Lesson 3: Identity

Review Question: What does it mean to be a man? / What does it mean for men to have dominion?/ How does the Gospel apply to manhood?

Dominion: Watch & Protect

Four Domains: Flesh, Church, Home, Work

Gospel: Sin has enslaved you. God is pursuing you. Jesus came to redeem you. Salvation saves and restores you.

Intro Activity: Write on paper - My name is ______, and I am __________.

The first blank is a given (our name), but the second blank is where we ask “Where do I begin.” (our identity)

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Group Discussion

Our Identity (Personal Opinion)

Everyone has an identity. it’s often formed by words spoken to/over us, things that begin with “you are,” “you will never be like,” “you are just like.” These words/phrases can often be careless and can define who we are, creating a false identity and a inner struggle and curse that lasts for decades.

These phrases can muddle our identity, leaving us struggling to define who we actually are. (Lack of clear Identity).

Our past, our failures, our successes, our expectations, our words often define us, and our identity becomes an ugly and misshapen beast, crawling from the fires of the lies and opinions of whatever voices speak the loudest.

The Vicious Cycle: We define ourselves by what we have or don’t have, our identity shifts with the roles we play, and when changes happen our identify changes with it.

Comparison: We compare ourselves, our families, jobs, finances, and gifts with other men.

Coveting: We Covet what others have, greener on the other side of the fence.

Competition: We want more and better.

Question: What are the consequences of not having a clear identity?

Question: We have all had defining, and often hurtful, words spoken to us. These words often shape our identity. What words like this have been spoken to you? What shaping effect have they had upon you?

Question/Activity: Write down the answer to this question - In your inner monologue what does it say about your identity? not what do you think it should be, but what do you actually believe or say about yourself?

Our Identity (Christ’s Opinion)

The Gospel: Christ recreates and redefines us. He exemplifies and restores true manhood in those who follow him. We are His to define; His word alone defines who we are. The lies of this world & enemy, and the opinions of those who have no right or claim to our life, including our own selves, do not have the authority or power to define us. In Christ we are blessed with a new and true identity, formed by who we have become and by who is in control.

Identity In Christ: Eph 1:3-14, we are blessed, chosen, holy, blameless, adopted, bring him good pleasure, loved deeply (favored), fully forgiven, completely redeemed, filled with his spirit, wise/understanding, belong, have hope, bring him glory/praise, his possession (objects of his joy).

Question: What are the differences between what we have seen in scripture vs. what we often hear/tell ourselves. How does the Gospel speak to these false identities?

The Four Identities of A Man

Submissive Servant

Titus 1:1 “Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the faith of God’s elect and their knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness,”

Call of Christ: “Follow Me”

Following Requires: Faith and Repentance, Submission & Obedience.

Submission: becoming a servant or slave of Christ.

His Will becomes our will, his pursuit becomes our pursuit. He defines Manhood, He defines the course, He has everything already planned and figured out.

“True Manhood & True Freedom begin when you choose to become a slave.”

Slave: one who is in a permanent relation of servitude to another, his will being altogether consumed by the will of the other.

Master-Servant relationship: Exclusive ownership, complete submission, singular devotion, total dependance, personal accountability.

Question: What part of becoming a servant is most difficult for men?

Question: Why is submission the first step in finding true identity? What benefits does submission bring?

Beloved Son

Mark 1:9–13 “In those days Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized in the Jordan by John. As soon as he came up out of the water, he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well-pleased.” Immediately the Spirit drove him into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and the angels were serving him.”

Three Needs of Sons: Acceptance, Affection, Affirmation (“You are Mine, I Love You, I’m Proud of You.”)

As adopted sons of God, we have these things because of our unique relationship with Christ. These are absolute statements we do not have to earn these things from God.

Father-son relationship: Closeness, love, communication. authority with relationship.

Rhetorical Question: In your relationship with your earthly father, did you receive these three things? How did this affect you, negatively or positively?

Question: What are daily implications of knowing that we have these things as God’s Sons? How can knowing this change the course of our lives as men? How can it affect the daily roles we fill?

True Friend

John 15:9–17 ““As the Father has loved me, I have also loved you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commands you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. “I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. “This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. “This is what I command you: Love one another.”

Friendship: From A Top-Down Relationship to a Side by Side Relationship

Marks of Friendship: Honesty, Openness, Joy, Closeness/Intimacy.

Question: What are the differences between a master-servant & friend relationship? What does friendship with God look like?

Lover

John 15:15–19 “I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. “This is what I command you: Love one another. “If the world hates you, understand that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you.”

John 21:15–17 “When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to him, “you know that I love you.” “Feed my lambs,” he told him. A second time he asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to him, “you know that I love you.” “Shepherd my sheep,” he told him. He asked him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved that he asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” “Feed my sheep,” Jesus said.”

Matthew 22:37 “He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

A Deep & Passionate, Relational, All-consuming Love of God is reflected in our love for our wives, children, and neighbors. Real Men Love deeply, and that love must first begin with a love for our God.

Deeper Relationship: From Servant, to Son, to Friend, to Lover. Our call as believers is to follow him into a relationship of deep love.

Our identity as men begins with the Gospel, God Loves Us, Manhood is established in God’s Love, and It is perfected in God’s Love.

Expression of Love: Psalm 42:1–2 “As a deer longs for flowing streams, so I long for you, God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and appear before God?”

Question: What does this kind of longing love look like? How is it cultivated? How is it expressed?