A Contentious Woman

Proverbs 27:15

Introduction

It is often indicated that we live in a world where men are oppressors and women are the oppressed.

What’s more, it is openly stated that this has always been the case and that it used to be far worse than it is now even though it is still really terrible now.

The reality is, women are just as sinful as men are and in their own ways abuse men in similar numbers…and always have.

So, how do we address the problem of the contentious woman?

A Continual Dripping

The Proverbs are littered with warnings about this woman (Prov. 27:15; 19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; cf. Ecc. 7:26).

This is not just a man problem.

She is a force of destruction (Prov. 14:1; 12:4).

She is the cause of conflict in the home (Ecc. 7:9; Psa. 78:40; Isa. 63:10; Ex. 17:7; Num. 20:13; Prov. 22:10).

Contentious Ways

She wants control (Gen. 3:16; cf. 4:7).

She is bitter (Prov. 15:18; 29:22; Ecc. 7:9).

Feelings trump facts

She is blind (Prov. 18:19; 9:7-8).

Responding to Her

Don’t divorce (Matt. 19:9-12)

Don’t surrender (2 Sam. 13-18; 2 Cor. 11; Judges 16:16).

There comes a time for confrontation.

DON’T leave the house.

Don’t allow contentiousness to rule the day.

Support good men (1 Thess. 5:14; Matt. 23:3-4; 18:6-7; 1 Pet. 2:18).

Don’t be like Job’s friends and assume the worst despite evidence.

This does not mean excuse, but keep in context.

He needs to be encouraged in his suffering not piled on.

Too often, these are the sorts of responses husbands get:

“Husband, you need to learn to love your wife more.  The reason she is so angry is because she doesn’t ‘feel loved’ by you.”

“Husband, you yourself are the problem.  Even if you were married to another woman, you would have the same problems with that wife.”

“We, the church leaders just want to ‘stay neutral’ about these problems that you describe to us.”

“Husband, it seems as if all you want to do is have the church ‘shun’ your wife through church discipline and have her kicked out of the church.  You don’t really care for her do you?” \

“Since you husband, and your children came to address this problem with regards to your wife, it is obvious that all you want to do is gang up on her, not get help for her.”

“We do ‘church discipline’ for clear problems of sin like adultery, but not for a wife who is a little angry at her husband and children.”

“Your claims, husband, that you are ‘blameless’ with regards to your wife, shows us how prideful you really are.”

“When it comes to domestic abuse, biblical discipline has been appallingly neglected or inappropriately employed by church leaders. But there is a line in the sand and churches must draw it when it comes to the perpetrator of domestic abuse. It’s not okay for pastors to take a neutral stance vis a vis perpetrator and victim. Neutrality is not neutral. Neutrality effectively means you become an ally of the abuser, because if you take the view that both parties are contributing to the marriage problem, then you’re effectively saying ‘It’s not abuse” which serves the agenda of the abuser. When responding to domestic abuse, the proper feeling is outrage, and the only righteous stance is to fully support the victim, while making the perpetrator accountable.”

Call them to repentance (1 Cor. 5:11; 6:10; Matt. 18:15-20).

This will mean the “two or three witness” will need to bear witness.

This is not based on suspicion or gut feeling.

This is a matter of justice.

Conclusion

Families are full of disfunction.

God’s people ought to be able to find encouragement and hope for such a situation.

We should be guilty of responding to such disfunction in the same old sorry ways that the world does.

We ought to find pictures of what a family ought to be both in this text as well as being lived out.

So let us be a people who offer that refuge for the weary soul.

And if you are that weary soul, then we invite you to come.