Slippery Slope Of Conflict

Class Introduction: Biblical Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution

Story examples of conflict:

James and Jill have been married for six years. They have two little girls and a third on the way. James works hard waiting tables as well as being an intern at his church. Jill stays home to take care of the girls and the apartment that they are renting. There has been tension lately based on the fact that Jill wants to go back to work in order for them to buy a house, and James wants her to stay at home and is willing to wait a few more years for the house. They both feel strongly about their positions and have fought about it more and more.

Andrew is eating a toaster waffle while watching his favorite morning cartoon. Sarah enters the room asking me to change the channel and put on a different show. Andrew yells at his sister angrily arguing that she got to pick the show last time.

Jim is a senior in college. He works hard to keep up with his school and hold a job in order to offset the costs of his education. Jim used to have a good relationship with his parents but it has seemed more strained recently. No matter how much he works and is responsible, his parents still treat him like a child and try to make all of his decisions for him. Jim is pulling away from them more and more as the Christmas holiday is just around the corner. He is dreading the call when they ask him when he plans to come home for the holiday.

Alex was fun loving and the life of the party when Jane met him. She was so excited when Alex asked her on their first date. Jane fell in love with his charm and his outgoing personality and Jane had always been pretty reserved and shy. Once Alex and Jane married, the fun times became less and less and the fights came more and more often. Alex seemed to blow up at the drop of a hat and even started threatening Jane at times. Jane was not sure what to do.

Bobby was the pastor of a Southern Baptist Church for only a year and a half when the church was needing to make its first hire with Bobby as Senior Pastor. The church went about forming a search committee for its next music minister. Bobby began to meet with the search team and provide leadership as they walked through the process. Toward the end of the process, it was difficult for Bobby to understand why so many people in the church were upset and worried about the person the search team was wanting to recommend to the congregation. Bobby only found out later on that at that particular church, the Lead Pastor had never been a part of a search team before, so many felt Bobby was being manipulative in providing leadership in order to get his way.

Introduction Questions:

What are some words that pop into your head first when you hear the word “conflict?”

What are some of the feelings that are so often associated with conflict?

My Personal Testimony With Conflict

The feeling I had dealt with the most when it has come to conflict is hopelessness.

Growing up, I think I thought about conflict as something scary and painful that had to be swept under the rug and ignored or it would just destroy everyone.

I have found the biblical studies on applying the gospel and biblical principles to conflict as one of the most helpful and life transforming studies I have ever done.

So, I am really excited about walking through this material with you this semester.

The great thing about this class is that you will have the opportunity to put each class into practice probably before your head hits the pillow on these Wednesday nights.

And I truly believe that this Biblical study is extremely powerful, healing, and life changing if you are willing to seek God through it.

Two Main Sources:

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande

Pursuing Peace: A Christian Guide To Handling Our Conflicts by Robert D. Jones

Peacemaking Principles Pamphlet

We are going to think about the different ways we generally respond to conflict tonight by walking through the pamphlet you got on your way in.

Open up the pamphlet, and I want to spend the rest of our time orienting ourselves with this helpful model called:

The Slippery Slope

I want you to imagine that you are standing on top of a tall rock, and on both sides are slippery slopes.

If you try to walk on those slopes, you will fall and get hurt and hurt others.

As long as you stand in the center of the rock, you and others are safe.

So, lets use this picture to help orient ourselves in thinking about conflict.

1. Unmet Desires and the Slippery Slope of Conflict

James 4:1–2

1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

Luke 10:38–42

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

2. Escape Responses

Denial

1 Samuel 2:22–25

22 Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 And he said to them, “Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. 24 No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. 25 If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death.

Flight

1 Samuel 19:9–10

9 Then a harmful spirit from the Lord came upon Saul, as he sat in his house with his spear in his hand. And David was playing the lyre. 10 And Saul sought to pin David to the wall with the spear, but he eluded Saul, so that he struck the spear into the wall. And David fled and escaped that night.

Suicide

1 Samuel 31:4

4 Then Saul said to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and mistreat me.” But his armor-bearer would not, for he feared greatly. Therefore Saul took his own sword and fell upon it.

Which responses to you most identify with?

3. Attack Responses

Assault

Acts 6:8–15

8 And Stephen, full of grace and power, was doing great wonders and signs among the people. 9 Then some of those who belonged to the synagogue of the Freedmen (as it was called), and of the Cyrenians, and of the Alexandrians, and of those from Cilicia and Asia, rose up and disputed with Stephen. 10 But they could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he was speaking. 11 Then they secretly instigated men who said, “We have heard him speak blasphemous words against Moses and God.” 12 And they stirred up the people and the elders and the scribes, and they came upon him and seized him and brought him before the council, 13 and they set up false witnesses who said, “This man never ceases to speak words against this holy place and the law, 14 for we have heard him say that this Jesus of Nazareth will destroy this place and will change the customs that Moses delivered to us.” 15 And gazing at him, all who sat in the council saw that his face was like the face of an angel.

Litigation

Romans 13:1–5

1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience.

1 Corinthians 6:1–8

1 When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? 2 Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! 4 So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? 5 I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, 6 but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? 7 To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? 8 But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers!

Murder

Acts 7:54–58

54 Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. 55 But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” 57 But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. 58 Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul.

1 John 3:15

15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

Matthew 5:21–22

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

4. The Gospel - The Key To Peace

Colossians 1:19–20

19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

Ephesians 2:14–16

14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.

Philippians 2:1–2

1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

2 Corinthians 3:17–18

17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Colossians 3:12–15

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

5. Peacemaking Responses

Overlook An Offense

Proverbs 19:11

11 Good sense makes one slow to anger,

and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Reconciliation

Matthew 5:23–24

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Galatians 6:1

1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Colossians 3:13

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Negotiation

Philippians 2:4

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Mediation

Matthew 18:16

16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

Arbitration

1 Corinthians 6:4

4 So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church?

Accountability

Matthew 18:12

12 What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?

Matthew 18:17

17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

When you are in conflict, do you pursue biblical peacemaking responses?

Are you more tempted toward escape responses or attack responses?

In this class, we are going to learn about:

How to have the right motivation in conflict.

How to confess, confront, and seek reconcilitation.

Forgiveness: what it is, what it isn’t, and how to truly forgive.

How to negotiate so that everyone’s interests are understood and considered.

Battling Bitterness.

And more…

I encourage you to really engage with this study.

What things do you want to learn about peacemaking and conflict resolution?

Remember the two books.