The Nightmare of Lonliness

Introduction

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or so the song says.

Disconnected Reality

For many people, it just isn’t the most wonderful time of the year.

If you sell anything, it is the busiest time of the year, and shoppers tend to save peace and goodwill for those they know.

If you suffer from anything (seasonal allergies, seasonal depression, serious loss), it is the most painful time of the year

If you are separate from anything, or anyone (for any reason) it is the most lonely time of the year

Pain and tragedy are so ubiquitous in our fallen world. The fanciful notion that the whole world is full of love, joy, peace, prosperity, and family during the Christmas season just amplifies the disconnect for those who are hurting.

Perceived reality is the real problem. Love, joy, peace, prosperity, and family are ideals that few of us possess the way we would like and none of us possess the way fiction suggests we should.

This disconnect leaves us unclear on how Christmas here in reality should be.

Distorted Understanding

The disconnect in our observance of Christmas, in turn, has a natural relationship with our understanding of the biblical texts in which the “Christmas story” is found. There is a sometimes vicious cycle between a distorted understanding and a disconnected experience: they feed upon each other to our hurt.

In truth, The soft glow of dream-like wonder we frequently associate with the Christmas story and want for our story simply cannot be found in the experiences painted by the Bible’s authors.

That is actually good news! The more clearly we see the Bible’s accounts of the first Christmas, the more potent they become. As we see man’s inhumanity on full display, we see God’s provision and find that it is more than enough to make up for our collective shortcomings.

Transition

Loneliness is something we all feel from time to time. Christmas can sometimes amplify that to a painful degree. Would it surprise you to find loneliness as one of the central experiences of the Christmas story?

Illumination

What Is Familiar

Luke 2:1–7 NKJV

1 And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. 2 This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. 3 So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city. 4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, 5 to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. 6 So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Caesar Augustus was the Roman emporer

Qurinius was the governor of Syria (this man is mentioned as an historical time-marker)

Registered is both a census and a taxation, both things were present in the decree: you registered so the government knew who you were and how best to tax you. If you have ever been to the registry, this concept is not foreign to you.

Joseph, as a decedent of David, had to return to Bethlehem to register and pay his taxes

Mary, Joseph’s wife made the trip with him

The Roman government did not require her presence or even care if she existed

Mary’s presence highlights what is missing

What Is Missing?

What is missing from this story is not obvious because Luke didn’t mention it. It is also not obvious because it doesn’t fit with our narrative. Once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it, so I guess the question—if you don’t already know—is do you want to know what is missing?

The answer: family

Joseph & Mary were alone. They had each other, but you can be alone together, and they were.

Joseph’s family was missing

When it comes to Joseph’s family, they could have been in one of two places (maybe both):

Nazareth, where Joseph was living

Bethlehem, where Joseph was from

Regardless of where they were, we know definitely where they were not. We could protest that Joseph had to go register and pay his taxes. And that is true, but it was also true for any male relatives, none of whom accompanied them to Bethlehem.

Mary’s family was missing

Mary’s family was almost certainly in Nazareth, her family would have been instrumental in arranging to her marriage to Joseph. None of them accompanied Mary to Bethlehem, even though any of them could have (and some of them should have, given her condition).

Why were they missing?

One answer seems to fit the few details we have: they were being actively shunned by both of their families. The fact that Mary was pregnant was inescapable. The fact that she should not have been was equally inescapable.

By not divorcing Mary, Joseph joined her in her shame. One of the sad truths of religious people is they are quick to turn on those who fall out of line.

But God…one of the greatest interjections repeated throughout the Bible’s story. In this case, But God provided for them.

What Is Provided

The Immediate Solution

An unnamed person who allowed them to sleep with his animals

The Short-Term Solution

Shepherds

They were near at hand and willing to step into Joseph and Mary’s isolation and celebrate the birth of their son with them.

Luke 2:8–20 NKJV

8 Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. 10 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 14 “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” 15 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 17 Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 18 And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

In our loneliness, God will often send people to be with us for a short time. Sometimes we miss them, because we choose to isolate ourselves from them and that is on us: they are usually there, somewhere.

The Long-Term Solution

To see the long-term solution, we have to step out of the Christmas story to another chapter Joseph & Mary’s life.

Luke 2:41–44 NKJV

41 His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. 42 And when He was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem according to the custom of the feast. 43 When they had finished the days, as they returned, the Boy Jesus lingered behind in Jerusalem. And Joseph and His mother did not know it; 44 but supposing Him to have been in the company, they went a day’s journey, and sought Him among their relatives and acquaintances.

Notice what Joseph and Mary had in this story? Relatives and acquaintances, ie, friends and family.

After their return to Nazareth, the place they were from and the one place they didn’t initially want to go back to, the bonds of family and friendship were reestablished.

This too was God’s doing, for grace, mercy, forgiveness, healing, and all good things flow from Him to us.

This too is something God still does for the lonely and hurting. He will lead us to the place where the “ties that bind” can be tied.

Conclusion

Loneliness, regardless of why it is experience, is amplified to a nightmarish degree during the Christmas season. And it is a central experience in the Christmas story. But it is not what God wants for us or has for us.

Application

We need to be aware of God’s provision.

When we are lonely, there will be solutions: immediate, short-term, and long-term to help us through a difficult time.

We need to participate in God’s provision.

God’s solutions in the Christmas story all came through people.