A Sober Look at Love — John 11:1-44

Introduction

Yesterday, I had the honor of officiating Logan and Haleigh’s wedding. And, that means that we’ve walking through pre-marital counseling together. I require any of those whom I marry to go through weeks of counseling because most studies show that, in the typical case, more time is invested planning for a 7 day honeymoon than for a 50 year marriage.

So, there’s a real sense in which we want to help a young couple to slow down and sober up so that they can be prepared for the difficulty, complexity, and beauty of marriage. And, this is more important than ever, I’m convinced, because there are so many faulty definitions of love, because our concept of love is far more shaped by Hollywood and high school dating than by the Bible. Most families are set up for disappointment and failure from the start because they have all of these expectations of excitement, sentiment, and passion, and their lives end up more ordinary and mundane than they expect. And, it’s a shock to the system. So, we talk about how ordinary life is and how insecure we can all be and how difficult simple things can be. We talk about the inevitability of conflict and how to avoid resenting one another.

God’s Word

We work to sober them up — gently and lovingly — because what we want to draw out of them is true love, commitment, and devotion to one another. In John 11, we find the last of seven signs given in Gospel of John, and it’s A Sober Look at How Jesus Loves: (Headline). John wants us to recognize that Jesus’ love often looks different and feels different than we expect, and that can lead to a lot of confusion — even disappointment — when it comes to our faith in him.

First, Jesus’ love sees…

“Further” than we “see.”

John 11:3–6 “So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”

John 11:14–15 “Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.””

John 11:21–26 “Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?””

We have a lot of verses here, and to help us navigate them I want to focus in on three strange statements that we find to try to understand what John would have for us to see. The first strange statement happens in verses five and six. Mary and Martha have sent word to Jesus that Lazarus is sick, and they’ve sent that word to him because they know that Jesus loves Lazarus and they believe that Jesus can help Lazarus. So, it’s an affirmation of both Jesus’ love and Jesus’ ability. It’s a statement of faith. So, verses five and six gives us one of the strangest turns of phrase that we find in the entire Bible. It says that “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. SO….he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.” Apparently, Jesus loved Lazarus so much that He decided to wait before going to him on his deathbed. Strange and striking, isn’t it?

It reminds me of a conversation I had earlier this week. I was talking with a dear brother who’s going through the most difficult time of his life. What he said to me was profound. It gets to what Martha feels when she says, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn not have died.” It gets to what many of you feel. He said, “We know that God loves us, and we know that a lot of people are praying for us. We know that the situation we have isn’t good. What we don’t know is why God won’t just answer, why God won’t just intervene. So, even though I believe that God loves my family and me, I’m tempted to be angry with him because it just doesn’t seem like He’s showing up.” He could’ve said, “It feels like Jesus decided to stay in the Transjordan while my brother died in Bethany.”

“Love” feels “disappointing.”

That is, one of the most sobering experiences of Jesus’ love is that often feels disappointing. It feels like it’s dragging its feet. It feels like it doesn’t have the kind of passion and urgency that our lives require, or in our minds, deserve. That’s how I understand Martha’s response in verse 21. And, that may be how you feel about how mundane your marriage feels or how pointless your work feels or how discouraging your ministry feels.

So, what are we to make of the strange statement that we find in John’s description of Jesus? “Jesus loved them SO He stayed two more days.” In Jesus’ incarnation we are see the role that love plays in the providence of God. For those who are watching the show unfold, Jesus feels delayed, late, and even uncaring. But, for those who know the whole story, for those who know the ending, Jesus appears even more glorious and his friends realize even more how loved they are. Jesus is tipping his hand in verse 4 and again in verse 15 that there’s a bigger picture in play. In fact, if you do the math, even if Jesus would’ve left the Transjordan immediately, Lazarus would’ve been dead before He got there. But, let me ask you: What’s more glorious: helping a sick man become well or reviving a man dead for four days?

“Faith” trusts the “Author.”

You see, the question that Jesus was putting before his disciples with his delay was: Will you trust that I can see further than you can see? Will you trust that my love is better than it sometimes feels? Will you trust that my love has your total good and not just your current bad in mind? The incarnation of Jesus teaches us about the relationship of God’s love, his providence, and our faith in him. Providence is understanding that a story is being written. It’s a story that includes laughter and weeping, life and death, hope and despair. It’s a story that keeps you up at night and amazes at you at grace in the morning. So, providence is understanding that a story is being written. Faith is believing that the Author is good and that the Author loves you.

With this story, John is preparing his readers for Jesus’ cross. The cross looks like a failure of love. It appears as though God has been delayed in caring for his Son as the mocker laugh at him for believing He was God’s anointed. But, the story was incomplete. And, when the full story was written, it was glorious. So, Jesus reminds Martha and John reminds us: Jesus is the resurrection. Your story feels like death. Your story includes the cross. But, your story lands on the resurrection.

(possible story) So, don’t base your understanding of Jesus’ love on what you feel today. Base your understanding of Jesus’ care and Jesus’ love on your confidence that your story is only partially written, and the end will be glorious. Place your faith that his love can see farther than your eyes can.

Not only does Jesus’ love see further than we see, but it feels…

“Deeper” than we “feel.”

John 11:32–36 “Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!””

The second strange statement may not seem strange at first, but when we peel back the layers, it may seem the strangest of all. We’ve switched sisters, and now Mary is the one we’re hearing from. And, you can imagine the scene of a grieving sister. She’s weeping and surrounded by people weeping, and she repeats the sentiment we heard from Martha: “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” The strange statement comes in verse 33. When Jesus sees Mary weeping and the crowd weeping, “he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.” (slow down) Now, at first glance, it might seem that Jesus is feeling pity or compassion toward the mourners. This is a weak translation according to every scholar I could get my hands on. “Deeply moved” is a phrase that pictures a horse snorting in agitation. In virtually every use within the Scriptures and within greek contemporary with the Bible, it’s a picture of anger, even rage. The phrase “greatly troubled” is used in John 13 to describe Jesus’ emotion at the betrayal of Judas.

So, Jesus is clearly filled with anger, and we need to know why. I think it’s multi-layered, multi-faceted anger. On one hand, Jesus’ love has been called into question. His motives have been challenged. “If only he had loved better, if only he had been on time, if only he had come sooner…” I interpret this as a questioning of Jesus’ love. They are grieving, but their grief has compelled them to overthrow any concept of Jesus’ love for them. And, this is highlighted by the weeping crowd that surrounds her. In the first century, the Talmud (define) actually prescribed that every family had to hire professional mourners to weep and wail on their behalf. It’s likely that some or all of the crowd around Mary is filled with professional cryers. Insincere people pretending like they care.

So, imagine Jesus being in an ocean of fake mourners who are mourning because they’re paid and then it’s Jesus’ sincerity and Jesus’ motives that are called into question. It’s angers Jesus to see people being drawn to false love while denying his true love. But, there’s another layer, I think. There’s the human level, and then there’s the cosmic level. The point of death is to separate people from Jesus forever. The point of death is to create total and utter despair in the hearts of people. And so, here is Jesus seeing in the faces of people He loves the type of despair that Satan intends to create with death. Here is in the flesh walking through the kind of separation that death creates between Him and the hearts of the people that He loves. And, He shakes with anger. He weeps with grief. He’s moved down within the core of who He is as the God-man.

Jesus feels “more” than we feel.

Now, here’s what’s remarkable about all of this: Everyone in this scene is emotional. Martha is emotional. Mary is emotional. The crowd is emotional. But, out of all of those who are emotional, John is showing Jesus as being the one most deeply emotional. Jesus is sad and mad for the same reason that they’re sad. He loved Lazarus, and Lazarus is dead. And, Jesus is sad and mad for reasons that they haven’t even begun to consider — They’re more loved than they know. Death is more evil than they know. So, Jesus feels more deeply the pain of their loss and the vulnerability of their position than even they do.

It’s often said that love is more than a feeling. And, that’s true. If you’re love is built on romance and excitement and passion, it will fizzle away. This is true in your marriages, and this is true in your relationship with God. If you’re constantly searching for a particular feeling, you’re feelings will betray you. But, feeling ought to accompany true love, too. True love ought to lead to passion and ought to lead to joy and ought to lead to grief when it’s disrupted. I often tell couples that zero conflict is usually not a good sign. It either means that I can’t trust you enough to disagree with you, OR I don’t care enough to be right with you. And, both of these are a death nail to true love.

Jesus loves “better” than we love.

And, we don’t see that with Jesus. What we see in Jesus is a picture of perfect emotions flowing from perfect love. He isn’t indifferent toward those whom He loves. His love isn’t cold and calculating the way He is often portrayed. He is jealous for his people, and He’s angered with they run to insincere lovers that stay around as long as you give them what they want. We all ask sometimes: Does Jesus really love me? It feels like God’s fault our live look as they do. We think: If He had answered differently or given me something differently or answered faster, everything would be different. How could He not if He loves me? How could He be so cold toward me? But, John reminds us: Jesus loves better and deeper than we do. And, that means that He feels deeper and more profoundly than we do. He isn’t indifferent. He’s grieving when you grieve. He’s angry when you suffer. But, He’s also more patient for your real good than you are.

You see, a love that passionate and that devoted and that deep is a love that you can always trust? That gets to to the issue. It may not feel like it. It may not look like it. But, you can trust a love that deep for you. Our anger has, at its heart, rage that leads to murder, but Jesus’ anger is the kind of settled resolve that leads to the resurrection. Our anger puts to death, but his anger raises to life. He’s a deeply feeling Savior, and his feelings are actionable and trustworthy, brothers and sisters.

Seeing further than we see and feeling deeper than we feel, Jesus’ love ends up…

“Better” than we “imagine.”

John 11:37–44 “But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.””

The final strange statement comes in verse 37. It comes from the crowd, a crowd that likely included or was made up of paid mourners. They ask out loud in the gossipy, accusatory tone: “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” This question comes on the heels of an observation. They had witnessed Jesus weep — imagine the Son of God sobbing and convulsing at the death of his friend — and their conclusion was: “Man, Jesus really loved Lazarus.” And so, the thought of verse 37 seems to be: If He loved Lazarus this much and He didn’t keep him from dying, then it must be because He wasn’t able. “Could not he???” So, not only are Jesus’ motives being questioned, but so is his power.

You see, if Jesus loves but cannot help, then his love has no comfort to offer, does it? And, I wonder if the question that you have is the same one that the crowd was asking that day. You believe that Jesus is kind, and you believe that Jesus is good. You believe that Jesus loves. But, you aren’t sure that Jesus can help. I think about families that I’ve walked with through incredible suffering. And, they’d pray and pray and pray. They’d send word to Jesus that their family member was sick — like Mary and Martha — or they’d send word to Jesus that their child needed his help with their addiction or they’d send word to Jesus that the stress of the life was literally killing them — and the family member still died, there was no return of the child in sight, and the stress seemed only to get worse.

Jesus’ friends “suffer” most.

I think Lazarus’ story is a comfort to you if you find yourself there. The closest friends of Jesus often experience the deepest suffering, but the deepest suffering always leads to the clearest glory. I could take you to Job or to Moses. I could take you to David or to Jeremiah. I could take you to Peter or Paul. And, every, single one of them share in the testimony of Lazarus. I could take you to our senior adult Connection Groups and show you the same thing.

Jesus’ friends “enjoy” most.

You see, verse 38 says that Jesus is “deeply moved” again. It’s the picture of that a conflict is coming and has now come. And, we witness quite a transformation in Jesus. He starts issuing orders: “Take the stone way.” “Lazarus, come out.” “Unbind him.” “Let him go.” What are we seeing? We’re seeing Jesus asserting himself as the king. Unbelief will not win. Doubt will not win. Grief will not win. Sin will not win. Death will not win. Why? Because the King’s horse has let out the snort of his anger, and He has come to overthrow every threat that’s coming after us.

John is preparing us for the cross, but John is foreshadowing the resurrection. Your life may be harder than you would’ve ever believed, but your future is going to be better than you could ever imagine. His people may doubt his love when they bear their cross, but they will understand it finally when they are resurrected. Jesus’ friends may suffer most right now, but ultimately Jesus’ friends will enjoy most as they delight in the kingdom.

So, John is saying to us this morning: A new rule is coming. It’s a rule that is characterized by sincere love. It’s led by a king who is passionate for his people. It’s a rule where death and sin have been defanged. It’s a rule where you will flourish with him forever. But, right now, it doesn’t feel like it. Right now, it feels like Jesus is never going to come. So, will you trust him? Will you believe in him?