Peacemaker - Handling Conflict (3)
Membership Class • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
0 ratings
· 20 viewsNotes
Transcript
Handout
We are a group of sinners who have been saved by grace. We are both sanctified and being sanctified.
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
We still sin. and that leads to conflict.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
Spark - Differences, Miscommunications
Spark - Differences, Miscommunications
Fuel - Anger, Greed, Gossip, Dishonesty, Selfish Desires, Bitterness
Fuel - Anger, Greed, Gossip, Dishonesty, Selfish Desires, Bitterness
Anger - Hot Temper
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Greed - Selfish desires
The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the Lord will prosper.
Gossip
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Deceit
A troublemaker and a villain, who goes about with a corrupt mouth,
who winks maliciously with his eye, signals with his feet and motions with his fingers,
who plots evil with deceit in his heart— he always stirs up conflict.
Bitterness
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
How do we respond to conflict?
How do we respond to conflict?
3 possible responses - Escape, Attack, Peacemaking
escape responses: denial, flight, suicide (peace-faking)
Attack responses: Blame, assault, murder (peace-breaking)
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Peacemaking Responses
Peacemaking Responses
Go Higher
Go Higher
Give Glory to God
Give Glory to God
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Rejoice always,
pray continually,
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Can I overlook?
Can I overlook?
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Overlooking
Overlooking
Now, we have already talked about Escape Responses. Isn't this just Escape/Avoidance? Isn't this Peacefaking?
Overlooking is not Avoiding. It is not pretending everything is OK when inside you are seething and bitter, filing it away for future ammunition.
Overlooking is an active choice. You deliberately decide to let it go, not brood over it. You don't talk about it, and you fully forgive.
Overlooking does not maintain a high alert status waiting for the next offense.
Overlooking is learning to be like our Father who is merciful, and patient with me.
In fact.
Overlooking is possible only as I Go Higher, and set my mind on how God has been merciful and patient with me.
Wow. God is so patient me. I make mistakes all the time. How much do I offend God with some of the things I say and do. If He is patient with me, I need to be patient and forgiving with <this person>.
Overlooking is the first option for a Peacemaker.
Overlooking is wrong when:
Relationship is damaged
Others will be hurt
Offender will be hurt
God is dishonored
How does God handle conflict?
How does God handle conflict?
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.
When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:
You rebuke the arrogant, who are accursed, those who stray from your commands.
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!
For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared,
he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,
whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior,
so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
Imitate God
Imitate God
Mercy
Mercy
Grace
Grace
Love
Love
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Get Real
Get Real
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Look Within
Look Within
100% responsible for my 10%
Accept Responsibility
Accept Responsibility
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Apologize(?)
Apologize(?)
What's the purpose?
Escape consequences?
Avoid Responsibility?
Move on?
Let's look at the definition of Apology:
Apology Slide
apol•o•gy?
1 a: a formal justification: DEFENSE
b: EXCUSE
2: an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret
3: a poor substitute: MAKESHIFT
Defense of our wrong actions
I'm so sorry. I didn't intend to ...
All I was trying to do was...
I only wanted to...
If you wouldn't have...
I did it because… (blaming others or circumstances)
An admission of error
I made a mistake
My actions/words could have been perceived to be...
I'm sorry. But I'm not that bad. It was unintentional.
I'm sorry (I got caught).
We minimize our wrongdoing
A poor substitute
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you are so sensitive.
If I hurt you, I'm sorry.
Let's forgive and forget it.
I guess it's not all your fault.
I think we have really missed the mark, and moved away from what God desires.
I tried and tried searching Apology, Apologize in the Bible, in Topical Bibles etc. I couldn't find it.
Repent / Confess
Repent / Confess
Repent - change of mind
Confess - acknowledgement of guilt
"7 A's of Confession"
"7 A's of Confession"
Address
Address
everyone involved
Luke 19:8 - Zacchaeus
Avoid
Avoid
ifs - I don't really think I did anything wrong (perhaps, maybe, possibly, I guess)
buts - blames you or someone/something else
Admit
Admit
specifically. the more detail you proved when you confess, the more likely you are to get a positive reaction.
Acknowledge
Acknowledge
the hurt. We need healing in our relationship. Without acknowledging the hurt, we cannot begin healing.
Accept
Accept
the consequences, this shows genuine confession
Alter
Alter
(change) your behavior.
You don’t really mean that you are sorry if you don’t commit to not repeating the sin.
Ask
Ask
for forgiveness
Allow time
“I know I hurt you, and I can understand why it might be hard to forgive me. I want us to be okay with each other, so I hope you can forgive me. In the meantime, I will pray for you and do my best to repair the damage I caused. With God’s help, I will work to overcome my problem. If there’s anything else I can do, please let me know.”
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’
Repentance... against heaven
Confession...
Address... against you
Avoid
Admit
Acknowledge the hurt
Accept the consequences... no longer worthy
Alter behavior... let me be like one of your hired men
Ask forgiveness
Gently Engage
Gently Engage
Graciously help the other person to see their responsibility
Contradicts Matthew 7?
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.
Perspective - Caught in Sin
Perspective - Caught in Sin
Sin is a trap
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.
Our enemy is seeking to entrap, enslave, devour...
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Satan uses lies and deceit to ensnare
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
The way to combat the lies is with the truth.
Purpose - Restore
Purpose - Restore
The word used for Restore is also used for:
Setting broken bones
Putting back into right position
Mending
Making it into the condition of what it is supposed to be
We need to have the heart purpose of seeing them walking in fellowship with God, growing in stature with God and Man as Jesus did!
Gently Restore
Gently Restore
Pray
Pray
Ask
Ask
Clarify the Facts
Clarify the Facts
Use “I” statements
Use “I” statements
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Speak the truth in love
Speak the truth in love
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
to be made new in the attitude of your minds;
and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
The Truth is what God says
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,
Get Together
Get Together
Forgiveness is...
Forgiveness is...
Not a Feeling, but an act of the will.
Not Forgetting, but choosing to 'remember no more'
Not Excusing, but acting in light of the hurt and offense (It's NOT O.K.)
Forgiveness is...
Forgiveness is...
Forgiveness is… To free from penalty
Forgiveness is… To free from penalty
“This, then, is how you should pray: “ ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
To free from bondage
To free from bondage
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed,
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,
by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body,
and since we have a great priest over the house of God,
let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Forgiveness is… To free graciously
Forgiveness is… To free graciously
It is not deserved and cannot be earned.
“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.
Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Forgiveness is… To freely overlook
Forgiveness is… To freely overlook
(Luke 6:37 only occurrence)
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.
When God forgives us, He
Frees us from the penalty that is due to Him. He frees us from His wrath.
Frees us from the bondage, the weight, of our sin. He clears our conscience.
Frees us graciously. We do not deserve it. We could not earn it.
Freely overlooks. He will remember no more.
So, when we are told to forgive as God in Christ has forgiven us, we need to:
Free from the penalty. Our wrath. Restitution.
Free from the bondage.
Free graciously, not expecting them to earn it.
Free them by remembering no more.
Four Promises of Forgiveness
Four Promises of Forgiveness
"I will not let this stand between us."
"I will not bring up this incident again to use against you."
"I will not talk to others about this."
"I will not dwell on this incident."
Overcome
Overcome
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
What if there is a sin, not against you?
What if there is a sin, not against you?
We are all called to speak the truth in love to one another, giving encouragement, exhortation and rebuke when needed.
See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
“ ‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.
How we do this is important...
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
Gentle, and watching out for ourselves
My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back,
remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
Specifically the elders are called to this role of giving instruction, correction, and rebuke using the Word of God.
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
This saying is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith
These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
Church Discipline
Church Discipline
From our By-laws, Section 3. Conduct
From our By-laws, Section 3. Conduct
Members shall lead a consistent Christian life in word and in deed, according to the teaching of the Holy Scripture, and seek to edify one another in the faith. They shall promote the unity and welfare of the congregation. They shall prayerfully and diligently study the Word of God, regularly attend scheduled services of the church, and faithfully and reverently partake of the Lord's Supper. Through the principle of personal and consistent support according to I Corinthians 16, each member, according to his/her ability, shall support the congregation in its ministry of world-wide outreach for Jesus Christ.
EFBC By-laws, Section 3B
1. If any member shall conduct himself/herself in a manner which, in the studied opinion of the Pastor and the Board of Elders, is not in harmony with Scriptural principles, is in denial of the Confession of Faith in Article III of this Church's Constitution, has violated one of the provisions of this Church's Constitution or By-Laws, for which he/she does not show evidence of repentance, he/she shall be interviewed and counseled by the Pastor and the Board of Elders after the manner clearly indicated in the Word of God (Matthew 18:15-18; Romans 16:17; I Corinthians 5:13 and Galatians 6:1). The restoration of the erring member(s) shall be the single purpose of any action taken by the Church, and love and the desire to adhere to the commands of God the sole motivating force in these matters.
2. If, however, the member(s) should choose not to observe the condition(s) outlined in this Section 3 labeled "Conduct", the Pastor and the Board of Elders shall continue to try to restore the individual(s) through counseling and progressive steps of disciplining actions. These include, but are not limited to, loss of board or committee membership, loss of teaching role, loss of all other service in the Church. If the conditions continue, the Board of Elders shall then recommend to the congregation further disciplining action which must be approved by a majority vote of those voting at any regularly scheduled or specially called business meeting. This action by the congregation will result in the loss of membership for the individual(s) involved. In all of these cases the sole purpose of these actions is to have the individuals realize the gravity of their condition and to restore them to fellowship with God.
C. Withdrawal
C. Withdrawal
Any member who wishes to withdraw from the Church shall submit a written request to the elder board. If possible, the Board of Elders will interview the member to be sure unity is maintained even as the member withdraws his or her membership. The Secretary of the Board of Elders will then send a letter of withdrawal.
