The Institution of Marriage

text: Genesis 2:18-25

Genesis 2:18–25 BSB

18 The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.” 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and He brought them to the man to see what he would name each one. And whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he slept, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the area with flesh. 22 And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him. 23 And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of man she was taken.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed.

PRAY

Introduction:

The Joy of Weddings

How many of you enjoy going to weddings? Perhaps especially the wedding of a family member or friend. There’s something joyful and exciting about a wedding.

My favorite wedding, of course, was my own. I can still remember the excitement of having our family and friends gathered around and watching Sarah walk toward me. It was almost unbelievable, too good to be true, that someone would love me enough to choose to spend the rest of her life with me.

Part of the excitement of that occasion (and any wedding) is that there is a spiritual reality going on that is more important than the ceremony - whether or not people realize it. The wedding isn’t really all about the bride or groom, rings or vows, family or friends.

It’s about God.

When a man and woman are joined together in holy matrimony, God is the one joining them together, and He does so to paint a picture - to display the glory of His love for His people.

That’s what marriage is all about. And that’s part of why, especially as Christians, weddings are so enjoyable - because they remind us of God’s loyal love for us.

The Devastation of Divorce

This is also why divorce is so devastating and makes us so sad to hear about. Many, if not all of us, know people who have been divorced, perhaps even close family members and friends. And even if we agreed with their decision or saw something good come from it, there’s a part of us that still feels bad about it, because we know it’s not supposed to be this way.

Marriage is not supposed to end - husbands and wives are supposed to be faithful to each other, love each other, and keep their promises to each other.

Sadly, divorce is all too common in our country, and even among professing Christians. Around 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, and the statistics are not much different among Christians.

Our own views of marriage and divorce are likely shaped by our upbringing, our parents, other family members, and friends, as well as the culture around us. This may be a very charged topic for you, and you may have very strong feelings about this, but I urge you to consider this morning what Scripture says about God’s plan for marriage.

Jesus’s View of Marriage

The Jews of Jesus’s day had a more biblical idea of marriage than our culture (I know that’s not saying much though!). But even though their view was better than our culture, it still fell far short of God’s standard, so that when Jesus taught on the subject, even His disciples were shocked. (Matthew 19:1-12)

Matthew 19:1–12 BSB

1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, He left Galilee and went into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 Then some Pharisees came and tested Him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?” 4 Jesus answered, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” 7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses order a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of your hardness of heart; but it was not this way from the beginning. 9 Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.” 10 His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 “Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

The disciples’ words in v. 10 tell us what they thought of Jesus’s view of marriage:

Matthew 19:10 BSB

10 His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.”

That’s hard, Jesus! We probably should just not get married since the standard is so high. Jesus confirms in v. 11 that it is hard, but that grace is available to receive God’s Word and live by it:

Matthew 19:11 BSB

11 “Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given.

The disciples, and we, need God’s grace if we are going to embrace a biblical view of marriage and live by it. With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Going back to Genesis now, the first thing we can learn from the account of this first marriage is that marriage is God’s idea, God’s doing.

God’s Design of Marriage

- Marriage is God’s idea

God Created the Distinct Genders for Marriage

Male and Female

Marriage is a primary reason for God’s creation of the distinct genders, male and female.

In chapter 1, we learned that God created mankind as male and female in His image; now in chapter 2, the camera lens zooms in on that day of creation and gives a more detailed account of how that happened.

In Genesis 1:27-28, we first learn about the two distinct genders in mankind:

Genesis 1:27–28 (BSB)

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it…

And from this we learn that one reason, perhaps the primary reason, that God created mankind as male and female was for marriage and reproduction - to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth with worshippers of God.

(Genesis 1:27-28; 2:18, 23-24)

Not good for the man to be alone (God said!)

Moving into our passage for today, notice at the very beginning in v. 18 what God says:

Genesis 2:18 BSB

18 The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.”

Perhaps this is obvious, but notice who is speaking here. It’s not Adam speaking to God and saying, Hey God, I have an idea - how about you make a wife for me?

This wasn’t Adam’s idea; he didn’t initiate this. God did. God said, it’s not good for him to be alone, so I will make a suitable helper for him. It was God’s plan, God’s design.

Distinct genders and gender roles

And let me just make a quick mention of some observations about gender and gender roles here from Genesis. We’ll come back to this next week, because it becomes clearer in Gen. 3 after the fall into sin, but we learn some important things about God’s design of gender here in Gen. 2 also.

There are 2 genders - God could have done things a different way if He wanted, but He just made 2, male and female. And so in dealing with people who reject this basic fact, we have to go back to creation to see God’s design.

The 2 genders are equally created in God’s image. Genesis 1:27 makes this very clear. Both male and female are created in God’s image, and so they are of equal value and worth in God’s sight.

Genesis 1:27 BSB

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

But our equal value and worth does not mean that there are no distinctions or differences. One distinction is that…

God created Adam first, then Eve for Adam - again, God could have done things differently, but this is how He chose to do it; and this fact becomes the basis of Paul’s argument in 1 Timothy 2 regarding gender roles in the church. It all goes back to the beginning and God’s design. He could have made them both at the same time, or He could have made the woman first, but that’s not how He did it. God created Adam first, then Eve for Adam. God created Eve to be Adam’s helper. Also,

God created Adam out of the ground, and Eve out of Adam - we read in v. 7,

Genesis 2:7 BSB

7 Then the LORD God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being.

and v. 21-23 tell us what woman was made from:

Genesis 2:21–23 BSB

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he slept, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the area with flesh. 22 And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him. 23 And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of man she was taken.”

In fact, in Hebrew, the words for “man” and “woman” correspond to the substance they were made from. Adam comes from the adamah, and ishshah comes from ish. And so the substance from which they are made seems to say something about God’s design for their purpose.

Adam receives God’s Word directly and is held to account first - God’s prohibition against eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil in v. 16-17 is given to Adam before his wife exists, so it seems that Adam bore the responsibility to communicate God’s Word to his wife (and children) and enforce obedience to God’s Word. And in ch. 3, Adam is the one God comes looking for first, even though Eve ate the fruit first. Adam was responsible to teach his family about God and to make sure they obeyed Him. Men, if God has a problem with your family, guess who He’s going to deal with first?

Adam had authority over his wife to name her - though they equally bore the responsibility to subdue and rule over creation, God gave a higher level of authority to Adam than to Eve, which we see from the fact that Adam named her. Here in chapter 2, Adam calls her “woman” (ishshah) because she’s taken out of man, and later in ch. 3, after the fall into sin, he names her Eve. So Adam has a greater level of authority than his wife.

Adam also has a greater responsibility - to provide and protect. We see that from v. 15:

Genesis 2:15 BSB

15 Then the LORD God took the man and placed him in the Garden of Eden to cultivate and keep it.

Adam was to work or cultivate the garden, to provide for himself and his family. And he was to keep or guard the garden, to protect himself and his family. There is a reason that, traditionally, men are the main ones who work to provide for their family’s needs, and they are expected to protect their families from harm. This is God’s design.

One final observation regarding God’s design of gender is that the differences between male and female seem to correspond to the order of the days of creation.

Order and roles correspond to days of creation (form and fill, structure and beauty)

You may remember from Genesis 1 that we learned how days 1-3 of creation are about the form or structure of creation, and days 4-6 are about filling that structure with beautiful things.

I think it’s a general principle, though not always true, that men tend to care more about the form or structure of something, and women care more about the beauty and design.

For example, most men when designing a house or church building or any building are mostly preoccupied with making sure that the structure is good and safe and stable and functional. Foundation, floors, walls, ceiling, roof, etc.

What do women do to a house or church building or other building? They make it beautiful. They fill it up with curtains and paintings and decorations and other such things.

Men are like days 1-3 of creation, providing the structure or form. Women are like days 4-6, filling up the structure with beauty.

There’s much more to say about gender and gender roles, but that will suffice for now. What’s clear here is that God created the two genders, male and female, and a primary reason for that is marriage. Marriage is God’s doing, because it’s His design in making us male and female.

God Gave Away the First Bride

Another thing in this text that shows us that marriage is God’s doing is that God is the one to give away the bride.

In this first wedding ceremony, God Himself takes the role of Father of the Bride. He had made her, she is like a daughter to Him, and now He gives her away to the man.

Genesis 2:22 BSB

22 And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him.

A third thing that shows us that marriage is God’s design is that…

God Established the Institution of Marriage by His Word

God established the institution of marriage by His Word because marriage is His idea, it is His doing.

We read this in v. 24

Genesis 2:24 BSB

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

It might seem like this is just a conclusion that Moses is drawing from the events to apply it to future generations. But when Jesus quotes this verse in the NT, He shows us something important.

Matthew 19:4–5 BSB

4 Jesus answered, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

According to Jesus, who said the words of v. 24? God did. Sure, Moses wrote the words down, but they are God’s pronouncement over this first marriage and every marriage.

God spoke this union into existence. He established this institution of marriage by His Word.

God United Adam and Eve into One Flesh

Finally, marriage is God’s doing because God is the one who made them one flesh. V. 24 says,

Genesis 2:24 BSB

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

But it isn’t that they make themselves one flesh. It isn’t the bride or groom or pastor or parents that brings about this one-flesh union. It is God. Jesus said so in Mark 10:7-9:

Mark 10:7–9 BSB

7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Who joined them together? Who made them one flesh? GOD DID. God joined them together.

This is true in every marriage, including those who reject God. God is the one who joins them together and makes them one flesh.

So marriage is God’s doing. God is the One who designed marriage and He is the One who performs it.

God’s Purpose for Marriage

To display His glory

The other main point to see from Scripture is that marriage is the display of God. God’s purpose in designing marriage is to display His glory.

God designed marriage to display the glory of His covenant-keeping love for His people.

Sermons from John Piper (2000–2014) Staying Married is Not about Staying in Love, Part 1

Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to the church. And therefore the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display.

God’s plan to create and save people began in eternity past, long before He created the world or Adam and Eve. Before the foundation of the world, God chose us in Christ (Eph. 1:4) to be His people, to belong to Christ as His covenant marriage partner.

With this in view, God created marriage - it was not the other way around. God’s love for His people is from eternity to eternity, but human marriage is only temporary.

Human marriage is not ultimate; God’s relationship with His people is. Human marriage is a physical picture of a spiritual reality. Human marriage will come to an end; but God’s covenant-keeping love for His people will last forever.

Consider Jesus’s answer to the Sadducees regarding marriage in the afterlife: Matthew 22:30

Matthew 22:30 BSB

30 In the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Instead, they will be like the angels in heaven.

That is, in eternity future with God, human marriage will be no more. The shadow will become reality. We will be united to Christ in an eternal marriage covenant, and the temporary picture of human marriage will be gone. There will be no more need for it, since the reality will be here.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:22-33 about how marriage is intended to picture the relationship between Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:22–33 BSB

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 Indeed, no one ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. 30 For we are members of His body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Notice his conclusion in v. 32,

Ephesians 5:32 BSB

32 This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church.

That is, all of this teaching about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives and all these things about marriage, it’s not ultimately about your human marriage.

Certainly there are principles to be applied in our marriages, but Paul says the main point is that marriage points us to Christ’s relationship to the church - to everyone from all time who trusts the promises of God fulfilled in Christ. That’s what marriage is about.

In human marriage, in your marriage, God intends to display His love for His people.

Application

This has huge implications for our lives, doesn’t it?

If my marriage is God’s doing in order to display God’s glory, what does that mean for me?

My Marriage Is Not My Own

Because marriage in general and my marriage in particular is God’s doing and is intended to display God’s glory, I don’t have the right to do what I want with my marriage. It doesn’t belong to me. My marriage belongs to God. So I must serve His purposes with my marriage, rather than serving my own purposes.

So I must think biblically about my marriage. Because it is from God and for God, I must seek and follow God’s will rather than my own in marriage.

I Must Submit to My God-given Role

Next week we will talk more about how sin has distorted the marriage relationship and made it harder for us to submit to our God-given roles. But Paul makes clear for us in Ephesians 5 what those roles are, and how they relate to Christ and the church.

Husbands are responsible to loving lead their wives in godliness, to work diligently to provide for and protect them, care for them, and meet their every need, just as Christ has done for us. This is a high calling.

And wives are to submit to their husbands and respectfully follow their lead, just as the church submits to Christ and respectfully follows Him.

When we as husbands refuse to lead our wives and do not treat them with love, we are telling a lie about Christ’s relationship to the church by our actions.

And when wives refuse to submit to their husband’s leadership, they are telling a lie about the church’s relationship to Christ.

This is why it is so important for us to submit to our God-given roles in marriage, because God intends for our obedience in this matter to proclaim the truth of His love, so that others around us may be drawn in as well.

Human Marriage Is Only for This Life; Heavenly Marriage Lasts Forever

For some of us, Jesus’s words that in the age to come there will be no more marriage may be sad news. If you’ve got a really good marriage because both of you are living according to God’s design, the thought that you may only get 30, 40, or 50 years together may seem disappointing.

But the more you get to know God, the more you’ll realize how wonderful your future with Him will be - and it’s far greater than anything we can imagine now. So if you’re in a good marriage now, give thanks for that, but remember, it is only the shadow of a much greater reality that is yours forever.

And if your marriage isn’t so great, or even downright terrible, it is only for this life. Your true hope isn’t in a perfect marriage here on earth, but the joy of belonging to Christ and being with Him forever.

So whatever the situation in your marriage, keep your focus on eternity, and give thanks for the hope that we have in Christ. If you belong to Him, you will enjoy being with Him forever, and there is no greater joy than that.

If you don’t yet belong to Him, come to Him today, and that joy can be yours.

PRAY