The Good Life - Being Allowed to Feel

Our Theme for 2025 is “Live Like Jesus”

It comes out of a simple desire to follow Jesus - and to learn better what that means.

1 John 2:6 ESV

6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

We are going to spend the entire year in the Gospel of Matthew.

It was while I was doing research on the Lord’s prayer that I began to get a vision for a different kind of preaching series - spent the whole year in the gospel of Matthew.

Matthew is filled with old testament references, so we will get plenty of that.

This year I want to learn to see life from Jesus’s perspective.

And I want to live like Jesus did.

We begin with a short portion of scripture that summarizes Matthews gospel.

Like we did with the Lord’s prayer, we are going to take it slowly, spent time going verse by verse, meditating on it.

Live like Jesus means aligning our minds, hearts and actions with His.

Matthew five through seven contains a text referred to as the sermon on the mount. And the first twelve verses are called the beatitudes.

Matthew 5:1–12 ESV

1 Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. 7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

It is called the beatitudes because of the eight statements that each begin with the word “Blessed”

Jesus opens his sermon on the mount with eight statement about “the good life”, but the good life is not what you think.

Our thoughts may go towards a life of luxury.

Whatever you may think is the good life - that’s not what Jesus is talking about.

Jesus is going to turn everything you think you know about life upside down - and that is how we learn to live like Jesus.

Last week we said that you can live the good life and live with in your means.

Because the good life is not about being prosperous or even about being happy.

The good life is about living you life the way it was meant to be lived.

Remember we said this:

The Biblical concept of blessing has everything to do with how we live, but very little to do with how we feel.

Remember that, because what Jesus says next may feel wrong.

Matthew 5:4 ESV

4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Really! - That is what you call the good life?!?

Mourning is not fun. - It is just the opposite of being happy.

But Jesus included mourning in his definition of what it means to be blessed. - why?

You have to give yourself permission to feel.

Negative emotions are troublesome things.

They weigh you down- nobody wants to feel bad, sad or mad.

They can ruin relationships - other people don’t want to be around you when you’re like that.

They can make you sick - unexpressed emotions manifest as generalized anxiety or stress which are linked to illness.

But if we deny our feelings - it makes them even worse.

We can get “stuck” in a negative emotional state.

Or we begin to “act out” in ways that seem unrelated - but its really a negative emotion coming out sideways.

The best way to deal with negative emotions is to share them with someone who cares and preferably someone who has been there and truly understands.

Most of you know this story, but I’m going to tell it for the benefit of the few who don’t. I lost my first wife to cancer a little more than seven years ago. She battled the disease for fourteen month from diagnosis but died in Japan while we were on our way to Thailand to visit missionaries.

When we purchased the tickets in April, she was doing well. We even thought she might be in remission. But by the time July rolled around, she had taken a turn for the worse. But she insisted on keeping the plans we had made, including this trip. Our two youngest children were with us and this was supposed to be their introduction to missions.

She got very sick on the first leg of the flight. When we landed in Japan, I tried to get our luggage off the plane so we could spend the night, giving her time to rest and recover and to decide whether or not to continue. Instead, she was taken by ambulance to the hospital who informed me that she was actively dying. I didn’t want to believe it. I refused to believe it!

I got a hotel for me and the kids and began preparing to spend some time in Japan caring for her. The front desk at the hotel woke me in the middle of the night.

“Mr. Kolb. You need to go to the hospital right away. We have called a cab.”

I found her sitting up in bed, looking great. We had a nice conversation. I asked her what I should do if it was really true that she was dying. She said, “Let’s just trust Jesus.” After an hour or so, I went back to the hotel expecting to see her in the morning.

Those were her last words to me. She was unconscious when I arrived with the kids. And within minutes she took her last breaths.

Why do I tell you this story? It is hard for me every time.

I tell it because it is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

I had three to four months of acute grief where I wept daily.

Through that time I continued as a pastor to preach, lead ministries and even counsel.

How did I do that? - I made time and space to allow myself to grieve that loss.

And I had people around me who were supportive and understanding and didn’t try to make me suppress it.

I want to share with you some of the things that I learned about grief from the scripture and through that experience.

Grief is normal and healthy.

At times the church has either openly or unintentionally conveyed the idea that Christians are supposed to always be happy.

Like if your saved and really know the Lord you are not going to have any problems. - Nothing could be further from the truth!

John 16:33 NLT

33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Jesus said there would be problems - but that our problems and our sorrows are not the end result - His peace is!

The worst thing you can do in grief is to deny that you have it.

I want to begin by doing what Jesus did - giving you permission to feel.

Emotional expression is a normal part of our humanity.

John 11:35 ESV

35 Jesus wept.

That’s right - Jesus wept!

He knew that he was the resurrection and the life - he just said that to Martha. (verse 25)

He knew that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead - he said that to the disciples before they set out for Bethany. (verse 11)

So why is Jesus weeping?

It is natural for people to share the emotions of others around them.

It’s called empathy.

It is part of what makes us human.

Jesus is fully God, but also fully human.

The fact that he gets caught up in the emotion of the moment is evidence of His humanity.

Do you have a favorite movie that you watch over and over again? You already know the ending, but does that stop you from entering into the emotion of the story? Not at all! You still laugh at the funny parts and cringe at the scary parts. Sometimes you fell it even more, precisely because you know what is coming.

Jesus knew what was coming, but he entered into the story.

Jesus fully entered into the human experience.

He experienced all of the emotions that we do - even the difficult ones.

This was also what was prophesied about the Messiah.

Isaiah 53:4 ESV

4 Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

We know that Jesus died on the cross for our sin, but did you know that He also bore our emotional pain?

Isaiah says that the suffering servant - Messiah has borne our griefs and sorrows.

He took it all on when he took on our humanity.

And His atonement, while it doesn’t take away our feelings, it gives us a way to resolve them.

Especially for Christians, grieving strengthens hope.

This is what the Apostle Paul writes to the Thessalonian church.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

This is what grief looks like on this side of Jesus’ resurrection.

We still feel it.

Paul doesn’t say “don’t grieve.”

He says, we don’t grieve like those who have no hope.

Death is still hard, but we also have the hope of resurrection.

After my late wife’s passing. I found preoccupied with thoughts of heaven. I read books about people who died and cam back and those who had visions of heaven. I wanted to know where she was and what she may be experiencing. My humanity was still reaching out for some sort of connection.

What I had was the hope of the gospel. This life is not all there is. In fact, it seems it is just the beginning. When you look at heaven as the restoration of God’s good creation - she is experiencing the life that this life is meant to prepare us for. I began to realize - she’s not dead - she’s more alive than I am! She is experiencing the fulfillment of what we are preparing for.

That gives me hope. More than just the hope of seeing her again. Because I know that when I see her again, we are both going to be so different from what we are now! But it produces in me a longing to become all that God meant for us to be. Nothing makes you long for heaven like knowing someone who is already there!

This world and all that we know is only temporary - grief reminds us of that.

In case we get caught up in thinking that this world is all that there is.

We can get caught up in the pursuit of success.

Or just trying to be happy more of the time.

Or just keeping ourselves busy so that we don’t have time to think about the difficult things in life.

Grief interrupts all of that -it totally upsets the apple cart.

It reminds us that we are human.

And it makes us ask the question, “what are we living for?”

And the answer, especially if you know Jesus, is that our lives are meant to be a reflection of God who made us.

That is “the good life” - and sometimes we see it best through our pain.

God is with us in our grief.

We alway wonder what to say to a person who is grieving.

When I was grieving, I heard lots of things, some of them were helpful.

But most of them were unhelpful.

Don’t say, “I understand what you are going through because you probably don’t really understand, you just feel a little bit of what they feel.”

Don’t say that “God has a plan for this.” or “God is in control.”

That may be true, but when you are hurting, it just makes God look like the bad guy - like He did this to you.

Rather say, “I know God is with you, even if you don’t feel Him.”

Or maybe just simply, “I’m praying for you.”

Truthfully, some of the most comforting people to me didn’t say anything -

I could tell by the look in their eyes “they understood.”

Mostly just “be there”. - help with practical needs, don’t feel like you have to say anything profound.

And listen - don’t make it about you.

You don’t know how many times when I was grieving that I felt like I had to be the one giving the comfort.

Just know, you are not alone.

Romans 8:35 ESV

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

Your distress - your sadness and sorrow does not separate you from the love of God.

How many of you as children felt that you needed to always be happy? When you were crying, did you have a parent that said “ stop it or I will give you something to cry about!”? Or did they say, “Where did my happy child go?” “I like you so much better when you are happy!”

I’m sorry you had that experience - that was actually damaging.

Jesus loves you even when you are unhappy.

Jesus loves you when you are crying or upset.

Jesus loves you even when you can’t possibly believe that He still loves you.

You don’t have to feel God’s love to know that He loves you.

I used to have an office with a window. I would point outside on a cloudy day and ask my depressed client, “Is the sun shining?” Of course they would say “no”. Or they would say, “its cloudy.” And I would say again, “but is the sun still shining?” Yes, the sun is still shining, you just can see it because of the clouds. If the sun were not up there above the clouds, you wouldn’t be able to see the clouds either. You wouldn’t be able to see anything.

The fact that that we may be disturbed at not feeling God's love is evidence that He loves us.

The fact that we feel anything at all is evidence of His love.

The fact that He create us and we are still alive is evidence of His love.

You don’t need to look far for evidence of God’s love.

If you are still standing, that is evidence of God’s love.

It’s evidence that you are not alone and that is because of His love.

God is good,even when we don;t feel good.

And He will never leave us alone.

Look for what God is doing.

Psalm 23:4 ESV

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

I told you about my own experience with death and loss, but what prepared me for that experience was walking with so many other people through death and loss.

Over the course of 22 years of ministry, I have spoken at 32 funerals,

Beginning with my own mother- her funeral was the first that I spoke at just weeks after becoming a pastor.

I have occasionally visited people just moments before or moments after they died.

On a few occasions - like with Jeanne - I was there with the family as they decided to finally let them go.

Once I had to go and help a set of young parents release their stillborn infant.

Whenever I have to go into a situation that is very difficult or even tragic, I prepare myself by reminding myself that God is already there.

He is already in the situation - no matter how bad it is.

I don’t believe God causes bad things to happen, but I do believe He uses them.

Just like a shepherd uses his rod and his staff to keep his sheep on the path.

Sometimes bad things happen to prevent something even worse from happening.

And sometimes they are absolutely senseless from all that we can see - but God is still there comforting and guiding.

I always look for God in every situation.

Sometimes I even pray under my breath, “God, what are you doing here?”

And the next question is, “What do you want me to do?”

Look for God’s hand at work - even in the darkest and most impossible circumstances.

Especially in the darkest and most impossible circumstances.

About ten years ago, my seminary class took a “field trip” to Vietnam and Cambodia - the purpose was to make application of our studies to real life missional settings. We were told to pay attention, not just to people and facts, but to the spiritual environment. Look for light places and dark places and “thin place” were the reality of God presence is so real you can almost touch it.

One of those places caught me by surprise. It was Toul Slang prison in Cambodia. It was where the prisoners were kept and interrogated before being taken to the killing fields - the mass graves. I was in the first group to be given a tour so I sat down in the courtyard to wait for the others. I took out an ipad to write a few notes and was looking for a scripture to use in a Facebook post.

Everything I read was coming to life. The words of the scripture were leaping off the page at me. The Presence of the Lord was so real and so close. It was a powerful moment - definitely a “thin place.”

I was amazed. “Really, here of all places! This is where you show yourself!” I could believe that God would manifest His presence in such a horrible place. But then I began to realize how God must have manifested His presence so many time to those prisoners condemned to death. God’s presence is often strongest in the darkest places.

Grief presents an opportunity for growth.

Grief is not bad - it can be good t grieve.

In the comic strip Peanuts, Charlie Brown is always saying “good grief.”

Well, it is good if you pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling and move through it.

Many of the psalms are psalms of lament - expressing grief, sorrow and even anger over loss.

Many if you need to put words to your feelings, you can find a psalm that says it well?

It’s okay to not be okay.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

You don’t need to be happy all the time to be a good Christian.

You are not deficient in faith if you have problems.

Problems are part of life - you are just human!

Paul had a problem that wouldn’t go away even though he prayed.

What did, God tell him?

Paul, you don’t need to be strong because I am strong!

You don’t need to have it all together because God has it all together.

You don’t need to be perfect because He is perfect!

It’s OK to not be OK.

Here is the secret, when you can admit your weakness, that releases you to depend on His strength.

Matthew 5:4 ESV

4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Jesus promises that you will be comforted.

He can’t comfort you until you are willing to let your guard down.

Sometimes you have to let yourself fall apart so He can put you back together.

For may people, expressing emotion makes them feel like they could lose control.

Especially when you have suppressed your feelings for so long, it can feel like if you let yourself cry you may never stop.

Or if you let yourself get angry you might hurt someone.

That is where you need to be able to put yourself in the hands of a God who is big enough to handle even your most intense emotions.

Go ahead, tell God how you feel. He can handle it!

And He knows how to comfort you.

All of us should consider our mortality.

Ecclesiastes 7:2 ESV

2 It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.

The truth is that there is much in life that is beyond our control.

All of us are mortal.

Yes, God can heal us!

But it is also true that all of us are going to die sometime.

Even Lazarus, whom Jesus raised from the dead eventually died.

But we don’t have to be afraid of death, because Jesus conquered death.

John 11:25 ESV

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,

There is life beyond death.

And those who live and walk with Jesus in this life already have eternal life.

That same life that we have with Jesus now goes on even after we die.

Eventually, we get new bodies, but until then we commune with Jesus just like we do now when we pray.

So If you don’t want to be afraid of death, spend time communing with God in prayer.

Sometimes I can get lost in prayer, just talking with God and letting Him guide my thoughts and my imagination.

I don’t need my body to be able to commune with God.

And some day I will be able to commune with God without the constrains of my body or of my sinful nature.

I will have passed into a fuller expression of what it means to be human but filled with the Spirit.

That will be"the good life” - a life that is truly blessed.

And the best way I can prepare for that event is to begin to live now as all of who God created me to be.

To let myself feel the whole range of emotions as they are part of being human.

And to learn to received God’s comfort and my feelings come under His control.

Questions for reflection:

How are you doing? Are you blessed? You can say that even if you are sad right now. You can say it even if you are scared or confused. Saying that you are blessed expresses confidence in God who is the source of blessing. He is bigger than how you are feeling.

Are you self-aware? Think abut how many emotions you have experienced just since you woke up this morning. How many different emotions can you identify? How many of these feelings have you expressed in some way? How many have you talked to God about?

Do you know how to move from a negative emotion to God’s comfort? Is there anything you are feeling right now that you want to give to God? How might you express this feeling appropriately? Can you receive His comfort in its place?