The Golden Rule for Relationships

Ephesians 5:21–6:9 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

[Sometime ago] The Department of Transportation … set aside $200 million for research and testing of an Automated Highway System. This system would purportedly relieve traffic woes with “super cruise control” in heavily congested cities.

Special magnets embedded in the asphalt every four feet would transfer signals between vehicle and main computer system. Steering, acceleration, and braking would be controlled by sensors, computers navigation systems, and cameras along the side of the road. Control would be returned to drivers at their specified exit.

Researchers and government officials claim they have the technological capability to address any potential problem. But one challenge they have yet to address.

Says Mike Doble, Buick’s technology manager, “The only thing we can’t do yet is get people to comfortably trust the system. It’s not a technology issue. Would you drive, closely spaced, at high speeds, through San Diego?”

Trust is always the question.

In our scripture for this evening we are studying three types of interpersonal relationships. I realize that not all of these relationships - if any will apply to all of us. Some may not be married. Some no longer have children in the home. Some may not be part of the workforce.

Yet we should still study this scripture. This is God’s Word. God’s Word is still applicable for doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness. Certain passages may not apply directly to us in certain stages of life.

Yet it is important to know what God’s Word says so that we can know what He wants and so that when God gives us opportunities to counsel others, we can advise them scripturally.

Furthermore, while some immediate applications of God’s Word may not currently apply to us, behind most scriptures is a general principle that does apply to us.

What is the general principle behind this passage?

Big Idea: Our relationship with Christ informs our relationships with others.

In Ephesians 5:21 Paul writes…

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

In the following three interpersonal relationships Paul taught the principle of mutual submission. But the reason why we are to submit to each other is because of our reverence, our love, our fear of Christ.

1. The husband and wife display a loving submission, Ephesians 5:22-32.

Ephesians 5:22 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

In those days, wives had very few rights. In fact, wives were often treated like chattel. The Gospel gave hope to women, for Christ sets us free.

Furthermore, the Bible teaches a concept of manhood and womanhood that raises women to a higher level than they had at that time. But now, after experiencing Christ’s freedom, Paul now told the wife to submit to her husband.

Why? Why should the wife submit to her husband? Note what Paul’s reasons were not.

Paul did not say they should obey their husbands in order to obey the law or the follow the customs of society. Rather, Paul pointed to the fact that the husband is the head of the wife like Christ is the head of the Church.

Therefore, in verse 24…

Ephesians 5:24 ESV

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

The wife’s relationship to Christ informs and drives her relationship to her husband. The wife submits to her husband because she loves Jesus.

In verse 25 Paul then addressed the husband.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Again, our relationships with one another are informed by our relationship with Christ.

In the next few verses Paul talked about how Christ loved the church and applied that to how the husband should love his wife.

It is interesting, in fact, that Paul spent so much time talking about the husband loving his wife in comparison to the time he spent telling the wife to submit to her husband.

But the reason why the husband loves his wife is because he is a follower of Christ, a servant of Christ. The highest goal of the follower of Christ is to imitate Christ in everything he says and does.

The highest goal of the servant of Christ is to fully obey His Lord. Therefore, husbands submit to Christ and love their wives, in turn subjugating their personal desires for the good of their wives. The husband and wife display a loving submission.

In the Fall 1996 edition of Marriage Partnership Kevin Miller wrote, “In the movie The Poseidon Adventure, the ocean liner S.S. Poseidon is on the open sea when it hits a huge storm.

“A wall of water crashes through the ballroom chandelier. Men in tuxes and women in evening gowns scream and run. Lights go out, smoke pours into rooms and, amid all the confusion, the ship flips over.

“Because of the air trapped inside the ocean liner, it floats upside down. But in the confusion, the passengers can’t figure out what’s going on.

“They scramble to get out, mostly by climbing the steps to the top deck. The problem is, the top deck is now 100 feet under water. In trying to get to the top of the ship, they drown.

“The only survivors are the few who do what doesn’t make sense. They do the opposite of what everyone else is doing and descend into the dark belly of the ship until they reach the hull. By going down, they reach the ocean’s surface. Rescuers hear them banging and cut them free.

“In marriage, it’s as if God has turned the ship over and the only way for us to find freedom is to choose what doesn’t make sense: lay down our lives by serving, supporting, and sacrificing for our spouses.”

Our relationship with Christ informs our relationships with others. Paul’s second point of application and illustration is the relationship of parents and children.

2. The parents and child display a hopeful submission, Ephesians 6:1-4.

Ephesians 6:1–2 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

How are children to obey their parents? They obey “in the Lord.” Our relationship with Christ informs our relationship with our parents.

Another way of saying that is that he doesn’t just obey his parents because they are his parents. Rather, he obeys his parents because his Lord would have him obey his parents.

But may we suggest the child’s submission is hopeful? You see, Paul noted that there is a promise attached to the commandment for children to obey their parents.

God said that if children would obey their parents, they would have a long life. Children should obey their parents out of hope and expectation that God will be faithful and will bless their lives tremendously.

Sometimes, the rules of parents don’t make sense. It might be nice to rebel. But the child obeys because he has hope that God will reward him for his obedience some day.

Verse 4 addresses the father saying,

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In that paternalistic society, the mother may not been as involved in the discipline and punishment as mothers are today. Understanding the cultural differences, this instruction applies to both father and mother.

How do the parents discipline their children? They are not to go to extremes, but are to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Someone has written…

Roman practice gave the father absolute power over his children. He had the right to punish them as his wrath might sinfully dictate, to sell them into slavery if he thought they were too expensive or worthless to him, or under certain conditions, to put them to death.

Source: Beacon Bible Commentary

Obviously, Paul’s instruction to fathers here is a great check on what the father’s “right” or “ability” to do in punishing his children. Why should the father submit his right to punish his children so harshly?

The father submitted his discipline of his children to Christ because of his hope to bring up his children to follow Christ. The submission, the subjugation, of the father’s disciplinary powers were done in hope that his children might become godly men and women.

Again, we see that our relationship with Christ informs our relationship with others. In a homily on Romans, John Chrsostom wrote:

If you wish to leave much wealth to your children, leave them in God’s care. For he who without your having done anything, gave you a soul, and formed you a body, and granted you the gift of life, when he sees you displaying such munificence, and distributing your goods, must surely open to them all kinds of riches.

Do not leave them riches, but virtue and skill. For if they have the confidence of riches, they will not mind anything besides, for they shall have the means of screening the wickedness of their ways in their abundant riches.

In this quote we see the hope of the parents that raising them to honor God will result in a blessed life – not necessarily a life of wealth, but a life rich in the blessings of God.

Thirdly, note that our relationship with Christ informs our relationship with others in the workplace.

3. The employer and employee display a respectful submission.

Of course, in Paul’s day, many people – and many of the Christians, were slaves. Today, slavery in much of the world is illegal. In that day, slaves were stuck.

They had little to no rights. Their masters could treat them about any way they wanted. Today, in comparison, the employee has great rights.

The employee, if he doesn’t like a job, is free to quit and to look for other employment. Furthermore, unions give workers great power in the relationship with the management.

As a result, this scripture may seem irrelevant. Or, worse, some might think it should be disregarded because it would seem to mean losing rights that we enjoy today.

Proper application of this scripture would not suggest that you can’t quit a job you don’t like or that you have to be “slave” to your boss, doing even illegal, immoral, or unethical things.

Yet this scripture does teach us how to have a proper employer-employee relationship. The employer and employee display a respectful submission.

Ephesians 6:5–7 ESV

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,

Note how the slave or employee’s relationship with Christ informs their relationship with the boss. Just like we should fearfully live before holy and just God, the ruler of the Universe, we should obey our boss with respect.

But also, note how we obey the boss. We don’t obey the boss only when he is around. We don’t obey the boss grudgingly. Instead, we act as if our boss were Christ himself and thus do our work to please Christ.

Think for a moment how freeing such an attitude can be. Instead of grumbling and complaining because of the stringent and sometimes inexplicable requirements of the boss, we look beyond the boss to Jesus.

And as we work hard, doing a good job, we can have peace and joy despite the reactions of the boss. We know that if we please Christ, that is what really counts! The employee submits to the employer respectfully.

Verse 9 addresses the employer or manager saying,

Ephesians 6:9 ESV

Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

While the master had almost supreme power over his slaves, Paul reminded him that he was also a slave of Christ. So the master’s relationship with Christ should have caused him to treat his slaves differently.

Today, the employer’s submission to Christ causes him to treat the employee with respect. Furthermore, his respect of Christ causes him to tone down his attitude, which could otherwise be demanding and overbearing.

George III of England, America’s enemy in the Revolutionary War, felt terrible about the loss of the colonies. It was said, in fact, that for the rest of his life, he could not say the word “independence” without tripping over it.

He was an odd duck in many ways, but he had good insights. When the fighting in America stopped, King George and all his royal cronies in Europe were sure that George Washington would have himself crowned “Emperor of the New World.”

That’s what they would have done. When he was told, on the contrary, that Washington planned to surrender his military commission and return to farming at Mt. Vernon, George III said, “Well, if he does that, he will be the greatest man in the world.” There is power in giving up power, in emptying oneself.

So often, the work relationship is defined by power. People scrap and claw and fight to reach a higher rung on the ladder. But Jesus would have the employee and employer show a respectful submission to one another.

For Jesus is our true Boss. Therefore, we should show a little less concern about our personal glory and a little more concern about what God thinks of us. The proper attitude of the worker is to work for Christ.

The big principle of this scripture is that

Big Idea: Our relationship with Christ informs our relationships with others.

For example, the husband and wife display a loving submission, the child and parents display a hopeful submission, and the employer and employee display a respectful submission.

Paul addressed these three key types of relationships in our scripture, but I believe the principle spans all relationships. In every relationship, our relationship with Christ should inform how we act and think with other person.

Haddon Robinson writes,

When I was a kid in Sunday school, I had to memorize some of those nasty little verses in 1 John. Those verses say, “If a man says he loves God and loves not his brother, he’s a liar, because if you haven’t loved your brother whom you have seen, how can you love God whom you’ve not seen?”

I thought the whole thing was a bunch of pious nonsense. I could see absolutely no relationship between loving God and loving my brother or my neighbor. As time passed, I discovered that John was on to something. In the Scriptures, Christian love is not objective. Christian love is subjective.

Christian love does not reside in the personality being loved. It resides in the person doing the loving. My basic premise was wrong; it is not such a simple thing to love God.

Loving others and practicing mutual submission is not always easy. But I challenge you to remember that your relationship with Christ should inform your relationships with others.

Love God. Follow God’s Word. You may find yourself acting differently from the world, but that is okay. You serve Christ. You serve Christ first and always. Let us love God so that we can properly love others.