Loving Our Family

Start Recording

Introduction:

A woman was surprised at church one day when another woman, who had often snubbed her, went out of her way to give her a big hug before the service.

She wondered what had initiated her change of heart. She got her answer at the end of the service when the pastor instructed,

"Your assignment for next week is the same as last week. I want you to go out there and love somebody you just can't stand."

How would you take that? How would you respond to this woman? Would you be angry?

I don’t know about you, but I Just might be inclined to go give her a hug next week. I know it’s a little passive aggressive.

I wish love were so easy that we just give a hug to someone. A hug for some might be the greatest gift in the world. Others might feel anxiety from you invading their personal space.

Love is complex and can seem elusive. Even impossible for us to understand. It goes against our fleshly nature. Love is putting others above ourselves.

Love takes a lot of effort. True love takes awareness of the presence of the Holy Spirit inside us. Otherwise we just act in our fleshly selfishness.

We are continually exhorted to love throughout the NT. None more so than John. Ironically this is the same John, whom Jesus dubbed as one of the Sons of Thunder.

We get a clue as to why Jesus saw that as a fitting title in Luke 9:54 when John and his brother James wanted to call fire down from heaven and destroy an entire Samaritan village.

All because the Samaritans wouldn’t provide nightly accommodations. I would say that eager, impulsive anger is quite thunderous.

Granted the Samaritans refused because their destination was Jerusalem. Samaritans and Jews despised each other. If around one another they were relieved to see the other depart.

Do you know anyone like that? A person you’re not real happy to see, but you’re really glad to see them leave!

Jesus touched John’s life; he became one of three Apostles in Jesus’ inner circle. And the Holy Spirit transformed his soul.

He still had that eagerness when he wrote his epistles later in life. But, John’s constant awareness of the Spirits presence turned that eagerness away from anger and towards love.

So much so that he became known as the Apostle of love.

In 1 John we find the word love and its relatives over 40 times. And at least five times he reminds his readers of Jesus’ command to love one another.

Love was his prevailing message.

He wanted to make sure his readers understand that love is not an optional virtue for a believer. Rather, love is a distinguishing mark of a believer.

Love is the necessary, ethical behavior of a Christian in the world. John really nails that point home in 1 John 4:8 when he says “if you do not love others, you do not know God.”

A couple weeks ago I talked about how we have watered down love. How it has become meaningless or at the very least very misunderstood.

One woman wrote: "Dearest Ben, No words can ever express the great unhappiness I've felt since breaking off our engagement.

Please say that you'll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me.

I love you. Really, I love you so so much. Yours forever, Betty. P.S. And congratulations for winning the lottery."

Love is far too often a self-serving emotion. A Dopamine high that makes us feel good. It’s important to understand it’s both Him in us AND our awareness of Him.

It’s not an either/or kind of thing. Because only in His presence do we find love for the world around us.

This kind of love produces Oxytocin. Unlike Dopamine the chemical produced for a short term feel good happiness.

Dopamine is responsible for instant gratification and addiction.

Oxytocin, on the other hand, is the chemical behind love. Amazingly enough it has been shown to boost the immune system and make us more resistant to addiction.

It gives us lasting feelings of comfort, joy, and peace.

Is it any wonder that in our dopamine filled, instant gratification society, why love is thought of as a sentimental feeling, just a shallow emotion.

The fact that love is much more, has been almost completely lost in society today.

So let's look at what love really is:

Love Puts Others First

Love Fulfills Jesus’ Command

Love Proves Salvation

Love is Demonstrated By Jesus’ Sacrifice

Love Is Expressed by Actions

I know that’s a lot of points, but it’s okay I like to talk.

No, really I promise to try and keep it under 30 minutes.

So let’s dive into the first point.

Love Puts Others First

Paul doesn’t let John have all the credit for love. He says in Phil 2:3

Philippians 2:3 CSB

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.

The New Schaff-Herzog biblical encyclopedia defines love as:

That disinterested and unselfish relationship between persons, in which the personality of the one is lost in the other, in which each esteems the other better than himself.

When we hear the words passive aggressive we generally think of bad behavior, right?

Well here’s the perfect example of where God takes our nature for bad behavior and uses it for good.

The unselfish relationship where each esteems the other better than himself, is a passive aggressive behavior. One born out of love for the other person.

In other words, true spirit filled love is full of joyfulness, instead a way to get even with the other person. It replaces the endorphin high with permanent joy and peace.

Unselfish love isn’t just a feeling, an emotion, or an attitude. Rather unselfish love is an action.

It shows itself in deeds and good works. Often requiring self-sacrifice. It’s not a duty we have to perform.

Rather, the only driving and singular premise for our actions is the well-being of the other person.

Those actions may meet the basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter. They may be to help them recognize their own personal worth, and value.

For some who are not believers, those selfless loving acts may bring them to take the step of faith. To become a Christian and begin their walk of with Christ.

For some believers that selfless love means we provide loving correction where needed.

And John reminds us that this love isn’t optional. It’s a command.

Love Fulfills Jesus’ Command

In 1 John 3:11 John says,

1 John 3:11 ESV

11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.

John is reminding his readers, and us, that love originates with God. The command to love one another comes from the lips of Jesus in John 13:34-35.

John 13:34–35 ESV

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Have you wondered how this is a new commandment?

Have you ever asked God why this is a new commandment?

Jesus said to the Pharisees that the second commandment was to love your neighbor which references the decalogue in Deut 6:4.

How is an OT commandment suddenly considered a new commandment?

Because this time Jesus says, “just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”

There’s only one possible way we can attain that kind of love. By having the Holy Spirit residing in us and, that’s an emphatic and not an and/or, it’s an and being aware of His presence.

We are to love just as Jesus loves. The part that should give us pause is where Jesus gives the world permission to judge our faith.

The world is allowed to judge our faith simply on the basis of our love for each other.

The early believers fulfilled this command; they loved one another. A writer name Caecilius (ca. AD 210) said of the Christians:

"They know one another by secret marks and signs, and they love one another almost before they know one another."

The Greek writer, Lucian (ca. AD 120-200) said of the early church

"It is incredible to see the fervor with which the people of that religion help each other in their wants. They spare nothing. Their first legislator [Jesus] has put it into their heads that they are all brethren."

The church father, Tertullian, said,

"It is our care for the helpless, our practice of loving kindness, that brands us in the eyes of many of our opponents. ‘Look,' they say, ‘How they love one another! Look how they are prepared to die for one another!'"

Does that maybe cause a little conviction? It sure caused me to feel some conviction. Let me ask:

Would outsiders describe modern Christians like that?

Are believers today fulfilling the command of Jesus to love one another?

If people judged you, and trust me they are, solely on your love would they say without a doubt your a Christian?

I can tell you the world has spoken. The jury has returned a verdict. And it’s not good for Christians.

Christians are called hypocrites because they claim to love like Christ. Christians expect the world to love like Jesus. But they don’t love any better than the world. In some cases even worse than the world.

I’ve got no room to talk. I’m guilty of treating other Christians in a very unloving way. I’m guilty of treating non-Christians harshly at times.

I remember an atheist who started a conversation with me about Christian faith being hollow and pointless. Somewhere along the way I became a Son of Thunder instead of a Disciple of Love.

In my anger I said, “well you can go to hell and I don’t give a darn.” Only with a little more colorful word than darn.

It’s in these moments that we have to check ourselves and take every thought captive. We must be careful how we react and not allow our flesh be what responds.

We can take heed in another quote from McClain where he says, “Love which winks at sin is not true love.”

The absence of true love in our lives is disobedience. It’s failing to uphold the command from Jesus to love one another as He loves Us.

That kind of love proves our salvation.

Love Proves Salvation

John continued in 1 John 3:13-14

1 John 3:14–15 CSB

14 We know that we have passed from death to life because we love our brothers and sisters. The one who does not love remains in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.

John doesn’t mix any words here. If true love is displayed in your life you have passed from spiritual death to spiritual life.

If true love is not displayed in your life you remain in spiritual death. For John it’s black and white.

It should be black and white for us too. You are either spiritually alive or you are spiritually dead.

The evidence for spiritual life is love for the family.

Let me be clear, becoming a Christian is not earned by loving the family. Rather, loving the family is proof that one has become a Christian.

Love for the family is proof of salvation, it’s an assurance of our future, eternal, inheritance.

Loving that person you would rather see go than stay is a sign of salvation.

However, in order to know if we are loving we must know what love is first. Thankfully Jesus demonstrated that love for us.

Love is Demonstrated By Jesus’ Sacrifice

Love for the family (we are talking church family here) is evidence that we are a Christian. Now, John says, this is how you know you have that love.

1 John 3:16 ESV

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

The supreme example of this love is the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

He laid down down His life for us. I’m going to be brutally honest here. God and thereby Jesus Christ have no obligation to us.

Jesus owes us nothing. Yet He laid down His life for us. It was a willful, deliberate act.

What we may not get or understand here is that His life, wasn’t just His physical bodily life that was resurrected back to life.

It was His spiritual life as well. He was resurrected spiritually and physically. He did this because He loved His enemies.

Those enemies are you and I. Anyone who would come to believe in Him, were and are His enemies.

We are to love our family so much that we are willing to lay down not just our physical lives, but our spiritual lives for them.

We are only capable of this kind of love by aid of the Holy Spirit living in us and our awareness of His presence.

Paul says in Romans 9:1-3

Romans 9:1–3 ESV

1 I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

Paul shows how we are to have the love Jesus demonstrated for us on the cross. Notice that he is consciously aware of the Holy Spirit’s presence.

His unceasing anguish over fellow non-believing Jews is so great that he is willing to give up his eternal salvation, so they would have their eternal salvation.

We know we are sealed by the Spirit for eternity. God will never ask us to give up our eternal life.

The chances are slim that any of us here today will even be in a situation of giving up our physical life for Christ.

But most often love is expressed by actions.

Love is Expressed by Actions

Phil Hook Writes:

My mother and I did not “mix.” I chose a typical teenage solution to the problem—silence.

I would leave for school in the morning, come home to eat, then leave again. When I was finally home late at night, I read books.

Invariably, my mother would come downstairs and ask me if I wanted a sandwich. I grunted my assent. She cooked egg and bacon sandwiches for me night after night until I left home for good.

Years later, when our relationship was mended, she told me why she had made all those sandwiches. “If you would ever talk to me, it was while I made that sandwich,” she said.

Hook writes, “I’ve learned love is found in a consistent display of interest, commitment, sacrifice, and attention.”

I want you to notice every one of his descriptions of love is an action.

1 John 3:17–18 ESV

17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Interestingly John narrows the focus of love from a large group of brothers down to one single brother. One single person.

G. P. Lewis wrote, "It is easier to be enthusiastic about Humanity with a capital ‘H' than it is to love individual men and women, especially those who are uninteresting, exasperating, depraved, or otherwise unattractive.

Loving everybody in general may be an excuse for loving nobody in particular."

Let's face it some people are hard to love. There are people we can't stand.

When we come in contact with them we do everything we can to avoid eye contact. We know if they see us they’re going to come over and want a hug.

And we would rather hug a porcupine.

Our actions, no matter how subtle, tell our true feelings. Others see those actions.

Maybe you can identify with the rivalry between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor.

One day Lady Astor said, "If I were your wife I'd put arsenic in your beer."

Churchill replied, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

McClain writes: “Love prohibits the working of evil toward any man.”

Many people have said, “ministry would be easy if it wasn’t for people.” Our human nature makes all of us hard to love at times.

Jesus, in His love for us, died for us, His enemies, even though He had no obligation to us, nor did He owe us anything.

Our love for others should be displayed and demonstrated by our actions not just words. We tell that person we don’t want to make eye contact with that we love them.

I’m thinking I’d rather hug a porcupine, but I tell them I love them. Not very genuine or true, right?

I mean what actions show our love for them?

In The Grace of Giving, Stephen Olford tells of a Baptist pastor during the American Revolution, Peter Miller, who lived in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, and enjoyed the friendship of George Washington.

In Ephrata also lived Michael Wittman, an evil-minded sort who did all he could to oppose and humiliate the pastor.

One day Michael Wittman was arrested for treason and sentenced to die.

Peter Miller traveled seventy miles on foot to Philadelphia to plead for the life of the traitor.

“No, Peter,” General Washington said, “I cannot grant you the life of your friend.”

“My friend!” exclaimed the old preacher. “He’s the bitterest enemy I have.”

“What?” cried Washington.

“You’ve walked seventy miles to save the life of an enemy? That puts the matter in a different light. I’ll grant your pardon.”

And he did. Peter Miller took Michael Wittman back home to Ephrata—no longer an enemy, but a friend.

The only way to have the love Jesus demonstrated on the cross is through the Holy Spirit in us.

We must have Him in us AND be consciously aware of His presence.

I want you to know that I have seen this kind of love coming from all of you from the day I arrived. This is why I say I am so blessed to be here. May we continue to share that love with the community around us.