‘Til Death Do Us Part
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Recap
Recap
God’s Design for Marriage
The purpose of marriage
Two genders — male and female
27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Procreation
28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Procreation is not the only purpose of marriage, but it plays a significant role.
24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Marriage — between one man and one woman — is the only vehicle God designed and instituted to fill His command.
Bulwark against immorality
If singles would live out their singleness the way God intended, and if marrieds would live out their marriages the way God intended, the result is a bulwark that guards against sin.
Sexual Fulfillment
Husbands have an obligation to sexually please their wives
Wives have an obligation to sexually please their husbands.
Keeping a family together
The Reality of Marriage
Marriage is a life-long covenant between one man, one woman, and God, that can only be broken by death.
Introduction
Introduction
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Marriage should be entered into carefully because …
I. Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract (vv. 8-9)
I. Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract (vv. 8-9)
Who is Paul Talking To?
There is no masculine word for “widower”
Paul is not just talking to singles in general, but those who are single because their spouses have died.
Was Paul Married?
Paul says “even as I” when referring to widows or widowers.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
When referring to virgins (singles), Paul says “remain as he is.”
26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
Given that Paul was trained as a Pharisee, and all young Jewish boys were expected to marry, it is certainly not outside the realm of possibility that Paul was at one point married.
Singles
If you have never been married
View your singleness as a gift, and if God calls you to marriage, choose wisely.
If you have been married and are now single because your spouse has died
Seek to glorify God in your new singleness.
If your spouse dies, and if you don’t practice sexual self-control
It is better to remarry than to fulfill your sexual desires in a sinful way.
Different Gifts from God
Singleness is a gift. Marriage is a gift.
No one gift is better than the other.
I think Scripture and life would testify marriage is the more common gift, but both are equally valuable and precious to the Lord.
Choose Wisely
Marriage is a covenant until death do you part.
39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. 3 So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.
The only thing that breaks the covenant established in a marriage relationship is death.
Why death?
30 “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Marriage is a gift given only in this time and place.
Your marriage would be a hindrance in the presence of the God who satisfies every need you have.
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.
A contract has specific rules and stipulations that if broken the contract can be declared null and void.
A marriage covenant is a binding commitment to God and your spouse that nothing except death can break.
If we viewed marriage through the lens of a contract, no marriage would ever last because the rules and stipulations would be broken almost immediately.
One you’re married, you’re married.
Marriage is a beautiful gift that God created and gave, but it should be entered into carefully, because whatever standards you have for marriage, God’s are much higher.
If you are married …
II. Stay Married (vv. 10-11)
II. Stay Married (vv. 10-11)
Not I, but the Lord
Two options in divorce:
Remain unmarried
Seek reconciliation with your spouse
Paul acknowledges the divorce (separation). What he doesn’t acknowledge is re-marriage.
The instructions Paul lays out are nothing new. They align perfectly with what Jesus taught.
11 And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”
If you divorce and marry another, you commit adultery.
18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
If you divorce and marry another, you commit adultery.
If you divorce and marry another, the person who marries you commits adultery.
These are strong, likely uncomfortable, words about divorce and remarriage, but that’s because God’s view of marriage is so much higher than ours.
How God Views Divorce
God hates divorce
The priests and the people were angry that God wasn’t listening to their prayers, and God lays out why.
13 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
By covenant, not by contract.
There’s no repentance or remorse for the actions.
God’s purpose in the marriage was seeking godly offspring.
For a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church
For a wife who submits to her husband as to the Lord
For, Lord willing, children who can be raised and equipped in a Christian environment, so that when they grow up and leave, they can emulate Christ as their parents emulated Christ.
God hates divorce because when the marriage covenant is broken, it ruins what God was trying to accomplish.
In divorce there is always hurt and pain and negative consequences.
Stay Married
Period
Well what about the exceptions? What about unfaithfulness? What about Matthew 19?
How the Pharisees viewed Jesus
41 “You are doing the deeds of your father.” They said to Him, “We were not born of fornication; we have one Father: God.”
The Pharisees believed Jesus was the product of fornication, an illegitimate child
Every time we see the word immorality (Gk. porneia) it’s referring to fornication
Affirmation of the virgin birth
18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. 19 And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly. 20 But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.
Before they came together — not married, haven’t had sex — Mary is found to be pregnant. Only logical explanation is Mary has been unfaithful.
Mary tells her story to Joseph — how the Holy Spirit overshadowed her.
Joseph doesn’t believe the story. Who would?
Joseph, because he is a just and righteous man, plans to “send her away secretly” — divorce her.
Angel of the Lord intervenes and affirms all Mary has said
If Joseph and Mary were not married yet, how could he divorce her?
Because in the Jewish tradition, betrothal was just as binding as marriage.
Pharisees ask Jesus if divorce is ever permitted
4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Jesus quotes Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:24, and adds that what GOD has joined together let no MAN separate.
Pharisees ask why Moses allowed divorce
7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
Because of the hardness of your heart.
Hardness — the layering up of unresolved hurts, the building up of bitterness, resulting in an unwillingness to listen or hear.
Callous illustration
Soft hands feel everything
Eventually, you develop callouses so that the original sensations are now lessened or disappear entirely.
The “exception”
9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Immorality is the Greek word porneia
What comes out the heart defiles a man
18 “But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. 19 “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.
Two different words used
Moicheia — adulteries
Porneia — immorality (fornications) — used this way all throughout Matthew’s Gospel
Matthew 19 does NOT say “Whoever divorces his wife, except for adultery, and marries another commits adultery.”
Matthew 19 says, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for porneia (fornication), and marries another commits adultery.”
What is fornication?
Sexual activity that takes place outside of the marriage covenant.
Why was Joseph considering divorcing Mary?
Because he suspected she had had sexual activity during the period when they were betrothed (engaged).
What is Jesus saying?
Jesus is saying His stance on marriage and divorce hasn’t changed at all. From the beginning it has not been this way.
Jesus is saying, “Anyone who divorces his wife, except in the instance where during the engagement period you discover your soon-to-be spouse has been unfaithful, and prior to the actual marriage day you send her away, other than that, you cannot get a divorce.”
The disciples’ response — same as ours would be
10 The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” 11 But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.
If everything we have just discussed is true, then the disciples’ response fits perfectly.
“If that’s the case, if marriage is that permanent, then it would be better to just not get married at all.
There is No Out Clause
If you are married, stay married.
You can go before a judge who says your divorced.
You can get a piece of paper that says your divorced.
You can have your friends or family affirm your divorce.
In the eyes of God though, if you are married, you are married.
You cannot separate. If you do:
You either remain single and seek to glorify God going forward.
OR
You seek reconciliation with your spouse and seek to glorify God going forward.
In summary:
DIVORCE (separation) from your spouse is acknowledged as a possible reality in the Bible
IF you get divorced, THEN SINGLENESS is ONE option
IF you get divorced, THEN RECONCILIATION to your spouse is ANOTHER option.
Nowhere do I find the option or affirmation of REMARRIAGE after divorce.
Well that’s for Christians married to Christians? What if you are married to an unbeliever? What then?
If you are married to an unbeliever …
III. Stay Married (vv. 12-15)
III. Stay Married (vv. 12-15)
I say, not the Lord
Paul is not just making stuff up now.
This is not Paul’s opinion. It was given under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
40 But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.
In other words, in regard to this particular situation, Jesus didn’t expressly teach on this, but under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul explains what Jesus would say.
Stay Married
You have no idea what your Christian witness will do, not only for your spouse, but for your children as well.
Christian husbands have no idea what loving their non-Christian wife as Christ loved the church will do to their heart of their wife.
Christian wives have no idea what submitting to their non-Christian husband as they submit to the Lord will do to the heart of their husband.
Christian spouses have no idea the influence their Christian witness will have on the hearts of their children.
Your marriage …
IV. Is a Picture of the Gospel (v. 16)
IV. Is a Picture of the Gospel (v. 16)
A.
