A Biblical Perspective Of Conflict

Matthew 5:9

9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

What is conflict?

Conflict is a difference of opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires. -Ken Sande

Conflict is to be in disagreement or opposition. A fight, battle or struggle. A mental struggle resulting from opposing demands or impulses. -The Dictionary

Does the Bible really speak into marriage fights, parent-teen arguments, job tensions, and church splits?

Peace and conflict are two huge themes in Scripture.

Storyline of Bible

There is peace in Gen. 1-2 and Rev. 21-22

All other chapters involve hostility, aggression, alienation and betrayal.

Share the storyline of the Bible using themes of peace and conflict.

War between God and Satan; God’s people and Satan’s people.

Combat rages throughout Israel’s history, heightens at Jesus’ birth, intensifies at the cross and resurrection, and culminates in the last battle of Revelation 20.

Scripture is all about our relationship with God and others.

Saving peace with God

Ephesians 2:11–18

11 Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called “the uncircumcision” by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands— 12 remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. 17 And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.

11-12 Separation and alienation from God

13-18 Peaceful relationship with God through the cross of Jesus Christ

Relational peace with others

Romans 12:18

18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

We must pursue peace as our Christian duty.

We must pursue peace with everyone.

We must leave the results to God.

We must pursue peace in light of God’s mercy in Christ (given the context in Romans)

Future global peace established by the God of peace

Romans 16:20

20 The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

We await a day of perfect peace with God and others.

Three Biblical perspectives of conflict

Illustration of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” – In the movie, there is one character who believes spraying Windex will fix anything whether it is a squeaking door or a burn on your hand.

How you view something determines how you handle it.

Here are some perspectives a lot of people have about conflict:

It’s okay; It’s just the way life is.

Conflict is normal, natural, and neutral

I have my rights! No one is going to step over me!

I cannot handle this! Nothing will ever change!

I don’t get mad; I get even!

It will all work out. Time heals all wounds.

Just leave it alone and move on.

1. Realize that conflicts are inevitable; therefore expect them.

A lot of times, conflict in a relationship will tempt us to give up. Realizing that we all deal with conflicts and that God gives us ways to resolve conflict gives us hope to not give up!

Why are they inevitable? Because we are fallen sinners living with fallen sinners in a fallen world. (Ecclesiastes 7:20; Romans 3:23)

True in all arenas:

Marriage relationships (Genesis 1-3)

“Happy are they who, in the matter of marriage, observe three rules. The first is to marry only in the Lord, and after prayer for God’s approval and blessing. The second is not to expect too much from their partners, and to remember that marriage is, after all, the union of two sinners, and not of two angels.” -J. C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on the Gospel of Mark, 200

“When sinful people live in the same world, and especially when they work in the same office or sleep in the same bed, they sin against each other. Troubles arise. Some of those troubles are very serious and not subject to easy solutions. God knows all about them, and knew about them long before they happened. He made provision for them.” -Elizabeth Elliot, Trusting God in a Twisted World, 96

Parent-child relationships

Children are sinful

Psalm 51:5

5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Psalm 58:3

3 The wicked are estranged from the womb;

they go astray from birth, speaking lies.

Proverbs 22:15

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Parents certainly can take a lot of the unnecessary grief out of child raising when, as a matter of course (rather than becoming falsely shocked over the fact), they expect their children to do wrong things at home, at school, and in public.

There is then no necessity to subject children to unusual and inappropriate discipline or to the excessive anger that sometimes grows out of embarrassment.

Once parents are prepared to admit that the Biblical doctrine of original sin is true not only in theory, but is operative as well in the life of little Mary or Johnny, they can relax and deal with the problem appropriately (Biblically).

Again, this does not mean that they will excuse or ignore sinful behavior in their children, or that they will be unconcerned about it as something inevitable and, therefore, about which nothing can be done. No, not that at all.

Rather, they will acknowledge sin for what it is and will proceed to deal with it in a Biblical manner.

Jay E. Adams, Christian Living in the Home, p. 12

Parents are sinful

Matthew 7:11

11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

Work relationships

Church relationships

Matthew 5:23–24

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 18:15

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

The good news is that the Gospel is God’s eternal plan to deal with all human conflict

2. Realize that conflicts involve sin; therefore resolve them.

Not disagreements per se, but sinful disagreements.

They arise from sinful self-centered hearts (Jas 4:1-2)

They involve sinful words and actions (Matt 7:3-5)

They violate biblical teaching about love, unity and harmony; and they produce alienation, distance, disunity and disharmony (Eph 4:1-3)

God calls you to resolve your conflicts actively, diligently, and quickly.

Matthew 5:23–25

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.

Matthew 18:15–16

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

The 5:18 Dynamic

When you have offended someone, you should go.

When someone has offended you, you should go.

Romans 14:19

19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Ephesians 4:3

3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Hebrews 12:14

14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

3. Realize that conflicts are opportunities; therefore seize them.

Most importantly, the Bible teaches that we should see conflict neither as an inconvenience nor as an occasion to force our will on others, but rather as an opportunity to demonstrate the love and power of God in our lives. . . .” -Ken Sande

Opportunities:

To know God better, draw near to him, and please him.

1 Corinthians 10:31

31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

To become more like Jesus Christ

Romans 8:28–30

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

How might God be using a conflict to make you more like his Son?

· Enhance your relationship with God

· Experience the sufferings of Christ

· Expose your remaining sin

· Engage the body of Christ

· Exhibit to others Christ’s work in you

· Equip you for wise, more sensitive ministry to others

· Elevate your hope for Christ’s return and the new heaven and earth he will bring.

To love and minister to others

Luke 6:27–28

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Luke 6:36

36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Mark 10:45

45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Can anyone think of any other opportunities conflict affords us?

Expose our sin

Exhibit God’s work in us

Engage more actively with others in the church asking for prayer and support

Equip us with greater wisdom in dealing with others

Elevate our desire for Christ’s return and the new earth when peace and righteousness will reign

“Whenever conflict occurs, you can assume that one or both people need to come into a more vital relationship with Christ.” -Dr. Wayne Mack