The Forgiving Conversation

Intro

We are looking this month at the smallest unit of our relationships. The conversation. Conversations are part of how we interact with others. We cannot help but do them. We cannot help but engage with them. We can help in how we engage with them however.

Last Sunday we looked at the primary conversation. Our conversation with God. That God is how we understand how to speak with one another. We are in constant reply to God.

Over the next few weeks we will be looking at different conversations we are called to have with one another. This morning we are going to look at the forgiving conversation.

This is a center prompt for how we are called to interact with one another: that we are called to extend and ask for forgiveness. We have talked about forgiveness before in other sermons but if we are going to look at what kind of conversations we are called to have with one another, then we need to begin with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is primary because it a thing what it is. Forgiveness does not mean that we offenses and forget that they exist. To forgive someone first means that we call a thing what it is. We name something as evil, we wrong. We call for offense. But we don’t do it in a way that is bitter or complaining. We do it as it means to lead toward reconciliation. Christians are always leaning toward reconciliation. But that means that we have to get through difficult things in order for us to remain there.

Forgiveness is at the center of our relationship with God and we are called to have it be at the center of our relationship with one another. We can talk all we want about wisdom, and grace, and mercy, and trust, but at the center of all of it is forgiveness. That we live lives as Christians, that have erased the brokenness and sin of our past and given us restored relationships with God and one another.

Most of relational and personal tension comes from a lack of willingness to extend or ask for forgiveness. We think that it is better to just hold onto it ourselves and make do with what we can. But it is a burden to do so. It is heavy to do so. It weighs you down to do so.

Have you ever parked your car using the emergency brake and then forgotten you parked your car using the emergency brake and started driving your car?

IF you haven’t here is what it is like. It feels like, as you would expect, your car moves forward but it does so like you are pulling some kind of massive trailer. Your car will go forward, it will drive, it will just not drive well. It will always feel like, no matter how much of the gas pedal you press, that it is sluggish. That your car is driving but it is doing so at 50% of what it was.

Living with a lack of forgiveness, with unexpressed forgiveness is like driving around with your parking brake on. You can drive, you can function, but it is significantly more difficult.

The best thing we can do is to understand the weight that has been lifted from us in forgiveness and run to do offer it to others.

Some of us have been driving around with the parking brake for so long we have forgotten what it is like to drive normally. We have withheld forgiveness for so long we have gotten used to the weight. But the weight of unforgiveness is so heavy that it can actually cause physical problems. There are aches and pains and heart issues that are causes of a lack of forgiveness. It is so heavy it affects your physical life. But when we live with it for long enough, we just think, that is the way we are.

Forgiveness is the statement that proclaims to everyone, “You are not just the way you are. There is eternal potential and possibility for growth and change.”

The central conversation in the Christian life is “I have been forgiven. I forgive you.” We see that in this morning’s parable.

Look at how the conversation begins.

Matthew 18:21–22 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

This is a conversation. Peter asked what he should do if there is sin involved. How should he apply forgiveness? How many times have we been in this situation?

Forgiveness is a foundation to our conversations. It underlies everything. This is a prompt. We don’t always know the script but we do always know the prompt.

Peter gives a rather generous starting point. Should I forgive him seven times? That is a lot of times. That is a generous offer. Peter may have even been hoping for a pat on the back at that point.

But Jesus gives Him a one up.

Not seven times but seventy seven times. Jesus calls Peter to exponential forgiveness.

Let’s stop here for a moment.

Peter is giving Jesus a pretty decent offer. One would think he deserves an atta boy. A little credit.

But Jesus just reorients him to exponential forgiveness.

At this point we could just be hearing, try harder. Exert more. Forgive better. Do better. But forgiveness is difficult. So difficult that Jesus is going to show us the only way to truly express it. To truly find our way out of it.

To do that we first need to see the bigger picture

Matthew 18:23–27 ESV

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.

Let’s take a look at what story Jesus is telling. Jesus begins with a king. The king settles accounts. There is a man who owes the king 10000 talents. That is the equivalent of millions of dollars today. An unfathomable and unsayable amount.

The man cannot repay. So his begs for mercy for time. He just wants more time to pay.

But the king recognizes that time is not the way through this. IT states that He has pity. This word also means compassion.

He has compassion on the man and forgives his debt. Removes it.

This is where we have to spend some time and understand what has happened here. We could move onto the next part too quickly.

Someone who had complete power. Complete authority. One who, with a word, could have crushed this man. Could have entirely squashed him.

Did not.

Because we don’t want to move too quickly from this point. This is what forgiveness does. It creates an entire new possibility.

The man now has possibility that he could not have considered before

This is what a conversation with the king does. It entirely changes our future

See, the most historically accurate. Even to some degree the most reasonable and rational response from this king would have been to do exactly what he said he would do. This guy had a debt. He owed money. The money wasn’t extorted, it wasn’t stolen. It was borrowed.

And all the king wanted was for the payment to be made.

That is how the world works, we say.

And it does. And it crushes people.

The world works this way because it works devoid of mercy. It works devoid of grace. The world is works in cycles of power and strength.

But that is not how the King works. It is not how our King works.

In a moment, in a request, in a compassionate response, the King steps out of the reasonable and rational response.

And he begins to converse in a different way. He begins to converse with mercy and love. And mercy and love in our conversations look like forgiveness.

The King removes the debt.

It is wild and absurd. But this is how the King, in all HIs supremacy and power has chosen to do things.

Now keep in mind Jesus is telling us a story. He is showing us what God is like. God is King. But God does something unbelievable with His power. He forgives. The debt that was owed, no longer is.

And Jesus wants us to see what God in all His power and glory does with all his power and glory. He has compassion and He forgives.

This point. This part is the beginning of our conversations.

It is wild and it is absurd

But it is more wild, and it is more absurd than the most evil and heinous thing you and I have ever done. God’s compassion cancels out debt.

This is the first breath of every conversation in the kingdom

When we approach others, when we are approached this is the position in which we do it. This is the posture of the Christian. From the first breath of forgiveness. And we move from there.

The long jump is a track and field event where someone attempts to, as you would guess, jump the farthest. They have a runway where they run to gain speed. Then there is a take off board where they jump as far as they can into a sandpit. People jump incredible distances. The record for long jump is about 30 feet.

Like any form of competition, the long jump has intense strategy for how to approach a long jump appropriately. I don’t know this from experience but according to Milan Tiff, an Olympic track and field runner there is a necessity in the beginning of the long jump to employ the giddy up. Or the jiggle. There are a couple of early steps, like a dance, that starts the long jump. You can’t just start from a cold run. You have to have a little bit of a jiggle. It might be a little hitch in the start of the run or a little dance.

Look at this YouTube short of Wayne Pinnock’s long jump.

In order to start a long jump well you need a jiggle.

In order to understand forgiveness you need a jiggle. This pause, where the King forgives the debt, is the jiggle. We cannot have the forgiveness conversation without the jiggle. Without starting with understanding the mercy of the King and that we have been forgiven.

We have to first receive forgiveness to know how to offer it.

But it is difficult.

We know we have been forgiven and have enjoyed experiencing forgiveness, but it is hard to extend.

We can know forgiveness and it is in forgiveness that we can offer it. But it can still be difficult. Look at how the parable goes on.

Matthew 18:28–35 ESV

But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

The contrast to the beginning of the story is that the man who has just been forgiven now comes across someone who owes him less than $50. Instead of offering the same kind of mercy He offers wrath. He does what the system of that time would have done. He has him thrown in jail until he can repay.

There is a clarity that is being shown of the absurdity of not forgiving. Of what it looks like when we do not forgive. If we have been forgiven then it makes the most sense to do the same thing. If we have been forgiven of a huge debt then we are called to forgive others.

This is what the world calls us when we receive one thing and act another. Hypocrites. And you may look and say that is not a fully deserved title. I would agree. We’re not all hypocrites, but when we refer to one way and act another, that is hypocritical. And that’s actually the least of our concerns in this Jesus doesn’t he wickedness.

To receive forgiveness and not extend it is wickedness

We are called to have conversations where our jiggle, our giddy up is forgiveness.

We are called to both extend and ask for forgiveness.

This is not easy work because it goes against the current of the cultural system. But a conversation filled with forgiveness is the best use of your time. When you forgive, you reflect back to the King who has forgiven you.

When you act like the king who has forgiven us, we act the most like what it means to be human and we live free. We live with that weight freed from our lives. Some of us this morning feel stuck. We feel like we can’t get anywhere.

We feel like we are driving around with the parking brake on.

If you feel stuck this morning maybe it there is a lack of forgiveness. Maybe there is someone you need to forgive. Maybe there is someone you need to ask forgiveness for.

The challenge this morning is to have that conversation. Maybe you can’t have that conversation directly. Maybe the person isn’t alive or even safe. Don’t go to them. But you still need to extend forgiveness.

Forgiveness does mean you let them off your hook, so to speak, it doesn’t mean you let them off God’s hook.

Whatever issue the forgiveness is over. They still need to deal with God on that.

What is your next conversation toward freedom?

Who is it with?

I want to give you two conversational prompts:

Conversation prompt:

I need to ask you for forgiveness

God I need help in forgiving

It’s not an easy thing, but it’s a really big thing