Three Keys to Dealing with Conflict

Matthew 5: 21-26

Matthew 5:21–26 (NLT)

21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’

22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you,

24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.

26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.

Introduction:

TS: Notice 3 scriptural keys to use in dealing with anger and conflict.

I. Understand the destructive process of unresolved anger. (Matthew 5: 21-22). .

Matthew 5:21–22 (NLT)

21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’

22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

A. Resentment. (Job 5:2)

* resentment = a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. (Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, s.v. “resentment,” accessed November 14, 2024, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resentment.)

Job 5:2 (NLT)

2 Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.

1. Resentment begins when we receive an offense and allow it to incubate in our minds.

B. Bitterness. (Hebrews 12: 14-15)

Hebrews 12:14–15 (NLT)

14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.

15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

1. Resentment leads to full grown bitterness.

2. Bitterness affects the outlook on life and infects others!

C. Hatred. (1 John 4:20-21)

1 John 4:20–21 (NLT)

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?

21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.

*hatred is an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. (“Hate.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hate. Accessed 14 Nov. 2024.)

1. This process caused Kane to kill Abel. (Genesis 4:1-16).

Genesis 4:1–16 (NLT)

1 Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant. When she gave birth to Cain, she said, “With the Lord’s help, I have produced a man!”

2 Later she gave birth to his brother and named him Abel. When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground.

3 When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord.

4 Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift,

5 but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected.

6 “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected?

7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

8 One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s go out into the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him.

9 Afterward the Lord asked Cain, “Where is your brother? Where is Abel?” “I don’t know,” Cain responded. “Am I my brother’s guardian?”

10 But the Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground!

11 Now you are cursed and banished from the ground, which has swallowed your brother’s blood.

12 No longer will the ground yield good crops for you, no matter how hard you work! From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on the earth.”

13 Cain replied to the Lord, “My punishment is too great for me to bear!

14 You have banished me from the land and from your presence; you have made me a homeless wanderer. Anyone who finds me will kill me!”

15 The Lord replied, “No, for I will give a sevenfold punishment to anyone who kills you.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain to warn anyone who might try to kill him.

16 So Cain left the Lord’s presence and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

2. This process led to Haman’s death. (Esther 3:1-6; Esther 7:10)

Esther 3:1–6 (NLT)

1 Some time later King Xerxes promoted Haman son of Hammedatha the Agagite over all the other nobles, making him the most powerful official in the empire.

2 All the king’s officials would bow down before Haman to show him respect whenever he passed by, for so the king had commanded. But Mordecai refused to bow down or show him respect.

3 Then the palace officials at the king’s gate asked Mordecai, “Why are you disobeying the king’s command?”

4 They spoke to him day after day, but still he refused to comply with the order. So they spoke to Haman about this to see if he would tolerate Mordecai’s conduct, since Mordecai had told them he was a Jew.

5 When Haman saw that Mordecai would not bow down or show him respect, he was filled with rage.

6 He had learned of Mordecai’s nationality, so he decided it was not enough to lay hands on Mordecai alone. Instead, he looked for a way to destroy all the Jews throughout the entire empire of Xerxes.

Esther 7:10 (NLT)

10 So they impaled Haman on the pole he had set up for Mordecai, and the king’s anger subsided.

II. Recognize that something must be done to stop the conflict. (Matthew 5: 23-24).

Matthew 5:23–24 (NLT)

23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you,

24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

A. Worship isn't possible when there is unresolved conflict.

1. Unresolved conflict puts you into conflict with God. ( 1 John 2: 9-11; 3:14-15; 4:20.)

1 John 2:9–11 (NLT)

9 If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness.

10 Anyone who loves a fellow believer is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble.

11 But anyone who hates a fellow believer is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness.

1 John 3:14–15 (NLT)

14 If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead.

15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.

1 John 4:20 (NLT)

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?

2. Bitterness consumes the hater.

B. Someone must take the initiative.

1. Sought reconciliation with his brothers. (Genesis 45: 1-15.)

Genesis 45:1–15 (NLT)

1 Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, “Out, all of you!” So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was.

2 Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh’s palace.

3 “I am Joseph!” he said to his brothers. “Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them.

4 “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt.

5 But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.

6 This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting.

7 God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors.

8 So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh—the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt.

9 “Now hurry back to my father and tell him, ‘This is what your son Joseph says: God has made me master over all the land of Egypt. So come down to me immediately!

10 You can live in the region of Goshen, where you can be near me with all your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds, and everything you own.

11 I will take care of you there, for there are still five years of famine ahead of us. Otherwise you, your household, and all your animals will starve.’ ”

12 Then Joseph added, “Look! You can see for yourselves, and so can my brother Benjamin, that I really am Joseph!

13 Go tell my father of my honored position here in Egypt. Describe for him everything you have seen, and then bring my father here quickly.”

14 Weeping with joy, he embraced Benjamin, and Benjamin did the same.

15 Then Joseph kissed each of his brothers and wept over them, and after that they began talking freely with him.

a) He could have had them killed.

C. Seek to reestablish fellowship.

1. Note the scriptural process: (Matthew 18:15-17 ).

Matthew 18:15–17 (NLT)

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

a) Personally seek restoration.

b) Take a witness or witnesses to intercede.

c) Take the matter to the Church.

III. Be willing to go the extra distance to bring about restoration. (Matthew 5: 25-26).

Matthew 5:25–26 (NLT)

25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.

26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.

A. Sometimes an agreement must be reached.

1. Problems are not to be discussed about with other people. (1 Corinthians 6:1- 8).

1 Corinthians 6:1–8 (NLT)

1 When one of you has a dispute with another believer, how dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other believers!

2 Don’t you realize that someday we believers will judge the world? And since you are going to judge the world, can’t you decide even these little things among yourselves?

3 Don’t you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life.

4 If you have legal disputes about such matters, why go to outside judges who are not respected by the church?

5 I am saying this to shame you. Isn’t there anyone in all the church who is wise enough to decide these issues?

6 But instead, one believer sues another—right in front of unbelievers!

7 Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?

8 Instead, you yourselves are the ones who do wrong and cheat even your fellow believers.

2. The Apostle Paul suffered being wronged. ( 1 Corinthians 4:1-14 ).

1 Corinthians 4:1–14 (NLT)

1 So look at Apollos and me as mere servants of Christ who have been put in charge of explaining God’s mysteries.

2 Now, a person who is put in charge as a manager must be faithful.

3 As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point.

4 My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t prove I’m right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide.

5 So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.

6 Dear brothers and sisters, I have used Apollos and myself to illustrate what I’ve been saying. If you pay attention to what I have quoted from the Scriptures, you won’t be proud of one of your leaders at the expense of another.

7 For what gives you the right to make such a judgment? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift?

8 You think you already have everything you need. You think you are already rich. You have begun to reign in God’s kingdom without us! I wish you really were reigning already, for then we would be reigning with you.

9 Instead, I sometimes think God has put us apostles on display, like prisoners of war at the end of a victor’s parade, condemned to die. We have become a spectacle to the entire world—to people and angels alike.

10 Our dedication to Christ makes us look like fools, but you claim to be so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are so powerful! You are honored, but we are ridiculed.

11 Even now we go hungry and thirsty, and we don’t have enough clothes to keep warm. We are often beaten and have no home.

12 We work wearily with our own hands to earn our living. We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us.

13 We appeal gently when evil things are said about us. Yet we are treated like the world’s garbage, like everybody’s trash—right up to the present moment.

14 I am not writing these things to shame you, but to warn you as my beloved children.

B. Working for restoration is always to your advantage.

1. It ensures God's forgiveness. (Matthew 6: 14-15 ).

Matthew 6:14–15 (NLT)

14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

2. It promotes inner peace.

3. It enables joy to abound.

4. It empowers your witness.

5. It promotes revival.

Conclusion:

Illustration: “Why he couldn't forgive her” (KMB. 229.)

Knight’s Master Book of New Illustrations (Why He Couldn’t Forgive Her)

Ethel and Tom are two children in a family. Ethel quarrels with Tom, and their father is grieved by their quarrel. Ethel is very unhappy. So, in tears she goes to her father and says, “Daddy, I am truly sorry. I can see I have made you unhappy.” But while her father’s arms go round her, the minx is putting out her tongue at Tom behind his back. The father wants to forgive her, but he cannot forgive her if she will not forgive Tom. “You’ve got to make it up with Tom first,” the father wisely says. “If you shut Tom out, you keep me out, for I love Tom as well as you.” “If ye forgive not men their trespasses,” said the Master, “neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

—Dr. Leslie D. Weatherhead, in In Quest of a Kingdom