Getting Over It: Grief
Notes
Transcript
One of the hardest emotions in life is grief.
All of us here have experienced it at some level.
One of the greatest examples of grief comes from a Pixar movie - Up
SHOW CLIP
Why does this movie clip and this movie resonate with all of us? Because we all have experienced it to some level.
Grief, however, isn’t just limited to death. Grief is a complicated topic.
We can grieve many other things in life. Maybe you are grieving a relationship that used to be there and now isn’t. Or grieving a marriage that you once had.
The best way I know to describe grief (from my experiences, though I am no expert) is that grief is like suffocation (over and over again - you come up for a small breath of air and then you are back in it). It squeezes the life out of you.
It squeezes physical life out of you - Broken Heart Syndrome - Johnny Cash
CS Lewis - “The death of a beloved is an amputation…Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” Talking about the death of his wife, Joy.
This morning, I want us to look at an example from the Bible that experienced soul-crushing grief in life. Sometimes we overlook his grief. He literally died with a broken heart himself. It’s King David.
I believe the greatest grief (I have seen personally) is the grief of losing a child. Nothing matches that.
In his lifetime, King David lost 3 sons.
I want to look quickly at each of his losses and I want you to notice his grief.
LOSS 1 - 2 Samuel 12:15-23
Bathsheba is pregnant/ Nathan the prophet goes and tells David that God knows what he has done.
Nathan promises the child will die.
15 Then Nathan went home.
The Lord struck the baby that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became deathly ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the boy. He fasted, went home, and spent the night lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his house stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he was unwilling and would not eat anything with them.
18 On the seventh day the baby died. But David’s servants were afraid to tell him the baby was dead. They said, “Look, while the baby was alive, we spoke to him, and he wouldn’t listen to us. So how can we tell him the baby is dead? He may do something desperate.”
19 When David saw that his servants were whispering to each other, he guessed that the baby was dead. So he asked his servants, “Is the baby dead?”
“He is dead,” they replied.
20 Then David got up from the ground. He washed, anointed himself, changed his clothes, went to the Lord’s house, and worshiped. Then he went home and requested something to eat. So they served him food, and he ate.
21 His servants asked him, “Why have you done this? While the baby was alive, you fasted and wept, but when he died, you got up and ate food.”
22 He answered, “While the baby was alive, I fasted and wept because I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let him live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I’ll go to him, but he will never return to me.”
Worship is possible even during grief. (Job 1:20-21)
20 Then Job stood up, tore his robe, and shaved his head. He fell to the ground and worshiped, 21 saying:
Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will leave this life.
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Son’s funeral (8 years old - mom and dad worshipped - I went from saying ‘How can they do that?’ to ‘I want to be able to do that.’)
In grief, we worship in that we know the Lord is in control of all things. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.
LOSS 2 -2 Samuel 13:33-38
Nathan promised “the sword would not leave David’s home” and it didn’t.
Ammon (David’s son) rapes his half sister (Tamar)
Absalom’ (one of David’s other sons) was infuriated that his sister was treated this way. He appealed to David to do something and David refused to do anything.
Absalom kills Ammon. (Imagine dealing with not only the death of your son, but your other son is the one who killed him! - Maybe how Adam and Eve felt)
33 So now, my lord the king, don’t take seriously the report that says all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”
34 Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. When the young man who was standing watch looked up, there were many people coming from the road west of him from the side of the mountain. 35 Jonadab said to the king, “Look, the king’s sons have come! It’s exactly like your servant said.” 36 Just as he finished speaking, the king’s sons entered and wept loudly. Then the king and all his servants also wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day.
38 After Absalom had fled to Geshur and had been there three years,
I think David’s grief in vv. 37 was partly due to him realizing this was his own fault.
Notice David was consumed with grief for 3 years (according to vv. 39)
Grief doesn’t have a specific timeline.
Some people grieve for a few months and move on. Some grieve for years. Some for decades.
Some move on and then have a moment of grief out of nowhere. It’s okay!
The goal of all grief is the same - ACCEPTANCE. Not that it’s okay but we accept that’s what happened.
Don’t bury it - Love Canal - They buried the toxins and then years later it started contaminating people’s basements.
LOSS 3 - 2 Samuel 18:29-33
Absalom starts a rebellion against his father and forms his own army.
They go into battle against King David’s soldiers but King David gives a plea to his soldiers to “not kill his son and to treat him well.”
During the battle, Absalom’s hair gets caught in a tree and he is left hanging.
Joab took 3 spears and thrust them into Absalom’s chest and killed him.
29 The king asked, “Is the young man Absalom all right?”
Ahimaaz replied, “When Joab sent the king’s servant and your servant, I saw a big disturbance, but I don’t know what it was.”
30 The king said, “Move aside and stand here.” So he stood to one side.
31 Just then the Cushite came and said, “May my lord the king hear the good news: The Lord has vindicated you today by freeing you from all who rise against you!”
32 The king asked the Cushite, “Is the young man Absalom all right?”
The Cushite replied, “I wish that the enemies of my lord the king, along with all who rise up against you with evil intent, would become like that young man.”
33 The king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber above the city gate and wept. As he walked, he cried, “My son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you, Absalom, my son, my son!”
Notice that in each of these 3 occasions, David grieves differently. Grief is different for everybody and every situation is different. Don’t think it's weird when people grieve differently than you do.
I want to give you 3 choices you have with grief. David had these same choices. This is not a FULL solution for grief. You may need help - if so, ask for it.
1. Choose to focus on God’s goodness instead of the pain.
1. Choose to focus on God’s goodness instead of the pain.
You can choose what you focus on.
Don’t focus on your feelings - focus on what you know.
My God will never leave me.
My God is still merciful.
My God promises a home in heaven for those who accept His Son.
My God is the God of all comfort. (2 Corinthians)
As David said earlier in his life (Ps. 34:18
18 The Lord is near the brokenhearted;
he saves those crushed in spirit.
Maybe you even need to say those statements out loud.
As I said - you can worship in the pain.
Remember what we said as children “God is good…all the time…and all the time….God is good)
2. Choose to not let the pain overtake every moment of your existence.
2. Choose to not let the pain overtake every moment of your existence.
If you look at David’s life you will know that he was never the same, but at the same time, he didn’t let the pain overtake every part of his life. He mourned for a time but then had to move on with life.
For some people, who allow the pain to overtake them - grief has become their idol.
“A lot of people fix their eyes and their hearts on a casket or a divorce or a diagnosis, they drink or do something else to numb the pain, and they spend their lives holding on to the hurt so tightly that it becomes the only thing they have. That’s basically idolatry. It’s making a god out of your circumstances instead of letting God help you process them.”
God wants to help.
The Bible says we do grieve. 1 Thessalonians 4:13.
13 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.
We just don’t grieve as those with no hope. We get God to help us.
3. Choose to let others help you through the pain.
3. Choose to let others help you through the pain.
In each of these circumstances, David was accompanied by others during his grief.
You are not made to do this journey alone - this is why the church is so important.
I don’t know how others make it without a church family.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.
Maybe today while we sing you need to come forward. Let our people gather around you and let you pray.
Maybe God is reminding you today that we are here for you. We want to pray for you. While we sing this song, come to the altar, let some of us surround you and pray for you.
