rapidly and leaving devastation in its wake. In the U.S. alone, wildfires burn an average of 7 million acres annually, destroying homes, habitats, and livelihoods. Each year, the cost of wildfire suppression exceeds billions of dollars, and countless lives are affected. Now, picture that fire as a contentious spirit—seemingly small at first but capable of wreaking havoc in our relationships and communities.
Proverbs 18 reminds us of the weight of our words and the power of conflict, illustrating how a contentious heart can lead to division and strife. What begins as a small disagreement can escalate into a raging wildfire, consuming trust and unity. As we explore this passage, let’s consider the subtle ways contention can infiltrate our lives, often under the guise of righteous anger or a desire for justice. What happens when we allow a contentious spirit to take root in our hearts? Are we nurturing a flame that can ultimately burn us and those around us? Join me as we unpack the wisdom of Proverbs and seek to understand the true cost of a contentious spirit.
Have you ever felt that surge of frustration bubbling beneath the surface, that tightness in your chest when someone challenges your perspective? It’s a familiar sensation—one that can quickly morph into a contentious spirit. Often, it starts with a simple disagreement or a miscommunication, igniting feelings of defensiveness or indignation. We may convince ourselves that our anger is justified, viewing it as a response to perceived injustice or disrespect. Yet, in those moments, we must ask ourselves: are we fostering understanding, or are we allowing our emotions to fuel division?
This feeling can be insidious. It whispers to us that we are right and the other person is wrong, that our opinions matter more than the relationship at stake. As we dwell on our grievances, it becomes easy to dismiss the other person’s perspective, leading us further down the path of contention. Proverbs 18 warns us about the danger of such attitudes, reminding us that our words carry weight and can either build bridges or set fires. By recognizing these feelings before they spiral into conflict, we can choose to respond with grace and understanding, seeking unity instead of division.
We live in a day of contention…We are getting ready to have a national election and I will tell you that I have heard that there was a day when how you voted was a point of view. Today we aim right at the person. Depending on how you vote those other people are stupid or evil. And the other side feels the same way. When our only two options are to think those who are over there are Moron’s or Hitler’s we have a contentious nation.
Text: Prov 18:14-24
Intro.
The evil bow before the good;
And the wicked at the gates of the righteous.
Two battleships met in the night and began to attack each other. In the conflict, a number of crewmen were severely wounded, and both vessels were damaged. As daylight broke, the sailors on the ships discovered to their amazement that both vessels flew the English flag.
Any argument has two sides, and they're usually married to each other. - Unknown
Just before the battle of Trafalgar in 1805, the British naval hero Lord Nelson learned that an admiral and a captain in his fleet were not on good terms. Sending for the two men, he placed the hands of the admiral and the captain together. Then, looking them both in the face, he said, "Look--yonder is the enemy!"
There never was a good war or a bad peace.—Benjamin Franklin.
Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
Can you tell when you have a contentious spirit?
Have you ever met someone that jumps to the most negative of possibilities.
You may have a problem with a project at work.
Patience running thin at home.
Or a parent without much understanding.
Think in your own relationships don’t you hate taking bad news to rude people. You hate telling an angry man bad news. I do. I hate talking to people that have no patience. There are two options. Either neutralize the anger or cut off the relationship. When others feel they have to do one or the other it isn’t good.
I’m sure that all of us have had this at one point or another. When this is the regular normal spirit in any relationship. It isn’t long before those attempting to communicate have to change the approach. Here are two approaches that Solomon discusses.
A. Blame Game
Pro 18.18 The lot causeth contentions to cease, and parteth between the mighty.
The lot causeth contentions to cease,
And parteth between the mighty.
1. See chance is a neutralizer if I had to be late because there was a 800 pound gorilla sitting in my front yard then you have to be forgiving.
When others, have to placate – “Nice Bear”
Prov 18.16
A man’s gift maketh room for him,
And bringeth him before great men.
I call this the “Nice Bear” syndrome.
There is a dangerous point in any relationship the two most damaging are the parental, and spousal relationships when we reach placating.
Your relationship is in trouble and you may not know it when you reach the point others are sacrificing their own piece of mind. And are constantly negotiating to avoid your bad side.
I’m not talking about a guy has had a bad day at work and you rub his shoulders to help him relax. I’m talking about someone that runs his home with an iron fist to the point where everyone has to carry a shield around with them.
Why do I have a contentious spirit?
"Who gave ye th' black eye, Jim?"
"Nobody give it t' me; I had t' fight fer it."—Life.
1. See yourself as Rich
The poor useth intreaties;
But the rich answereth roughly.
The poor useth intreaties; but the rich answereth roughly.
a. Jesus said it was the poor in spirit that would be blessed. This is because when a man thinks himself to be rich then he needs nothing.
b. Now we can be rich in more than just money. Whatever it is that you are unwilling for people to correct you are rich in.
c. No one can tell a rich man how to handle his money. Wait until he is poor and he will receive instruction. The same is true in every situation.
d. A woman that thinks her parenting skills are good, won’t listen to advice about her children. Wait until she is ready to pull her hair out and you have a willing candidate.
e. The key is to be your best and stay willing to listen.
Solomon calls his son to stay teachable.
The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge;
And the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.
a. I have always hated that saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Primarily because as I understand it, I have great potential as long as I keep growing. To me the old dog/new tricks is just saying that you have lost your ability to grow.
b. My ability to grow as a father, husband, employee, pastor is directly connected to my willingness to learn and grow and gain wisdom. In every area of my life.
2. Unable to take advice.
He that is first in his own cause seemeth just;
But his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
a. Closely connected to this, our ability to take criticism. This is a touch subject for some because we get so emotionally connected to our work, thoughts, or opinions that constructive criticism cuts like a knife.
b. When we are able to hear someone’s point even through the harshness of their words we can become incredibly strong. Their words though they hurt will be a sounding board for a better you.
c. What happens is when we shut ourselves down to criticism of any kind then we also have a problem with the words of people that love us, but need to protect us from ourselves. Some of the best people I have had in my life were the people that loving told me what I didn’t want to hear, but needed to.
Why is it so important to get rid of a contentious spirit?
1. You break a man doubly when you wound his spirit.
The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity;
But a wounded spirit who can bear?
a. Our words are so potent and when our children have father’s they can’t approach or our spouse have to put up with placating a bear we are the losers. We miss out on a thriving blessed relationship. We are the ones who damage them.
b. Our families and employees can put up with a lot of junk, and the can keep a good spirit in spite of busy times, needed correction, and even time apart.
c. But if you would the spirit you are wounding the very thing that holds them up in hard times.
2. Eating crow is always gross.
20 A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
a. Have you ever put your foot in your mouth. Or had to eat crow. These are of course euphemisms for having to eat your own words. You see it is nice to be right. The problem is the more one’s mouth is open the more his chances go up to be wrong.
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin:
But he that refraineth his lips is wise.
c. Another reason to show kindness instead of contention in our words is that you will one day eat those words. When we speak positively about our kids. And give them a vision for who they could be we are going to eat word like honey.
d. When you speak degrading words to your wife, hopefully you’ll eat a skillet.
4. You’re out of excuses
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly:
And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
a. Just in case you thought you could get by with saying none of these things move me. God made it impossible for you to slip away.
b. You see he makes it a requirement that if you have friends you must be a friend.
c. We always say that if you want friends you must be one. That is not how this verse reads. If you have a friend you are responsible to be a friend.
d. And just in case you thought you could say “I don’t have any friends.” He reminds you of the one friend that is closer than a brother.
Understand that there is a hill called Calvary where Jesus took away your excuse to have a contentious spirit.
He reviled not again.
Even in his own crucifixion Jesus refused a contentious spirit.
Jesus was the friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Closing
Years ago, a large statue of Christ was erected high in the Andes on the border between Argentina and Chile. Called "Christ of the Andes," the statue symbolizes a pledge between the two countries that as long as the statue stands, there will be peace between Chile and Argentina. Shortly after the statue was erected, the Chileans began to protest that they had been slighted -- the statue had its back turned to Chile. Just when tempers were at their highest in Chile, a Chilean newspaperman saved the day. In an editorial that not only satisfied the people but made them laugh, he simply said, "The people of Argentina need more watching over than the Chileans.
Sometimes we get into unnecessary contentions and strife when it can be solved just by one person putting out the sparks, which could apparently ablaze and end up in ashes. Are we the ones that spark the fire or put it out? Isaac took a stand to put it out.
