Grief Observed

Introduction

Grief. It’s something the is common to the human experience. All of us will experience times of grief. And while the sources and severity of grief varies widely, one form of grief that is common to all of us it the loss of loved ones.

Few things hurt more than losing people we love. And the closer the relationship, the harder it is. As Christians, we have an incredible hope knowing that if our deceased loved one knew Christ Jesus as Savior that we will see them again in Heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

The ancient theologian John Chrysostom once wrote, “Today…thanks to the grace of God, since death has been turned into slumber and life’s end into repose and since there is a great certitude of resurrection, we rejoice and exalt at death like people moving from one life to another.”

Yet, even those of us who have this hope experience deep grief when those we love die.

In the text we will look at this morning we will see the death of Jacob and how his beloved son, Joseph, grieved over the loss of his father. In observing Joseph’s grief, we will see some important insights into healthy grief and how we too can grieve as one who has the hope of Heaven.

Body: Genesis 49:28-50:14

Verses 28-33

“gathered to my people” (v. 29) AND “gathered to his people” (v. 33)

Euphemism…but more...

A reflection of Jacob’s trust in God’s promise that the future of his descendants was in Canaan, not Egypt...

Recognition that there is another life after death...

The cave at Machpelah...

In Canaan, 2 miles north of Hebron and 17 miles west of the Dead Sea.

Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Leah...

Rachel was buried near Bethlehem, not in the cave at Machpelah...

Interesting that Leah is mentioned here...

Nothing about her death before this...

Shows that Jacob grew to appreciate Leah over time, even though his true love was Rachel...

Jacob dies at peace...

His family has been provided for and God has proved Himself faithful again and again, even when Jacob was not.

Jacob is looking forward to being gathered together with his beloved family.

John Calvin: “We shall not deem it grievous to leave this failing tabernacle, when we reflect on the everlasting abode which is prepared for us.”

Hebrews 11:13–16 ESV

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

In short, Jacob didn’t always live a good life, but he sure died a good death because his eyes were now firmly fixed on “a better country.”

How about you? Are you ready to die a good death? It’s not too late until it’s too late!

Verses 1-3

Joseph’s grief...

Joseph is one of the men in Scripture who shows his emotions willingly. He’s not a weak man. But he isn’t afraid to weep when it is necessary either.

Embalming...

In Egypt, important people were embalmed to preserve the body after death so they could maintain their personal identity in the afterlife.

Embalming was not practiced in Israel, but in this case they are attempting to preserve the body of transport back to Canaan.

Trivia: Only two people were embalmed in the Bible, who were they? (They were both embalmed for the same reason.) Jacob and Joseph.

Days of mourning...

Verses 4-6

Joseph seeks Pharaoh’s blessing to bury Jacob…Why? Isn’t he the #2 in Egypt?

Because he was in mourning, it would have been inappropriate for him to approach the Pharaoh...

Additionally, it’s probably out of respect for Pharaoh...

Finally, it’s 12 years after the famine; it’s possible that things had begun to change in Egypt...

“that I hewed out for myself”

More likely that Jacob hewed out a chamber where the bodies could be laid...

Also, it’s probably a way of convincing Pharaoh not to offer a place in Egypt...

Verses 7-14

Joseph & his entourage...

A sign of respect for both Jacob and Joseph...

It shows all the people in Canaan who saw the procession that Jacob was a very important person...

“the threshing floor of Atad”

A threshing floor is a flat circular area of either rock or pounded earth. They were located on an elevated open place exposed to the wind. Threshing was used to separate the grain from the chaff.

As for where this is, the location is unknown.

seven days of mourning...

This isn’t the Egyptian time of mourning we’ve already seen. This is the Hebrew time of mourning.

Appropriately, they waited until they got to the Promised Land.

“Thus his sons did for him as he had commanded them...”

Taking the lead of Joseph, Jacob’s son’s obey him and fulfill his last wishes.

So What?

We see in Joseph’s story a picture of working through the grieving process in healthy ways. In observing Joseph’s response to his loss, we too can learn about healthy grieving in our own lives:

Joseph weeps and mourns his loss.

The importance of accepting death yet also grieving are both on display here.

Joseph’s response to his father’s death is both poignant and proper. He weeps over his loss, but also is clearly aware that his father is now with his forefathers, and that is a wonderful thing.

This, is important for us to see. We must grieve. God designed us with the need to grieve when we experience immense emotional pains, particularly the loss of a loved one.

Any time a death of a loved one happens, more than one death is taking place. A part of you dies with them…(the living relationship…)

Notice too that there is no time limit on the grief. Joseph would grieve in Egypt, and for another seventy days, then during the trip the Canaan, and another seven days once they reached Canaan.

This flies in the face of our “get over it culture.”

The key, of course is balance. We must balance our own grief with the acceptance of God’s glorious plans and our blessed hope.

How do we find that balance?

Joseph draws strength from others around him.

Joseph doesn’t mourn alone. Look again at verses 7-9...

One of the worst things we can do during our times of mourning is to isolate ourselves from others.

One of the greatest blessings God gives us is the relationships He gives us with others. And while relationships can be hard and messy, God so often uses those relationships to grow us and strengthen us. This is especially true during times of mourning.

Now, to be clear, this doesn’t mean that you need to have as many people around you as Joseph did. (Personally, that would drain me!) But, we can’t isolate ourselves either.

We need to have a few people, at least, who will pray for and with us, who will remind us that we are not alone, and who will be present with us.

The ministry of presence...

Joseph fulfills his father’s dying wishes.

Now, don’t take this too far. If your father says, “Avenge my death” don’t fulfill that dying wish!

But, the point remains, if a loved one wants us to do something and is able to tell us, we should do that.

Joseph was given clear instructions from his father before he died and Joseph goes to work carrying out those plans.

But it’s more than a memorial service.

See, by returning his father to the land of Canaan, he is reemphasizing their right to the land.

If they would have buried Jacob in Egypt, there’s a chance that someone else could have made a claim on their burial plot. In doing this, Joseph is showing that the land is still rightfully their family’s land.

But, in order to do that, it would take some work. He needed to have his father’s body prepared for the trip, get permission to leave from Pharaoh and prepare the processional that would lead them into the Promised Land. Sitting around feeling sorry for himself wasn’t an option.

Instead, Joseph does what needs to be done in order to fulfill his father’s dying wishes.

When my father died there was a lot left undone, which would have overwhelmed his wife...

So, the church I was at graciously gave me time and space to take care of it.

It was costly (financially, time-wise, and physically), but it needed to be done.

And, instead of getting mad at the mess, I tried hard to consider why my dad had the things he did, I reminisced about our experiences together, and kept my mind firmly fixed on the goal of unburdening his wife with the mess.

And, looking back, I don’t regret it.

Joseph honors his father’s life and death through ceremony.

Something that has been slowly but surely happening over the course of my ministry has been that more and more people are not having funerals or memorial services. (Weddings either, but that’s a different sermon!)

I believe this is a terrible trend. Human beings need ceremony to close one chapter of life and move on to the next.

In many ways they are important rest stops on the journey that is our lives. It allows us to do some important things:

To honor someone’s life with others...

To celebrate the good memories...

To mourn with others...

To receive and offer hope for the future...

In Joseph’s case, they went to Canaan, back to the land that was given to them by God, and mourned for seven days before burying Jacob in the place he requested.

It was vital for Joseph and his brothers to experience this together as a reminder of God’s promises to them, given through their great-grandfather Abraham, and passed down through their father Jacob to them.

They needed to close this chapter of their lives, but also be reminded of their great inheritance from God, so they could pass it on to their descendants.

So they honor Jacob, celebrate him, mourn together and receive and offer hope for the future.

And we should do the same.

Joseph returns to an adapted life.

Look at verse 14 again...

Next week we will end this series, seeing one of the most important interactions Joseph had with his brothers. But, with Jacob dead, Joseph returns to life, but not life as normal.

For the last seventeen years of his life, Joseph had Jacob with him in Egypt. Now, he’ll never go back to that.

It’s not like when he was taken to Egypt in the first place. In that case, he lived with the hope that his father was still alive. Now, that hope is gone. Life will never go back to the way it was.

But, that doesn’t mean that life isn’t going to be good again.

We often talk about “a new normal” when we lose a loved one. It’s not a “new normal” we asked for, but it is the case, nonetheless.

And, it is often hard to adjust, especially at first, because we are familiar with the old normal.

I remember the first time I went fishing after my dad died. I started to call him when I finished as I normally did...

Yet, for Joseph, there are vitally important things still to come in his life.

Not all are listed here, but the last stories of Joseph’s life are important as he professes his trust in the divine sovereignty of God to his brothers, he sees his family grow, and he encourages his family that they will one day return to the land that God promised their forefathers.

The point is, God still has a purpose for us until that purpose is done.

Until that time comes, we return to life, but an adapted life that wasn’t like before. A life that will have a new hurt in it, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t incredible things still yet to come.