Holy Homes

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Introduction

Ephesians 6:1–9 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

The Lord has a way to keep you accountable here…. Last week I preached on marriage with my wife sitting in the front row. This week I am preaching on parenting and children obeying your parents with my own mother sitting in the front row.

Holy Homes.

Children talking to you.

Parents I’m talking to you.

Church I’m talking to you.

Ephesians 2:19: “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God”

Holy households. We are to be set apart and different than the world. How do your homes look and feel different?

Holy Marriages.

Holy Homes too.

Children

O.B.E.D.I.E.N.C.E.

Obedience is the very best way, to show that you believe.

Doing exactly what the Lord commands,

Doing it happily.

Action is the key, do it immediately.

Joy you will receive!

Obedience is the very best way, to show that you believe.

O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E!

Obedience is the very best way, to show that you believe.

We want to live pure, we want to live `clean,

we want to do our best.

Sweetly submitting to authority,

leaving to God the rest.

Walking in the light, keeping our attitude right,

on the narrow way.

For if we believe the Word we receive,

we always will obey.

O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E!

Obedience

Jesus himself obeyed.

Luke 2:51 “And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.”

If Jesus was willing to submit himself to both his heavenly father and his earthly father and mother, than why would you think you don’t have too?

Disobedience is a warning indicator

Disobedient children, and unruly children, especially across a whole society, as we see today in our own country.

Disobedience of parents is seen as a sign that society is out of whack (Rom. 1:30; 2 Tim. 3:2). — Darrell L. Bock

disobedience is actually listed among all kinds of terrible sins depicting godless societies. Things like slander, lovers of self, money, proud and arrogant, abusive and… disobedient to parents.

Unfortunately, we may tend to think habitual and a lifestyle of disobedience and disrespect for authority, is no big deal and even kind of funny at some level.

But if it goes unchecked will completely wreck a society because there is a lack of respect for everyone.

Darrel Bock says: Disobedience must be punished, so that obedience can be learned.

transition: we learn that obedience is the law and obedience is right.

It’s the Law

It’s tied to the 10 commandments. It’s tied to God’s law. The first interpersonal relationship of the 10 commandments is number 5, honoring parents. commandments are between you and God and between you and one another.

Exodus 20:12 ““Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

the promise is one of wisdom. The path of righteousness and keeping God’s law, is best. Disobedience to the people who love you most is foolishness. And it will lead to nothing but pain and suffering for you in your life.

Similar to last week and our discussion on biblical submission, this is not a license for abuse, or excuse for disobedience to God and for sin. No. But as much as it is reasonable, you are called to do the right thing. To obey. Forever? No.

It’s the Right Thing

simple answer: This is right.

it is righteous. It is the right choice.

There are so many wrong choices out there.

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7)

Life is choices. Choices have consequences. Make right choices. - Cliff Jenkin

(kids, young people, teens. listen up) The best right choice you can make is to obey your parents.

Life is complicated. Life has consequences. don’t complicated this choice.

the first step to freedom is through obedience to your parents.

HONOR (respect)

Obedience to your parents changes but honoring and respecting never does.

5th commandment.

As you grow up, you are living in your parents house, under their authority, you are still considered a child and are still responsible to obey them in a great many ways. However, if you get married or you move out as a mature adult, you have established a new home and household. You do not have to obey your parents in the same manner. But you must continue to honor and respect them.

This does change. As you get older. As a child, I was a difficult toddler. Nick named the “demon-child.” But thankfully, God sanctified me. But as I grew up and matured. I well, became much bigger, stronger, older. And I used joke around with my mom, that ya mom, I don’t have listen to you any more because I’m bigger than you. I can remember one holiday when I came home from college. And said this to my mom, and she was giving a hard time about this, and razzing me about something. And I jokingly, said, Mom, if you don’t take that back, I’m gonna put you in the yard. Granted this was the December. She said, “You wouldn’t dare.” So I did. I ran over and picked up my mom and stuck in the yard. Now, has defensive move she swears is effective… but it’s clearly. She calls it the pencil.

the point is… though, my obedience to my parents might change as I mature and grow. I am always called to honor and respect them.

Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Mothers are not mentioned but assumed. However, the Father is to take leadership in this as the head of the household. This is clear even in the Greco-Roman society. Pater figure.

Dads

1. Negative: Don’t provoke or exasperate your children.

2. Bring them up (nurture)

discipline (child rearing through training)

Taking a lead in restraining disobedience and as well in retraining in obedience and healthy respect for authority and for God.

Training element here. A real discipleship mentality. They should see how you lead them and guide them.

Instruction. (admonition, instructional warning, cautionary advice and wisdom)

Bring Them Up

Nourish (raising children) nurture

greek word, ektrepho, literally to nourish, to provide food for someone. The clear illustration of someone feeding a child what it needs to live and grow up.

What are you feeding them?

Physical food? junk food?

Spiritual food?

Physiological food?

Discipline as training

This is the entire upbringing of the child.

Education of the children, both in mind and morals, and values and character building.

Train them by nourishing them… but training them to eventual find nourishment on their own.

Bring Them Up with Discipline.

Discipline —> reproof and restraint.

A big part of a Father is learning when to say no and when to say yes. Teaching the children, the meaning of No. Teaching the children of restraining bad behavior and helping them know where the order of these things are to be.

Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

Hebrews 12:5–6 “And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.””

Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Pert Urchins

“Pert Urchin: Typically refers to a lively, cheeky, or impudent child. The term “urchin” historically has been used to describe a mischievous or playful child, often one who might be poor or street-smart, as seen in literature. When combined with “pert,” which means attractively lively or cheeky, it evokes the image of a bold or spirited child, often one who is endearing despite their sass or mischief. This phrase might appear in older writings or literary descriptions to add color and character to portrayals of children with spunky or spirited behavior.”

The father as the paterfamilias is singled out by the apostle for admonition. His sway must comprise a positive and negative element, a blend of firmness with gentle treatment. The child must be taught the lesson of obedience betimes, if it is ever to become fit to bear rule itself. Susannah Wesley makes the subjugation of a child’s will the first element in its training. But that delicate operation must not be performed in such a fashion as to exasperate the building consciousness of free agency and engender a rebellious temper. “Whipping the offending Adam out” of the juvenile scapegrace may conceivably be requisite, but only as a last resort.

Even then it may cow but not cure the delinquent’s malapert spirit. But too many parents nowadays foster the latent mischief by a policy of laissez faire, pampering their pert urchins like pet monkeys whose escapades furnish a fund of amusement as irresponsible freaks of no serious import. Such unbridled young scamps, for lack of correction, develop too often into headstrong, peevish, self-seeking characters, menaces to the community where they dwell, and the blame rests with their supine and duty-shirking seniors. - EK Simpson and FF Bruce

Instruction of the Lord.

Teaching the truths of spiritual life.

Spiritual instruction, how to read their Bible, how to pray, how to go to church. How to respect their mother. How this family sees and views people. We respect others, we stand for what is right, we do this because we are made in the image of God and we are disciples of Jesus first and foremost.

spiritually instructing them as to God’s design for the world and for people. Teaching them what a real man is and how he acts and responds. Teaching them what a real woman is and how she is to live and carry herself.

Instructing them about God.

I have some good suggestions if you’re interested, to begin instructing your children on spiritual matters and truth.

Teaching the truths of life

Father’s responsible to teach their children about hard work. Honesty. Integrity. Teaching them about the dangers of the world and how to avoid them or face them when they come.

Letting the children experience the consequences of their own choices. Instead of trying to protect them from everything.

Leave a legacy

Phil and Diane Comer share this example in their book and teaching: (Raising Passionate Jesus Followers)

1st gen - Experience God (Jesus revolution, experience a difference)

2nd Gen - Know God but they don’t experience him. (they know about God but they never became passionate Jesus followers)

3rd Gen - The next gen won’t know God or experience him.

Don’t do this alone

Dads. Moms. Parenting is hard. Be in fellowship and community with others in different stages as you. This is one of the main advantages of the church.

Parenting Panel. (go back on Youtube) We had several couples up here and talk about parenting this summer.

Abigail Shrier, Bad Therapy, why kids aren’t growing up… gentle parenting, helicopter parenting, absentee parenting, therapeutic parenting.

One recent study, 70% of kids growing up in church leave the faith by the time they reach college age. And then only 35% of those kids who left the faith ever return.

But… good news, parents who demonstrate faith and practice at home and at church, shatter those statistics. The kids grow up and experience a doubtful period in their lives, they talk to their parents about it and work through it with their church community of faith… and the search their Bible for answers and grow to continue in the faith.

The big differing factor in the results was for those who made faith a central element in their homes, not just an event to go to somewhere else, not just an occasional visit to a church. Without any home support. Both and…

“The first generation believes, the second generation assumes, and the third generation ignores.”

God has no grandchildren… every generation is responsible for taking hold of eternal life and taking their faith seriously.

One generation's revival is the next generation's routine.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.

that is not a promise that holds true in every situation. For children, also have free will and will eventually grow up to decide for themselves. But this is a principle of wisdom, God has given.

Transition:

Please disclaimer. Remember, God gives more grace. Just because your child has grown up and decided to respond and turn away doesn’t mean they won’t turn back.

The story of the Prodigal Son, the Father in the story isn’t condemned because he lacked the parenting skills.

But he is obviously commended for his gracious and loving reception of the returning prodigal son.

God gives more grace.

James 4:6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Stop Provoking. Start Parenting

What is provoking?

I know one thing, I’m pretty good at embarassing my children. My daughers, are getting to the age, where they roll their eyes at Dad’s antics. But that’s my calling for my daughters I hope.

Provoking: Exasperating your children. Discouraging your children.

Provoke to anger.

We tell our kids to knock it off, and stop poking your sister. Because you keep poking the bear and it’s going to turn and roar. Stop poking her. You got you asked for!!

How do you do this

Parents should not be a source of frustration and discouragement to their children. Instead, children should be nurtured. Parents’ behaviour towards their children should not involve capricious authority or endless petty correction — Darrell L. Bock,

Children need boundaries. They need leadership. They need loving nourishment and kindness and clear order with love.

Provoking your children to rebellion or discouragement.

Break the will of the child, can lead to discouragement.

Stir up the will of the child, it will push them towards rebellion.

Capricious authority vs. endless petty correction

The comparison between capricious authority and endless petty correction in the context of parenting—especially regarding the biblical admonition not to provoke children to anger (Ephesians 6:4)—highlights two contrasting yet equally problematic approaches to discipline and authority. Here’s what the terms mean in this context:

1. Capricious Authority

Definition: Authority that is unpredictable, arbitrary, and inconsistent. No order or expectancy, it’s immature and unpredictable. Moody.

Effect on Children: This type of parenting can frustrate and anger children because they never know what to expect. Rules and consequences might change without explanation, leaving children feeling insecure and confused. No boundaries, no definition or agreed upon set of rules… there are just making it up on the fly. This approach undermines trust, as children may view the parent as unfair or unreliable.

Referee’s at the celtics game the other night. I was telling my wife, both teams just want the officals to call the game with consistency. Be consistent.

Provoking to Anger: Capricious authority can lead to resentment, as children feel powerless in the face of erratic rules or punishments that seem to have no clear purpose.

2. Endless Petty Correction

Definition: Excessive micromanagement and overcorrection of minor behaviors, often without regard for the child’s overall growth or dignity.

Effect on Children: This can make children feel overly controlled and incapable of meeting impossible standards. Constant criticism, even for trivial issues, may discourage them, leading to feelings of inadequacy or rebellion.

Provoking to Anger: Endless correction can exasperate children because they feel they’re never “good enough,” which may stifle their confidence and strain the parent-child relationship.

My parents: held a high standard. But I never came away from their correction or discipline in my life as unreasonable, I knew the line, I knew where I crossed it, but I knew they cared for me.

The Biblical Balance

Ephesians 6:4 exhorts parents to avoid provoking their children to anger but instead bring them up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This suggests a parenting approach that combines:

1. Consistency and Predictability: Parents should provide clear, fair, and consistent boundaries and consequences.

2. Grace and Encouragement: Instead of nitpicking every small mistake, focus on encouraging growth in godly character and providing room for children to learn and make choices.

coaching… good coaches, actually in the sport of soccer, you are learning how to ask questions and not talk too much, providing too much instruction. The players have to experience and problem solve, or else they don’t grow.

3. Relationship over Control: Discipline should be rooted in love and aimed at fostering a child’s understanding of God’s grace and truth, rather than being a tool for asserting dominance or perfectionism.

Conclusion: application

Building a Household.

Deuteronomy 6:1–9 ““ Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall…”

PHASES OF PARENTING (Building a House)

Phase 1: Laying the Foundation (Birth through Age 5)

Phase 2: Doing the Framing (Ages 6-12)

Phase 3: Installing the Functional Systems (Ages 13-17)

Phase 4: Completing the Finish Work (Ages 18-22)

Phase 6 (Opening the Front Door)

PARENTING BOX (Phil and Diane Comer)

Jesus: the undergirding foundation of every part of life

Bottom, foundation of everything. Concrete sets the support for all we build upon.

Discipline: using the tools of discipline and discipleship (left side of box)

Correction

Rebuke

Encouragement

Patient Instruction

Rod of Discipline

Order: a structure that enables your child to thrive (Right side of box)

Routines and culture

Culture of understanding and expected behavior.

Culture of grace not of fear.

Fun, affection, and affirmation: keeping your relationships strong and close

Playing. Silly. Activities. Enjoy your kids.

How does your child relate to you?

Husband and Wife you will trade off which ones you are emphasizing at different times more than others.

This box is flexible.

Roof: Prayer