You Shall Not Commit Adultery (Part 2)

Introduction

English Standard Version Chapter 20

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

Deuteronomy 22:22 ESV

“If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

Matthew 19:3–12 ESV

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Matthew 5:27–28 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This week we’re continuing our look at the 7th commandment, “You shall not commit adultery,” which is found in Exodus 20:14 and Deuteronomy 5:18. In our last time, we considered the nature and scope of the 7th commandment. First, we looked at Genesis chapter two and the biblical definition of marriage, and how the Bible’s definition of marriage is the standard for sexual ethics. That all other sexual inventions are inherently a deviation or perversion of the sexual ethic prescribed by Scripture. That all other relationships and behaviors invented by men, such as polygamy, homosexuality, bestiality, adultery, fornication, rape, and so on are fundamentally contrary to the biblical definition of marriage, and therefore prohibited. That marriage isn’t defined by so-called love, or any other metric devised by men, but by Scripture alone.

And in light of the biblical definition of marriage, we considered the purpose of the 7th commandment, asking why it is that this commandment forbids adultery, and coming to understand that the 7th commandment is intended to honor marriage. And as a result, coming to understand that the scope of the 7th commandment is much broader than most of us assume. That it thereby inherently forbids all forms of sexual immorality which are contrary to the institution of marriage as defined in Genesis 2. And recognizing that Jesus and his Apostles assumed and taught the same.

We also considered, briefly, the depths of the 7th commandment, that it’s scope is not only much broader than most of us realize, but that the 7th commandment extends much deeper, even to the heart, that the 7th commandment isn’t an inch deep and a mile wide, addressing merely external behaviors, but reaching even the desires and intentions of our hearts. Or, as Jesus put it, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

And finally, we considered the seriousness of the 7th commandment in light of the new covenant. That the marriage covenant was designed ultimately to be a parable of God’s faithfulness to his people. That the marriage covenant is intended to mirror the covenant faithfulness of God. That Christ is likened to a bridegroom and the church likened to a bride, that like a husband Christ is the head of the church, and like a bride the church submits herself to Christ. And like the covenant of marriage, Christ has made a covenant with the church, giving up his life for her, and purchasing her with his blood. Therefore, because marriage is intended to be a parable of Christ and the church, that God takes our own marriages very seriously.

The seriousness of adultery

So, in light of this, I want to consider, this week, what it looks like, in practice, to keep the 7th commandment. To see what the 7th commandment forbids and what it commands. And to consider how the 7th commandment applies to our daily lives.

But, at first, I want us to consider the seriousness of adultery. As we’ve seen already, God takes marriage very seriously, first, because it’s intended to be a parable of the Gospel, a parable of his faithfulness to his covenant people, therefore when we trivialize or fail to take the marriage covenant seriously, we unwittingly trivialize or fail to take God’s covenant with us seriously. And it’s adultery that strikes at the very heart of the marriage covenant, it’s a fundamental breach of the covenant between a man and a woman. And just as marriage is a parable of God’s faithfulness to his people, adultery is a parable of idolatry, or a breach of the covenant between God and man. God takes adultery seriously, because he takes idolatry seriously.

This is why adultery was punishable by death in Israel under the old covenant, and is one of only two legitimate grounds for divorce. We read in Leviticus 20:10,

Leviticus 20:10 ESV

“If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

and again Deuteronomy 22:22,

Deuteronomy 22:22 ESV

“If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

These were civil laws in Israel that were intended to punish those who violated the marriage covenant. And as I’ve pointed out before, if these punishments seem extreme to you, it’s not because they’re unjust punishments, but because you don’t take the marriage covenant serious enough. In fact, our society’s lack of respect for marriage, in our day, is clearly evident by our nationwide no-fault divorce laws.

Not only was adultery deserving of capital punishment, but it was one of only two legitimate grounds for divorce. Now, we know that divorce was never God’s intention for marriage, that marriage was intended to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, because Jesus famously told the Pharisees, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt. 19:6) However, he also told them that Moses permitted divorce because of man’s sinfulness, or hardness of heart. That while it was never God’s intention for marriage to end in divorce, because of man’s sinfulness, that divorce was permitted in the case of adultery.

And it’s important for us to understand that when Jesus teaches that divorce is permitted in the case of adultery he’s not diminishing the significance of marriage, but highlighting the seriousness of adultery. Indicating that adultery strikes at the very heart of the marriage covenant, that it’s a fundamental breach of the marriage covenant. Which is why divorce is permitted in such circumstances, not commanded, but permitted. Because even in the case of adultery reconciliation is still preferred, however, it’s important for us to understand that just divorce should never be forbidden in the name of upholding marriage. That, while just divorce is a last resort, that divorce is also intended to protect the injured party. That just divorce only exists as a result of sin.

We should also take adultery seriously because it undermines life and the family. The 7th commandment is not disconnected from the rest of the law, for example, the 6th commandment, “You shall not murder,” teaches us that we must respect the sanctity of life, while the 7th commandment teaches us that we must (as the Westminster Larger Catechism puts it) “respect the sanctity of sex, by which human life is propagated and continued in the world.” (The Westminster Larger Catechism, p. 371)

The institution of marriage is intended produce and nurture new life. And as we’ve seen in Malachi 2:13–16 that it’s God’s intention that marriage would produce godly offspring. Therefore, adultery puts all of this in jeopardy, it destroys the marriage covenant, and with it the whole family. Adultery undermines God’s intentions for godly offspring. Therefore, we must take seriously the dangerous nature of adultery.

Adultery of the heart

Now, it’s important that we comprehend the seriousness of adultery in order that we take seriously the 7th commandment, that adultery and the marriage covenant are not light matters, that there’s a great deal at stake. That this realization should restrain any temptation to toy with sexual immorality, and to motivate us to become increasingly diligent to put to death sexual temptation at its root. As Jesus famously said in Matthew 5:27-28,

Matthew 5:27–28 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

As we’ve seen already, the 7th commandment is intended to extend even to the heart, not merely to our external actions. That adultery always begins at the heart, that it always begins with sinful desires, and adulterous thoughts. Therefore, as the Westminster Larger Catechism puts it, the 7th commandment forbids “all unnatural lusts; unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes and affections.” (The Westminster Larger Catechism, p. 370)

This means men and women must guard their thoughts and their emotions. Men, especially, must learn to guard their eyes in order to guard their thoughts. For example, Job says in Job 31:1, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Many of us wrongly believe that we can compartmentalize our thoughts and emotions from our actions. And while this might seem possible in the short-term, we’d be foolish to believe that our thoughts and actions can be kept separate from one another. Jesus said in Luke 6:43-45,

Luke 6:43–45 ESV

“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

In other words, your thoughts are what ultimately drive your actions. And while we might be able, for a time, to betray our hearts with our lips, you will inevitably act in accord with the thoughts and intentions of your heart. Listen to Proverbs 6:24-29, “… to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life. Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished.”

Notice how adultery starts, it starts by desiring the adulteress woman’s beauty in your heart. And how was that desire aroused? By letting her capture you with her eyelashes, by letting her capture you with her beauty. Therefore, men, like Job must be diligent to make a covenant with their eyes, to have eyes only for their spouse. This is why consuming any form of pornography is forbidden by the 7th commandment, whether it’s consuming images of a provocatively dressed woman or worse.

Temptations different for women than for men

Now, for many of you this might be obvious, as most of us, even women, realize that men are especially attracted to a woman’s beauty and therefore especially vulnerable to images of woman or provocatively dressed women, and that men should be diligent to avoid these temptations, but less obvious, and less known, at least by men, are the temptations that are particular to women. Unfortunately, most men assume that women think about sex like they do, and that women think about men in the same way that men think about women, and therefore suffer from the same sort of temptations. And while women are certainly capable of distinguishing between a handsome and a less than handsome man, this usually isn’t a quality that tempts women like it tempts men.

While men are usually attracted to a woman’s physical appearance, primarily at first, women are usually attracted to men by what they do. As one writer pointed out (Doug Wilson), when a man is asked about his wife, other men usually ask, “What does she look like?”, whereas when a woman is asked about her husband, other women usually ask, “What does he do?” And whether men realize it or not, they know this intrinsically. This is why men are inclined to show off to a woman they’re interested in, by showing them how strong they are, or how smart they are, or what job they have. Men seek to impress women with these qualities.

While men are usually attracted to a woman’s beauty, women are attracted to men who have or wield power, women are attracted to men who possess authority, women are attracted to men with prominence, women are attracted to men with strength, but this doesn’t mean that a man must have bulging or chiseled muscles like a man might assume. So, any temptation for women will usually look different than it does for men. This isn’t to say that a man’s appearance has no relevance at all, but simply that it doesn’t have the same prominent role for women as it does for men. Therefore, the temptation for women will usually look different than it does for men. In other words, women won’t usually be tempted to commit adultery because of how good looking another man is.

Furthermore, because a woman’s beauty is intended to catch the eye of her husband, women will therefore be tempted to desire the eyes and attention of more than just her husband. They’ll be tempted to think that they eyes of their husband are not enough. This is why you usually see women, rather than men, posing for selfies on social media. You see, because women are fundamentally designed to be beautiful, they naturally desire others to think they’re beautiful, therefore there’s an inherent temptation to seek out the eyes of other men, to be seen as beautiful by men. So, while they’re less likely to seek out men as sexual objects like men might women, they will be tempted to be that object of desire. Which is also why women are usually tempted to compete with other women over how they look. Women may dress, not only to attract the attention of men, but to compete with other women.

Women can also be tempted by men who pursue them emotionally. For example, a married woman can be especially vulnerable if the emotional intimacy with their husband is deficient. Women can be particularly tempted to invest themselves emotionally with other men who seem to be more interested in them than their own husbands. Therefore, husbands should make a point to be emotionally invested in their wives, and women should avoid the temptation to entangle themselves emotionally with other men. It’s dangerous and unwise for women to form close relationships with men who are not their husband.

And husbands must be keenly aware of this fact, that emotional intimacy with their wife is essential to a healthy marriage. I don’t care how scared you might be to share your emotions, or how inadequate it may make you feel to do so. You must do it, because emotional intimacy is essential to your marriage. In turn, women must also be careful to guard the emotional intimacy they have with their husband, not sharing with their girlfriends what he’s shared with you in confidence, because if you do this you will almost certainly shut him down, and he will find it nearly impossible to trust you again.

Sexual intimacy

Men and women also approach sex differently, and because the 7th commandment is concerned with the sanctity of marriage, it’s thus concerned with the sanctity of sex, therefore a husband and a wife should make it their aim to understand how each other approach it differently, lest they make themselves vulnerable to temptation. When sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife becomes increasingly uncommon it should serve as a red flag that something might be wrong, because sexual intimacy is what binds a husband and a wife together, and it can be an indication of the quality of intimacy between a husband and a wife.

While sex is deeply emotional for both men and women, they approach it very differently. While physical attraction plays a bigger role for men than it does for women, their sexual desire isn’t merely a fleshly desire that men “suffer” from, but instead sexual intimacy within the context of marriage is one of the primary ways men bond emotionally with their wife. Whereas, with women, sex is usually the culmination of bonding emotionally with their husband. Sex is not designed to be emotionless, or merely a fleshly craving to be satisfied, but sex is intended to solidify an emotional bond between a husband and a wife.

Therefore, couples should be very intentional about cultivating and safeguarding that intimacy, lest they make themselves vulnerable to temptation. Listen to what the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5,

1 Corinthians 7:2–5 ESV

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Notice how he emphasizes the importance of not depriving one another, lest you be tempted. Men have been given a very strong sex drive, and that’s not by mistake, but by design. That desire should drive men to enter into a covenant of marriage and to have children. And it’s this engine that’s intended to drive procreation, the raising of godly offspring, with the aim of taking dominion over the earth. And that engine is intended to be harnessed by the covenant of marriage to a God glorifying end. Therefore, husbands and wives must take great care to cultivate and safeguard that sexual intimacy, lest they make themselves vulnerable to temptation. This is why the scope of the 7th commandment also forbids things such as undue delay of marriage or a husband and a wife denying one another sexual intimacy, because such practices serve only to encourage sexual immorality.

Provision for our biological desires

It’s important that we understand that God has given us marriage to meet our biological desires, whereas adultery seeks to satisfy those desires outside the context of marriage. Therefore, adultery is fundamentally a dissatisfaction with the provision God has given you. As we’ll see later, the 10th commandment, “you shall not covet,” is usually at the root of our disobedience to the other commandments. We read in Exodus 20:17,

Exodus 20:17 (ESV)

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife...

In other words, adultery is the result of coveting something that isn’t yours. Therefore, we must endeavor to be satisfied with our spouse. Listen to how Proverbs 5:18-20 puts it (and brace yourself for this), “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”

The Bible’s pretty straightforward sometimes isn’t it? Texts like these might even make us blush, but no one can accuse God of being a kill-joy, because it’s abundantly clear that he’s made marriage to be a delight between a husband and a wife. So, never let the devil give you the impression that you’re missing out, because you’re not. Listen to Proverbs 5:3-5 (just a few verses earlier), “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol;”

Let marriage be held in honor

You see, the 7th commandment is meant to safeguard marriage, it’s meant to uphold the sanctity of sex. It’s intended to guard our steps from the path that leads to death. This is why we care about dressing modestly, this is why we care about which movies we’ll watch, this is why we’re careful about the music we listen to, this is why we’re careful about the images we see, this is why we’re careful about the books we read, this is why we don’t find crude sexual jokes funny, this is why we’re careful not to be alone with the opposite sex, because we are seeking to uphold the 7th commandment, because we care deeply about the sanctity of marriage, and are willing to go to great lengths to safeguard it, to protect ourselves and our own marriages, and to protect our neighbors.

You see, your goal is not merely to avoid doing what you’re prohibited from doing. Your aim is to uphold the sanctity of marriage and sex, or as Hebrews 13:4 puts it,

Hebrews 13:4 ESV

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Conclusion

Now, as we close, and reflect on the 7th commandment let’s not forget the seriousness of the adultery, the threat that it poses to the marriage covenant. That marriage isn’t merely a human institution devised by men, but created by God to reflect his covenant faithfulness to his people, while adultery is a picture of idolatry, and a breach of the covenant. That adultery destroys not only the individual, but the whole family, ultimately unraveling even the fabric of society.

And that the 7th commandment is not merely concerned with our actions, but with our hearts. That whoever looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That we cannot disconnect our thoughts from our actions, and that we’d be foolish to believe that we could. Therefore, we must guard our eyes, our thoughts, and our emotions. And also recognizing that men and women face unique temptations. Therefore, husbands and wives should take great care to safeguard their sexual intimacy, not depriving one another, but seeking to cultivate and safeguard that intimacy. So, let us strive to safeguard the sanctity of marriage and sex in all that we do.

Prayer