Love isn't...

There's a story that's told told about number different people and not the scripture that it's true, but the friend frequently is told about a military-type person at Dwight Eisenhower, A Douglas MacArthur, somebody of that sort of that personality. And The Story Goes that on their wedding day. This military guy said to his wife, I love you. And if that ever changes, I'll let you know. And you go to EC, you know, that's not the way it works. The way it goes right now, there's a ad and you'll probably see his ass. I look for what I couldn't find one to put in the in the

PowerPoint. Thank you. It just says love. Made. Easy. And then it'll just show this gorgeous piece of jewelry is that Well, we know better than that, how we know that love is complex that it's difficult. It's not something that is easy. And if it were easy, it would lose value. It's a struggle, and it can be difficult in our relationships romantic relationships, are personal relationships are work, relationships, are children races with children. All of those things can be very complex. And unless we're willing to go not just a second mile, but the third mile, we can get to the place where those relationships can be pretty complicated and can be pretty difficult now. You could go to the bookstore and just look at the relationship books, the self-help books, and that section will just go on and on and on and on, because there's all kinds of people. They're giving advice for what you need to do to form and keep it maintained, a loving relationship. But if you look in Scripture, There's very simple applications that get us to where we need to be. It's not about the not knowing. I have those kind of relationships, Jesus just got right to the heart of the matter in Matthew 7:12. He says, simply so in everything, do to others What would you would have them do to you? For this sums up the law and the prophets? Jesus got to build this relationship in one quick, brief concise explanation. How do you get along with other people? How do you let people know that you love them? Treat them like you want to be treated? Now, but can you imagine living in a world where that was the case or even in the family? That was the case?

Paul comes along as we talked about last week and as he defines love, he adds a couple of things. He says, love is patient. Love is kind. And those are the things we understand. There are also things that we know how to do and how to accomplish. So how does love get so complex? When I'm really the principles are pretty simple, though. The reality is, it doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens relationships happen when we were wounded and pressured frustrated, and stressed and broken, and that list could go on and on and on and on, it's the reality of how we interact with other people that really creates the problems for us. We know what, usually, we know how to act, we know how to respond, but we don't because of the other pressures. The other stressors that are constantly. They're in our lives and we make mistakes. And we fail at and all of us can understand that. And it's keeping those things in check, but often becomes such a challenge. Did they were going to go back to 1st Corinthians chapter 13 last week? You looked verse for today. We're going to look at verse five. And that verse says, simply

speaking of love, it does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs after. Paul says, love is patient and kind and he starts to talk about the things that it's not Some proud is not Amy is it's not Brosville animal these for their included here. And that first one is, it does not dishonor other. What does that mean? That language is a little bit obtuse as you really can't. Clearly defined in your own mind. Many other versions save, rude there. And that's the thing. That's the word I would choose to use. Love is a brood. You're not rude to the people that you love people that you care about. Now, sometimes you'd like maybe somebody to give you a break and a hard day at work. You come in the door, you've got things you need to do tonight. There's a lot of things that have to be taken care of her tomorrow. Just try to get a real pressure cooker deal. And somebody says, did you And you snap back in a rude way and it happens. So easily your kids says whole my annual project is due tomorrow and I need a ton of The Paperboy poster board. We have to go to Walmart immediately, doesn't matter what it is. It's just one of those top of the Heap of the pile that just puts us over the top and unfortunately sometimes it's that person who brings it up, who gets all the impact and they don't even know what's happened. I don't know where you are. They don't understand how stressed you are. They don't understand what you're battling with, but just a moment to being rude. Can really break down relationships and the way people feel about each other. It would be real nice if we could do like the military generals and say I love you that changes, I'll let you know but nobody believes that we don't believe what people say about love. We believe what people do about love and when they say they love us and they act rudely toward us. Then we're either confused or we don't believe what we're hearing. So how do I keep from responding that way? One of those things is to know yourself to understand your triggers. You know, when you pull in the driveway, go back to that original illustration. I was using a little bit ago. Now, there are a lot of people who fall into the traps of other kinds of relaxation that can only complicated situations. But if we are aware of the fact that we've had a difficult day, when we were aware of the fact, that because Brianna family, there's a lot of challenges as a little bit of preparation of the process can be very, very, very important.

I won't ask you to hold up your hands cuz I think it would be totally unanimous. Anybody here ever ruined a good day by being rude. Happens all the time. And how do you feel about an hour later? What is over? That wishing in your soul that I wish I had done that in just a little bit more patient, just a little bit more time because I don't want to do that. It's not the kind of situation that I really like to have. The second one Paul says it said love is not self-seeking and that means simply you don't get your way all the time. relationships are reciprocal, relationships are complex, and if one person is getting their way all of the time, That's probably a pretty misused abused, even relationship. That's not the way it works. That likes to wear for a day on your birthday or maybe it goes that way for a brief. Of time, but we trade back and forth, not just embarrassed, but with children, be when you go to work with, they don't like my ideas at work just because they don't like what idea we can get kind of gun shy about talking about things or are suggesting think it happens for easily. They don't see my way and if it's constantly are concerned about our way, Then we're struggling for our point of view. We're struggling again Ferrari, go. To be the primary place there, the way we show love is by putting other people's needs and ideas and position.

Philippians 2, verses 3 and 4. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility value, others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interests of others and that sounds wonderful. But you have to remember that's an ideal. That's a place. We're striving for. Are we going to be able to do that? Always will do. We're not. But sometimes at least we can just open ourselves that we stopped at the neutral point before we get to the place where we're actually doing harm. What do I have to do that? Why should anybody even asked me to do that? Ephesians 5:21 submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Jesus asked me to do that. He asked me to live that way. He has to be to practice that What right? Does he have to ask me? What's he done for us? He has every cry. Every right to ask us to do that. The third thing. Is not, is it love is not easily angered. I know the word easily. It's don't ever get angry because anchor in and of itself isn't sinful. Let's go to Ephesians, 4:26 27, you know, this passage In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold Paul. When he writes this it is is trying to deal with some pretty. Number one, you can be mad without creating sin but there's two things have to be aware of according to this passage number one it needs to be dealt with rather quickly anger, festers, and the longer your anger, the angry, the harder it is to keep that contain an or difficult. It is to keep from pressing that anger and frequently, when we bottle it up and hold it back, we will end up releasing it in a bag and it kind of fashion. That ultimately be pretty damaging. The other thing that he makes clear here is that we're on thin ice.

Satan wants us to be angry because all it takes is a little tiny pushes. At that point, he can keep you angry in the context of specially of the people you're supposed to care about the his ability to manipulate you get stronger and stronger and stronger. I want to share a story with you. You're probably not going to believe it, but it is true after I was in Youth Ministry for about 2 years. I got a call from one of the dads and one of the kids in our youth group and I have made a big mistake. His wife and his fourteen-year-old daughter away and he and his seventeen-year-old son, were spending a few days together.

Probably not a good idea that particular point in time to live. The sun was really full of himself and pretty smart l a kid. And the dad to do was determined to get it under control and AC guys in this struggle, for a couple of a couple of days. Finally, it all broke down and they just really got it to not a physical confrontation with a very strong, emotional conversation. And the kids said, I wish I live somewhere else. And the dad said I wish you did too.

The dad said, where would you like to live? And the kids said, I'd like to live in Honolulu. And dad said, get in the car. And believe it or not, he's going to the airport. He bought him a ticket and he sent them. Cat is 17 years old. He has 20 bucks in his pocket. Now. Dad's going to come down on but after a few hours just like what do I do now, fortunately security wasn't as strong as in the seventies as it is right now and we had a couple people to church who work for the airline and they were able to make certain that the kid had actually made the second part of the flight and they were actually able to get somebody to meet him coming off the plane at Honolulu in the rectum through the phone. But then Dad went to Honolulu that night and brought it back. And both of you can say we've been to Hawaii but they had no vacation.

And you hear that story. Anything.

People do. We get. that didn't want to lose, boy, didn't The emotion kept throwing up the stress, was there became a critical thing to win and they wound up making both of them. Terrible, terrible choice. Now I've got to share with you it turned out to be a really good thing because they both got their attention and they change their behavior and they dress each other. I also know that part of it was when the dad talked to me, mom didn't know about it yet. So I know he was trying to make everything right before I got back.

Got to keep that anger in. Check anger is real. It happens and we're going to get frustrated. We're going to get angry even with the people we love. And Paul just says, don't let that happen easily. The last one. Is it love keeps no record of wrongs. Remember Peter, in Matthew chapter 18, starting verse 22. Then Peter came to Jesus asked Lord, how many times will I forgive my brother or sister who sings against me and we know from background material? Do you probably heard this many times before? That kind of the consensus of the time. Was it three times? Just adequate Peter says up to seven times and I think that what Peter's looking for, here's a pat on the back. Yes, sir. Peter you're going above and beyond, you're even doubling it. I'm so proud of you. You're such a good guy. Jesus answered, I tell you not seven times, but 77 times and some of the translations, they 70 * 7, which would be obviously, even a larger number

He's saying you don't keep a record of it. You'll write it down, you don't and this is really what the point is. You're not looking for the time to pay it back. For what's happened to you? I do actually have a book or you write it down. no, but

how do I say this nicely? There's no way to do that. Usually example, here people go to marriage therapy and the counselor tries to teach them the rules of fighting. One of those rules is not more than two weeks ago, or not more than 30 days. Certainly not 6 months or two years or because in that situation people are writing things down and when it comes out there throwing those things backed her talk to harm Nepal, understands that doesn't just happen in marriages and having all kinds of relationships where people are hurt or wounded. It was so many wounds you you throw something back. He gets older and longer forgotten as set of really dealing with and forgetting. Those problems were keeping them in the garage days and continuing to advance them. Does that really mean that you don't remember? There's a difference between forgiving and forgetting and those things are sometimes associated with. Well, you have a really forgiven until you forgotten. That's not true. Now. Can't forget and he does. And probably all of us have had the experience of forgiving somebody for something. And as our relationship continues to get to the point where you don't remember it anymore. Now, if it's brought back to your mind, you think about it. We learn things through these conflicts and we learn things about our Behavior, we learned things about other people's behavior, and some of those things are useful and beneficial, especially as we go back in and try not to get in these stressful situations. But we don't make a book of it. We don't write it down real record it somewhere because we're good, we know that I might have a chance to pay it back somewhere down the road. Let It Go. Far easier said than done.

I read the story of of a missionary the speck in the American West in about the 1870s, this young couple had gone west and and they had the boy's father, had been a missionary. And so he had set up kind of a an apparatus where they were going to do Mission work. And this young couple was married, they didn't have children and one day they were having a little bit of a confrontation and she turned to walk away and he was going to stop and he reached out and grabbed the Hem of her sleeve and it tore her dress and she put that dress away and she kept it because she knew that at some point in time she would come across somebody that you could show the dress to

that person turned out to be her. Father-in-law he was going to come, spend a couple of days with him. Look at the work they were doing with their church but also spend some personal time with them and so she said, I'm going to show him the address. but as it got closer and closer to the time, the more uncomfortable she failed about doing that. And the story ends with the fact that she came home from church that morning and she burned address. She burned the dress because she was getting rid of that. Reminder, she didn't want to put that in her mind anymore. It had been a mistake and she really did care about this person and it was time to move on from that. But if we hang on every single thing that somebody does wrong, we don't get to the point where we can really pull them in and accept them and try to make our relationships, what they really want to be. Now, I'm just about done, you're probably sitting here thinking about my needs. You know, I need things from these relationships and all you're talking about is how am I going to get my needs met? If I'm not making those needs to know, if I'm not making demands, I'll goes back to the squeaky wheel that we talked about in our culture and our society. The whole trick to this apparatus of this is that we give knowing that if we do that, there's going to be benefits that come back to, it's not one for one. I'll trade for trade, not dollar-for-dollar. But in our relationship, we give to other people generally those things come back to us. Does it always work that way? But because God is in charge of this. He says, whatever sacrifices you beg, I'll balance those out and if they're not balanced out in this life, I'll make certain that their balance out in the next life.

Hard to do difficult complex and yet will be looking our own selves and say Paul is telling get some things to mark down and avoid so that we can have the kind of loving relationships. That would be really, truly would like to have Would you play with me?

Dear God. We know that love is precious. We know that love is your essence and father, we know that I loving life is what you have in mind for us. That will be the happiest will be the best adjusted that will be the best prepared to go and live in your world. Father, we ask you for the strength to maintain those relationships that are so precious. Give us help with the times. When were we, when we were frustrated, when the things of the world seems to feed the pound, is down to the place where we just don't know. If we could, we just don't know if we can continue anymore, give us strength juice, help help us to understand what our boundaries are and to recognize when we're getting close to them. and father help us to be willing to take the actions that we know we ought to take Father, we thank you for your word, we thank you for the information that comes there. We thank you for the Practical things that wisdom is shared with us and we pray that we might incorporate and use these things in our daily lives. And we pray this to your precious son. I mean this morning, if you need to respond in any way, we'd encourage you to do that while we stand and sing the song of encouragement.