Beyond Rules To Relationship

INTRODUCTION

Joke about anger, lust and divorce vs Greg preaching Beatitudes and Salt & Light…Practicing the Way; Disciples of the Way; Christian=little Christ. It was almost meant as a derogatory term. It was only used 3 times in the NT.

To be with Jesus

To become like Jesus

To do as Jesus did

Let me start with a question this morning: Can you imagine a world where everyone treats each other with dignity and respect? And then if a problem arises, and they always do, everyone works hard to do right by each other. To do right by others, what a concept, right? This is what Jesus is teaching us in Matthew 5. He’s teaching how we are to treat each other. He’s teaching the value of other people and the value of others lives.

Now for a quick review…Last week Pastor Greg talked about how we are called to be Salt and Light. Salt=the world is rotting and decaying but you are the ones that can preserve it. You have the message of hope, the good news of the Gospel and you can spread that news to the circle of influence you have around you. Also, light=the world is a dark place but you can shine the light of Jesus in the darkness to bring light just as Jesus did. Do you see that as your role as a disciple of the Way? Not only do you see it as your role, are you doing it? Are you being salt and light to those around you?

In our main passage today, we’re going to see a pattern of Jesus first quoting a command from the Torah, the OT law, but then point to the wisdom underneath the command. Rabbis were very educated in knowing the Torah. They would have had much of it memorized and were able to teach it well. But Jesus is saying, here is what the law in the Torah have always meant. It was always deeper than anger, lust and divorce. It’s about the underlying issues that lead to those sins.

But Jesus also said in Matthew 5:17 that He did not come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. Jesus was making it clear that He had authority apart from the Law but not in contradiction to it. Jesus says that whoever follows the law will be considered great in the Kingdom of Heaven. He’s not throwing away the law. He is opening their eyes to the fact that what the people had been taught about the Law wasn’t the full heart of the law and didn’t connect with the heart of what God intended for the law. It’s about our hearts. It’s about our obedience. And it’s about us becoming like Jesus and doing like Jesus did.

ANGER

Matthew 5:21–22 (ESV)

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 

22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 

Jesus uses the phrase, “You have heard that it was said” 6 different times in Matthew 5. The reason He says it that way is that the crowd, the people gathered, had not read the law for themselves. They relied on the teaching of the religious leaders. That’s why Jesus said “You have heard it said”. So what Jesus was addressing was that religion (the teaching of the religious leaders) had made commands from the law into rules, a list of do’s and don’ts when in reality it was the heart behind it that mattered. Jesus was talking about the letter of the law vs the heart behind the law.

Murder-comes from 10 commandments which we can read in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. Is Jesus really aquatinting anger and name calling to murder? Murder has to be worse, right? Of course, murder is different. Anger and name calling don’t end someone’s life. But, the point Jesus is making is that all 3 start at the same point. There’s a common denominator and it starts with the heart. They all speak to how much you do or don’t value someone else’s life. Obviously, murder is the ultimate sign of not valuing someone’s life. But, losing your temper or belittling someone also show an attitude of superiority and contempt for the life of another person. And this type of anger can ruin our relationships. Anger can also come with consequences if we don’t get it in check. Jesus is saying that the heart of this commandment was always about valuing every person’s life and treating others with respect.

When Jesus says “But I say to you…” He is showing His authority and is not relying on the scribes or teachers. He is teaching them the true understanding of the Law of Moses. The teachers of the law in Jesus’ day would not have taught with that type of authority. They’re teaching certainly would have contained a lot of knowledge about the law but was lacking understanding. It was about how one appeared on the outside. Did they follow the rules or not? Rather than focusing on the inside and treating others with love and respect.

The teaching of the scribes and Pharisees to “do not murder” is obviously a true statement. I think we can all agree that murder is wrong. Even beyond looking at it biblically, taking someone else’s life is wrong. So the teaching was true. But this leaves room for anything short of murder being allowed. It leaves room for anger being shown verbally or physically, as long as it doesn’t result in murder. That’s what Jesus is addressing. You’re getting the letter of the law but not the heart of it.

But the root is anger. Anger rises in our lives for a number of reasons. Some of those reasons may even be acceptable. Injustice. A family member harmed. Negativity in the church. How far we allow our feelings and emotions to go will determine if we allow anger to creep in and control us or whether we control our emotions and don’t let it boil over to a point of letting our anger harm someone else mentally, emotionally or physically.

ILLUSTRATION: A great example of this from the Bible is the story of Cain and Abel from Genesis 4. SUMMARIZE

Sins are like circles in the water when a stone is thrown into it; one produces another. When anger was in Cain’s heart, murder was not far off.

Philip J. Henry

There probably aren’t many of us, hopefully none of us, in the room today that think we are capable of murder. I’m not talking about self defense or any other position we may be put in to defend ourselves or our families. I’m talking about murder like Cain murdered Abel. Allowing anger to take root and letting it go so far that we take someone’s life. I’m assuming today that no one in the room is at that point. But anger can still be an issue in our lives. It can impact our marriages. It can impact how we parent our children. It can impact how we work at our jobs and relate to others. Jesus is warning us in this passage and saying, get your anger under control. It’s a problem and it carries consequences. If you want to become like Jesus, anger cannot be something we carry in our hearts.

LUST

Matthew 5:27–30 (ESV)

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 

28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 

30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Adultery-Jesus is once again quoting from 10 commandments in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. Jesus once again takes this sin of adultery and leans in even further and is taking it beyond just acknowledging that someone is attractive. That’s not sin. We were all given eyes to see and it’s not wrong to acknowledge if someone is attractive. It is, however, wrong to continue looking. To not control our thoughts and let what our eyes see go a step further. When we let our thoughts go too far, we are stripping a fellow human of their God-given dignity.

So Jesus uses this extreme illustration of tearing out our eye or cutting off our hand if it leads to lust…Jesus is making the point that the stakes are really high. He has already told us that lust is a heart issue, not an eye or hand issue (READ VS 28 AGAIN). But He is emphasizing the importance of purity. Jesus was Jewish and followed the Hebrew scripture which taught that sex between a husband and wife is a beautiful thing and a good thing for the married couple to enjoy. But, lust and sexual desire outside of a marriage relationship can cause breakdowns in our relationships and eventually even ruin our relationships.

This week I listened to a pastor speaking on this topic of lust and he talked about the danger of separating sexuality from spirituality. Or he said separating biology from theology. For the religious leaders it was about what could be seen. To put into our context today. Making sure you weren’t seen walking to an ‘R’ rated movie. Making sure your skirt isn’t more than 2 finger lengths above your knee. Making sure that when you walk by Victoria Secrets at the mall you cover your eyes and walk as fast as you can. For the religious leaders it was about what was seen by others but they forgot about the heart of it all.

For several generations in the church, sexuality has become about what you do and what you don’t do. And that is true and absolutely part of it. Don’t mishear me. I’m not saying adultery or sex outside of marriage isn’t wrong. The Bible is clear on it. But there can still be a lot simmering under the surface, in our hearts, that isn’t seen by everyone else. When it becomes ONLY about do’s and don’ts, there’s a risk of creating 2 extremes: legalists or rebels. When it becomes about a list of rules there’s a risk of thinking we can work our way into purity and righteousness. But when we take the beauty of sexuality the way God created and intended it, and boil it down to a bunch of do’s and don’ts, we’re potentially taking away part of the gift and beauty that God intended when we are in a marriage relationship.

ILLUSTRATION: Conservative Christian high school. It was certainly about do’s and don’ts. The teaching was heavy on rules and very light on relationship. When it came to the issues of sex and lust, it wasn’t about teaching that sex was good in the proper context of marriage. It wasn’t about teaching that God created sex and He actually wants you to enjoy it within the marriage bed. It wasn’t about teaching that in God’s eyes, sex between and husband and wife is a beautiful thing. It was telling kids that sex was bad. There wasn’t any teaching about why God desires purity because He desires our hearts. There was no teaching about the results of allowing lust and sex into our lives. There was no teaching about how it could effect our emotions. It was simply - sex = bad = don’t do it. Rule created. Follow it or else. Girl gets pregnant. No love. No forgiveness. Only judgement. The problem with this. It didn’t get to the heart of the issue. This girl and boy were never shown where they went wrong. They weren’t shown that it wasn’t just the act of sex that got them in trouble, it started long before that. It was the lust and desires that started early on in their physical relationship that weren’t dealt with or talked about. But why should she talk about what she is feeling when all she has been told by the Christian leaders in her life is that what she is feeling is bad and wrong.

According to Scripture was this school teaching anything that was not true? No, of course not. Sex outside of marriage is against God’s plan for our lives. However, just as Jesus taught in Matt. 5, there is a deeper issue to deal with. It’s our eyes. It’s our thought life. It begins with our hearts. Jesus in a lot of ways was holding His followers to a higher standard.

Jesus … asked more of his followers than any other teacher ever has—not just to refrain from adultery, but to refrain from desiring, which amounts to the same thing.

Malcolm Muggeridge

“to refrain from desiring”. That’s a tall task. To do the opposite for what our world and culture tells us is okay. But that’s what it looks like to strive for purity and righteousness and doing whatever necessary to not allow lust and sexual desire to control us.

DIVORCE

Matthew 5:31–32 (ESV)

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 

32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Divorce-Jesus is quoting Deuteronomy 24 in this passage. He is addressing the fact that it had become common for men to divorce their wives because the “rule” they had been taught was they just need to provide the wife with a certificate of divorce. But that was only part of the law and teaching on divorce. Jesus is saying that if a man initiates a divorce for any reason other than adultery, if He’s just unhappy in the marriage or just sends his wife away, any new marriage would be an act of adultery because the covenant from the first marriage was still in place.

Jesus places the blame on the men because in His culture only the men could initiate a divorce so He is siding with women because they are the ones being wronged. Jesus protects and elevates the dignity of women as images of God just like all people are. Women in some cases were being treated like objects that could just be discarded. But the marriage covenant was about mutual respect and reflecting God’s image together.

A woman, married thirty years, was asked, “In your many years of marriage did you ever consider divorce?” She said, “No, I never considered divorce … murder, maybe.” —Ray Stedman, sermon “How to Repent,” January 13, 1980

Ray Stedman

Jesus is showing that in these three commands how God’s wisdom is aimed at our core desires and motivations in how we treat people. We could follow the commands of murder, adultery and divorce but still dishonor, objectify and treat people wrongly. Real righteousness and wisdom means valuing other people and their lives.

If we treated everyone as if they had ultimate value as they do in God’s eyes, imagine how different our world would be. Imagine how different our families would be. Imagine how different the church would be. Jesus’ announcement of the arrival of the Kingdom of God was meant to reshape our thoughts, wisdom and how we look at the world. As disciples of the way, we are called to honor the image of God in every person that we meet.

Our worth isn’t determined by what we have done or have not done but what Jesus has done for us. Because of this fact, we are called to live differently.

Colossians 3:5–10 (ESV)

5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 

6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 

7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 

8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 

9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 

10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

Colossians 3:12–17 (ESV)

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 

16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 

17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So what do we do with this passage of scripture? How do we apply it to our lives? I think the answer is that we have to get beyond rules to relationship. If we value our relationships we’ll fight for purity. If we value other’s people’s lives as Jesus does, we’ll fight for peace and unity and love. If we truly want to be with Jesus, be like Jesus and do as Jesus did, we will develop the spiritual disciplines necessary in our lives and live as disciples of the Way. Let’s pray.