39. Submission of Husbands

Submission of Husbands

The last time we were in this text we were considering wives submission to husbands. As a reminder the place of wives in the Roman Empire was not much better than that of slaves. But like slaves, Peter, commands wives to submit to their own husbands good or bad even as slaves were to submit to masters good or bad. We looked at what the qualities of Biblical submission are. There was also a call for men to be aware of the position of their wives and make their burden of submitting to imperfect men we are as light as possible. I hope you remember hearing that though the text was addressing wives that there was nothing here that was not also required of husbands, so I hope you were paying attention. Likewise, wives, should you have forgotten what was said in the in text you will get a reminder today.

It is a mistake for us to look at this text as addressing individuals. Rather it is a text that is addressing the family unit and the members of it. We are missing the point completely if either the husband or the wife looks at this text and is salivating at the prospect of the rebuke or reproof of the other. This not about what the other person is doing wrong. Rather it is a reset to God’s created order. It is understanding the forensic equality of the man and woman as being created in the image of God and the economy of God’s created order, the husband is the head, and the wife willingly places herself in submission to her husband for no other reason than that is God’s design. Keeping that point in the forefront of our mind makes this text much easier to understand.

1Pe 3:1-7  Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,  (2)  when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  (3)  Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— (4) rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  (5)  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, (6)  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.  (7)  Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

We see here Peter has reached the top of the social ladder. Given the lengthy introductions in the last two sermons we have a fair picture of what life was like in the Roman empire. Peter has started with the lowest in the social structure and worked his way to the top. You may be asking yourself why is there so little said about husbands? Words have meaning and there are some words that are packed full and that is the case in this verse.

Considering the title, you may be thinking how does this text have anything to do with husbands submitting? There is no one named to whom the husband must submit. But when we look at the greater context, there, of course is. There are 3 Pts this morning. 1. Introduction and general observations 2. Husbands Submission to God. 3. Husbands submission to the obligations of the marital covenant.

1Pe 3:7  Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

I. Introduction and General Observations

Calling to mind the historical setting of the Roman Empire one might wonder why address men/husbands at all. Slaves were not considered human, wives were human but had no rights to speak of so if husbands/men were the top of the social heap what did they have to be concerned about? 2 Cor 5:17 If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things passed away behold new things have come. We have converted husbands and now they are to view the world through Christ. There were at least two pressures upon the Christian husband. 1) Their culture. It was expected of them to treat their wives and their slaves the way everyone else treated them. But this text stands in contrast to their culture. How would they be viewed by everyone. 2) Their wives and slaves. Would as husband who is gentle and kind be seen as weak? Is it something that would be taken for granted by both the wife and the slave? Why did Onesimus the slave who was unconverted flee his Christian master Philemon? Was it because he did not fear retribution? This is pure speculation but not outside the realm of possibility. So there is this pressure to conform to the culture or to conform to what the Scriptures teach.

I. Submission to God

Where do we see submission in this text? Like I said before words are packed with meaning. Submission is inferred in the word ‘likewise’. This points to verse both pointing back to Jesus who submitted Himself to the Father’s will and while suffering uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously, and the theme of submission beginning in 2:23 with the general call to submission. The primary focus of these texts ultimately is submission to God. The whole household, from slaves, to wives, to husbands are to submit to God even in harsh conditions. Living intentionally for Christ in the midst of suffering and persecution. You have already heard me say this many times and I promise you will hear it many more times. In 1985 I had a college professor who started every class I had on the history of Egypt with “in 3100 BC Namer unified Egypt. And what is it I remember about the history of Egypt 46 years later? In 3100 BC Namer unifed Egypt. My earnest hope is that the end of this letter, if someone asks you what 1 Peter is about you will say without thinking “It is living intentionally for Christ in persecution and suffering. Now where verse 7 doesn’t explicitly say who the husband submits to Paul does in 1Co 11:3  But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Understanding husbands’ submission is understanding that as head of the household you are responsible for what ultimately happens in your family. I am not saying you are responsible for the sins of your wife or your children, but we are responsible for the spiritual life or the lack thereof in our homes. You may ask, brother how can you say such? And I would answer you this way. It was Eve who was tempted and it was Eve who was deceived and sinned first, but to whom is the fall attributed? Adam.

Rom 5:12-14  Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned—  (13)  (For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.  (14)  Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come.

Husbands, you are the representative head of your family before the Lord. Do you feel a little pressure? Good, it is right that we should feel the pressure. It is good that we fear God. But I want us again to remember the multiple purposes for fulfilling your duty as husbands. First it is in keeping with God’s created order, but we see from Paul’s writings in Ephesians that from the very first marriage it was a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church. Eph 5:28-33  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  (29)  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  (30)  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  (31)  "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH."  (32)  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  (33)  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

II. Submission to the obligations of the marital covenant

Live with Your wives in an understanding way. (Knowledge)

General knowledge of duties as a husband

Peter mentions the apostle Paul in his second letter. 2Pe 3:14-16  Therefore, beloved, since you look for these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, spotless and blameless,  (15)  and regard the patience of our Lord to be salvation; just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you,  (16)  as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction.

Could it be that the believers had access to the letters written by Paul to the churches in Asia? If so, living with our wives in an understanding way takes on a new facet of meaning in this context.

Would they have heard, ‘Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her’? So what is love? We know that Greek is a very precise language. Where we say orange and it could be the color or the fruit the Greeks have a different word for each. When we say love, depending on the context it can mean love between husband and wife, between siblings, between parents and children, and that love that God has for us. The Greeks have 4 different words and word Paul uses is agape. That love that God has for His people and that we are to have for one another.

Love - describes the love God gives freely, sacrificially and unconditionally regardless of response -- love that goes out not only to the lovable but to one’s enemies or those that don't "deserve" it. Agape speaks especially of love as based on evaluation and choice, a matter of will and action. This love is not sentimental or emotional but obedient and reflective of the act of one's will with the ultimate desire being for another's highest good. Since it is unconditional, this love is still given if it's not received/returned! Agape gives and give and gives. It is not withheld.

Now this is not a sermon on Ephesians but as we continue I want you to bear in mind this foundational principle of love and mark it as a general duty of a husband.

Husband is the first word in the sentence emphasizing the direction of Peter’s command. In other words listen up! This is not a command to be marginalized. It is acute, sharpened and pointed. The point leaves no room for misinterpretation and the sharpness reminds us that it cuts with a frightening consequence should we neglect it.

The verb dwell is a present active verb meaning that this is to be a continual, habitual practice. Consider what this means. This is an everyday command and as such should not be very far from our hearts and minds. It should occupy a place of particular focus and attention. This is being intentional even in the face of the ongoing suffering and persecution of the day. So far we suffer little of this kind of persecution but there is a constant assault on our minds feeding us a line of worldly standards of what we should have as men.

According to knowledge or in an understanding way. Knowledge (gnosis from ginosko = to know, learn by experience, take in knowledge of someone, knowledge that goes beyond the merely factual, speaks of a special relationship between the person who knows and the object of the knowledge) in the present context speaks of a practical knowledge, of discretion or of prudence. This is connected to live. So we are to be students of what our responsibilities are as husbands to our wives. We are to be to her as Christ is to the church: Prophet, priest, and king. Prophet in the sense that we should always be pointing the way to Jesus, leading by example and in word. We should always be interceding for our wives as priests and as king protecting her, guarding her from those things that would do her harm.

Specific knowledge of your wife - As with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman.

We are not only to be students of our duties as husbands but we are to be students of our wives. John H. Howett was a British protestant preacher in the late 19th and early 20th century. He says this: What are the lineaments of the ideal husband? “Dwell with your wives according to knowledge.” [Verse 7] How shall we describe the characteristic? Let us call it the atmosphere of reasonableness. “According to knowledge.” We may grasp its content by proclaiming its opposite: “Dwell with your wives according to ignorance. Just walk in blindness. Don’t look beyond your own desires. Let your vision be entirely introspective and microscopic. Never exercise your eyes in clear and comprehensive outlook. Dwell in ignorance!” No, says the apostle, “dwell according to knowledge.” Keep your eyes open. Let reason be alert and active. Let all your behaviour be governed by a sweet reasonableness. Don’t let appetite determine a doing. Don’t let thy personal wish have the first and last word. Exalt thy reason! Give sovereignty to thy reason! Be thoughtful and unceasingly considerate. It is the absence of this prevailing spirit of reasonableness which has marred and murdered many a bright and fair-promising communion. “He is not really bad at heart, but he doesn’t think!” That is the fatal defect. He does not think! He dwells according to ignorance; his reason is asleep, and the beautiful, delicate tie of wedded fellowship is smitten, wounded, and eventually destroyed. “

Weaker vessel has nothing to do with women/wives being inferior to men/husbands in regards to intellect, spiritually, or morally. It is a fact that in many churches it is the women who are the more spiritual and often have to lead because of a lack of maturity in the men to do so. This is in sole reference to physical/emotional strength. By the nature of God’s design men and women are made physically and emotionally different. Men are physically stronger by design, women have larger nuero pathways from the left and right hemisphere of the brain making them more able to process and communicate emotion. They are wonderfully complex. Connie often times has acted as a bridge of understanding for me to my kids. Remember God created man in His image, male and female He created them. It is in the context of husband/wife that each are complete in being in the image of God.

The term weaker vessel” is similar to our word “vase.” This particular word was used of priceless, fragile china. It was also used of sacred vessels used in the temple for the worship of God.

This weaker vessel points to the need of husbands to provide and protect their wives in light of this truth. Consider the beauty and the elevated status of wives in our faith. The men of this world sees the ‘weaker vessel’ as someone to abuse and take advantage of for their personal gratification. They see the weaker vessel as someone to be bullied into submission, discounted and cast aside. There is one rule for men there is another rule for women and wives. In our sight they should be seen as precious and valued and cared for as such. There is no one but a fool who would use something so precious and treat it as common with no regard.

Do we know our wives? Are we students of them? Do we know what their needs are? Do we know the small things that we do that are an irritation to them? How often do we sit with them like we did when we first met them asking them questions? The we had a deep desire to know them, the big things and the little ones. We wanted to know every aspect, but what about now? Do we take our wives for granted, do we sometimes disregard their opinions and feelings because they don’t go with our flow? Big resentments often grow out of small hurts.

Live with Your Wives granting Honor as co heirs to the grace of life.

Honor (time) – The Greek word Timay is a term used to describe the value of a precious stone. Thus, wives are to be treasured as one would treasure a precious stone. Pro 31:10  An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

How do we do that?

You must first recognize the honor that is native to your believing wife before you can bestow honor on her. A debased man has no capacity to see the spiritual worthiness of another. It is only that man who has his eyes fixed and focused on the things above rather than on the things of this earth that is able to appreciate the spiritual maturity and qualities in another.

To truly grant honor to a woman, a man himself must be good. He must dwell on high. He must abide in Christ. He must drink deeply from the word of God and gain understanding, and he will acquire a power of perception which will discern in his wife, spiritual dignities which will preserve his soul in the abiding posture of a humble and reverent regard. The husband will see in his wife a “joint-heir of the grace of life,” and in that perception every relationship is hallowed and enriched.

So that Your Prayers will not be Hindered

The word for “hindered” is a military term for an army digging a trench in a road to stop the enemy’s advance. The Psalmist says “If I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear. To put it bluntly, you can’t ignore your wife in opposition to the word of God and get through to God.

To the worldly-minded man this will not seem like much of a consequence. I hope that that the gravity of your prayers being hindered weighs on us as it should.

Application: I want to make specific application to husbands, then wives, and then general applications.

Husbands, it is very easy, over the course of time to become lazy in regard to our interactions with our wives. We, over time, slip into a routine put our minds on mental cruise control, losing the intentional aspect being students of our duties as husbands and students of our wives. If our marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church, and it is, then it is important to get off cruise control and engage purposefully and intentionally every day.

Husbands this is an unconditional statement meaning it is not dependent upon your wife fulfilling her duties and responsibilities to you before you are the husband you need to be to her.

Wives, you understand the duties and responsibilities of your husbands to you. Do you continually chip away at the Biblical foundation of their duties and responsibilities of being the head of the family? Do you regard and treat them with the respect that is their due? Your duties as a wife are no less unconditional that his. Can you say that you are to be any less a student of your husband as he is to be a student of you? Are you a help mate? A support to your husband? Are you a place of refuge for him as he is to be for you?

Husbands and wives, it is together, working in unity that we most reflect our being made in the image of God. Taking into consideration that we are all sinners saved by grace but still wrestle with the power of remaining sin, we will fail each other not once but many times; we must forgive from the heart. What it doesn’t mean is putting the infraction away to use as ammunition for a later date.

Husbands, we must learn to communicate, regardless of our personality type. If I have something on my mind I turn inward, it is what I have always done, but it does not mean it is right. Wives, you must make it as easy as possible for your husbands to communicate with you their struggles.

When we do fail, do not pride hinder you from asking forgiveness from your spouse. And we look to Jesus. 1Pe 2:24  who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.

Seeking forgiveness - 1Jn 1:9  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

May the Lord help us in all these things.