Marriage, Family, and Sexuality: Singleness and Celibacy

-As you can see, we’re going to be...

…back in our study of Marriage, Family, and Sexuality this evening.

And once again, we’re going to be...

…looking at so many different texts...

…that I don’t really have...

…anywhere to tell you to go ahead and turn.

-We’re going to be doing a biblical survey...

…of the related issues of singleness and celibacy.

Now, in one sense...

…this seems to be out of place...

…in a study of Marriage, Family, and Sexuality.

Why?

Well, if you’re single and celibate...

You don’t have a marriage

You can’t start a family

You’re not engaged in sexuality

But, of course, those are all just oversimplifications.

And the consideration of the Biblical view of singleness...

Is not only appropriate...

But quite necessary...

…for a proper study of Marriage, Family, AND Sexuality.

So, that’s what we’re going to do.

But first, let’s pray and ask for the Lord’s help

Pray

-I’m going to begin by...

…reading a number of introductory remarks...

…that Kostenberger makes...

…in the book, whose basic outline...

…we’ve been following, throughout the course of this study.

He begins the relevant section like this:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Chapter 9: Undivided Devotion to the Lord: The Divine Gift of Singleness)

Post-adolescent singles are probably the most overlooked social group in the contemporary Western church.

While larger congregations typically do have “college and career” . . . and while the topic of singleness occasionally engenders a brief chapter in a book on marriage and the family . . . for the most part singles have been marginalized within the modern church.

To most Western Christians it appears self-evident that marriage is the normal state.

Now, before we read on...

Are there some pretty good reasons for that?

I think so!

We don’t want to over-apply this...

…but we can’t ignore the fact, that...

…it was the primeval purpose given...

…for God’s creation of men, right?

Remember:

Genesis 1:26–28 (ESV)

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Plus, moving beyond that...

…remember this:

Genesis 2:18 (ESV)

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:22–24 (ESV)

22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

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So, there’s a primeval primacy...

…to the marriage union...

…and to procreation.

It SHOULD be the “normative state.”

Human Society will COLLAPSE if it’s not!

-Nevertheless, the call to marriage and procreation...

While universally normative...

Is NOT ABSOLUTE!

There are acceptable exceptions to the rule.

There are biblically justifiable exceptions to the rule.

There may even be...

…biblically REQUIRED exceptions to the general rule.

-Furthermore, here’s the reality...

…of the world we live in today:

Kostenberger goes on:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Chapter 9: Undivided Devotion to the Lord: The Divine Gift of Singleness)

Given the fact that 46 percent of the United States population over the age of fifteen was single at the beginning of the twenty-first century, the neglect and distortion of the state of singleness by the Western church is anything but justified.

Although most will eventually marry, statistics indicate that a growing number will never do so, and many who do will find themselves single once again because of divorce or the death of a spouse.

For these reasons, and in light of the fact that many of the heroes of the Christian faith have been single (including Jesus)—not to mention...

...the scriptural teaching that singleness can be a gracious gift of God (Matt. 19:11–12; 1 Cor. 7:7)—the contemporary church stands in urgent need of reappraising its stance on the issue of singleness.

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And, I think that, at the very least...

…he’s right about that.

-Now obviously, given the Creation Ordinance...

…that we read before...

…and given the honor and glory, that...

…because of that...

…was attached to procreation...

…intentional, voluntary singleness...

…was pretty rare in the era of the Old Testament.

The primary exceptions to that rule...

…would have been (on screen):

Those disqualified from marriage (e.g., lepers)

Widows and Widowers (Mostly Widows)

Eunuchs

Those prevented by a divine call (e.g., Jeremiah)

(Kostenberger includes: Divorcees and youth)

Seemed like an unnecessary distinction for the OT consideration to me

-Obviously no one chose to be a leper...

…or have maimed body parts, etc...

And, I think it goes without saying, that...

…widowhood was an unintentional and undesirable condition.

The Law provided multiple...

…avenues of sustenance and provision for widows...

…but most (who could)...

…probably sought to remarry ASAP.

-But when it comes to...

…those other two categories...

…the issue of singleness and celibacy...

…was a little more complex.

And for sake of time...

…we’re just going to read a summary from Kostenberger:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Singleness in the Old Testament)

Although eunuchs were part of many oriental royal courts, serving in positions such as keepers of virgins or concubines (Est. 2:3, 14–15), queens’ attendants (Est. 4:5), confidants (Est. 1:12), overseers (Dan. 1:7), and even leaders in the military community (2 Kings 25:19; Jer. 52:25),

for ancient Jews, being a eunuch would have been a detestable position, for it precluded one from the congregation of worshipers of the Lord (Deut. 23:1), as well as from participation in the priesthood (Lev. 21:20).

Moreover, while several eunuchs in Old Testament times are presented in a “favorable” light, such as the three eunuchs that cast Jezebel out of her window to her death (2 Kings 9:32–33) and the sons mentioned by Isaiah who would serve in the palace of the king of Babylon (Isa. 39:7), eunuchs generally were looked upon with disdain.

Becoming a eunuch was occasionally included in the threatened divine judgment for turning from the Lord (2 Kings 20:18; Isa. 39:7), and Isaiah notes that the Lord will remedy the unnatural state of eunuchs in the end times (Isa. 56:3–5).

So a little more mixed...

…but mostly negative.

-Now, that final category (single due to a divine calling)...

…is the one that I think...

Is the most helpful

Best connects us to what we see in the NT.

Here’s the philosophy behind it (on screen):

The command to marry and procreate:

Comes from God

Duty to God

It’s God’s prerogative to:

Negate it for an individual

Call them to an exceptional duty

Jeremiah, is a great example of this:

Jeremiah 16:1–4 (ESV)

1 The word of the Lord came to me:

2 “You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place.

3 For thus says the Lord concerning the sons and daughters who are born in this place, and concerning the mothers who bore them and the fathers who fathered them in this land:

4 They shall die of deadly diseases. They shall not be lamented, nor shall they be buried. They shall be as dung on the surface of the ground. They shall perish by the sword and by famine, and their dead bodies shall be food for the birds of the air and for the beasts of the earth.

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The Lord’s purposes in that...

…appear to have been manifold.

But, the obvious thing to recognize, is...

Jeremiah was excepted from the Creation Mandate at that time.

He was serving God in his Celibacy.

(Remember that when we get to 1 Corinthians 7)

-Now, like most things...

…the acceptable parameters of singleness...

…become much clearer...

…when we come to the fulness of God’s Self-Revelation...

…in the pages of the New Testament:

But, let’s be clear about something...

…before we read some of these texts:

From Kostenberger, again:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Singleness in the New Testament)

...in New Testament times, singleness as a settled state and a conscious lifestyle choice was uncommon, and marriage was the norm.

This said, however, John the Baptist, Jesus, and the apostle Paul were single,

Different nuances in reasoning for this...

But, essentially the same:

Singular Devotion to the divine calling!

and despite the fact that there is comparatively little information on singleness in the New Testament, both Jesus and Paul...

...mention that there is such a thing as celibacy, the “gift from God” (1 Cor. 7:7),19 or, as Jesus put it, being “eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:12).

Let’s look at those texts..

And notice Four things as we do: (on Screen)

It’s presented in a positive light (unlike (most) of the OT)

It’s not compulsory

It’s not the normative expectation

It’s presented as gift/calling from God.

Let’s look at Matthew 19, first.

Remember the Context:

Matthew 19:9–12 (ESV)

9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Paul’s words on the subject in 1 Corinthians 7...

…shed some important light...

…on what Jesus is saying here:

1 Corinthians 7:32–34 (ESV)

32…The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,

34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

(we’ll come back to 1 Corinthians 7)

Think about the...

...metaphoric use of celibacy, in...

Revelation 14:1–5 (ESV)

1 Then I looked, and behold, on Mount Zion stood the Lamb, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads...

3 and they were singing a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and before the elders. No one could learn that song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth.

4 It is these who have not defiled themselves with women, for they are virgins. It is these who follow the Lamb wherever he goes. These have been redeemed from mankind as firstfruits for God and the Lamb,

5 and in their mouth no lie was found, for they are blameless.

What’ the idea here?

Singular and absolute devotion to Christ!

You know whom this is describing?

Christians!

All of them!

Now, an important qualifier:

This DOES NOT mean two things: (on screen)

You have to be celibate to be a gospel minister

Celibacy is a HIGHER spiritual calling.

On the first:

1 Timothy 3:2 (ESV)

2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife...

Titus 1:6–7 (ESV)

6 if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.

7 For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain,

1 Corinthians 9:5 (ESV)

5 Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?

Clearly, there was no concept of...

...obligatory “clerical celibacy” in the apostolic church.

On the second:

(Celibacy as the preferred aspiration of all Christians)...

Consider passages like these:

1 Timothy 4:1–3 (ESV)

1 Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons,

2 through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared,

3 who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.

1 Timothy 5:9–16 (ESV)

9 Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband,

10 and having a reputation for good works...

11 But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry

12 and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.

13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.

Similarly, back in 1 Corinthians 7...

…Paul says thing like, this:

1 Corinthians 7:2 (ESV)

2 ...because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

And then watch this:

1 Corinthians 7:6–9 (ESV)

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.

7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Not everyone can/should be...

…a eunuch for the Kingdom of God!

Now, watch how clearly...

…that he’s goes on to:

Affirm the propriety of marriage

Refute any notions of the supremacy of Celibacy

1 Corinthians 7:10–17 (ESV)

10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband

11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Some have DIVORCED their spouses...

…for the sake of “ministry!”

Paul doesn’t allow for that!

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him...

17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.

Remember what Jesus had said...

…back in Matthew 19?

Matthew 19:11–12 (ESV)

11 . . . “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

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It’s really not for everybody.

But it is for some.

-Now, here’s a good final consideration:

Even though marriage and procreation...

…are the more normative practices at this time...

…that won’t always be the case.

Remember what Jesus said, in...

Matthew 22:30 (ESV)

30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

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Eventually, we’ll all be...

...”Eunuch’s for the Kingdom of God”

(Think Revelation 14)

Only one marriage will last forever!

The one that can’t be annulled by death!

The Marriage between the Lamb and His bride!

-Now, let’s finish with something practical:

How do I know...

How can I tell...

Whether or not I’m called to Celibacy?

Whether or not I’m called to be...

...a Eunuch for the Kingdom of God (in this present life)?

Well, I can’t ULTIMATELY answer that for you...

But, I will offer a few guiding principles...

…for your consideration.

Don’t ASSUME that you’re the exception to the rule.

Assume the normative calling...

Unless divine providence shows you otherwise

2. If you were “born” a eunuch, or have been made a eunuch by men...

(referring to circumstances of your life that...

...physically/biblically...

...prevent/disqualify you from marriage)

Then that’s probably God’s calling for you

3. Trust that if God wants you to be married...

…he can bring about the circumstances of your life...

…to where you can marry:

Righteously

Obediently

Biblically

Meaning:

He can provide you with a believing spouse

(You’re forbidden from marrying otherwise)

He can provide you with a sufficiently like-minded spouse.

He can provide you with someone...

…that meets your parents approval.

But, be faithful.

Don’t settle or compromise on what’s clear.

4. The present circumstances and calling of your life...

…are not necessarily going to always be the case.

(Be careful married people)

(God doesn’t allow you to divorce!)

But:

Your spouse might die...

Or sinfully abandon you.

A godly young man or woman...

…might move to your town tomorrow.

Your father might change his mind!

Your hopeful girlfriend’s father might change his mind!

He may call you to a particular work...

…and then call you to something else!

5. If you think you may be...

…being called to “make yourself a eunuch for the Kingdom of God” . . .

Pray earnestly about it

Examine your desire with biblical duties and permissions

Seek the counsel of your parents

Be guided by the counsel of your shepherds

Whatever you do...

…don’t just “go with your gut.”

Any questions?

Let’s pray.