When Helping You Is Hurting Me

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where helping someone was a bit overbearing? Have you ever found yourself overextending to someone and lost yourself in the process? Think about that for a moment. Many of us have been raised to be about service and compassion, and that’s a beautiful thing. Jesus calls us to love, to care, to give, and to help. But what happens when helping others goes from being a blessing to a burden? What do we do when our compassion begins to drain us, or worse, when it enables someone else to stay stuck in their struggle? How can we faithfully serve others without losing ourselves in the process? Have you been there before?

This morning, we’ll study Galatians 6:2–5. We’ll learn what it means to walk in compassion and wisdom, balancing love and boundaries. Let’s unpack how to help others in a way that honors both them and God without losing the gifts, time, and calling He’s given to each of us.

1. Bearing Burdens Is Part of Christian Love (Galatians 6:2)

Galatians 6:2 says, "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." What Paul is telling us here is that love and compassion are central to our faith. When someone is struggling under the weight of life’s troubles, we don’t walk by and ignore them; we don’t shrug our shoulders and say, “Not my problem.” Jesus calls us to step into the messiness of others’ lives, to bear their burdens, to be His hands and feet.

Think about it: Jesus didn’t stand back and watch us suffer from afar. He stepped into our pain, into our broken world. He bore the weight of sin and death so we could be free. When He healed the sick, dined with sinners, or lifted the weary, He did it not just out of duty, but out of genuine, sacrificial love. That’s the law of Christ—to love one another as He loved us.

So church helping is not an option; it’s a calling. Everyone has some sort of calling on our lives. We’re called to walk with others through addiction, loneliness, sickness, financial hardships, depression, heartbreak. We’re called to sit with the grieving, to reach out to the outcast, to support those who have fallen. But here’s where it gets tricky: helping someone is not the same as carrying their entire load for them. God has given each of us the strength to shoulder certain things in life, and that’s the healthy, necessary part of growth.

There are moments when we must distinguish between someone’s burden and their responsibility. A burden is something heavy, too much for someone to carry alone—these are often trials they didn’t choose. This is why God calls for us to “cast all of our cares upon him” in 1st Peter 5:7, because when it gets too heavy for you, it's just right for him. Either you give it all to God or you keep it all for yourself. (Amen lights). Hear me, responsibilities are the regular parts of life that each of us has been equipped to handle. If we’re constantly stepping in to do what someone else can do for themselves, our help may actually be hurting them in the long run.

2. Personal Responsibility Is Also a Biblical Command (Galatians 6:5)

Paul, in the very same passage, makes a critical distinction in verse 5, saying, “For each one shall bear his own load.” This isn’t a contradiction, church; it’s wisdom. Paul is showing us that while we are to help each other with overwhelming burdens, God also holds each of us accountable for the personal responsibilities He’s entrusted to us.

Each of us has a load—our daily duties, our choices, our work, our commitments. God gave us this load as a way of shaping our character, teaching us stewardship, and helping us grow. And while it’s easy to want to help someone by lightening their load, we need to be careful not to interfere with God’s work in their life. If we keep bailing people out of the everyday responsibilities they need to learn to handle, what are we really doing for them? We're not helping; we’re preventing them from growing in maturity and faith.

Let me put it this way: imagine a parent who does everything for their child. They cook, clean, organize, and even do their homework. Now, at first, it seems like love and care, but over time, that child grows into an adult who never learned how to manage their own life. They’ve been given love, but they haven’t been equipped. When we take on responsibilities that aren’t ours, we’re not giving others the tools they need to grow.

And sometimes, when we’re so busy carrying everyone else’s load, we neglect the load God has entrusted to us. You may have gifts God wants you to cultivate, but if all your energy goes into managing other people’s lives, when will you have time to develop what God gave you? God has called each of us to something unique, and if we’re tied up handling other people’s business, we’re not fulfilling our own calling.

3. Signs That Helping Has Become Hurting

Now, let’s be real, church. This isn’t always clear. Sometimes we don’t know when our help is beneficial and when it’s actually becoming harmful. But there are some signs we can watch out for that let us know when our help might be doing more harm than good:

When the Help Becomes One-Sided: It’s natural to go through seasons where one person is giving more than the other, but if you find yourself constantly pouring out without any acknowledgment or change, this could be a sign. You may be doing more work than they are in their own recovery or growth, or you’re the only one investing in the relationship. If they’re leaning on you to do everything, it’s time to reevaluate. When It’s Impacting Your Health and Well-Being: Are you feeling drained? Is your physical, emotional, or spiritual health being impacted because you’re constantly taking care of someone else’s problems? Remember, church, God calls us to love others as ourselves—not instead of ourselves. If your helping is leading you to burn out, exhaustion, or bitterness, it’s likely a sign that you need to set healthier boundaries. When It’s Interfering with Your Calling: Each of us has a unique calling from God. When helping others keeps you from fully following God’s call on your life—whether it’s your family, your work, or ministry—that’s a red flag. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in someone else’s issues that we forget to keep our eyes on the path God has set for us. Helping should never be at the expense of God’s purpose for you.

When helping hurts, it’s time to prayerfully ask God, “Is this what You want me to be doing? Or is there another way You want to work in this person’s life?”

4. Wisdom in Boundaries: Following the Example of Jesus

Church, let me tell you, boundaries are godly. Even Jesus Himself set boundaries. There were times He withdrew from the crowd to pray, times He walked away after delivering a message. There were even times He didn’t heal every sick person in a town or respond to every need. Why? Because Jesus knew that even with His compassion, He had a greater mission from the Father.

Think of the story of the rich young ruler in Matthew 19. This man asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life, and Jesus told him to sell his possessions, give to the poor, and follow Him. But the young man walked away sad, and Jesus didn’t chase after him. Jesus let him make his choice. He let him experience the consequences of that choice. Jesus wasn’t interested in creating followers who weren’t ready to sacrifice and commit; He wanted disciples who would willingly follow.

In the same way, we need to set boundaries in our lives to ensure we’re helping without enabling. Boundaries don’t mean we stop loving or that we become selfish. Boundaries simply mean we recognize that we are not the Savior—only Jesus is.

Boundaries allow us to say, “I love you, but I’m going to let you make your own choices.” They allow us to help people learn from their mistakes rather than saving them every time. Boundaries help us remember that our role is to point people to Jesus, not to take His place in their lives.

5. Learning to Let Go and Trust God

Finally, church, when we recognize that our helping is hurting, we have to learn to simply step back and trust God. This has been found to be the hardest part because we want to see people succeed, to see them saved from pain, to see them walk in freedom. But here is where the problem comes in, when we want for them more than they want it for themselves. We have to remember: God loves them even more than we do. He has a plan, and sometimes that plan includes letting them experience difficulty so they can learn to rely on Him. You know what gets me sometimes? It is when people say “God will never put more on you than you can bare.” When in fact He will do just the opposite. Sometimes God will put more on you so you can really understand what it means to trust in the Lord with all your heart. You will be able to resonate with Jeremiah in 17:7 when he says “blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord.” You will understand what the psalmist says in 118:8 when he says “it’s better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.” Proverbs 29:5 will make sense to you where it says “the fear of man brings a snare, but once who trusts in the Lord will be protected.” You’ll find comfort in knowing that the Bible reminds us in Isaiah 26:3 that God will “keep you in perfect peace, if you just keep your mind stayed on Him.” David reminds us in Psalms 37:5 to “commit our ways unto the Lord; Trust in Him and he will bring it to pass.” And Jesus spoke in John 16:33 when he warned that in this world you will have trials and tribulations; but I’m so glad it didn’t stop right there, he continued and he said "but be of good cheer because I have overcome the world.” If he said you can go to sleep on that thang……

Letting go is not a failure; it’s an act of faith. It says, “God, I trust You to work in their life in ways I can’t.” And sometimes, when we step back, it allows God to step in. Maybe He’ll bring someone else into their life who can help in a new way. Maybe He’ll speak to their heart more directly than we ever could. Our job is to lift them up in prayer, to be there when God calls us to be there, but also to trust His timing, His way, and His wisdom.

Im in my seat, but let me leave you with this. God has called us to love and serve, but He’s also called us to walk in wisdom and boundaries. Helping others is an expression of God’s love, but only when it is done in the way He leads. When helping you is hurting me, it’s a sign that we need to turn back to Him and let Him be the ultimate Helper. Knowing that all of our help comes from the Lord.

Let’s love deeply, but let’s also have the courage to step back when it’s time. Let’s trust God’s plan for others and for ourselves. When we walk in His balance, His wisdom, we can serve with joy, strength, and gladness knowing we are in the center of His will. Amen.