# 4 A New You 4 The New Year: The Power of Godly Relationships

Introduction: A powerful modern example of the influence of a godly friend can be seen in the story of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien—two of the most celebrated authors and thinkers of the 20th century. Their friendship not only shaped their personal lives but also had a profound impact on their faith and their creative work.

C.S. Lewis, a former atheist, struggled with accepting Christianity despite his intellectual curiosity. It was Tolkien, a devout Christian, who persistently shared his faith with Lewis, discussing deep theological truths and encouraging him to explore Christianity with an open heart. Their late-night discussions about God and truth were instrumental in Lewis’s eventual conversion to Christianity in 1931.

Once Lewis became a Christian, he and Tolkien encouraged one another to grow in their faith. Their friendship often centered on their shared belief in God and their pursuit of understanding Him better. They held each other accountable in their personal walks with God, often challenging one another’s ideas in a constructive and respectful way.

Their godly friendship also influenced their creative endeavors. Tolkien inspired Lewis to write "The Chronicles of Narnia," while Lewis encouraged Tolkien to finish and publish "The Lord of the Rings." Both authors acknowledged the spiritual underpinnings of their works, aiming to point readers toward deeper truths about good, evil, redemption, and hope.

Despite occasional differences, their friendship endured for decades. Tolkien’s steadfast faith and influence left a lasting mark on Lewis, whose writings, such as Mere Christianity, continue to inspire millions of believers today. In turn, Lewis's encouragement and camaraderie helped Tolkien complete one of the greatest literary works of the 20th century.

Think about this - Without Tolkien’s godly influence, Lewis might not have embraced Christianity or become one of its most eloquent apologists.

Their friendship demonstrated the impact of mutual encouragement, faith-based accountability, and shared vision in shaping not only their spiritual lives but also their contributions to literature and theology.

This story shows how a godly friend can profoundly shape someone’s life—helping them discover purpose, grow in faith, and leave a legacy that blesses countless others.

How many of us want and desire to have such a friendship? It is possible, but it is going to take a decision and determination to develop such a friendship.

1. Choose Friends Who Sharpen You – Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Imagine a dull knife trying to cut through a tough steak—it’s frustrating and ineffective. Now imagine that same knife after being sharpened. Godly friends act as sharpeners, refining and challenging us to grow in our faith and character.

I have had the privilege of having some amazing friendships through the years. Some of you are aware that last week Debbie and I were gone. We traveled to Gresham, Oregon to be a part of a Celebration of Life service for a friend of mine. Richard and I first met in the 7th grade at Anderson Heights Elementary School. We hung out all the time, and in our high school days, we worked at the Red Lion Motor Inn. We hung out on weekends at the Roller Rink or took road trips to the Oregon coast (Brookings). Richard played a big part in me coming to faith in Christ. Together we served as summer interns at Cd’A Bible Church. The two of us did a lot of life together. We acted as sharpeners in each other’s lives. He would sharpen me, and I would sharpen him. When we wrote letters to each other (back in the day) we would always add a tagline: “To a man, from a better man.” (Show a couple of pictures). Do you have a friend like that? You need one.

My friend Richard Butler wrote a piece entitled:

The Alphabet of a Friend

He took each letter of the English Alphabet and presented his idea of a godly friend…

Accepts you as you are

Believes in “you”

Calls you just to say “hi”

Doesn’t give up on you

Encourages you in God

Faithful in tough times

Gracious not grumpy

Helps you with things

Invites you over

Jokes in a fun way – laughs with you not at you

Kind to you

Loves even when doesn’t feel like it

Measures your heart not your height

Not mean or rude when you disagree

Offers help not just point out your problem

Patient with you

Quick to listen to your interests

Raises your spirits

Says nice things about you to others

Tells you the truth when need to hear it

Understands you

Values your opinion

Willing to forgive when you ask

Xplain things you don’t understand

Yells when you won’t listen and

Zaps you back to reality

I want to encourage you to evaluate your current friendships: Are they helping you grow spiritually, emotionally, and morally? Are you a better person because he or she is in your life? Friends are supposed to make you better. You also need to ask yourself if the people who call you a friend are better off because you are in their life.

I shared this quote with you a few weeks ago, but it is worth repeating – “Friends will determine the direction and the quality of your life. Therefore, choose your friends carefully.”

The Bible teaches in Proverbs 18:24,

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Considering that verses seek out at least one close, godly friend who will encourage and challenge you to live for Christ.

I also remind you that the best place to find such an individual is here at Church. This is why you and I need community. You might hear me say this repeatedly.

I would also suggest that each one of us seek out an accountability partner. Someone who would hold your feet to the fire. Use this person to hold you accountable to the God-given goals that you set.

Pastor Charles Stanley penned, “A true friend strengthens your faith, sharpens your focus, and supports your godly goals."

2. The Strength of Togetherness - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Everyone needs friends! Friends come alongside to support you, encourage you, and be involved in your life. They help you when you are doing a project where additional hands are needed. They support you when you are going through hard times. It has been said that “Friends come near when others walk away.” Thank God for great friends.

Jeff Floyd is such a friend. Back in 1994 when I started to build my house Jeff was one of the first men in church that would come and work alongside of me. Jeff would work all day, and then before he ever went home, he would come to our building site and spend a few hours helping to raise walls. Jeff and Carla have been great friends through the years. We have supported each other as we raise our children, and we were present when our parents passed. Thank you, Jeff and Carla.

Kelly Thiel was such a friend in my life. When I was diagnosed with lymphoma back in 2012 Kelly was present at almost every doctor visit, I had. He sat with Debbie in the waiting room when I was undergoing certain procedures. He encouraged me, supported me, prayed with me, and gave me hugs when I needed some emotional support. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. Thank you, Kelly Thiel.

I thank God for the church deacons I have at the present. I see all of them as my friends. They are present and supportive. We pray together, share and bounce ideas off each other, and together we serve the body here at Spirit Lake Baptist Church. Each of the deacons, Jeff, Rick, Sean, and Ted use their giftedness here within the Church. They are a great help to this pastor. Thank you, men. Words don’t adequately express how thankful I am for each of you.

How can you find such solid friends?

· Join a home group, Bible study, or ministry team where you can build meaningful, godly relationships.

· Be the type of friend that you are looking for in others. Be a supportive friend who helps others through life’s challenges.

One of my favorite preachers Dr. Warren Wiersbe said, "The Christian life is not a solo act. It’s a symphony where every instrument—every person—plays a part in God’s masterpiece."

3. Beware of Negative Influences - 1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”

How many of you have heard the statement, One Bad Apple spoils the whole bunch? It’s true, if you take a rotten apple, and place it in a bowl with good apples the rotten apple will spoil the apples around it. This same principle applies to our relationships. Negative, ungodly influences can pull us away from Christ and hinder our spiritual growth. Don’t let this happen to you.

Consider the story of King Solomon, who, despite his wisdom, allowed foreign wives to lead him away from God (1 Kings 11:4). His negative influences caused a split in the nation of Israel. This reminds us of the vital importance of guarding our hearts and minds against those who may draw us away from our spiritual commitments. Negative influences can be subtle, yet ultimately, they lead us down a path we never intended to take.

Is it true that evil company corrupts good morals? Yes! I was recently reading about a teenage girl who, in high school, began to hang out with peers who participated in risky behaviors—partying and skipping school. Initially, she felt accepted, but soon she found herself grappling with depression and anxiety from the choices they made. The good news is that she began to recognize that her circle of friends was leading her down a dead-end street. She changed her circle of friends, and her life got better. Young people be careful about who you choose as a friend.

When I was a youth Pastor, I told the teenagers that I worked with all the time that a true friend would NEVER ask them to do anything that would harm them spiritually, physically, mentally, or emotionally. They don’t ask you to do anything that is illegal, or immoral. Someone who wants to corrupt you is NOT your friend.

May I suggest that you take the following two steps:

· Reflect on relationships that might be pulling you away from God’s purpose for your life. End those relationships immediately!

· Be intentional about spending more time with people who inspire you to grow in faith and character.

Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar wrote, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely."

4. Be the Friend You Need - Luke 6:31

And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

Do you know how to keep a fire burning? You add additional wood to the fire. Relationships are like a fire—they require intentional effort and nurturing to remain strong and vibrant. This is also why you need to surround yourself with good friends.

You need to know that I am NOT claiming to be a friendship expert, but I do want to provide you with some practical steps that I believe are helpful to be the same type of friend that you might be looking for. Here they are:

· Encourage and support your friend’s faith journey.

· Seek to contribute to the growth and well-being of your friends.

· Establish an open-door policy. Your friend can contact you at any time.

· When a friend is rejoicing – you rejoice with them. When a friend is crying – you cry with them.

· Pray for and with your friends.

· When your friends need help, you be their helping hand. Remember “two are better than one.”

· Don’t allow your friends to do dumb things. Speak truth into their lives. And permit your friends to speak truth into your life.

The prince of preachers, Charles Spurgeon wrote, “A true friend is a rare treasure. Be such a treasure to others as Christ is to you."

5. Build Relationships that Reflect Christ’s Love - John 13:35

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

A single thread is weak, but when woven together with others, it becomes part of a strong rope. Similarly, the Church is a tapestry of believers united in love and purpose. Together, we reflect Christ’s love to the world.

Peter Scholtes wrote a very popular song in 1966 entitled:

We Are One in the Spirit

We Are One In The Spirit We Are One In The Lord (2) And We Pray That All Unity May One Day Be Restored And They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love, By Our Love; Yes, They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love!

We Will Walk With Each Other We Will Walk Hand In Hand (2) And Together We Will Spread The News, That God Is In Our Land And They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love, By Our Love; Yes, They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love!

We Will Work With Each Other We Will Work Side By Side (2) And We’ll Guard Each Man’s Dignity, And Save Each Man’s Pride. And They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love, By Our Love; Yes, They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love!

Peter wrote that song in one day. What a great hymn for friendship – We Are One in the Spirit.

How can we develop a friendship that reflects Christ’s love?

· Be intentional about showing Christ-like love in your relationships. Love is a verb so let there be action!

· Prioritize forgiveness, encouragement, and service in your interactions. These are three things every friend needs!

I like what Warren Wiersbe said, "When Christians love each other with Christ’s love, the world cannot help but notice the difference."

Conclusion: Perhaps the power of friendship can be summed up in this final story as told by Howard Hendricks in his book, As Iron Sharpens Iron. Hendricks shares… Walt’s passion was to reach nine-and-ten-year-old boys like me with the gospel. I'll never forget the Saturday morning I met him. I was sprawled out on a Philadelphia sidewalk playing marbles. Suddenly, someone was standing beside me. I looked up to see a gangly guy towering over me – all six feet, four inches of him. My mouth sort of dropped open.

“Hey, son, how would you like to go to Sunday School?” He asked.

That was an unfortunate question. To my mind, anything that had the word “school” in it had to be bad news. So I shook my head no.

But Walt was just getting started. “How would you like to play marbles? He asked, squatting down.

Now he was talking my language!

“Sure!”, I replied, and quickly set up the game. As the best marble player on the block, I felt supremely confident that I could whip this challenger fairly easily.

Would you believe he beat me in every single game! In fact, he captured every marble I had. In the process, he captured my heart. I may have lost a game and a bit of pride that day, but I gained something infinitely more important – the friendship of a man who cared. A big man, an older man, a man who literally came down to my level by kneeling to play a game of marbles. From then on, wherever Walt was, that's where I wanted it to be.

Walt built into my life over the next several years in a way that marked me forever. He used to take me and the other boys in his Sunday school class hiking. I'll never forget those times. He had a bad heart, and I'm sure we didn't do it any good, running him all over the woods the way we did. But he didn't seem to mind because he cared. In fact, he was probably the first person to show me unconditional love.

He was also a model of faithfulness. I can't remember a time that he ever showed up to his Sunday school class unprepared. Not that he was the most scintillating teacher in the world. In fact, he had almost no training for that. Vocationally, he worked in the tool and die trade. But he was real, and he was also creative. He found ways to involve us boys in the learning process – an approach that made a lasting contribution to my own style of teaching.

Overall, Walt incarnated Christ for me. And not only for me, but for thirteen other boys in my neighborhood, nine of whom also came from broken homes. Remarkably, eleven of us went on to pursue careers as vocational Christian workers – which is ironic, given that Walt himself completed school only through the sixth grade. It goes on to show that a man doesn't need a Ph.D. for God to use him to shape another man.[1]

So, there you have our third challenge for 2025. Surround ourselves with the right people. Choose friends who sharpen you, avoid negative influences, and commit to being a godly friend to others.

Closing Prayer: Lord, thank You for the gift of community. Help us to surround ourselves with godly friends who will encourage and challenge us to grow in You. Teach us to be the kind of friends who reflect Your love and grace. Amen.

[1]Howard & William Hendricks, Moody Publisher, P. 14-15